Chương 104: Husbandly Duties

The trail wasn't hard to follow. A blind man could have followed her trail. That should have been my first clue that Tala didn't actually want to avoid me. She had crushed plants, broken twigs, and even left an occasional paw print in soft mud. She might as well have dropped breadcrumbs.

"You could at least pretend to be difficult to find," I muttered under my breath. The trail continued uphill, crossed a shallow creek, and then doubled back toward the cabin. Then she made another loop. It annoyed me since it meant she'd deliberately ran in circles after leaving. I'd spent the last twenty minutes replaying what happened on the porch. Part of me still thought she'd deserved it. The other part, the louder, more annoying part, kept pointing out that I'd handled it like an idiot.

Public spanking in front of my own worshippers. Real godlike behavior there, Abe. Ten out of ten. I climbed over a fallen log and paused. The scent was stronger here, much stronger. I crept forward and poked my head through a bush. Tala was sitting on a low branch talking to Bambi who was standing beside her. A rabbit and a robin I'd never met were listening to the conversation. The moment I appeared, every eye turned toward me.

"Oh, good," Bambi said.

"The bandit has returned to the scene of the crime." I immediately considered turning around and walking away.

"See?" Tala said, gesturing at me with one paw.

"I told you he'd come." I stared. They stared back. The rabbit waved cheerfully. This was worse than I'd imagined. I closed my eyes and seriously considered throwing myself into the creek. Maybe I could drown the embarrassment. Bambi snorted.

"I think it was romantic." I opened my eyes.

"What?" How in the world did it suddenly become romantic? I hadn't even bought them a television yet so I doubted that was what had poisoned her mind.

"You chased your mate through the forest, caught her, and asserted dominance," she said, as if explaining something obvious.

"Classic mammalian courtship behavior." The robin agreed.

"I'm a little jealous."

"Nope." I turned around and started walking away. There was no way in Hell I was about to have this conversation.

"Abe," Tala called out to me.

"Nope," I said, still walking away while Tala and the others followed behind me.

"Abe," Tala tried again.

"Come on."

"Nope." She was wrong for embarrassing me in front of Tyler and the others, but I'd been wrong for spanking her. Talking it out in front of her girlfriends was definitely something I wasn't interested in doing. I changed back into my raccoon form as I continued walking away. Unfortunately, Tala jumped down from the branch and landed lightly in front of me, blocking my path.

"Abe." I sighed.

"What?" She shuffled her paws. That immediately made me nervous. Tala wasn't the shuffling type.

"I shouldn't have thrown you off the porch," she said quietly. I blinked. That wasn't what I'd expected.

"Oh. Well, I was wrong too," I admitted. The others immediately found random things to look at. The rabbit became fascinated with a single leaf. Bambi examined the sky with theatrical interest. The robin pretended she wasn't eavesdropping despite being six feet away. Tala continued, her ears slightly lowered.

"I thought it was funny at the time."

"It wasn't," I agreed, although I was over that. In fact, I really would have preferred to pretend that it never happened. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. After all, what I did was over the top, too. Tala looked away.

"I didn't think. I'm sorry." That surprised me. Part of it was because I could tell she was being sincere. Mostly, thought, it was because she never apologized, ever.

"It's okay," I said.

"I was wrong too. Let's go home and forget all about it." We stood there awkwardly. Apologies were still weird territory for us. Eventually Bambi said, "Now kiss." I turned to glare at Bambi. I absently considered if it would be possible to take back all the divine mana I'd given her. Before I could do anything though, Tala distracted me.

"Yeah, give my booboo a kiss," she said teasingly as she turned around and raised her tail. I could feel my heartbeat racing. Blood rushed up to my head as I looked at Tala and Bambi, weighing in my mind which one I was going to deal with first. The rabbit and robin immediately fled. I ignored Tala and glanced at their fleeing forms. Bambi, though, stood there like she was being perfectly reasonable. Funny, the two who aren't divine are the only ones smart enough to run away.

