Chương 499: Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Seven

Dear Diary,"Don't forget Bloodlust is still lust, And Agency still matters, Give your opponents a choice." Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust Yeah, just thought of that, probably a direct result of some needs that Saffron took care of after our meeting with Tallulah yesterday.

But if somebody's gonna be literally getting off on turning some poor asshole into a desecrated corpse, they need to both let them know beforehand that doing unto is what polishes the pearl, and also give them their target the opportunity to opt out.

I mean, in the case of the Big Bad Evil Guy of a Vengeance death run, them giving up might leave things kinda tricky, but still, if you get to the Big Bad and they literally lie face down on the floor with their hands on their head, at that point dictating their future, whether that be time served, community service, or a clean unsexy execution, I think that counts as a complete win.

Okay, yeah, I'm well aware of the propensity of rich guys in my old world for walking away from their crimes with a slap on the wrist and a smirk, but when someone is angry to the point of 'literally get off on watching the light go out in my enemy's eyes', they're gonna tend toward wrist chopping rather than wrist slapping. Which has its own problems, sure, but 'warlords, dictators, and other oligarchs' are a medieval problem that calls for medieval solutions.

Like, I get it, most of the world I'm in now is run that way, but there's a huge, huge difference between 'somebody needs to keep track of who's doing what and make sure shit gets shipped where we need it and make decisions that require all that information' like Larry and Bonnie seem to be doing, and the 'I'm in charge, so everybody give me all your stuff, spread your legs, and hope I'm in the mood for getting it on rather than torturing you to death' like Zeus.

So, y'know, the trick is to both encourage folks like Larry to recognize that they've got a job to do, and so long as they're doing with a certain sense of humility and a shit ton of effectiveness, nobody's gonna give a fuck that they get the biggest apartment and sit at the head of the table. Like, if everybody's eating the same waffles, and everybody's got a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, the same quality roof, all that good shit? Everything else is just negotiable details. Somehow I get that Larry gets that.

Sure as fuck I'd have spent some time educating his ass if he didn't, what with him calling me his 'Patron' and shit. Which is still pretty fuckin' weird, that I'm somebody's Patron.

Is it weird that I can almost, maybe, kinda see myself being a Goddess, if only because I don't really believe in gods in the first place, and I don't have to, I dunno, actually adjudicate gravity or weather or any of that shit, so it's not, like, real, but being a 'Patron' is more of a thing I can relate to, like a rich guy who funds somebody or some kind of eGirl influencer or some shit in a para-social relationship with somebody. I still find it hilarious that you claim to remain an atheist.

Just because we exist is no call to believe in us. My brain filled with the sounds of laughter from Loki and secondhand from Mom. Thank you, Daughter. If all you had done was bring laughter back into my life before the end, I would thank you for that. The fuck? The end? Something you ain't telling me, old man? Nothing I haven't told you before. When we met, even for a time after, I was in decline. Fated to perish before long, possibly with one last huzzah at Ragnarok. But then...

I found the sudden quiet in my head more than a little disturbing. What? Then what? You can't do that, talk about 'oh, I'm almost dead', then go quiet mid-sentence, you old bastard. My parents weren't married, but only because I predate the institution of marriage as it exists today. That said, I was fated to break free before Ragnarok. Okay, yeah, and? You freed me. First cutting my chains, then the stalagmites to which I was bound, then banishing my jailers from the cave in which I am imprisoned. So...

why are you imprisoned there again? I'd never felt the emotion of someone about to get petty revenge before. Not sure why, but he thought, part of the deal which banished my jailers, I am to remain here, bound by your given word. To be tortured, daily. But instead of the serpent dripping acid on me, Sigyn dangles herself before me like a sweetmeat I may not have. Which she has gotten quite good at, mind you. Both finding new ways to torment me and reveling in the resultant release of tension. Gah! Brain bleach!

Brain bleach! She's half your size! A fuzzy chuckle I did not need to hear reverberated through my brain. Not even, really. Perhaps just under a third. That's worse! Can't you see how that's worse? For fuck's sake, it's half her size! Hmm. I was about to say something about size queens, but... go ahead, dear. I really wanted the brain bleach right after that, because the sound that followed was one that, if Saffron, Siobhan, or Marie were were making it, would absolutely paint my face with indelible smug.

Y'know, that shuddery right on the edge of pain, maybe even over that edge, but not caring because every painkilling happy making brain chemical in the world made everything happening feel so fucking good nothing else mattered. I did not, absolutely did not, need to hear what my fuckin' Mom's voice sounded like making that noise. Literally. Thanks. Dad. You're. The. Best. I know. Wait! Yes? What the fuck does all that have to do with me? Oh. Yes.

