Chương 16: Chapter 15: Forgiveness

As I sat on the couch, I gave a small sigh. My frame sank into the plush fabric until I could barely move. Heavy synth rock music thudded into my ears as I tried to distract myself from the inevitable. There was nothing left to clean in the house. The dishes were done, laundry put away, floors swept… the only remaining thing on my list was to call Emily. I looked at the cable of my headphones, following the trail of the wire coiling up into my phone.

The device was resting lazily on the coffee table only a foot in front of me. If I wanted to continue this journey–and really, I had no choice, now–then I would have to get past this barrier. Like it or not, I had to call Emily. She was the only person who might know what I could do with the crystal. I should have called earlier… or I shouldn't have left her in the first place. Instead I just… ran away… It was the usual circle of thought I found myself falling into.

Over and over, I kept thinking about the things I'd done wrong, the things I regretted, the things I wished I could have changed. Anger was building up inside me with every passing minute. Trying to focus on my music, and not the anger of thoughts welling up inside of me, my ears lightly twitched as I listened to the guitarist flowing through the rest of the instruments. As long as I focused on the music, not the annoyed feeling, I could keep myself sane.

I focused on all of the finer details of the way they played. I could imagine where their fingers were while I pretended to play in time with them. She probably hates me. I shook my head in irritation, pulling my headphones off my head and tossing them to the side with more force than intended. Looking toward the ceiling, I let out an annoyed groan, sinking deeper into the uncomfortably soft couch. The cushions felt as if they were trying to swallow me whole from every single side.

"Okay, okay." I said to myself out loud, struggling to free myself from the couch. After managing to roll out of the cushion and flop onto the floor, I continued with a small sigh.

"I'll just do it…just got to get it over with." Moving quickly before any doubts could get in my way, I snatched the phone, opened the recent calls list, and quickly found Emily's name. I tapped on it. The phone started ringing as I placed it back onto the table. My hearts started racing almost instantly. While the phone buzzed a few times, my brain began to catch up with my body. Just as the screen changed to show an answer, questions flooded my head. What was I doing? What was I going to say? What was my plan?

"Tess? Are you okay? Oh, I've been so worried!" Emily's voice rang through the phone, clearly surprised to be hearing from me at all. I could only stare at the phone, hand shaking. I didn't know what to say. Should I ask how she's doing? Should I tell her what I've done, what I've been through? Should I just get straight to the point and tell her what I need? Should I ask if she's okay?

"Tess? …are you there?" Emily asked. My entire body was shaking now. I could hear a loud, rapid pounding through my ears as I stood there, frozen. Emily's voice rang through the phone again, a bit louder, perhaps thinking I hadn't heard her.

"Tess? Are you there?" In a panic, I reached out and hit the button on my phone to stop the call. The moment I did, however, I glared at the phone, yelling at it.

"Why didn't you tell me anything? Why did I have to find out everything for myself? I don't care that John told you not to! I don't care!! You're in my life too! How could you keep a secret like that from me?! How could you…" My voice broke as the last few words spilled out of my throat. I slammed my fist down onto the coffee table and I felt the wood break underneath my hand. A loud crack erupted through the living room as the edge of the table splintered, vaulting my phone across the room and into the wall.

"No, no, no! Ugh…" As I held my face in my hands, I took a few deep breaths, trying to collect myself. The coffee table was destroyed. The side I had hit had completely collapsed… and it didn't look cheap, either. It wasn't her fault. She was just… doing her best with what she had. Not wanting to see the damage to my phone, but knowing I had to, I walked over to the impact site. The glass had completely shattered on the front, but to my relief, the screen underneath was still somehow working.

The drywall where the phone had hit, however, had a large dent in it. Yet another thing to clean up later… With a grimace, I pressed my back against the wall, phone in hand. Emily hadn't called back, thankfully. No way would I have been ready to answer. I knew I should have prepared before calling her… but there was no way for me to be completely ready. Tapping my foot against the floor, I thought about a way to stop myself from going through mental paces.

