Chương 99: Chapter 94-Chosen Bureaucracy

Step One. Take the fork in hand. Step Two. Use the fork to eat the food. Step Three. Stab the nearest person who annoys you with the fork. Step Four. E- Wait! I think something got messed up around Step Three. Let's try this again. Step One. Go to the library. Step Two. Check out a book. Step Three. Bludgeon the nearest person with the book. Step Four. Re- Damn it! It got messed up again. Ok, one more time. Step One. Take a bath. Step Two. Drown the nearest person in the bath.

Step- I didn't even make it to Step Three this time. Gods this is annoying. Penelope gives me a nudge.

"Everything good, Charlatan?"

"Not in the slightest. The rage is getting worse. Aren't you feeling it yet?" I ask. Penelope shakes her head.

"Well, your very existence annoys me, but that's normal for me. So, not really. As far as I can tell. Although Hopper has certainly been a bit more aggressive lately," she reminds.

"Yeah, he went a little hard on those Goblins earlier, didn't he?" I say as we walk through the campus grounds.

"A little? He fired fifteen arrows into a single Goblin. Talk about overkill. Not to mention our other classmates are showing signs as well," she says.

"Really? I haven't noticed," I say as we enter the Main Hall.

"That's because you're spending every waking moment repressing your rage. I, on the other hand, am perfect and therefore don't have to do that," she gloats as we go up the stairs.

"Perfect? Really?" I ask with a devilish smile.

"Yes, perfect. Everything about me is perfect. Which is why I've noticed the small changes in our classmates. Such as-""Oh, hey, guys. What-" Garus says. Garus is tackled out of the second-story window… Wait, did that just happen? We rush over to the now-shattered window. Garus lies flat in the snow as another student goes to wail on him. The student then goes flying as a bolt of fire hits him square in the chest.

"You okay?" I shout down. Garus coughs up a lung as he looks down at his assailant.

"Just fine. You know this guy?" The bald student tries to stand. Garus domes him with another bolt of fire, leaving him with a charred head. The bald student falls to the ground, still breathing, I think.

"Well, if we did, I don't think we would recognize him now. Do you often get attacked at random?" I ask him. Garus wipes some snow off his jacket.

"Not often, but that could be changing. Uh, I'm going to hand this guy over to the Student Council. I'll talk with you guys later," he says as he lifts his would-be attacker, using his [Skill]. Penelope raises an eyebrow.

"Well, that doesn't bode well. Where did he even come from?" she asks.

"I think he came from where we were going," I say as I point to the Admin hallway.

"Hmm. You brought your sword, right?" she asks as she puts her hand on her shrunken greatsword.

"Never leave home without it," I say as I put my hand on the hilt of the purple blade.

"Where's The Chosen Blade?" she asks.

"Oh, somewhere safe. Don't worry about it," I [Lie] as we walk down the Admin hallway.

"Why is it that when you tell me not to worry about something, I get infinitely more worried?" she asks.

"I don't know. You're perfect. Why don't you tell me?" I mock. Opening the door to our location, we are greeted by the sight of boredom. Five very plain desks with five old ladies behind them fill the beige room. Seats line the wall of this room, and a sad bulletin board stares at me. I've never seen a sadder environment, and I've lived on the streets. Like come on. Add some color or life to this room. Is this where they send people to die, like some sort of weird execution room? Penelope points to the center desk.

"From what I gathered, that's who you're looking for."

"Glenda Bore. This should be fun," I say as I walk over to Glenda. Glenda scribbles away as I walk up. Her greying hair falls in front of her thick glasses as she looks up at me.

"Hello there. How can I help you?" Glenda asks with a dry voice.

"Hi. I was hoping you could explain something to me. Do you think you could do that?" I ask.

"Well, if I'm able to, is something I can't answer."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know what you're wanting me to explain. Without that, I can't answer your question," she says with a muted smile. My eye twitches in frustration. Calm down. It's the rage talking. Glenda's just a little specific. It's not her fault. She's an old lady. Relax.

"Let me rephrase. Are you able to tell me about the barrier that surrounds this school?" I ask, picking my words carefully. Glenda gives me a smile.

"Yes, I'm able to."

"Great." The sound of a quill scratching paper fills the room. The sound of metal balls clinking against each other rhythmically echoes. I wait for her to say something. Penelope sits patiently at one of the chairs near the wall.

"Um… what seems to be the problem?" I ask with a confused smile.

"No problem. I answered your question. I am able to tell you about the barrier," she says, emphasizing the word 'able'. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I grip the edge of the desk in anger. She's fucking with me. Nobody is this worried about proper language formatting. Nobody.

"Let me try this again. Will you please tell me about the barrier that surrounds this school?" I say, leaving no room for interpretation.

"Gladly. What would you like to know?" she asks with a punchable face.

"What's the, uh, protocol for dealing with a fault in the barrier?" I ask as I let out a sigh. Finally, we're getting somewhere.

"What kind of fault?" she asks.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, we have different protocols for different types of faults in the barrier. We are very specific here," she explains.

"Fine. Um, things are getting through the barrier that shouldn't be," I relent.

"Object or something living?"

"Living."

