Chương 91: The Government's Offer

Claire called at seven in the morning, which meant something was either very wrong.

"They're coming today," she said. She didn't even bother with a good morning."Who's they?"

"Bureau of Emergent Phenomena. Deputy Director Fielding. He's driving down from the regional office in Springfield with two staffers and a lawyer." I wasn't sure why she was emphasizing the lawyer part. While I wasn't particularly fond of them as a group, they weren't as bad as most people imagined.

"A lawyer," Claire said. I guess she's one of those people, I decided.

"Claire, the last time someone brought a lawyer to my property, it was the county trying to condemn my bunker for code violations. That was 2014. I won, with my lawyer."

"You won because the inspector was scared of you," she clarified.

"I also won on the merits. The bunker was up to code." I did have to admit, I had sort of implied I might not be entirely mentally stable.

"Abe. Focus. Fielding is coming to formalize the arrangement. He wants a face-to-face with you. In person. I told Fielding that meetings happen on your terms, at your location, with your people present. Those were the conditions and the Bureau accepted it."

"Fine," I mumbled, suddenly depressed.

"What time?"

"Eleven."

"That's in four hours," I complained. I knew I was starting to whine like a teenager but I couldn't help it. I hated the fact that the government was involved in my life at all.

"Then you have four hours to make the place look like something other than a frat house run by woodland animals." Then she hung up. I looked at Tala who was already on the railing giving me the look that meant she'd heard everything and had opinions.

"Loki," I called toward the cabin. He appeared in the doorway in human form. He'd probably heard the whole conversation.

"I'll prepare talking points," he said.

"You'll prepare common sense. Just tell me what to watch for." The next four hours seemed to drag on forever but seemed almost to pass by in a heartbeat. Before I knew it, the government people arrived. Fielding arrived in a black SUV with government plates. He was shorter than I expected. He was mid-fifties, with gray at the temples, wearing a suit. Fricking hate suits. I didn't bother adding that meant wearing suits and people who wore suits. The two staffers stayed by the SUV.

The lawyer, a tall woman with glasses followed Fielding up the path. Claire met them and walked them in. She was in uniform, which she rarely wore these days. The uniform was for Fielding's benefit, not mine. Maybe it was a reminder that she was federal too. Pierre was on the porch. He wasn't in wolf form, but he was wearing the sequined vest. He wasn't intimidating because of being a werewolf but because he was crazy enough to wear such an outfit. Loki was inside listening through the screen door.

We'd agreed he'd stay out of sight unless needed. Fielding knew about Loki from Claire's reports, but seeing a Norse god might complicate the opening pleasantries. Fielding climbed the steps, looked at me, and stopped. Fielding stared for about three seconds. Then he extended his hand toward me before realizing the absurdity of trying to shake hands with a raccoon. Then he pulled it back and settled for a nod while I was stupidly racing out to shake his hand.

I would have been annoyed if I didn't know he didn't mean it that way. His reaction was one reason why but it was also because I could tell from the threads of the web.

"Mr. Noyasunai," he said.

"Just Abe is fine." Although I knew I'd regret it, I added, "Let's go inside." Then I went through the door which Loki opened as I walked toward it. Yeah, yeah, I told myself. I didn't want him to see Loki. However, after meeting Fielding, I wasn't as worried any longer. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Once inside, I sat on my recliner and motioned for them to sit as well. After they did, Fielding spoke again.

"Abe. I'm Deputy Director Fielding, Bureau of Emergent Phenomena. This is Sarah Kowalski, our legal counsel." Claire stood to the side, positioned where she could see everyone.

"I'll be straightforward," Fielding said.

"I don't like dancing around things and I suspect you don't either."

"Straightforward is the only language I speak."

"Good." He opened the briefcase and pulled out a folder that was thinner than I'd expected. It was not the three-inch Demon Beast King file Claire had mentioned.

"The Bureau has been operational for three weeks. In that time, we've established Tier One Supernatural Activity Zones in nine regions across the country. The Ozarks is one of them. You already know that."

"I do." What I didn't know was where he was going with it.

"What you may not know is that eight of those nine zones are in various states of crisis. The Great Lakes zone has aquatic incursions that have cost us three boats, a helicopter, and one very expensive submarine drone. The Pacific Northwest zone has a dimensional displacement problem that's relocated fourteen campsites and a Ranger station into what we think is a parallel version of Oregon. Florida is," He paused.