Immediately after you turned this cave into a home in truth, hearth and all? You revealed yourself to me. Mimic. God Eater. Black Swan with a Thousand Thousand Young. Walking Ragnarok. So... my release did, from my perspective, presage the arrival of Ragnarok. Oh. I hadn't thought about that title as anything but, y'know, another of the list of really awful things about me.

Not that too many people used it except, y'know, Saffron when she was trying to beat somebody about the head and shoulders with my supposed Divinity. Usually me, come to think of it. Thanks, Dad. You really are the best. Sigyn's voice whispered into my brain with a pitch and timber I did not need in my brain in her voice just then. He knows. So last night Ria and I had an impromptu sleepover in the rooms Lady Crow had lent Karen.

What with the whole 'we're doing this to ward against assassins', we didn't bring the kids down. The rationale behind us not just taking her back to our place right then came down to Saffron being kinda too tired to put metaphoric plywood over the hole I'd smashed in the Keep's defenses, and Cailyn actually wanting to pack for her move to Newark. Nothing at all to do with Saffron sitting down to talk social details with Tallulah over cups of warm chocolate syrup.

Or the absolutely delightful chocolate laced grin she gave me when I Co-Located to escort her home with a brief stop on the way, because reasons. Spent most of yesterday packing. Since we stayed the night anyway, packing up all of Ria's outfits and assorted knickknacks she wanted to bring along took most of the day. Not because it should have taken the whole fuckin' day, but because she looked at each and every blessed thing in her room and spent a bit pondering whether she wanted to take it or not.

But I guess if you literally have an eternity to work with, 'rushing' wasn't something that came naturally, and there wasn't really a time crunch to anything, and we were taking her away from her home. Like, if I'd been given the option of bringing shit along with me, there's a few things I'd have grabbed before being isekaied. No, not all of them were sex toys. So that ate up most of yesterday.

When we finished, with her standing there next to three little bundles, looking like she was trying to decide which one or maybe two to take, I squatted down next to her.

"Nervous?" She glanced over at me, then nodded.

"Can't decide?" She shook her head. I half turned.

"Marie?" My magnificent Murder Mittens stepped up and scooped all three bundles up. Ria looked up at Marie, a little confusion plain on her face, and said, "thank you, Maenad."

"Her name's Marie."

"Thank you, Marie." She turned to me.

"Why is she dressed like a Maid?" I smiled as I scooped her up.

"Because she is one, among many, many other things, and she enjoys it." You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"True." We stood there like that for a moment while Ria chewed that over.

"What other things?"

"Oh, lots. Lots and lots. Like I said, she's the Head Maid at the Phileo Academy," Marie smirked at me from behind Ria's back, blepping when I grinned in reply.

"Champion of Dionysus, High Priestess,""Of who?"

"Me! And she's Saffron and my Fiancé." I'd never heard Marie sound quite so snarky before.

"Not." I looked over at her, where she waggled a hand, specifically a finger with only one ring on it.

"Okay, okay, you're right. She's Saffron's Fiancé and my Concubine." I hadn't really thought about the end of that sentence before I started it. I looked down at Ria, who'd got a little frown on her own face.

"Do you know what a Concubine is?" Yeah, another sentence escaping the mouth hole before it underwent editorial review. Fortunately my little passenger nodded. Okay, I'm really not sure if that was really fortunate or not, so I shut my mouth and listened when she said, "my father was Mother's Concubine. Lindsey's father was too." Her brow furrowed.

"I think Adrienne's was, I'm not sure. Cailyn told me it was rude to ask. Why is it rude to ask?" Marie's laughter ringing in my brain, I said, "some people are weird about Concubines. I kinda was at first, too, but Marie convinced me."

"Is Marie going to give you a baby?" I was absolutely not ready for this conversation.

"Ah. Yes, but not quite... I'm going to give her one?"

"Lots."

"Okay, so I'm going to give her lots." Ria thought about that for a second.

"So why aren't you her Concubine?" I realized right then that she did not, in fact, know more about Concubines than 'baby maker'. I scrambled for an answer.

"Because I'm her Fiancé." Okay, fuck off, I said I wasn't ready for this. But I said I'd be treating her like my own, and that meant answering questions. Even when I wasn't ready, because the only sign that a kid is ready is when they ask the question. And it's not like I was just dumping my entire mental spank bank on her or some shit, just answering questions.

