Chương 9: Chapter 8: One Step at a Time

The dull glow from the moon above me had become my only source of light for the last several hours. Aside from the general outlines of trees, rocks and branches, I could only see what was right in front of me. As the moon started to disappear beyond the wilderness' horizon behind me, sunlight started pouring out onto the landscape in the opposite direction. Giving a sigh of relief, I continued onward, watching more of the warm glow spread out across the landscape.

My headphones continued to pour music through my ears, providing the background noise I needed to keep my focus on the journey. One song would melt into the next, blending into one continuous noise. As I walked over the uneven terrain, I found myself distracted by the large boulders in my way. Often I would have to adjust my path to find a way around them, doing my best to keep my path as straight as I could manage.

With the sky and landscape slowly coming to life with the sun's guidance, my route became far easier. Able to find the ideal path past any obstacle, I let the music help me fall into a gentle rhythm. It was nice to have my head clear from everything from the last few days… and from what was happening now. The only thing keeping me from total tranquility was my backpack.

The shoulder straps were made for someone with a wider body, so I held the straps together with one hand while pushing obstacles out of the way with my remaining arm. While it wasn't a perfect solution, it didn't feel like it was slowing me down. After climbing the ridge since I had left my house, I finally reached the top of my hike. I looked across the wilderness, giving a small smile as I took in the view. At last, I could see where I was heading.

A large rocky mountain stood towards the right with small divots carved out by time and elements. The sun was poking out from the side of the rock face, curbing the cold winter air slightly. I frowned; I had to head in the direction of all the various ridges splattered across the landscape, but going towards the mountain would take me off my course. I clambered up a large rock a few feet from the view, sitting down and pulling the backpack off my shoulders.

Taking my headphones off and wrapping them around my neck, I blinked, taking in the silent world. There were no birds singing, no wind blowing in the trees. Only I was in this place, with the barely audible sound of my headphones playing classical music. Strange… I hadn't remembered listening to it. I had picked some of my music at random since I needed something to occupy my thoughts and full vision was impossible not long ago. Still, it had done the job of keeping me moving.

Pulling my phone free of my pocket, I brought up the map, hoping to find some sort of landmark. Luckily, it didn't take long to find what I needed. I zoomed in on my phone, noticing a path navigating in a direction similar to my own. It was too small and winding to be a road. Perhaps it was a hiking trail? Regardless, it navigated through the ridges with relative ease. If I traveled to the top of the next ridge in front of me, I would meet up with the trail there.

Feeling a slight pang of hunger, I took a handful of snow from the top of the rock and tossed it into my mouth. Better not to go through the limited amount of food I had too quickly. Sliding my backpack onto my shoulders once again and putting my headphones against my ears, I slid off the rock. With a deep breath, I carefully made my way down the steep ridge in front of me.

As the sun continued climbing into the sky, I found myself chasing the ridge's shadow while moving along the rock face and down into the ravine. The music in my ears dissolved into the background while I kept my steady pace. In what felt like no time, I had reached the bottom of the ravine, where a small streaming of water ran through heavy snow, only touched slightly by the sun's rays. I took a short break to drink as much as I could before filling up the water bottles.

Supply replenished, I continued towards my goal.

I came to a stop. The music had stopped playing a few minutes ago, but I had only now realized it. Just in front of me, the treeline had disappeared. It had to be the path I had seen on the map. The trail was small with no visible footprints. Nobody had been here since the snow storm. I looked behind me, noticing my own footprints in the snow, with a divot between them. My chest tightened for a moment until realization struck me. Those footprints were mine, and my tail had been dragging in the snow.

"What…" I muttered. I must have found the path and started walking along it…without even realizing I had. I reached for my phone, looking at the map again. The beginning of the path didn't show my GPS location until I zoomed out, appearing a few miles ahead of where I expected. In the top right of the phone's window, the time read twelve minutes past one-o'-clock in the afternoon. I looked towards the sky. Sure enough, the sun was at its peak at this time of year.

"Am I really that out of it?" I asked myself. It felt as if the last few hours had never happened. How long would I have gone if the music had kept playing? Fishing out the music player from my pocket, I noticed the list of songs had all been played. I took a drink from my water bottle, deciding to put the classical music away. Tucking it into the pocket of music players, I replaced it with one with '80's rock' written across the label.