My eyes wandered around the room, thinking for a moment before an idea popped into my head. I pushed away from the wall, running upstairs and grabbing the violin.

A few minutes later, the violin sat in my lap, in tune and coated with a fresh layer of rosin. The phone rested in front of me, perched on the intact corner of the coffee table. With one last deep breath, I tapped the button to call Emily once again. As the phone rang, I put it on speaker phone and took a single step back, readying the violin on my shoulder. Emily answered the phone, but hesitated for a few seconds before quietly speaking.

"Hello?" Closing my eyes, I ran the bow across the violin. A loud, pure tone emanated from the instrument as I simply let the world fall away from me. Long, drawn out notes flowed out of the violin in time with the emotion rippling through my hands. The pace started growing faster, more frantic as I brought out all my frustration and anger. Even with my eyes shut, I could feel the colors, the bright and dark spots in every emotion I was emanating, speaking the one language which truly felt comfortable.

Emily remained completely silent. I continued, allowing more thoughts to pour out of me. I thought about the night I'd left, all of the joy, the excitement from leaving my home for the first time… then the fear I'd felt just before Emily found me. I thought about the people who had come to my house, the final moments I had with John before he was killed. It hurt, it stung in a way I couldn't put into words, but it was something I could put into song. I let my hands speak in a way my mouth, my voice could not.

I remembered everything from the next day, how it all felt like a blur. Emily had taken me to live with her, telling me things would be okay. A flash of anger struck through me when I saw all of the research she'd be doing on me without my knowledge. The bow dug into the string as I recalled that feeling of being some sort of test subject, an animal at a zoo. With my left hand, I began plucking the strings with a few fingers while holding a note with the bow.

Claws plucked at the strings as if they were my feet, running away from everything, leaving it all behind me as I tried to escape. Finally, I'd reached the point of relief, of reaching my destination. I'd reached the point of meeting Oliver, and of all the weight being taken off of my shoulders. The tone became softer as I spoke about the deep feeling of regret… how I wished I'd handled things better with Emily, how I wished I'd given her another chance to tell her side of the story…

how I was sorry for what I'd done and how I hoped she'd be able to forgive me. My eyes stayed closed, even after the song reached its conclusion. The both of us sat in silence together. I gently placed the violin onto the floor, joining it as I rested on my back, staring up at the ceiling as I collected my thoughts. There was no need for me to break the silence. I'd already said everything I needed to say.

"... I'm sorry, too." Emily said quietly. A wave of relief washed over me, knowing Emily understood at least part of what I was saying to her with the violin's music.

"I wanted to tell you," she continued, "I honestly did, but John wanted to wait until you were older. Then you got older, and…I don't know. The right time never came. I always pushed for it, honestly! I didn't want to overstep. I…I wish we could have worked it out sooner. I had a lot to think about since you left last month. I don't blame you for being upset, I just…I just…" A pause.

"... wish you'd given me a chance to explain…" Another few seconds of silence passed before I decided to say something as well. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

"I'm sorry I wrecked your office. I got angry and…I broke a lot of things." I turned my head to the side, seeing the half-destroyed coffee table.

"I should really stop doing that…" To my surprise, Emily started laughing.

"Oh! Well don't worry about that! Did you really throw that filing cabinet across the room? It was embedded in the wall!" I could hear her leaning toward the phone.

"Wow…I knew you were strong, but that thing weighs almost as much as I do!" I frowned. That reaction was not what I expected.

"Emily, has anyone ever told you that you focus on entirely the wrong things…all the time?"

"Constantly." She answered, without hesitation.

"My brain works differently than most. That's why I work with animals."

"Hey!"

"Oh!" Emily gasped.

"No, not you, I meant with the veterinary stuff! People confuse me, since they're so focused on themselves. I just enjoy observing and documenting things–learning and discovering things. That's what I like to do."

"Is that what all that research was about? Why did you write all that stuff, anyway? What were you keeping it for?"

