Chương 4: Live, Laugh, DIE

The monster, despite being fairly horrific looking, was relatively small in stature. Maybe the size of an average twelve year old boy. But it didn't seem to be made of flesh and skin at all, but rather looked a bit like one of those gargoyles one sees in the old quarter of a European capital. The creepiest thing about it had to be that … smile. That, and the claws. It had already slashed at Elias once and was cocked to deliver another blow." When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

it screeched, fairly beaming with a saccharine grin. It reared back before delivering another devastating slash with its claws. Elias stuck his hands up in instinctual defense, but his gesture did little except protect his vital organs from being punctured. Instead, his forearms took the brunt of the blow. They were ripped and bleeding.

"Regenerate! Regenerate!" he shouted. But it seemed the spell couldn't be double dipped. # You are already regenerating # It was true that regeneration was already working. About the time the little monster delivered another whack, Elias' bleeding had staunched and the lacerations had begun to fade. It seemed like things weren't getting any worse. At least, until he saw the second one. Without warning, another gargoyle-like creature dropped down from one of the giant trees and immediately set about flanking him."

A girl without freckles is like a night without stars!" shouted this second interloper as it began to frantically slash at his shoulders. It confused Elias, but he was hurting too bad now to concentrate on making any sense of this. All he knew was he would be quickly overwhelmed if he didn't take the offensive. His regen wasn't keeping up with the double thrashing he was now taking. Elias didn't have a weapon, and none of his skills seemed like they would help him mount some kind of counter offensive.

What could plant foraging do against claws so sharp? Perhaps the bully back in the bar had been right in saying he wouldn't last long. But he wasn't going without a fight. So, Elias did the only thing he could think to do. He punched one of the little gargoyle's right in its shit-grinning mouth.

"Ow!" it cried. But that was it. Both of them kept right on slashing and hacking. One of them landed a particularly deep cut on Elias' right shoulder, which put an end to his budding career as a pugilist rather swiftly. Perhaps this was the trial, he thought, just as his vision began fading. It was too bad he couldn't make a better go of it. The two gargoyles were joined by a third now, and it was all Elias could do to keep balance. He knew if he lost his footing, it was all over.

Just as his knees turned to jello and he was about to fall, Elias was filled with a sudden euphoria. The pain faded quite suddenly, and more of those lambent pearls swirled around his body. Only this time, the pearls numbered in the thousands. They seemed to lift him up from the ground and restore him. # You have been healed # The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Then, there were green swirls. Purple trails of vapor. An assortment of other colors.

The blows ceased, and the three little gargoyles seemed to recoil in horror. # You have received massive gains # You are shielded by a stoic resolve # Suddenly, he could feel his muscles swelling, and a power filled his legs and arms. It was almost as if his body was hardening, as well as his resolve. The gargoyles seemed to sense it happening too, and became deeply uninterested in swiping at him for the moment. Instead, they slunk back to cower together in a fearful clutch.

"Mercy is the greatest superpower," one of them whispered. Elias hesitated for a moment.

"What are you waiting for, hit them!" said a deep, male voice. But this was not the disembodied narrator Elias had been dealing with. A flesh and blood man with dark skin, a bald head and shimmering armor was standing next to the quest hub. The man had swirls of magical vapor emanating from him, and seemed to be readying a large, spikey mace to whack someone with. There was something commanding about the man's voice and presence, so Elias did as he'd been told.

With a wind up and a wild swing, he nailed the closest gargoyle squarely in the jaw. It was such a direct and powerful blow that the creature's head actually flew off, sailed through the air about twenty feet, and rattled down at the roots of one of the giant trees.

"Everything happens for a reason!" screamed the head as it died. # You have gained experience! # The other two imps didn't react calmly to this new development. Instead, they frantically began climbing the trunk of the tree, tripping each other to be the first to escape. They dug their claws into the bark and scrambled." Trust the process!" one of them shouted, before disappearing into the canopy above.

"That was an epic shot," the bald man said, he had stowed the mace and was extending a palm in Elias' direction.

"You know, I've never seen an affirmation imp get decapitated like that before. Righteous work brother." To Elias' shock, he found that all of the wounds he had just undergone had already faded. What was even more surprising was the way he felt—like a million bucks, really. He took the man's hand and shook it firmly, taking a close look at the armor, if only to make sure it wasn't covered by the same tabard that jerk back in the tavern had been wearing.

"Thank you for the help," Elias said.

"Affirmation imp?"

"Yeah. They've gotten worse here lately. Some kind of echo from back in meatspace, maybe. They shout platitudes while trying to disembowel you."

"Creepy."

"The worst thing is you can tell they don't really mean them, you know. Nothing worse than forced, meaningless positivity. Anyway, pleased to see you're in once piece. You've got to be a little more careful Mr. … what was your name?"

"Elias."

"Alright Elias. Folks call me Goggs. And no offense meant, but I don't think you are quite ready for the quest hub."

"Yeah, I got that impression. I can't accept the quests anyway. The issue is, I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. My only friend is this giant mushroom who really sucks at being a guidance counselor. Maybe you can point me in the right direction."

"Have you checked in to your guild hall yet? Your crafting guild?"

"I haven't. I really am not even sure what that means." Goggs looked Elias up and down, as if a little unsure what to make of him.

"You are pretty new, aren't you?"

"I've been here about an hour." Goggs whistled as if he were looking at a bad car wreck.

"We all got to start somewhere, brother man. So, what is your class anyway? Nothing about you seems very familiar. I'm getting mixed signals here."

"Druid alchemist." Another whistle. Perhaps this one had a tinge of sadness to its cadence.

"That bad, huh?"

"There is nothing good or bad, you know. Just our judgment that makes them so. My homie Marcus Aurelius said that. Familiar?

"Rings a bell."

"What is for certain is that there is no druid guild here, and there is no guild for alchemy either. Which … Well, you could choose to look at as a downside. But if you wanted to be positive—and I mean really, actually positive—not like those stupid imps and their feel good crap, you could choose to look at this as a pretty sweet opportunity." Elias raised an eyebrow. Some of the healing effects had begun to fade, leaving him feeling like he was coming down from a high.

"What I mean to say," Goggs continued, "is that you could look at the absence of your guilds as an opening. An invitation to start your own."

"How would you recommend getting started with a thing like that?"

"Come with me. I'll take you to the cleric's guild. We can get you started with some basic tasks. See, even at your lowly status, you can actually take quests from other people. Just not the board, until you've been proving yourself for a while."

"Thanks again," Elias said, and together they walked up on of the paths leading away from the quest hub.

"I really owe you one."

"Damn right you do, now come on."