Plugging my headphones into the new device, I pressed shuffle and let fate decide my soundtrack. Luckily, I heard music in my ears that was perfect to sing alongside. My legs walked to the beat of the music, fingers of my free hand playing an imaginary piano. Time passed slowly, but my mind was much more focused, both on my goal and my surroundings. The narrow path followed the shape of the land with relative ease, guiding me through one ridge at a time.

Occasionally I would walk over a bridge, a flowing stream underneath the aged wood catching my eyes as the light's reflection shone back at me. Once the glow of the sun had started to turn orange during the evening, I felt myself starting to slow. My legs were struggling to keep with my pace. Each uphill climb felt as if it was taking forever, and any part of the path downhill felt as if it went by in seconds.

I knew I needed a break, and with the sun starting to go down, it would probably be wise to find a place to stop for the day. Reaching the top of the next ridge, I found a small clearing which looked out in almost every direction. I cleared out some of the snow from the area and set my backpack down, wincing slightly as my shoulders were relieved from the straps. I hadn't realized how much they'd been cutting into me.

I sat down on a smooth rock jutting out of the snow, taking my headphones off and looking out at the view. Oceans of green and white greeted me in a beautiful setting… picturesque, even. This clearing must be a point for hikers who would take the trail when it was warmer. I reached over, pulling a water bottle towards myself. I continued to take in the scene as I sipped some of the still cold water.

The golden light from the setting sun lit up the mountains and ridges, as if they were engulfed in a fiery-colored snow. Shadows melted into one another, creating pictures that felt as if they came from my wildest imaginations. Now that I was here, by myself, somewhere I had never been… the world felt so much bigger than ever before. Pulling out my phone to see where I was, I noticed the battery had died. Undeterred, I fumbled around for the charger I'd brought.

Once my hand bumped into a can of food, I realized how hungry I was. No longer focused on traveling or the music coursing through me, there was little to take my mind off of the idea of devouring a can of food until my belly was full. Taking a moment to find my charger and plug my phone into it, I looked at my backpack again. As long as I ration well… The first thing I pulled out was a can of tomatoes. At the time, I was hardly interested in them, focused on instead putting in whatever I could fit. Now?

They seemed like everything I could ever want: juicy, rich with flavor, and perfect for finishing a long day of hiking. I could feel my mouth watering as I looked at the picture of the tomato on the label. Then the realization struck me: I hadn't brought a can opener with me. I could see it perfectly in my mind, too: the can opener, sitting in the drawer right next to the sink. It would have been easy for me to grab it while I was packing, and I hadn't even considered it.

"Dammit…" How could I have not realized I needed a way to open the cans of food? It was all too easy to imagine the smell, the taste, the texture of the tomatoes locked away in their tin prison. I could smash it on a rock, but with how much of it I would splatter across the landscape, it wasn't worth wasting the food. Reaching up to my neck, my fingers crossed over the crystal on my necklace. It did have a sharp end to it, possibly sharp enough to open the can… but potentially breaking it to open a can of food?

It was one of the few tethers I had to who I was. I couldn't risk it. Strumming my fingers along the top of the can, I tried to think of a way to open it. My gaze drifted down to the tin as I considered one option. It was worth a try, even if it wasn't the most graceful. I lifted the can up to my mouth, biting down hard into the top corner. My teeth sank right through the edge of the tin, tearing the metal apart.

Tomato juice shot into my mouth, but I continued biting down until a small section of the can ripped off entirely. The metal was sharp, but not painful as I spit it out next to me. That was surprisingly easy… Thankful I'd never have to worry about a can opener again, I turned the can upwards and practically drank every last bit of the can's contents as it poured into my mouth. Once the container was half empty, I paused, gasping for breath. It felt good.

As the taste left my mouth, however, I noticed something missing. When I'd eaten tomatoes, I'd usually mixed them in with other ingredients, but even then something was definitely missing.

"Oh, right!" I reached into my bag once again, leaning to the side to get my arm all the way to the bottom. Sure enough, my fingers clamped around the heavy bottle I had grabbed from Emily's office, bringing it out into what was left of the daylight. Once I opened the bottle, the scent hit me in an instant. It smelled divine, like a condiment capable of enhancing the flavor of anything it covered. As carefully as I could, I poured some into the tomato can, covered up the hole, and gave it a strong shake.