"So why isn't she your Fiancé instead of your Concubine?" Yeah, I realized right then that I needed Devorah to get her Mead production up and running as soon as possible. Then I thought about Ria meeting Isnomi and Maze, and amended that to sooner than possible. At which point Marie cut in with, "Yes. Why?" Fortunately this time I had an answer, if only because I'd been waiting for Marie to ask me this question.

"Because I want everything about our wedding to be absolutely perfect, and the perfect moment to put a ring on this magnificent Maenad Maid right here," I put my other arm around Marie's waist and snugged her to me, which kinda sorta sandwiched Ria between us, "has not yet arrived." I looked up into Marie's eyes, ignored her raised eyebrow, and said, "but it absolutely will." As Marie rumbled us both with her purr, Ria said, "oh. Okay, that makes sense." She still didn't look real confident.

"Nervous about meeting the other kids?" She nodded.

"Okay. here's the deal; they've been playing in the house all day, so they're gonna be ready for bath time, then dinner, then bed. If you want to join in, nobody's gonna say anything, because there are a bunch of kids who aren't with us every day, so one new person won't stand out. Right Karen?" Karen barked out a laugh.

"Did you want me to join you today?" I looked at Ria again.

"Do you want her to stay with us tonight?"

"Please?" Karen curtsied to her.

"Of course, Young Lady Crow." Ria giggled, I waved Karen over, and when she laid her hand on my shoulder, I stepped us back to Lancaster House. The women and kids were already in the bedroom, meandering toward the bathroom. Menace saw us and let out a welcoming cry of, "Kawen!" Before she could get to us, she saw Ria in my arm and slid to a stop. I swear she looked like she was about to say something like 'you're in my spot', so I pre-empted that.

"Hey, Menace!" I let go of Marie and scooped up Isnomi.

"This is Ria. She's gonna be living here with us." She wiggled, and I set her down. I turned to Ria.

"Do you want down?" She nodded, so I set her down in front of Isnomi, who was at least a head taller than when she'd run over to us. Isnomi swallowed, then said.

"I'm Isnomi Aetos-Diaz." Then, in a gesture that reminded me so much of someone, but I had no idea who, it brought tears to my eyes, she stuck out her hand. Ria took Menace's hand in her own and squeezed gently.

"I am Ria Crow. It's lovely to meet you, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz." Isnomi kept smiling, but her eyes were pure suspicion. Then she dove right into the important questions.

"Do you like tag? Or hide and seek?" Ria cocked her head.

"I've never played 'tag'. I played Hide and Seek with my brother and sister when I was very little, but then she went away and he said it was a little kids game and wouldn't play with me any more."

"Well. That's dumb." Then her eyes got a little wide.

"Hey, can you paint?" Ria shrugged.

"Mother got someone to show me once. I know how, but I've never really enjoyed it."

"Wanna help us paint tomorrow? None of us know how to paint a bird. Or a glider." Ria cocked her head.

"Of course I can paint a bird, but what's a glider?" Menace flipped her hand around into towing position and tugged Ria toward the bathroom.

"I'll tell you all about it while we're getting cleaned up." As they walked away, I heard her sigh.

"I'm only a little sweaty, but if I don't take a bath, Liam won't take a bath, and he's stinky." Saffron's arms went around me from behind.

"So that seemed to go well." I pulled her up against my back, enjoying the warmth of her.

"Yeah. I was half worried they were gonna start hissing at one another, or maybe sniffing one another's butts." She barked out a laugh.

"I think they're a little young for that, love." I pulled her around, scooped her up into a princess carry, and headed for the bathroom.

"Yeah, well. I'd have said Isnomi was about a third Ria's height until I set her down just now." Saffron shuddered.

"This research into House Crow Blessings will set my Inspect back even further."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Needs must. You've given me another City to add to my Alliance, after all. But I grow increasingly worried that by the time I'm done, our little one will need talking to about monthly visits and the dangers of not swallowing."

"Ouch. Good couple years then?" She shook her head, chuckling.

"A few more months at most, if I weren't distracted." I snorted.

"She's, what, not even two yet?" Saffron just stared at me.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're not wrong. Who the fuck knows with that one." Then I saw the topic of our conversation showing Ria the laundry baskets and the toilet while they chatted about kid stuff. I hoped kid stuff. Because right then I remembered.

"And now she's got a new bestie who knows the word Concubine." Saffron turned to me, a little bit of shock on her face.

"I mean, she thinks it means 'somebody who puts a baby in a woman's belly', because apparently her mom's gone through a few, but still. We're gonna have to have the talk with her, aren't we?"

"Who? Isnomi? Or Ria?"

