Chương 538: Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Six

Dear Diary, Y'know, I cannot adequately express exactly how much of a dumbass I am. Like, seriously, there are so many things where after the fact I wind up saying, 'holy shit, I was doing that wrong the whole time' or 'well, fuck, I fucked that up beyond all repair entirely because I overlooked a glaringly obvious fact'. The worst part is that as far as I can tell, the times I've wound up fucking myself up worst are the times when I did that the most.

Seriously, if I think about it for more than half a second, plenty of occasions jump to mind.

'I'mma just pour all my Mana into this Cure, including the Mana making me Big, and I'mma do it all at once, a five mile drop is nothin'.

'I'mma ride the sixteen inch guns as the Black Dragon drops from five miles up'. Shit, I almost offed myself when I decided to stop the melanistic orange tabby of continental size from eating all the Fae grain, again via a five mile drop. Okay, I'm not sure those are actually five mile drops. But they're all roughly the same overall height, what with 'tops of Mimic's tentacles' being where I fall from most often. You'd think I'd learn and start, I dunno, wearing a parachute.

Or remembering to cast fuckin' Air Shield. But no, I am, as I said yesterday, a fuckin' moron. I'm just glad my partners apparently like getting fucked by a moron, because otherwise, no idea why they'd be with me. Yeah, with all the 'oh, noes, I gots to teach now' I totally forgot that I'd signed up for classes. One of which was an actual class with material I ought to learn and shit, not just an excuse to run laps and lift weights.

So yesterday after a pretty solid day, Dad capped it off by reminding me that I can, in fact, ask my two favorite instructors at the Academy for advice on teaching, even though both of them have a pretty packed daily schedule. I pondered that as I headed home, snagged Siobhan and sat her in my lap to feed her dinner. She looked like she'd had a rough day, but smiled when I spooned the first mouthful of broth into her.

"So I'm to have Marie in my lap this evening?" I snorted at Saffron's mock-annoyed question.

"Nah. Mittens, sit her on your lap and feed her, please?" I think Saffron might have objected, but a mouthful of stew ended any complaints. I smiled at my Kitten's amused pout, then turned to Siobhan.

"Hey, Sister?" She got a little bit of a pout herself, but I forestalled any complaints with a mix of another spoon of stew and saying, "sorry, Ice Pop, got a sort of professional question for you." Her mouth still full, she smirked at me and said, and you're not asking Saffron? Her Skills are far higher than mine. I snorted.

"Nah. Not those. Although thanks for reminding me. But yeah, I need some advice on teaching." You... well, of course. What did you need to know?

"No, not tonight. I've got class tomorrow. Like, a class I'm taking, not one I'm teaching. If I try to learn something tonight, my brain will be full tomorrow, and I won't be able to learn shit." She snorted, opened her mouth, and got another spoonful of stew for her troubles. You sell yourself short, Tabitha.

"Yeah, well. Better safe than sorry?" She rolled her eyes and chuckled a little as I fed her more stew. Not too long after I scraped the last of it out of the bowl. She clamped her lips shut, so I asked, "are you full already?"

"No, but..." I took absolute advantage of her robes to hide the tentacle interacting with her butt surreptitiously as I interrupted her mouth with that last spoonful of stew. Oh, you. Now you don't get to taste it! I set the spoon in the bowl, then pulled her lips to mine. I beg to differ. I did not, in fact, feed her all the tendies on the plate. We split those. Okay, I mostly filled her up on tendies and took what was left, but she's pretty small, and skinny to boot, so I got just under half of them.

Still taste tested her when we finished though. Then Marie and the women who'd been kitchening with her rolled dessert out, and I used more surreptitious tentacle shenanigans to swap Siobhan for Saffron.

"Oh, now you want me?" I just grinned at her.

"You know I want all of you, all the time, naughty Kitten." She grinned back at me, but somehow I noticed the haunted echo in the back of her eyes.

"I have been naughty. When's my Penance again?"

"Working on it. Be patient, Kitten."

"Yes, Goof."

"Now, open wide. Pie time!" I definitely think the whole 'Bath bigger than some swimming pools I'd been in' was the smartest thing I'd ever suggested. Pretty sure I suggested it. I definitely approved it. Dreamt of my ladies doing ladylike things. Sapphic things are ladylike, right? Okay, Tallulah just sat there looking like a critic, so I poked her with a tentacle until she started directing the chibi beans to yeet cake Tallulahs into my Maw. Look, dreams are fuckin' weird, even at the best of times.