After putting the mercury bottle back into my back, I continued eating the remaining half of the tomatoes. They tasted even better mixed with the mercury. Once the can was empty, I rested on my back, closing my eyes. I didn't feel tired, but my body was exhausted from traveling all day. Some time to rest after eating was exactly what I needed. My eyes slowly slid shut as I felt the gentle rise and fall of my full stomach, everything feeling much better. Maybe things weren't so bad.

My eyes slowly opened. It was dark. All I could see above me were stars. I must have fallen asleep for a while. Any traces of sunlight were now gone. Lifting myself into a sitting position, I noticed the moon in front of me. It was just beginning to rise into the sky, a dull shade of red as it looked out over the horizon. The air had grown cold, but I'd long since gotten used to the feeling. Without any moonlight, everything around me was too dark to see.

My hands pressed against the rock as I leaned back, looking at the stars once again. I had never taken the time to just admire the various constellations and shining beacons. Only now was I realizing how beautiful they were. As I gazed up at the sky, my eyes were drawn to a dim light slowly traveling over me. It didn't blink like a plane… instead it was simply a dull star traveling through the sky, all alone. Maybe it was just like me, roaming the wilderness, trying to find some place it belonged.

Of course I knew it wasn't a star. It had to be a satellite of some kind. The more I thought about that satellite, the more I realized what I must… be. I was up there in the sky, once. I came from… somewhere out there. Maybe someone had seen me in the same way I was looking at this flying craft now. As the slow moving light drifted out of my sight, I felt an odd sensation of loss. It was as if my only friend, one like me, had left me alone. I wasn't sure what to feel about the questions running through my mind.

"Why am I here…?" I asked myself, "Where did I come from, and…" I paused. Even though I wasn't talking to anyone, I wanted to ask the right questions.

"... why was I abandoned here?" The moment it left my lips, I felt as if I'd taken a punch right to the chest. That word hurt… abandoned. Still… what other word would describe what happened to me? All I had of my life out there were a few small items, nothing else. I was too young to even remember what happened. Why would anyone send me here alone? What was supposed to guide me? Had I done something wrong? What reason could they possibly have for sending me away in the way they had?

Every question I had left me with more uncertainty. Since I had learned about myself, I hadn't had any time to simply sit and think about everything, but now that I did, I realized how little sense everything made. I couldn't help but wonder if John and Emily ever thought about the same questions. Did they ever do anything to learn more about me… or did they just accept what happened? My eyes slid shut. Every time I tried to think things through, the end result was the same: nothing made sense.

I opened my eyes again, looking up at the stars. They didn't look beautiful anymore. It felt as if they were mocking me. Someone up there knew what I needed to know, but they wouldn't give me an answer. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings. I stood up.

"Why did you send me here?!" I called to the heavens.

"What happened?! Why didn't you leave me a sign? Why didn't you reach out to me? Why…" I choked back a sob, "... why did you abandon me?!" That word again… it stung so badly, but I didn't know any other word to describe how I felt. The stars became blurry as tears pooled in my eyes. It wasn't fair. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't want to be different. All I wanted was a place to belong. I laid down, my arm pressed into my face as I cried into my sleeve. I didn't care if I was loud.

Nobody was around, and I was alone… alone and hopeless. Even though I knew where to go, I still felt lost. If I found Oliver, how would I explain everything to him? How would my situation get any better? I still wouldn't know who I was, where I came from or where to go from there. As the thoughts swirl in my head, I just let myself sob uncontrollably. Through my blurred vision, I could feel the dull light of the moon growing as it rose into the sky. It didn't matter. I didn't care. I didn't even want to move.

It would be easier to sit here and just give up… at least, for a while.

My body was gently woken by the sound of metal scraping around the nearby rocks. I lifted my head, eyes opening, then squinting at their reintroduction to the sun. I hadn't slept. The entire night I'd been sobbing, going in circles, and asking why and how I ended up here. When I'd exhausted myself from all the pain in my chest, I'd gotten emotionally lost even more as I thought about what I would do now. Everything felt so hopeless. I was even more tired after last night than I'd been after the full day's hike.

