Chương 96: Chapter 91-Chosen Stupidity

The hustle and bustle of the cafeteria is as it always is. Busy, loud, and distracting. The key characteristics of any good cafeteria. That and the food. The food is important, but without the atmosphere, this cafeteria would just be a glorified kitchen. Not that a kitchen is bad. I like kitchens. They're where I [Cook] and sometimes taste my [Cooking]. Kitchens are great.

"Aren't kitchens great?" I ask Garus. Garus gives me a long blink before turning to Hopper.

"Is he okay?"

"When is he ever okay? CJ, did you eat another cookie?" Hopper asks.

"A cookie?" Garus asks.

"Yes, exactly what Garus said. What is a cookie? Is it a delectable snack made up of flour, sugar, and various other ingredients, or could it possibly be the essence of a cookie that's important? People should ask these questions," I say as I take a cookie out of my pocket. Garus takes it from my hands and inspects it.

"By the love of the Gods. CJ, do you know what's in this?"

"Of course. Calmness and a special ingredient called love. I made it myself," I say with a smile.

"What's in it?" Hopper asks.

"According to Analyze this is not fit for mortal consumption. It says it's an extremely dangerous poison. One that causes hallucinations, agonizing pain, a sense of hopelessness, and death," he says.

"Don't worry. The difference between poison and medicine is dosage," I remind Garus.

"Well, your dosage is going to kill you. How many more of these cookies do you have?" Garus asks.

"That was the last one," I [Lie]. Hopper and Garus give each other a look and then a nod. Hopper grabs my shoulders. Garus then tries to run my pockets.

"What are you guys doing?" I ask as I try to shake them off.

"Saving your life," Hopper says as he tries to hold me down. With little effort, I stand straight up as the two of them latch onto me like baby monkeys on a mama monkey.

"Why is he so strong?" Garus asks as he grabs a random cookie, "Wait, this cookie." Garus takes the cookie he grabbed and slams it straight into my mouth. Instinctually, I chew it. Who wouldn't eat a cookie I made? Not me, that's for sure. The 'calming' effects suddenly disappear as I eat the Antidote cookie. The three of us fall flat on the ground like idiots. A pile of idiots. Would you call that something specific?

Like you know, how a group of crows is called a murder and how a group of cockroaches is called an intrusion? What's a pile of idiots called?

"Look at this noodledom," Penelope, who had at some point walked up to us, says. Peering up, I see her with a slightly amused smile.

"Having a good time?" I ask.

"Are you? What happened?" she asks as she crouches down to meet us. Garus, who I'm on top of, speaks up, "CJ was under the influence of a dangerous cookie. We were trying to take them away from him."

"Snitch," I whisper to him. Hopper, who is seemingly sitting on top of us, takes a bite of a carrot.

"Someone had to keep us all on the straight and narrow."

"You have a carrot problem," I accuse from under him.

"I can stop whenever I want to. You, on the other hand, can't," he says pointing his carrot at me. Seeing an opportunity, I take a bite from it. Hopper looks at me with shock. The kind of look you give someone after they've kicked your dog.

"How dare you? That was a special carrot," he says as he hops off the pile. Finally free, I stand and [Clean] myself.

"Special? That's the same type of carrot that I could get from the market on a bargain sale," I say with vitriol.

"You take that back. This is top-quality carrot. Not some bargain sale trash," he says as Penelope pokes the crushed Garus.

"Bargain. Sale. Carrots," I say with a devilish smile.

"Oh, now you've done it. I'll make you eat those words," Hopper says as he dual-wields two carrots.

"Bring it on, Bunny Boy," I say as I wield a freshly cooked steak. Rushing towards each other, we crash spectacularly. I slap Hopper with a big slab of meat, and Hopper stabs me in the stomach with a carrot. Not much real damage is done, but we're sure trying. As I go to swing down, Hopper goes to jab at my neck. Penelope calmly stands between us. She grabs my hand and flips me over Hopper, slamming me into the ground. At the same time, she grabs the back of Hopper's shirt and slams him into the ground.

"Are the two of you finished?" she asks with a hint of annoyance. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Reeling from the pain, I realize how stupid that was.

"I think the rage is getting stronger," I groan.

"I agree," Hopper says from the ground. The now recovering Garus stands up and takes in the situation.

"So, it's only going to get worse from here?" he asks.

"Yup. We weren't even using real weapons, but I had the urge to really hurt Hopper," I say as I reach for my cookies.

"I was also thinking about how to hurt you," Hopper says as he gets up. I continue to look through my pockets for my cookies. Where are they? I could've sworn they were in this hidden pocket. Where did they- My gaze turns to the trio. They all seem cool, confident, and not suspicious. Focusing my gaze, I eye down Garus. The weakest link. Garus meets my gaze and holds it. I intensify. He holds his gaze. I intensify even more. His gaze flickers to Penelope.

"So, Penelope has my cookies," I say out loud. Penelope looks over at Garus.