Rolled out of bed early, kissed the ladies and kids before getting dressed in my best Academy uniform and heading to class. Saffron asked, "and why will I be missing my favorite seat today?" I smiled and gave her another kiss before answering.

"Because at least for this first day, I need to pay attention. I'm gonna be trying to learn new Mana Shapes, and doing that shit blind is always a pain in the ass. And, y'know, your ass on my lap is distracting even when I'm not paying attention. Which I totally would be. To your ass, not the class." Saffron rolled her eyes and said, "Marie?" A few moments later Marie handed me a shot glass of white powder and a water stein.

"Uh, why am I going to class high again?"

"Do you trust me?" The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. I shrugged, shot the glass of flour, then downed the entire stein of water. Then I blinked and looked around.

"Nothing changed. No Fae Illusions, I guess?" She just smiled at me, pulled me down for a kiss, and said, "have a nice day in class, dear." I hopped over to Lancaster House to find Bonnie and Larry eating waffles. Okay, Bonnie feeding Lucas and Larry feeding Bonnie, but that's still all of them involved in waffles being eaten.

"Hey, you guys need a ride to class today?" Bonnie smiled at me, "certainly, Commander." I stole myself a waffle while they finished up. Somehow just not the same as when Marie was here making them. Don't get me wrong, still Lancaster House waffles, still awesome, just... not as awesome. The secret ingredient is Murder Mittens Love, I guess. Hopped us over to the Academy, then got the least pleasant surprise of my day, which shouldn't have been a surprise at all.

I'd signed up for Basic Heroic Skills Two, somehow thinking that I'd be in class with the Lancasters. Forgetting not only that they were, in fact, in Intermediate Heroic Skills, and not even Intermediate Heroic Skills Two, since they'd finished that class while I was dealing with amnesia, so they were in Intermediate Three. Still, I think I managed to keep my immeasurable disappointment and ruined day off my face long enough to see them into class with a cheery wave, then got myself down to Basic Heroics Two.

Where I found a very familiar face waiting for me.

"Diaz? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Marshall! Are you telling me my favorite teacher doesn't love me any more?" I reached out a hand, and he caught it and pulled me in for a back slapping bro hug, much to the amusement of some of the other students.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure the one who taught you Assess Health and Stabilize is higher on your list than me now." I just grinned at him, thinking Gold Watch thoughts.

"Oh, I dunno." He blinked first.

"Something you're not telling me, Diaz?" I smiled and laughed.

"Always, old man. Always. Plans have been made! Plans!" The old fart had the audacity to laugh right back at me.

"That's a relief."

"What?" He smiled and said, "I'm the one who taught you Strategy, Diaz. I know what your planning is like."

"I'll have you know I did just fine in both the campaigns I've run. Thanks in part to the very fine teaching staff at this institution." He just snorted.

"And Saffron's helping with this particular plan." His perfect look of comic horror had the students in the room chuckling despite themselves.

"Oh, fuck, I'm doomed." I just smirked at him.

"Something like that, yeah. You mind if I sit up front?"

"Wait, Diaz, my Diaz, not sitting in the delinquent's row all the way in the back?" I shrugged.

"I know, right? But we're gonna be Shaping Mana, so I figure I need to see your hands move." He got a real booger look on his face.

"So I can copy," I stressed the word, "those hand motions. I still have that whole vision problem going on." He sighed, smiled again, and shook his head.

"Yeah, sit in front. Might as well keep my eye on you. Not that it's likely to do any good." I picked an empty desk, sat down in the chair, and leaned forward on the desk, lacing my fingers and keeping my elbows together on the desk as I leaned forward.

"Aw, c'mon, Marshall. I'm sure it'll do some kinda good." He raised an eyebrow.

"Somehow I do not think that you and I have the same definition of 'good'."

"Yeah, probably not. Mine's a whole lot more fuckin' fun, though." He snorted, laughed, then watched the last couple students straggle in, his smile melting into a frown as he did.

He pulled himself upright, and projecting his voice so that none of the delinquent types could possibly gossip coherently while he spoke, said, "nnow that everyone has deigned to join us, for those of you who don't know me, which would be some kind of odd accomplishment since I'm still the only Physical Training and Combat Training instructor at this Academy." My hand shot up and he paused. Then let out a longsuffering sigh.