How could I possibly have thought I knew what I was doing, being out here all by myself? This situation was my fault. Emily was going to take me in. She knew more than I did. I was just a dumb child who was way in over my head. After my eyes slowly adjusted to the sunlight, they widened enough to be able to see. An opossum was biting at the remains of the tomato can. It must have been trying to get whatever I had left. Noticing me looking at it, the creature jumped back from me and ran off into the woods.

"Aw…" I was hoping I could help it get in the can. As much as I wanted to leave the can behind for the opossum, it wouldn't be nice for me to leave my trash in nature. I sighed.

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Grasping the can in my hands, I crushed it into as small of a sphere as I could before putting it in the outside pocket of my backpack. I pulled out my phone, giving a small, tired smile as I saw the battery, now fully charged. Opening the maps application, it looked like I was a few miles south of a large rock quarry with a town nearby. Further west was another small town. It was about the same distance from me as the distance I had hiked yesterday. It seemed like a reasonable goal.

If I could get near the town, I'd have some options to find food and other things I might need. After fishing through a pocket on my backpack for a moment, I found the music player that read 'miscellaneous' across the label. I knew what I needed to hear to start my day. I scrolled through the artists, looking for a light-hearted, upbeat song. The moment it began, I felt all the awful thoughts from last night starting to drift away from me. Everything I had been thinking about last night could wait until later.

At that moment, I needed something to put myself in a good mood. I felt a smile spreading across my face as I pushed the negativity away, instead grabbing a can of beans. After I opened it and poured some mercury in it, I turned the phone off and packed everything away. Feeling a spring in my step, I ate my breakfast while my hike for the day began. Now on a proper trail, I didn't need to scramble across and over rocks, freeing up my hands. The day was nice and the sunshine felt warmer than ever.

Snow sloshed underneath me with every step, but it didn't bother me one bit. The music in my hearts told me not to worry. Everything was going to be alright.

The uplifting music was more helpful to me than I could have ever imagined. Although the path I was on tried to lead me towards the town by the quarry, another path further on kept me on track to my goal. The cold mountain air contrasted well with the warm sun to keep me feeling good, and I was making sizable progress. Since I had worn myself out completely last night, all of that stress and tension inside of me had simply melted away.

My head was clear and I was able to enjoy the sights and scents of nature all around me. My music joined in with my other senses to make my hike even more beautiful. I even found myself doing a light dance as I continued my trek. It was exciting, seeing so much of the woods and mountains. All of this experience was in my reach for my entire life, but I had never bothered to look until now. I made sure to take a break around the middle of the day for lunch. The sardines I devoured were exactly what I needed.

Even so, I kept the break short, not even bothering to turn off my music. The wonderful melodies were keeping me in such a good mood, how could I have possibly wanted to stop it? I balled up the can, putting it in the same pocket as the others as I continued closer and closer to my destination.

"Okay, Tess… you've just gotta cross this and you'll have a straight shot into town. No big deal." I'd been staring at the log in front of me for a few minutes. I'd searched up and down along the river I'd come across without any better options available to me. The bridge that connected to the trail I'd been on was under construction with far too many people around. I'd searched up and down the river at least a mile in each direction. The large, half decayed log in front of me seemed like my only option.

It was just a log, no big deal. I climbed onto the top of one end of the bridge, finding my balance and taking a few moments to get used to the change in texture and smoothness. Not wanting to take any risks, I moved to my hands and feet, slowly traversing towards the other side. I took a deep breath. It didn't seem too bad once I was on the log, but that feeling was short-lived as I reached the center of the river.

Although I tried to keep my eyes on the log, the river below me was looking deeper as I made my way closer to the center of the flowing water. My body started to shiver and my muscles started to freeze in place. I knew what I had to do, but tearing my gaze away from the river was impossible. All I could picture was falling into the icy water. Letting out a shuddering breath, my gaze returned to the view in front of me. A large branch stump was only a foot away from me, one I would have to hold as I moved around it.

But what if it snaps? What if it breaks and I lose my balance? … what if I fall in? There didn't seem to be any easy way around the obstacle. The more I thought of the possibility of it breaking, the more convinced I was of it happening. Persuaded by my fear, I turned back, figuring it would be safer to just keep going upstream and find a better way to cross the river. I could feel myself shaking. I wanted off of the log. As I turned, my hand slipped right off of the bridge, grip completely gone as I gasped.