"Oh, fuck. Yes. And Maze, probably. Because you know if any of them find out, all of them are gonna find out." My tiny tyrant sighed, then looked up at me.

"Well, at least we know their partner can be trained." When I gave her all the side eye, she said, "Liam. He seems to be our daughter's current choice of Consort, albeit his current duties involve more reaching shelves she can't, and carrying things she can't be bothered to. Hopefully anything further will remain 'silly' for a while."

"Yeah."

"At least another few weeks." I looked down at her.

"Now I know you're doing that on purpose."

"Yes, but I love your reaction to it." In lieu of any further wordplay, I engaged in some good old fashioned tongue play. Mid-kiss we were serenaded by a chorus of, "siwwy! Both siwwy!" led by our Menace, so I grinned into Saffron's lips, sent her a quick image, and when she grinned back and nodded, took a step and yeeted her into the tub. Every kid in the room got drenched, including Maze, who'd filled the tub but now stood there shaking her head and sighing.

"S'okay, Pony-girl. I'll help you heat up some more." Bath time went well, and if Ria looked a little surprised to have the Imperator herself doing the bathing, she didn't question it or seem upset. She seemed even happier when she realized that all four of us, Saffron, Marie, Karen, and I, all remained in the bathroom until it was time to head down to dinner.

I was really proud of Menace when, instead of pelting off ahead like she normally did, she left that to Alex and stuck around to keep Ria company while she waited. Maze did as well, although she seemed less than thrilled. As Isnomi lead Ria down to the dining room, I dropped back to the back of the pack, pulling Maze along beside me.

"What's wrong?" She looked over at me, opened her mouth, closed it again, and said, "you're not going to believe it if I say 'nothing', are you?" I shook my head.

"Sidhe. She's a Sidhe."

"And?" She waved her hands a little as she spoke, like she was grabbing for words.

"They're all... snobs." I looked at Ria, who was listening as Menace explained something about which foods to snarf first at dinner, then back to Maze.

"I don't think she's really had much time to get to know anybody. Even the other Sidhe kids."

"So?"

"So maybe she hasn't learned to be snobby yet?" Maze snorted.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince me to give her a chance or something."

"That's because I am." She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. But if she's too much of a bitch I'm going to drown her." We slow rolled the rest of the walk down to dinner, with me first addressing the entire 'adult words' thing, followed by me explaining that she was not actually allowed to kill her foster-sister. When I used that particular term, she got a really crafty look and said, "sister? How old is she?"

"Not sure, but I think somewhere in her teens." So we added the word 'fuck' to the list of Words Maze Isn't Allowed To Say until she's at least thirteen. Apparently Ria isn't fond of chicken tendies. She scarfed the whole waffle though. Apparently got annoyed because there weren't 'enough vegetables, or cheese, or a proper salad course', at which point she and Menace went hunting for Marie to discuss the menu in the future. Dreamt of all my ladies shoving little bean rafts covered in shrimp into my Maw like boats.

Weirder than normal. So, with all of the rooms cut into the Main House and the North House, cutting the South House into the opposite cliff was just mirroring the North House. The Maenads and ladies mostly handled that while I added more floors to our tower. Saffron apparently meant for this fuckin' thing to be tall as fuck. Like, possibly tall enough to see over the mountain at the east end of the valley, not sure. It wasn't there yet, but it had to be at least halfway already.

I watched through Karen's eyes as Saffron, clearly in full on Imperator mode, joined the Overlord for a day of Court stuff. The folks in the hall looked some kinda way, especially the Sidhe courtiers, when they saw Saffron standing at ease where Karen normally stood, with Karen flanking her. When the Overlord sat, Saffron cleared her throat and said, "Overlord, may I?"

When Lady Crow nodded and waved her hand, Saffron nodded to Karen, who stepped away and returned a moment later with a weird looking blackened chair. Saffron frowned at it, and a moment later it gleamed like new silver; didn't look any less weird, with a kind of HR Giger feel to it maybe. At any rate, the courtiers got a collective booger look at that, followed by a clear and urgent need for new pants when Saffron banished the patina.

Everybody else in the room seemed surprised, but not unhappy, when Saffron had Karen set her chair off to the side, one step below the dais the Overlord's throne sat on. When she sat, the Overlord started court, and for the rest of the day whenever someone got too full of themselves, Saffron just tapped her fingernails on the arm of that silver chair, and whoever it was suddenly decided they had better things to do than try Tallulah's patience. So, how's it feel to be the Attack Dog for once?

She feeds me chocolate. Woof.