Chương 399: Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Seven

Dear Diary,"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear." - Buddha Okay, yeah, this one I can get behind, maybe. Taking care of myself not because I'm being lazy and shit, but because if I don't heal up, next time I might not be able to stomp enough ass to save my beautiful Murder Mittens. I mean, I am lazy and kind of a shit, but that's not why I'm resting up.

Or, y'know, maybe it is, so it's easier to pile drive the next piece of shit that tries to hurt my family into the core of the Earth and plug the hole with whatever falls out the bottom of them when they realize what I'm about to do to them. Yeah, I think that whole 'constant low grade pain' might be getting to me. I sure as shit wouldn't have done random tectonic property damage to Olympus just because some vaguely tangentially connected asshole ambushed my wifiest wife. Fucker. Yeah.

Seriously wishing I had the Internet here and now, along with maybe a couple US Intelligence agencies to, y'know, tap 'the Master's' phone so I could find out where he was. Like, latitude and longitude are enough when you have the power of orbital mechanics on your side. I'm absolutely sure Vulcan wants to do that again, and equally sure that enough fire rocks will erase the Undead problem. I have no evidence for that latter, but thinking it makes me feel warm and gooey inside. Just like the Earth.

So yesterday went smoothly. Finished up Wintersmith. Got to watch Kitten power level a Skill to intimidatingly high levels disturbingly fast. No red flags at all, from what Saffron and Marie told me. Then dinner time rolled around, and I discovered the unique flavor of pain from lying in the same position all day long without moving. Luckily I had two of me up, and the one with Maze had at least shifted around enough to keep her from getting uncomfortable.

Unluckily, my situation reminded me that Translocation required some form of movement, no matter how minimal. As I worked my jaw to say something about Saffron or Marie giving me a hand, Saffron looked over at me with a particularly feral Grin and said, "ding." I cracked my jaw smiling, then said, "fifteen. Damn. Do you wanna tell me something?" She just blinked and tilted her head.

"I love you?" I laughed, "no, I was talking about the whole 'you looking insanely hot as a guy, levelling up that skill stupid fast, being very alpha', are you maybe liking being a guy a little more than being a gal?" Her lips quirked up, and she took a step back, spun to face me and waggled her hips. Which had the expected effect on every part of her that could jiggle, which was, at present, all of them, I think.

"Do I look like a man to you?" I laughed at the image, then managed to force out, "oh, put that thing away and come over here." She did exactly as I asked, although she definitely worked the sashay, and let me tell you, with Glowing Midnight's boots there was a lot of sash in her shay.

"I thought you weren't up for anything, love?"

"Yeah, really not. Wish I was, but," I shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. Today was fun."

"More fun than yesterday?" I thought about it for a half second, doing the whole eye-squint, head tilt thing.

"Y'know? Yeah, it kinda was. Not saying I liked it more, but fun? Oh, yeah. Just kinda wish there was a low enough impact way for me to join in." Her eyes lit up and she scrabbled at her hand.

"There is!" She pulled off the ring she'd slipped on yesterday morning and slipped it onto my hand. She'd been exactly right, it slid on smoothly, then snugged down to fit my finger almost like a gentle hug. She slipped it back and forth a couple times; no matter where she let go, it snugged in nicely, but the moment she took a deliberate grip on it, it expanded and moved.

"So long as you don't want it to move, it won't."

"Okay?"

"Now. Push some Mana into it." I did. A very familiar buzz filled the air and my finger, and a laugh forced its way out of me.

"Oh. OH. Wow."

"Wow indeed." Then she took my hand, stepped forward, and stared me right in the eye for a few minutes. I love her eyes. So fuckin' beautiful. I could stare at them for hours on end. After a bit, though, she bit her lip and said, "we do have to get down to dinner though, I'm afraid." I smiled up at her.

"Okay. One thing before we go?"

"Anything, love."

"How did you manage to get that Skill up so fast, anyhow? Sixteen ranks in two days. Isn't that like, insane?" She giggled at me.

"My Goddess commanded me. Let it be so." I laughed, but said, "okay, yeah, I did, but how though?" She shook her head and moved to perch on my lap.

"Are you okay with this, love?"

"Gently..." she lowered her half leather clad thighs into mine, and screw the pain, I slipped my arms around her waist.

"Dammit, now part of me wants you to have just whomped that ass down."

"Did you want me to?"

"Oh, hell no. You just settle in and explain to your Goddess and loving wife how you went from 'I know nothing of this tool' to 'be afraid, be very afraid' in... what, thirty six hours, including sleep time?" She pouted at me.

"Why would you be afraid?"

"Because Marie hasn't fuckin' moved since you said, 'ding'?" At that point, while Saffron looked over like I'd just accurately accused her of eating all the sweets, Marie, still unmoving, groaned out, "Dead."