Time felt as if it was slowing down as I started sliding over the side. My other hand had lost any sort of traction, and my feet weren't going to save me, either. Quickly I tried to think over my options, experiencing everything in slow motion. My anxiety was totally gone. Next to me was the stump, sticking out from the top of the log. It may not hold, but it was my best bet if I was going to fall anyway. I turned, reaching my hand up in the direction of the stump.

Unable to move my head in time to react, all I could do is hope I remembered correctly where my potential lifeline was. My fingers made contact with it, nearly slipping off before I squeezed hard to stop myself from falling. As I dug into the wood, there seemed to be a solid core underneath the rotten surface that held me. Once time resumed its normal speed, I fell off the log, body swinging down before my chest tucked up against the wood.

When swinging around the makeshift bridge, I noticed a branch underneath the log. It had been impossible to see while I was crossing, but now it was quickly becoming a problem. I was barely able to avoid crashing into it, but my backpack slammed into the branch at full force. The sound of my screams suddenly stopped. I hadn't even realized I had been yelling. Just after I stopped, the sound of something splashing into the water underneath me filled my ears.

My tail was in the water, but I'd managed to keep the rest of myself dry. Slowly, steadily, I pulled my body back up the perimeter of the log. I could feel my hearts pounding as I got my feet back underneath my weight. Not wanting to stay any longer, I scurried across the remainder of the log, jumping off on the other side to get as far away from the river as possible. It had been terrifying, and nearly caused me to fall… but I'd made it. I caught my breath, face down on the rocks while trying to compose myself.

My ear twitched as I heard a can on my backpack shift and bounce on the rocks with a soft plink next to me. Luckily it hadn't fallen… in… My body shot up. I took the backpack off and another can fell out. It didn't take long for me to spot a massive gash along the side of the back where it had slammed into the branch. Quick as I could manage, I pulled everything out of the bag, setting its contents across the rocks. Some cans were missing, but I still had a few left.

The music players appeared to all still be there, along with the headphones, the wheel, and the white patch. Everything important seemed to be in place. Reaching down to the bottom of the bag, I found my battery charger and phone, still there. A can of corn was missing… and as I fumbled around for it, my eyes went wide as I peered inside. No, no no no… The mercury was gone. I looked back towards the log. I didn't see the bottle anywhere along the beach.

Then I remembered: I'd heard that splash when I swung around the log. It must have been the mercury. Giving an annoyed sigh, I thought for a moment. I should be able to find some in town, right? Although, as I thought back to the man who'd come to the house… he'd said only two places in the area bought it regularly, and John was one. Maybe it wasn't a common thing to find. I can still figure something out… at least, I can last until I get to Oliver's home.

"Ugh." I groaned, sitting on the rocks.

"I should have thrown the bag across…" Examining the backpack, I looked at a large, empty pocket. It was fully intact. Putting everything into it would be impossible, but if I ate a few cans of food, I would have enough space. After loading up everything I could fit into the smaller of the two main pouches, I zipped the opening shut. The river continued to flow as I watched for a few moments before I convinced myself it was time to get moving. I stood, slinging the backpack around my shoulders…

but as it adjusted into place, I felt something fall from under my shirt. At my feet rested the necklace. Oh no… My stomach sank. The chain was broken, but even worse, as I picked up the metal, the crystal was no longer on it. Eyes searching all around where I stood, I couldn't see it anywhere. I started running across the rocks, looking at the ground, trying to find wherever it had fallen. Body shaking again, I realized it must have broken off while I was pulling myself back onto the top of the log…

meaning it must have fallen into the river. As quickly as I could manage, I stripped the backpack off, setting it on the rocks as I approached the river. My body leaned forward as I looked down and ahead of myself, searching for any sign of it. Nothing. I slid my pants off, throwing them next to my backpack before I waded into the water, trying to get a closer look. The water was ice cold, but I didn't care. Finding that crystal was too important. I could replace the mercury.