Then I turned to look at Bambi who had also looked at the rabbit and robin who had just escaped. Slowly, her head turned towards me. Her eyes slowly widened and her whole body locked up. Ignoring Tala, I bared my teeth in a smile and walked slowly toward Bambi. Seeming to realize the danger for the first time, she shook for a second and then took a few steps backwards.

"Let's start with you," I said as I advanced." You insulted and ordered around the leader of your pantheon. I do believe that is a valid reason for divine judgment." The threads of the Web of Wisdom pulsed once, Careful. This pause distracted me just long enough for Bambi to sense her chance and bolt as well. Seeing one of my victims had temporarily gotten away, I turned toward Tala.

"Well then, I guess it's just the two of us." Tala inched back, her tail hiding her bottom now.

"Uh…"

"Now then, I think we need to discuss some ground rules," I said. Tala frantically nodded her head, clearly ready to "talk" instead of whatever else I had planned.

"Absolutely. Let's talk. That's a great idea." Before saying anything more, I smiled as several thoughts ran through my mind.

"Uh, weren't we going to talk?" Tala asked.

"Yes, we are. I thought you'd learned your lesson about involving others in our business. I guess I was wrong."

"No, I learned my lesson. Really," Tala assured me.

"That was just girl talk."

"I see. I guess I need to 'talk' to the girls once I'm done with you," I said.

"Couldn't you not, at least this once?" Tala asked sweetly. She had that whiny voice she got when she wanted some of the food I was eating. Before I could say anything, she rushed up to me and touch my arm.

"Such a big, strong, muscular model of masculinity shouldn't worry about air-headed females." She then started stroking the fur on my arm, "And your fur is amazing. It's so thick and luxurious. You know what, when we get back home I'm going to log into Wikipedia and put a picture of you on it." My anger slowly drained away as the words kept flowing out of her mouth. Damn, messengers really have a way with words.

"After all, you are the peak of perfection. You are an oracle of knowledge, a fountain of wisdom. People feel privileged to be in your presence. You are an inspriation for all animals. I am so lucky to have you in my life." By this time, my mind was going blank. I never knew she was so skilled in shoveling bullshit.

"Why don't we head home and I get you some of your favorite foods?" With this, she started pulling me back toward the cabin. Still stunned, I didn't resist as she continued.

"After that I can wash all this dirt off of you and tuck you into bed. We do have a busy day tomorrow." For some reason, the fact that she said "we" would have a busy day made me feel better. Then again, it could be because she successfully distracted me and got me thinking about probably having a confrontation with the government in the morning. Whatever the reason, I had to admit that she won this round. Perhaps sensing this, Tala bumped her shoulder against mine.

"Truce?"

"Truce," I agreed, leaning into her.

"But next time you want to embarrass me, at least do it when there isn't anyone watching."

"No promises," she said, but her tone was soft. She nuzzled the side of my neck.

"Though I might save the really good ones for when it's just us." Of course, she couldn't let it go, at least not completely. Once I had completely calmed down, she said, "You know this is going in the scriptures, right? While the raccoon god is benevolent, he has a darker side you don't want to cross. Or something like that." I didn't even dignify that with a response. Some things were inevitable. As we walked, Tala brushed her tail against mine.

"So... about tomorrow. Are you going through the gate?"

"I'm curious. I do want to see the other side myself eventually. Just... not yet." I had seriously considered crossing over, but I'd decided against it. I wasn't even sure I wanted to let Pierre go. Over Shelly's objections, he wanted to go through the gate, at least long enough to see the other side before coming back. He actually had a good reason too. He said that he wanted to see if I would be able to see through his eyes. I wanted to know the answer myself.

As for Tala, she nodded at my decision but wisely choose to not to test me any further after getting the last successful dig in. The walk back to the cabin was actually pleasant. I enjoyed the chase and the walk back. A lot of the tension I'd been feeling had drained away. Tomorrow would bring new headaches, but for now I was happy. As for whatever new scripture Bambi was cooking up, that was also tomorrow's problem.