Chương 129: The Matriarch

The pregnant woman looked me up and down, then tried to look behind me.

"Um… I guess not."

"Yeah," I said, untying the ropes.

"Thought so. Doesn't matter, though. I'm still here to save you."

"Were you sent by Stvora?"

"Not really. I came by myself. Because I felt like it." The woman's eyebrows rose.

"You came into a den of strzygi because you felt like it?"

"Well… I went in to save her." I nodded at Kasia.

"But then I thought it couldn't hurt to check if there were more people who needed saving, you know. So yeah. I mean what kind of a woman would I be if I let you guys get all murdered and stuff? That's like running into the Swamp Devil and not shooting him in the face."

"I heard that girl from the posters tore off his arm, made a flute out of the bone, then stuck it up his bum and blew him up until he popped!"

"I what?! That's not even possible." I glanced back at Vasil.

"That's not possible, right?" He shook his head.

"That's what the stories say," she said, folding her arms.

"Well, I was there. Because I'm her. And that's disgusting. That's not how it went at all. I just shot him in the face like a normal person and then he died. His face popped, but I didn't put anything in his butt. I put a bullet in his face and that popped. There weren't any flutes." The woman squinted at me.

"You do kind of look like her… underneath all the gunk." I gestured at the pile of dead strzygi.

"Who else would I be?"

"Hmmmm... Doesn't that mean you're a witch?"

"Obviously."

"Doesn't that mean you're evil?" I shrugged.

"I guess that depends on who you ask. The Swamp Devil probably thought I was pretty evil. Well… if he had time to think before I shot his face off, I guess. And these strzygi probably aren't my biggest fans. Or weren't, since they're all dead now. The Church doesn't like me very much either, but when you think about who likes me and who doesn't, you can kind of see a pattern of the type of person who does and doesn't like me."

"Who likes you? You only told me who doesn't like you." I pointed at her.

"You. And your baby. Since I saved you. Just like I killed the Swamp Devil so he wouldn't be able to eat your baby once it comes out."

"You did that for me?"

"Sure."

"That's mighty kind of you." I dipped my head and gave a small bow.

"And those people in the cage are going to like me when I get them out of there. Are they friends of yours, by the way?"

"Some of them, yes. We were all part of a caravan. We went to Viswa to enjoy the fresh mountain water and the fresh mountain air. I heard the beaver tails are exceptionally good here as well." I wrinkled my nose. If they were exceptionally good here, just how bad were they in other places?

"We never got to taste any, though," she continued.

"As soon as we entered the town we were ambushed by the strzygi and taken down into this place." This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

"That's unfortunate," I said.

"That you missed out on the beaver tails. I mean, also that you got abducted, of course." I glanced at the hanging corpses.

"And that maybe your friends got killed?"

"Oh, I don't know those people. They were there already when we got here."

"That's fortunate. Uh… For you. Not for them." I was starting to feel a little bit awkward and I imagined her friends probably would like to get out of that rusty cage.

"I'm going to help your friends now," I said, saluting her. I don't know why I did that, and when I realized what I'd done I felt even more awkward. When I got to the cage, its inhabitants were all still staring at me blankly with their mouths open. I gave them a little side to side wave to see if they could still see me. Their eyes followed my hand in unison, so they could definitely see me.

"Am I dreaming?" one man asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Are you? Want me to pinch you?" He held his arm through the bars, and I pinched him.

"Ow!" he said, pulling his arm back.

"She must be a saint sent by Stvora," someone whispered.

"Pinch me too!" someone called.

"Spit in my face!" a man said. I raised my hands.

"Woah, woah! Spit in your face?" He dropped to his knees and put his forehead to the ground.

"Bless me with your holy saliva, oh beautiful savior." The awkwardness from this was even worse than the salute.

"Okay, first of all I'm not spitting on you. That's gross. Second of all, I wasn't sent here by Stvora. I came here to save you because I was in the neighborhood, and it was the right thing to do. I mean, I obviously wasn't going to let those demons kill you! Or do whatever they were planning on doing to that pregnant lady." One of the men raised his finger.

"They were going to curse Romana's baby, so that it would be born one of them. They were just about to start when you…" He kind of got on his tippy toes and looked behind me at the mess.

"When you did that," he said with a nod. I glanced back.

"Yeah. Good thing I showed up when I did."

"She's the one who killed the Swamp Devil!" Romana called. Despite being freed she was still lying on the slab. Maybe it was more comfortable than it looked. The people in the cage gasped and started murmuring amongst themselves.

"Wait! Wait!" a woman in the back of the cage shrieked, her eyes bulging out of her head.

"Did you really turn him into a giant wheel of cheese?"

"That's not what I heard!" a teenage boy said, gripping the rusted bars, pushing his head against them.

"I heard you ripped out his spine with your bare hands and used it as a jump rope!"

"No!" someone else yelled.

"She tied his intestines into a bow, then shot him into the sun!" The world was spinning. Every story was more ridiculous than the last. Who would even believe this nonsense? I mean the story I told was already pretty far-fetched, but this? The people were getting riled up, everyone screaming a different take on my slaying of the Swamp Devil. Some of them were shaking the bars of the cage, others were shaking their friends.

"…and then she made him eat his own fingers before she made him apologize to the baby," I heard someone say. I fired a shot in the ceiling to make everyone shut up.

"Guys! Everyone, shut up! I didn't do any of that. I just shot him in the face, like I did with the strzygi." I placed my hand over my heart and took on a solemn expression.

"Like I do with everyone who threatens to harm my beloved Silesians."

"She's a saint!" someone said.

"Except that big one, I guess. I wanted her head for my collection." I held the matriarch's head next to Bogumir's.

"Ooh! Take my head!" the man who just asked me to spit on him said.

"Take mine!" the teenage boy said.

"Stop it!" I said.

"I'm not going to spit on anyone, and I don't want your heads. You're the good guys. I only take the heads of my enemies. I'm trying to save you guys!" A man put his arm through the bars.

"Pinch me!" I slapped his hand away.

"I'm also not pinching anyone anymore!" The man's shoulders sagged and he looked down at the floor, dejected. I stared at him for a second, then at the rest. Captivity must have done a number on their minds.

"Listen, I'm going to open this cage for you, and then you can be free and normal again. Not crazy or weird. Alright?" They nodded. I shot the lock off with a single bullet. The odds of me finding the key in this mess were slim, and it was faster this way. A bullet may not solve every problem, but it sure solved most. After everyone got out of the cage they stood around me in a semi-circle. I inclined my head.

"Alright. The saving is done. Have a nice life. Try not to die… or get kidnapped by demons." I started walking toward the tunnel where Kasia still stood. She regarded me with raised eyebrows.

"Something wrong?" I asked when I reached her. She nodded behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw everyone including Romana was standing behind me, eyes bright and big smiles.

"Run along now," I said, making a shooing motion. In perfect unison they took a step closer to me, all still smiling wide. I turned back to Kasia, who seemed to be stifling a laugh, then shrugged. I let out a long sigh.

"I see. Looks like I'm the matriarch now."

"Hup," Kasia said with a grin.