"Oh, Goddess. Have I hurt you?"

"Worth." Saffron tried to get up, but somehow I felt Marie laughing about her current condition which, if she was dead, was more little death than big.

"Skills up how?"

"Ah... Well. I have Skills to help." I blinked.

"I didn't see anything on your Status about 'learns like a goddamned fucking machine'."

"Disappointed?"

"Hardly. Now answer. I might need to learn how to do shit fast someday. Y'know, when it's important." She turned back to face me fully, then cupped my face in her hands, leaned over, and kissed me.

"You are important, love." When I opened my mouth to speak, she lay a finger across my lips.

"No, that's actually part of it. Let me finish?" I nodded.

"Let me play while I do?" I frowned and shook my head.

"Drat. At any rate, first and foremost Memory and to a lesser extent Reason affect Skill gains. Mine are... high."

"No fuckin' shit.

'High', she says. Look, Snoop Dogg would be all 'damn, bitch, you too high'."

"I thought you were the bitch?" The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

"Woof. Go on." She nodded.

"Skills frequently have some Attribute that also enhances Skill gains. In this case, Agility. Mine isn't particularly high for a Hero, but it's still high enough to help." I nodded, and she continued.

"As you discovered, purely physical skills like this one can be enhanced by judicious Mana application, which also increases the Skill gain. When doing so, that increase to Skill gain is enhanced by the Mana Shaping Skill of the learner. The increase is small, but scales with Mana Shaping Skill."

"Oh, shit. That would explain a lot."

"I would, in any other City, likely be considered a 'Mage'. I am only not because Phileo has chosen to eschew such distinctions. This frustrates me slightly, but it has one enormous benefit to me personally." I pulled her in and nuzzled her while saying, "do tell."

"As a Mage, I would likely have no particular enhancement of my physicality. As a Phileo Hero, my physical Attributes are enhanced, as you noted."

"So you get more Agility to learn to use that thing faster?" She pulled me snug to her chest with her arms around my head.

"And Strength, to hold you up despite my stature, and Endurance most of all, for when our positions inevitably reverse."

"You aren't taking hits for me, ever, Kitten."

"Oh, I was thinking of taking them from you, Goof. And thrusts, not hits, but I wasn't finished." I nodded.

"Where was I?"

"Like you'd forget with that Memory." She thwapped me atop my head.

"Hush, you, it's a figure of speech. Blend enhances learning, especially of relatively new skills. That boost has probably faded by now, but it certainly helped at the beginning. Related Skills are odd. They frequently slow Skill gains of related lower level Skills, but increase that of Skills of higher level."

"Oh, so, Canoodling?" She nodded.

"Canoodling. Cunning Linguist. Coercion. Percussion. Flautist. Compression." I goggled as she kept listing off skills.

"Holy shit, Kitten. Are you trying to, like, outdo Marie in terms of sexy time Skills or something?" She smiled at me, a thing of deep satisfaction.

"Oh, love. You are my Goddess, my wife, and my lover. I love you, and expressing that love is an intimate act of Worship. Why would I not seek to be as proficient as I can be?" My face heated.

"How is Percussion even a sexy skill, anyhow?" She shrugged, and jiggle physics filled my vision.

"It isn't. But Precision Penetration benefits from the same rhythmic sense that Percussion does."

"Oh. Yeah. I guess your other musical Skill would help with that too?"

"Other musical Skill?"

"Uh, Flautist?" She smiled wickedly.

"Oh, well. Yes, that. I suppose I ought work that up too." She sighed, but smiled while she did it.

"Ah, well, High Priestess or Wife, my work is never done." I booped her nose.

"You love it." She smiled at me, nipping at my finger as I pulled it away.

"I do!" Then she sighed and leaned against me a little.

"Anything else?"

"How do you mean? Oh! Yes, your command, my Goddess."

"Whut?" She shook her head and laughed.

"Sometimes I forget you come from a world where Deities do not exist. Where faith is, at most, an ephemeral thing of the mind. I am your Highest Priestess. You are my Goddess. Among other things, when you tell me to complete a task, I am literally empowered to do it."

"Oh. Oh, shit. That's... wow. I guess that's better than being able to coerce you into things, but... why are you laughing?"

"Love, I am your High Priestess. Just because you would not does not mean you could not." I shook my head.

"I mean, just because we can do that freaky mind meld thing, and I do mean freaky in the best possible way, that doesn't mean I can force you to, I dunno, do or not do shit." She hugged me to her.

"It absolutely does, love. Oh, were you feckless like Aphrodite or Hermes, I might be able to resist you. But you are an elemental force of nature; I could quite literally defy the rage of a storm easier than stop you from, say, preventing me from doing this..." She slid a hand around to my ass.

"Sixth!" She laughed and slid her hand back and forth, caressing me.