"You folded so easily. He only stared at you," she criticizes.

"Hand them over," I say with an open hand.

"No. We need you to be level-headed. Especially because we're going to investigate Joseph Brunt today," she says with an air of superiority.

"Joseph Brunt?" I ask as I look for my cookies on her.

"The Head of Security. The one responsible for monitoring the barrier. Does any of this ring a bell?" she asks.

"Of course, now hand me the cookies, Penelope," I say absentmindedly. With a sigh, Penelope shrugs.

"Fine. You want them so bad. Lets bet on it. You'll stop using the cookies if and only if you can't resist taking one for ten whole minutes," she says confidently.

"Easy, but what exactly do I get if I win?" I ask, overconfident.

"What do you want? I'm confident you won't win. So, ask for anything," she says with a sweet smile.

"You'll eat those words, Penelope. I want… all seven platinum coins in your pouch," I say with a smile. Garus looks shocked.

"How do you know how-""Deal. Your time starts now," she says as she throws me my cookies.

"Ten minutes? Really, Penelope? You thought I couldn't hold off for even ten minutes? You've sorely underestimated me," I say as I grab a cookie. Hopper goes to say something, but Penelope cuts him off.

"Maybe I did, Charlatan. Prove me wrong. Don't eat that cookie."

"What, this cookie? I would even dare eat it. I mean, it's so good and relaxing… but I wouldn't eat it. Not while the bet is active. I mean look at it. It's perfect… Hmm, and smells absolutely… delicious. I've outdone myself. Truly outdone myself, but I'm not going to fall for your schemes and power plays. I can resist one of my cookies. I'm the one who made them after all," I say as I wipe the crumbs from my face.

"Hopper, how much time has passed?" she asks.

"What, worried that you should have added more time? It's too late now, Penelope. The terms have been set," I say as I laugh maniacally.

"No, I was just checking on how long you lasted," she says with a sweet smile.

"Lasted. I'm still in the game, Penelope."

"Charlatan, you've already eaten three of them. In what Hopper?"

"Um, we just hit a minute," he says as he looks up at the clock.

"Impossible. I didn't eat a cookie. I would have known." I look down to see a half-eaten cookie, "Have I… really gone off the deep end?" I ask as I fall to one knee. Garus cocks his head.

"Are we sure it's the cookies? This seems like normal CJ behavior."

"No, this is stupid. He's dramatic and over the top, but he's not stupid. At least not this stupid. Not to mention, he got the number of platinum coins wrong. I'm carrying eight, not seven. If he were his usual self, he would've known exactly how many I had on me," she says with a soft smile. Garus cocks his head again.

"Cousin, you're not-" Hopper forcefully jabs an Antidote cookie down my gullet.

"Feeling better?" he asks. The calming and loopy feeling goes away as the poison in my body is cleansed. I had stupidly increased the dosage to deal with the boiling rage, but even I hadn't accounted for the addictive properties the cookies might have. Not to mention the dosage is high enough to bypass my [Poison Res.]. I was even so out of it that I didn't see a single [System Window]. Penelope is right. The cookies aren't good for me. With a sigh, I hand the cookies over.

"No, I feel like shit, but at least I'm thinking relatively clearer now," I say as I sit down. The piercing pain drones in my mind louder than before. It's gotten stronger. That's not good. Even Hopper, who was fine before, is starting to show signs of rage. Plus… I'm getting a bad feeling all across campus. Something bad is going to go down, and I mean really bad. So much so that I considered packing my bags and skipping town. Penelope walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I know it's rough, but we need you to be clear-minded if we want to stop this," she says with a hint of worry. How cute. She's worried about me… or worried about losing her partner in crime. Why not both? Either one is cute. Even then… I do appreciate it. She checked me on my bullshit and pulled me back to this shitty reality, but at least it's reality.

"Yeah. I understand. So, Head of Security, right? Where do we find him?" I ask Penelope gives a sweet smile.

"He does patrols at night every odd day. It just so happens that tonight is one of those odd days. We will meet at the gazebo. Then we'll watch him for any suspicious activity," she says with a hint of pride.

"Not to be the bearer of bad news, but I think there's a glaring hole in your plan," I say as I rub my head.

"What's that?"

"You do realize he's probably going to be on the lookout for the same type of suspicious activity. Doesn't matter if he's a bad guy or not. Which brings us to the glaring flaw. Excluding Hopper and me, you guys aren't that sneaky. You'll stick out like a needle in a haystack," I explain.

"We were pretty sneaky when we dealt with the cult and the Krone," she rationalizes.

"The cult was a bunch of bumbling idiots, and the Krone was… prideful. She considered herself immortal and was careless because of it. This guy is Head of Security for a reason. Not to mention he's an adult. He's got multiple years on us in [Leveling]. One wrong misstep and we're dead," I carefully explain the flaw. Penelope sighs.

"So, what are we supposed to do?" she asks. With a devilish smile, I say, "Throw a rager, obviously."

"What?" they ask in unison.