Chương 13: Kill bites

Elias and Fiona, the bard who had up until this point been LARPing as a warrior, stood with their backs to a cliff. In front of them, a pair of ravenous wolves were inching ever closer. They had hungry eyes, terrible fangs, and an odd way of talking as if all of this was some sort of game. Elias watched as Fiona picked up a loose rock and held it like a weapon out in front of her, gritting her teeth. He almost had to respect her audacity.

"Stay back!" she shouted.

"I'll smash you!" Almost. The wolves, to Elias' surprise, actually laughed.

"I guess I'll have to handle this, myself," Elias said.

"I can maybe figure something out. Just let me try and talk to them."

"TALK to them?"

"Yeah … you were wondering earlier what use a druid is. Well, turns out I can chat up all creatures great and small. It is probably our only chance, here." Then, he lowered his voice to a whisper only she could hear.

"I have to try and trick them, somehow." Was that her raising an eyebrow as if impressed? Or was she simply confused? Perhaps any sliver of hope at the edge of this cliff was enough to inspire awe. She nodded at him slowly, her eyes twinkling with faith. But first, before he could muster some Odyssean ruse, Elias needed to know exactly what he was up against.

After all, it was just like the giant mushroom and the ancient Chinese scholar had said: if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. Elias concentrated, just as his snarky fungal guide had instructed him, on inspecting the head wolf. # Target Name: Paw-trick Maul-homes, Star howlback of the Old Cinderleaf Nightfangs # Level: Level 7 Howlback (Minor Boss) # Resistant to: Blitz offence. Stiff-arm tackles. # Vulnerable to: Penalties. Lost yardage. Zone defense.

Special Passive: Head in the game — Immune to confuse, fear and charm spells. # Active Abilities: Lupine Audible — Can teleport members of his wolf pack up to twenty yards away. # Ultimate: Super Howl — Lets loose a howl that can cause tremors and knock opponents prone for up to ten seconds. # Now he had some information. Now he had something to work with. Elias cleared his throat and spoke.

"Alright guys. I don't see what the big trouble is," he said to the wolves. He kept the staff gripped tight but elected to hide it behind his back for the moment in a gesture of goodwill.

"GRRRR … The trouble is, we have to stay at the top of our division. GRRR … and you happen to be the visiting team. Terribly sorry, but law of the jungle and all that," the head wolf said, licking its lips at Elias like he was some kind of a nugget meal.

"This is a game of inches, and we don't intend to give up a single one." If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

"I don't suppose I could explain to you that I'm a simple druid who comes in peace. Really I just wanted a patch of your fur or maybe one of your baby teeth?" Did wolves have baby teeth? Elias wasn't sure. But it sounded like an innocent enough request. The wolves, however, were not impressed.

"You are playing a game you simply don't understand," said one of the wolves.

"You don't yet understand the rules."

"I'm not sure what that means. But how about we just apologize and be on our way? We didn't mean to … run any plays on you, or anything like that." Elias could see his words were having no effect, other than stalling for time.

"There is no more time left on the clock," snarled the lead wolf. With that, the creature lunged towards Elias. He closed his eyes and prepared to feel the first bite. But it did not come. He opened them a sliver to see that, just as it got off the ground, the alpha wolf had been suddenly arrested by the second, smaller wolf. It put a paw up on the bigger wolf's shoulder.

"I think I should get the kill bite, Paw-trick. You'll get the assist but …"

"No. No. No. You got to get the kill bite on that lumberjack in the preseason."

"But preseason doesn't count for bites per yard."

"I don't give a shit about your bites per yard." They kept bickering with one another, on and on like that, about stat sheets and what was best for the 'team'. All the while, Elias racked his brain for a way out of this ridiculous situation. He thought back to everything the wolves had said. All the language that they had used. Of all of the things his inspection had revealed. Namely, their weakness. They were vulnerable to penalties.

Elias didn't know much about sportsball, always preferring the more cerebral pursuits offered by the sciences, but he knew that these wolves seemed to be some vague amalgamation of all of that athletic stuff. So, what did he know that would help him here? Elias had vague memories of sitting on the carpet in his childhood livingroom. His uncle was sitting on the couch passing some time watching a snowy super bowl. Was it the Giants? The Cowboys? The astro-somethings?

Elias once again couldn't remember anything terribly specific about that distant, flesh-bound moment of his. Just feelings and vibes and … his uncle getting very upset about a bit of brightly colored ribbon. A yellow bit of flag.

"Flag on the play!" he shouted at the wolves. First he grabbed one of the yellow flowers that peppered the cliffside and threw it up in the air with as much drama as he could muster. Then he spent a moment performing what he thought would be the appropriate set of hand gestures. He figured if he waved his arms enough, he might somehow get a word out in the sportsball language those stripe-shirted officials always gesticulated. To his absolute shock, it worked. The wolves stopped in their tracks.

Both of them looked down at the yellow petal with open disgust on their snouts.

"What flag? What's the call?" said the head wolf.

"Umm … umm … unnecessary stalking? Unsportsmanlike salivating?"

"That is complete nonsense!" The smaller of the wolves shouted.

"The stalking was absolutely necessary. And you were in our red zone. We need a booth review." The wolves huddled together again, as if they needed a moment to discuss this perceived slight. Elias knew this was going to be his final chance.

"Can you sing that song again?" he asked Fiona, over his shoulder.

"The one that makes me strong?" She seemed suddenly shy.

"Like now."

"But …

""Just do it!" Without any more hesitation, she opened her mouth to let the dulcet tones fill the air. # The song hardens your resolve. You feel strong! # He felt his muscles swell, and his grip on the staff felt tighter somehow. He had one chance, and he knew it. With the wolves still huddled, their backs were facing away from him. He figured if he could brain the leader, the other might lose heart and slink away. Sure, it wasn't the best plan, but there weren't many other options.

However, the element of surprise was about to be lost. The wolf noticed him when Elias was still a few feet away. The beast turned and, apparently realizing what Elias had in mind, immediately whirled around on the defensive. Without waiting, Elias brought his staff down on the creature's face as hard as he could, sending fragments of tooth and blood spattering out on the ground. The wolf let out a howl of intense pain.

And it was not just any howl, but loud and deep and seemingly from some place deep in the beast's breast. As Elias drew back to strike again, he found that he was unable to keep his feet. So powerful was the howl that the ground began to shake beneath him and he stumbled back. The howl kept growing in volume, seemingly without end. Elias fell back on his butt. Fiona did the same, dropping her rock. Under the pressure of the howl, it was as if he were pinned to the ground.

Beneath him, the very stone seemed to buckle and seethe, until … There was a crack. It raced across the ground faster than he could spring to his feet. Apparently the Super Howl ability had sent such a powerful tremor through the stone that the cliff face was shearing away. And it was going to take the pair of adventurers along with it. With no time to react, Elias felt the ground give way beneath him. He found himself unmoored and in free fall through the air.

Rocks and stone tumbled around him as he led the plummeting landslide down the cliff face. Already, he could see the wicked trajectory his body would take. Another dozen seconds and he would find himself skewered on the rocks below. Perhaps he'd come back to life in some world even worse than this one. Perhaps this time he would become the mushroom. In the last few seconds before he hit the ground, he heard Fiona singing again. It was a sweet, uplifting song, and he was glad to hear it before his painful end.