"Florida is Florida."

"I've heard."

"Your zone is the only one that isn't on fire. Metaphorically speaking." He glanced toward the garage.

"And in one case, literally speaking, but that situation appears to be contained."

"The Bureau's position is this. The Ozark zone is stable because of you. You've managed your own threats, and don't generate the kind of catastrophic incidents that are draining our resources everywhere else."

"Thank you? You're welcome." I wasn't sure how to respond.

"It's not a compliment. It's an assessment. And it leads to a proposal." He pulled a document from the folder.

"The Bureau would like to formalize our relationship with you. Officially." I took the document. Raccoon paws weren't great for page-turning, but I managed. The language was dense with legal terms. It was the kind of writing that used forty words where four would do. Tala read over my shoulder and translated through our bond since I had no idea what I was reading. I really hated how people over-complicated everything.

They want you to be the regional problem-solver and handle supernatural threats in the Ozarks so they don't have to, she sent the thought to me.

"So you want me to be pest control," I said. Fielding didn't flinch.

"We want you to be a recognized supernatural authority responsible for maintaining stability in your designated zone. In exchange, the Bureau formally recognizes your sovereignty over the Ozark Supernatural Preserve as well as your identity as Abraham Pratt. Furthermore, we also agree to a non-interference policy regarding your internal affairs."

"My identity as Abraham Pratt." I set the document down.

"Let me make sure I understand this. You're offering to recognize that I am who I am. As a benefit, like that's something you're giving me."

"Legally, it's complicated." Fielding had the decency to look slightly uncomfortable.

"I paid taxes for fifty years," I said, and I wasn't happy about it either. The taxes on my land were astronomical.

"Abraham Pratt paid taxes for fifty years. At the moment, you're just a raccoon who claims to be Abraham Pratt," the lawyer said. I had already forgotten her name. Fielding looked annoyed at her and spread his hands.

"I'm not saying we doubt you. Personally, I believe you are who you say you are. But the legal framework for confirming who you are is complicated. And frankly, we have eight burning zones and one functioning one, so…" Tala sent, He's not wrong. Annoying, but not wrong. I knew she was right. I'd spent enough years dealing with bureaucracies to know that "we don't have a form for that" was the most honest thing a government official could say. They weren't denying me out of malice.

They were denying me out of the complete absence of a procedure for handling my situation.

"Fine," I said.

"What exactly does recognition get me?" Fielding nodded to the lawyer. She opened her legal pad to a prepared page.

"Official recognition as a sovereign supernatural entity within the Ozark Supernatural Preserve," she read.

"Formal acknowledgment that you are Abraham Pratt, reincarnated." She then continued before I could object.

"Non-interference in internal community affairs, including the Church of Reincarnation and your other interests. In addition, there will be no surveillance equipment past the established perimeter markers."

"What about taxation?" Everyone knew there were two certainties in life, death and taxes. Fielding and Kowalski exchanged a look.

"Taxation of what, specifically?"

"Planar crystals. Loki's teaching generates crystal income. If the IRS decides that planar crystals are taxable assets, we've got a problem." The lawyer wrote something on her pad after a wide smile blossomed across her face. Fudge me, I thought. I had to open my big, fat mouth.

"The Bureau hasn't established a position on planar crystals yet," she said. The fact she said "yet" was enough for me to say, "Put that in writing."

"It's in the agreement. Section four, paragraph three." I looked at the document again, and sure enough, it was actually there. There it was. Planar crystals and supernatural resources generated within the Ozark Supernatural Preserve are not currently subject to federal, state, or local taxation pending future legislative action. The Bureau agrees to provide minimum 180 days advance notice before any change in tax status. Six months' notice before they can tax me. That's something, but not what I was hoping for.

"Now, what else do I get?" I asked. So far, I wasn't impressed. Knowing the government, they would definitely take a piece of my planar crystal pie. Probably the only reason they hadn't already done so was because they hadn't been able to push it through congress yet. Also, I doubted that was all they wanted. The Web of Wisdom might be telling me I could trust Fielding, but that didn't necessarily mean I could trust the government behind him. Still, I'd hear what he had to say.