"The stuff about you?" Emily clarified.

"Hmm. Well, I started when I first met you. You were dying and we didn't know why until you got into my thermometer. I had a feeling we'd have things we didn't understand like that come up, so I started taking notes–what you ate or didn't eat, how you responded to it, your behavioral patterns, things like that. John cared about you, a lot, but he didn't really know how to…you know…take care of you. I used to visit the two of you every day, taking notes, keeping track of everything I could." She paused.

"But, if I can ask, why were you upset when you saw all of the data?" I tapped my fingers together, finding a way to honestly and politely think of the right response.

'Data'... yeah, that's why…

"When I saw all of it, it just felt like…I was some kind of science experiment." I replied, hoping it made sense.

"Ah…yeah. I mean, in a way…you are." Emily answered. My answer did make sense…maybe too much sense. I didn't say anything, but Emily must have felt my mood change with her response.

"Oh, but not like, in a bad way! Honestly! I needed to keep track of your diet, behaviors…any and all patterns that existed. It was important to know what made you feel better or worse, and how you'd respond to different things. It was all a way to find out what you needed from John and myself in order to keep you healthy." I blinked. That explanation made sense, I suppose. Emily continued.

"For example, you picked up on language quickly… incredibly quickly. You were speaking English fluently after a month of being here, but you weren't able to communicate too well. Everything you said was very… transactional, I suppose. But, after a while, I noticed whenever you would speak, you'd have this cadence to your voice. You'd speak with a rhythm, and depending on your mood, that rhythm would change, and the timing would change. I actually learned music theory because of it!

Once I was able to recognize those patterns, I could understand so much more of what you were saying."

"Really?" For all the times I felt something like that myself, I never expected Emily, of all people, to notice it, too.

"Yeah. It took months for me to learn, but for you, it was like all that knowledge was built in. Instinctual. I couldn't believe such a high level of thought could be built into someone in that way. You could say so many things with so few words, but I had to learn that type of language in order to understand. Sure, you were still speaking English but it was at a level that I simply couldn't understand at first." Fascinating as it was to hear it all, there was still one part which confused me.

"Do I still speak like that?"

"Sometimes." Emily admitted.

"Once we started getting instruments for you, though, you seemed to transfer that aspect of your speech to them. Then your actual speech adapted to something more like ours. I really should have locked onto that sooner…I regret not catching that unique part of you that kind of disappeared a bit over time. Your thoughts, speech, and emotions have always been so heavily tied to music. It's beautiful." I could feel myself shifting slightly, unsure what to do with the compliment.

"When you played that violin a few minutes ago, I heard that voice again. I recognized those timings, the tunes, the emotions. It's incredible how you still hold those parts of yourself."

"I always feel like I stumble over words, though…"

"You do!" She responded, a bit too happily.

"Yes, you get stuck. I feel those moments, when you have a thought but can't think of what to say. The gears turn in your head while you're trying to adapt what you're thinking into words. Whatever your original language was, I'm pretty sure it was far more complex than what we have." Emily paused, as if she were trying to think how to best describe something.

"I guess if I thought about what it must be like…it would be like trying to speak with morse code. I could say everything I needed to, but it would be so slow and cumbersome that I'd trip over myself, forget where I was in my sentences–all because my thoughts were going so much faster than my speech." I had to admit, she did seem to know more about me than I'd thought. Continuing, Emily's voice came through the phone again.

"And, um… Tess? I feel like I should say… I'm sorry that I may have taken my curiosity too far. You're right… sometimes I did treat you more as an experiment instead of a person. You see, hear and communicate things differently than anyone else I've ever known, and I wanted to know more about you. Sometimes I'd forget you're a person, one that I love very, very much." We both sat in silence for a while. Rather than the tension, it was the opposite, keeping both of us from continuing to talk.

I felt as if we'd both gotten a lot off our chests. I felt as light as a feather as I simply rested against the couch, now feeling at peace.