"Into or out of the barrier?"

"Into."

"Are they breaking through the barrier or walking through it without breaking it?"

"Walking through it… I guess. Do you really need all this information to explain the protocol to me?" I ask with a hint of annoyance.

"Why of course? How else am I supposed to know what colored form to fill out?" she asks as she hands me multiple forms, each of different colors.

"These have the same information on them. The exact same. What's the point of the color coding?" I ask as I slam the papers down on the desk.

"Oh, well, they determine in which envelope they go in," Glenda says in a carefree tone. Grabbing the different colored envelopes, my eye twitches.

"Other than the colors and envelopes, do they go to the same person?" I ask.

"Of course." I think I know why that bald student attacked Garus. This place is a rage-inducing machine. I need to remain calm. Calm. Calm.

"So, who gets these envelopes?" I ask with total calmness.

"The mailman." AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Screaming internally, I blink multiple times at her. She must be working with the forces of evil. There's no other explanation. Glenda is the Wrathborn. I need to eliminate her. Penelope walks over and locks her hand through my elbow.

"What my friend meant to say is, who is responsible for fixing any faults in the barrier?"

"Ah, why didn't you ask that sooner? That would be Professor Stargazer. She's the one responsible for altering and fixing the barrier," Glenda explains. My face twitches in anger as Penelope leads me away by the elbow. I'll get you, Glenda. I know you're working for the forces of evil. I can't prove it yet, but I will. I swear on my Chosen status that I will. Just you wait, Glenda. Penelope sighs as we leave the office.

"We need to get you calm before you end up hurting yourself or someone else. What do you like to do? To calm down, that is?" Pulling myself away from my rage, I struggle to think.

"Well, there is one thing," I say with a devilish smile. Ding! Walking over to my portable magic oven, I take the bread out and place it gently on the table. Taking the bread knife, I cut the bread up into four big squares. Placing them on top of each other, I struggle to keep them steady.

"Penelope! Oh, Penelope!" Penelope peeks out from behind one of the greenhouse shelves.

"Why did you make me wear this?" she asks with a hint of annoyance.

"It is the proper [Cooking] garb. Now get out here and hold this while I get the frosting," I say with a big devilish smile.

"I don't want to, Charlatan."

"Oh, don't be shy, Penelope. This is to help me remain calm, remember?" Penelope mumbles to herself.

"Fine, but not a word of this to anybody. You hear me, Charlatan?" she asks with a threatening tone.

"I won't say a thing." Penelope lets out a sigh as she walks out from behind the shelf. A big frilly chef's hat, an oversized frilly apron, and what can only be described as drills in a net. This… this truly calms my heart. Penelope's ears are dyed red as she holds the bread in place.

"Was the hair net necessary?" she asks.

"Of course. What kind of kitchen do you think I run here? Also, I don't know why you're embarrassed. I'm wearing the same thing," I ask as I grab the frosting from a nearby cupboard. As I bring the frosting back, I place it nearby and instead grab the jam.

"Didn't you need my help because you needed the frosting?" she asks.

"No. I just wanted an excuse to get you out from behind that shelf. I'll use the jam as filling. That should keep the pieces of bread together as I add the frosting," I say with a devilish smile.

"So, why exactly am I wearing this if I'm not going to be doing anything with the food?" she asks.

"Emotional support."

"I'm feeling the rage now."

"I'm kidding. You get to add the frosting." Adding the jam as filling, I watch as Penelope reads the can of frosting over. Now this is calming. I get to [Cook] and humiliate Penelope all at once. What else could I ask for? Well, gold, a lot of it, but that's beside the point.

"So, we need to talk to Professor Stargazer?" she says with a hint of worry.

"You don't think she's actually a suspect, do you?" I ask.

"I don't know. The Wrathborn could be anyone, and it's not like Professor Stargazer would ever work for the forces of evil. So, it has to be someone else," she says as I hand her a spatula.

"Well, nobody would work for the forces of evil until they do," I say as I show her how to add the frosting to the bread.

"You're right, but I refuse to believe she would ever work for the forces of evil," she says as she struggles with the spatula.

"Why's that?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Professor Stargazer is the last living survivor of the Village of Secrets."

"Village of Secrets. Elf thing?" I assume.

"Yes, the Village of Secrets was an Elven Village that housed the best and brightest Elven scholars. It's also where promising Elven children were sent to learn from the best," she says with a hint of sadness.

"... I can assume what happened," I say as the memories of fire and screams bubble to the surface.

"Professor Stargazer was the only survivor. There's no way she would ever work for the forces of evil. Not with her dying breath. It must be someone else," she says as her hand cramps. Taking Penelope's hand, I massage the cramp away.

"We still need to check. You know that." Penelope looks at me like she wants to say something, but before she can, the greenhouse door opens.

"Gods it's cold. Get me a-" Helia says as she walks in. Helia looks upon the scene and then blinks hard. She looks again and then blinks again.

"Hi, Helia. Cake?" I ask.

"I'm gonna head out. Forgot my… hat. I'll… be back later. Yeah, later," she says as she backs out of the door. Penelope and I look at each other and shrug. Must be having a weird day. Now to finish this cake.