I couldn't replace one of the only things left of my life before I came here. Unable to find anything in the shallows, I took my shirt off as well, wading deeper into the river. It felt weird to be out in the woods completely naked, but the thought quickly vanished from my mind. The awkward sensation wouldn't stop me, and the freezing water wouldn't stop me as I waded further towards the center. Once the water was up to my neck, I kicked off the rocks, flapping my hands through the water.

All it did was end with me landing back on the ground seconds later. I felt lighter in the water, but each time I tried to swim, I could only keep myself floating for a few seconds before landing once again. Dipping my head underwater, I looked for anything I might have lost. I was right next to the side of the log, but I had fallen closer to the center of the river. I brought my head back above the water, knowing I'd need to go deeper. With a slow, full breath, I started walking right to the center of the river.

Now fully submerged, I felt far lighter, even with a good footing. The water was moving faster, but it felt more like a strong, heavy breeze than something deadly. I only had to lean slightly into the current to keep my balance. With most of my weight still on my feet, floating and looking down at the riverbed wasn't an option. Instead, I had to walk around and hope I found something. I reached the center a moment later.

The current was even stronger here, but I could still stand on the riverbed without much trouble. I looked up at the log, noticing a small patch of ice floating along the surface overhead. If anything fell out where I landed, I could use the river's speed to figure out where it would have drifted before reaching the bottom. Slowly and methodically, I started moving along the river, scanning the rocks in the depths of the water.

I'd hoped to see something, anything, laying right in front of me, but I had no such luck. Figuring my gear could have fallen between some of the rocks, I got down on my hands and feet, turning over and searching through every stone I could find. I kept remembering where I had searched, hoping I wasn't wasting too much time by retreading old ground. After a few minutes, I finally found the bottle, its cap sticking out between two stones.

Grateful to find it, I was hoping for the same kind of luck in finding my necklace. It must have been close to here; both it and the bottle were rather dense, so it stood to reason they wouldn't have been far apart. As I continued searching, a stray cloud moved out of the sun's way, allowing the rays of light to shine directly into the river. Just in front of me, a bright glint of line shone back at me. I practically dove toward it, reaching out and grabbing it.

My fingers traced over the shape of the glass as I resurfaced, triumphant. I only then realized I must have been under the water for at least ten minutes. Still, I'd found what I needed. Holding both it and the mercury tighter than treasure, one in each hand, I walked back to the beach with my other supplies, the current weakening as I traveled. When my head resurfaced, I took a large gulp of air before continuing, but then I stopped. A group of wolves were sniffing at my backpack.

They must have smelled the residual scent from the crushed up cans in my outside pocket.

"Hey!" I yelled, hoping I'd scare them off. They all jumped slightly in surprise, but after seeing me, they simply stared at me before returning to the bag. I reached down and grabbed a rock, moving the crystal to my other hand. Chucking it as hard as I could, I yelled again.

"Get away from that!" The rock smacked one of them in the face, making it give a soft yelp, then a loud snarl. The wolf started moving toward me. I backed up, realizing I probably just made a big mistake. My eyes stayed locked on the lupine, yet I was pretty certain the wolf wouldn't follow me into the water. My hearts pounded hard in my chest as the other wolves followed suit, getting closer to me.

"Get back!" I shouted, waving my arms in the air. They didn't seem to care. They didn't see me as a threat. A breeze flowed through the air behind me, making their hair rise… then stand on end. All of them stopped in their tracks, smelling the air. Suddenly, the leader gave a soft yelp. It didn't sound like surprise, or even aggression… more like… fear. It immediately turned and bolted out of the area, the others looking between it and me. A moment went by and they all ran, too.

My hearts were still thumping hard as I took in a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. Standing knee deep in the river, I was alone once again. Giving myself ten more seconds, I then slowly left the safety of the water, eyes looking in every direction for any other wolves. Nothing appeared. What… was that? I quickly placed the mercury back in my bag, then put the crystal of my necklace in a small pocket with a button holding the pouch shut. Oddly, I felt rather hot.

Looking down at myself, I could see steam coming out from my fur. Despite the river's temperature, now that I was on shore, I didn't feel cold at all, even without clothes. Not wanting to get my clothing wet, I instead settled on eating another can of tomatoes. Wherever the can of corn had gone wasn't important. I didn't have any desire to go searching in the river a second time. I got everything I needed and the rest could be restocked in the town… after a short break to dry off first.