"Hey, Tess?" Emily asked.

"Mmm?" I responded.

"I needed to bring something up with you…paperwork stuff. I need you to sign a bunch of things for me." I sat up, confused.

"What sort of things?"

"Property things. Ownership things. It's a bit complicated." Emily admitted.

"Ownership things? What kind of ownership things?" I asked.

"John gave everything to you. The house, the property, his accounts, all of it went to you. We just need some signatures. I told everyone you were taking some time for yourself and I'd let you know as soon as I spoke to you again, so…here we are." It made sense for everything to be willed to me, except for one key thing.

"How did he give everything to me if I, you know…don't exist. Not as far as any records and stuff goes, anyway."

"Uh, yeah…so about that…" Emily replied.

"It turns out there was a lot John was hiding from me…well, from both of us. It's been a whole mess. Took weeks for me to get it all figured out, but without going into details, everything was left to you, but we need some things from you before that's official. Would it…be possible to see you in person? Speaking of which, I have to ask, are you with someone? Where exactly are you?"

"Oh, right. I'm with my friend, Oliver."

"From that group you talk with?" She asked.

"Yeah." I confirmed.

"He lives in Grand Junction."

"Okay. So, he drove you there? Did he, you know…know about you before all of this?"

"No, I walked here. He didn't know about me before this, but I mean…he knows now. It was pretty awkward." Emily didn't say anything for almost a full minute.

"You walked?"

"Yeah."

"You…walked…to Grand Junction?"

"Yes."

"From Colorado Springs?"

"Yes."

"... what the fuck." She said, almost under her breath, in complete disbelief. I couldn't help but laugh at her confusion.

"Yeah, I didn't really know what I was doing."

"Well, you're okay now, that's what matters." She replied, chuckling a bit herself.

"I hope Oliver is doing okay with all of this."

"He's doing fine. He's actually helping me with a bunch of things. Right now he's with his brother and they're looking at–wait! Right! The whole reason I called." I'd completely forgotten amidst everything else.

"Emily, do you know about that crystal thing?"

"Oh, yeah, the one you had with you when John found you. Did he give that to you?"

"He did, yeah. It turns out that it's some sort of storage thing. Emily, you're the only person who might know this…do you know how I got here? Was there a ship or something? I need to see if there's some sort of way to read the information off of this thing, and we can't start looking into this without potentially breaking it unless there's some sort of device that can read it." Emily sounded a bit surprised.

"It's a storage device? Oh, wow…I should have realized…I only saw it once before John hid it away. I thought it was just a piece of jewelry or something. I should have looked into that crystal more. I guess we were so focused on you at that point, those other things hadn't even crossed my mind. I took notes about it, but between that and everything else…"

"Emily." I said firmly.

"What?"

"Focus. How did I get here?"

"Hm…" She mused.

"You've…never spoken to me like that. Interesting." It was true. When I talked with Emily, she would usually just ask questions and I would give her answers. It was possible I was telling her more than even I thought I was. Maybe I should take some time to think about that possibility later…

"I've been doing a lot of new things lately." Understatement of the year.

"So, how did I get here?" I asked again.

"Right, right. You must have been in a small ship. There was a big storm that night, and a large flash of light. Reports said it was a meteor, but John found you not long after that flash."

"He found me?" I asked.

"What about the ship I was on?" Emily gave a small sigh.

"We never found it. Honestly, it could have been anywhere in the area he found you. It happened in the middle of a snow storm. We went back once the snow melted, but we still couldn't locate anything else. The two of us even searched again, a few times, but…nothing." She finished.

"Where did John find me?"

"Sheep Nose. It's a mountain near where you lived."

"Can you take me there?" The question spilled out of me in an instant.

"Of course." Suddenly, the front door opened, startling me for a split second before I saw Oliver.

"Oliver!"

"Ah!" He froze momentarily, startled by my sudden outburst.

"What?"

"What are you doing tomorrow? Are you up for an adventure?"