"Yes, Diaz?"

"Not any more, sir! Starting Saturday!" He shook his head.

"I'd been trying to keep that out of the rumor mill, Diaz." Oops.

"But my point still stands. I'm Marshall duBois, and this is Basic Heroic Skills Two. Now, to get to this course, you need to complete Basic Heroic Skills One, which means you all know the basics of Mana Shaping, since you can't get out of that class without demonstrating each of the Skills at least once in front of the Instructor.

Now, since this is a Winter section of Basic Two, that means some of you started in the Autumn Season, some of you missed a couple seasons, and some of you took Basic Two before and failed the course." He paused, looking around the room. I kept my eyes on him, both because despite being my usual hellspawn self, I really was trying to be a decent student and learn some shit, and because I figured he might make an example out of me for not paying attention if I didn't.

"Now, I don't hold any of that against anybody. Lachlan Lancaster, who could be a walking recruitment poster if we needed one, failed Intermediate Heroics One a record six times before he managed to pass it. Everybody's got things they have a hard time learning. Like Diaz here," he reached out and lay a hand on my shoulder, which made me feel oddly warm and fuzzy, because Mentoring reasons, I guess, since neither the warm nor the fuzzy went further south than my sternum.

Then he flicked me in the ear just hard enough to sting.

"Never learned to duck."

"Ducking's for losers." He rolled his eyes and said, "some people, on the other hand, are just stupid. But that doesn't mean you can't be a Hero. It just means you gotta try harder." I kinda muttered.

"Carruthers." Unfortunately, duBois' hearing hadn't faded in the slightest.

"Diaz, I will not hear a single negative thing about that young man. He's one of the most hardworking Cadets it's been my honor to train." I raised my hands, shaking my head.

"Oh, shit, no, sir. No disrespect intended. Absolute badass on the battlefield. Saw him pull shit nobody else but Marie can pull off." One of the Cadets in the back of the room made a really weird surprised noise at that.

"But saying he's dumber than a box of rocks would be unfair to most boxes of rocks, sir." I smirked at him again.

"Definitely hardworking, though. De-fin-ite-ly. Him and Lachlan make a hell of a team." I waited just long enough for him to drop his guard and try to continue before muttering, "hell of a double team, too." He sighed.

"Diaz, are we gonna have a problem?" I shook my head.

"Sir, no sir! Sorry, didn't mean to cause a disruption once you'd started class, sir. I..." I realized right then what had happened.

"I might be slightly intoxicated sir." When he frowned, before he could say anything, I continued.

"Imperator's orders, sir." He took another deep breath, then said, "do try to keep it under wraps, please?" I nodded.

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Okay, before the interruption, do we have anyone in here who failed Basic One? Not trying to call you out, and I will not tolerate any of the rest of you giving them any problems, for the reasons I've just said." He waited half a tick, then nodded to someone in the back of the room.

"Your name, Cadet?"

"Sarah." I couldn't help it. Like somebody'd hooked a cable to my eyeballs, I swiveled around until I could see the source of that very familiar voice. Intellectually I knew that wasn't Marie sitting in the back row, leaning against the wall since the chair was patently too small for her to lean back against it, and Maenads weren't really built for proper 'sitting upright', even if Marie and the Maids had mostly mastered it.

But there she was, a Maenad wearing an Academy uniform, the name 'Sarah' stitched on the left breast. In passing I noted that while the rest of the class all wore normal Academy colors, their nametags were all different colors. Blue and white, blue and yellow, blue and orange, blue and black, and yellow and blue. Sarah herself had the same white on red as my own. I shot her what I intended as an encouraging smile, only to get something that expressed side eye even as she looked right at me.

Then again, I'd kind of fucked her boss. Who was also her Divinely designated thirst trap. So I gave her another smile, a discreet thumbs up, and turned my ass back around to face front. Managed to keep myself facing front and paying attention right up until he announced the first Heroic Skill we'd be learning. Okay, the announcement that we'd be learning 'Lullaby' as a way to non-violently disable opponents didn't do much for me, but then he started Shaping the Spell... And I saw the Mana he was Shaping.

My Kitten is awesome, and I'm coming to class high on Fae flour from now on.