"Oh, I'm well aware of your preference love. But should I try to override it, you could, and would, stop me."

"Nope." She closed her eyes, applied a little pressure.

"Of course you could."

"Could. Wouldn't. Way too close to removing your Agency." She froze.

"You would let me?"

"I'd be a little upset. Maybe a lot upset. Probably get Big Mad, especially if I told you no and you did anyway. I mean, let's face it, you'd bribe the shit out me and by next week I'd forget about it, but yeah. I'd let you."

"You'd even be upset if it were sixth?" I laughed at her.

"You mean after the piercings I don't have?" She lowered her lashes, slow blinked at me, then breathed out, "you will."

"Oh, shit. I'm in danger."

"Not until Ledger day." My entire body twitched at that, and that shit hurt.

"Are you really gonna hurt me?" She smiled.

"No more than you enjoy, love." I looked at the mirrors, enjoying how I could, without turning my head, see Saffron's profile, her front, and her back all at once.

"Why do you think I like that? Like, I'm not looking to flirt, I'm really wondering. Is it some kinda sign I'm fucked up or something?" She paused in thought, but before she could respond, Marie said, "No." Saffron followed that with, "I think it may have been what led you to seek pain in the first place, love, and it may make you seek it out at times now, but no, I think Marie is right."

"Then why the fuck do I like it?" Marie flopped her head around to sort of face us.

"Spice." Saffron nodded.

"Yes. Do you understand?" When I tilted my head from side to side, she asked, "may I demonstrate?"

"Sure."

"Warm bread." She lay a hand over my breast.

"Butter." She gently moved that hand around. I was absolutely down for food-sex metaphor explanations, so I nodded and kept my fuckin' mouth shut.

"Eggs." Her fingertips applied the faintest friction, and my nips stiffened in response. I might have started drooling a little bit too.

"Spice." She pinched. Not hard. Didn't need to. Fully body twitch, which reminded me why I hadn't just collapsed down to dinner.

"Okay. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. Yup. Also ow." She lay her palm back against me, her other hand cupping my cheek, "I'm so sorry, love. I didn't mean to hurt you." I chuckled at that.

"Really?" She smiled and patted my cheek.

"Not by accident." The feel of mint trickled through my cheek, spread outward from my breast.

"Better?"

"Oh, yeah. Dinner?"

"We're fashionably late, but certainly." With Saffron taking care of transportation, the four of us showed up to some gentle ribbing about losing track of time, which segued into questions about my health when they saw me stagger in like a geriatric. I let Saffron field those, and let Menace feed me. I think she felt some kinda way about Maze doing it the other day. Oh, no, I have two kids who both are doting on me when I'm injured! Such a tragedy! Anyway, here's Wonder Wall.

Played cup filler, then everybody piled into the bathroom, with a couple of us in the tub. Maze very grudgingly let Marie sleep outside the tub, which left enough room for Menace and a very wide eyed Daya to join us. Once Menace got in, Liam followed her, braving my side eye. Then Alex piled in, and Saffron put a stop to it, letting everyone know that they could have a turn tomorrow. Honestly, even though it left less hot, buoyant water surrounding me, I couldn't care less. More cuddle better sleepy.

Mimic remained pissed as fuck at Calverton, her Kraken even waiting near the shoreline to snag Undead to a watery end. In the morning, after a night of soaking, I felt good enough to maybe do some actual toweling. Nothing like the fluffy drypocalypse Marie used to hit me with after baths, but enough that all the kids got dry, their hair barely damp.

Then, once Saffron and I got each other clean, by which I mean I helped with her hair and did a little playful scrubbing while she actually banished the dirt with soap, water, and scrubby cloth, Marie plucked me out, toweled me down, and showed the kids how to brush hair using me as a training dummy. Weirdest time to discover that my hair is, in fact, strong enough for any one of them to put their weight on the comb without hurting me. Okay, my abs and back hurt holding me upright, but my scalp didn't hurt.

Today Maze and I started on I Shall Wear Midnight. She's getting a little better, a little faster at reading, but my adorable little horse girl still pauses after every sentence, glancing at me to make sure she pronounced everything right. I realized early on today that she was also pausing to make sure I kept up. Good kid. Meanwhile back in the Love Shack, Saffron arranged me at the edge of the bed, pretty much the same spot Marie had been yesterday.

"Where's Marie?"

"She's busy with some needlework, I think. No matter. I've some work to do on my Skills." I winced a little in memory.

"I'm not sure I'm up for that, Kitten." She tilted her head, then smiled.

"Oh, my Goddess. Must I concentrate exclusively on that single Skill still?" I shrugged, not exactly following. I mean, my lady bits were salivating at the kinda daunting prospect of someone with a fucking sixteen Skill at boy part using, but my guts were not actually ready to be recreationally rearranged.

"Nah. You do you, boo." She frowned.

"I don't think I have a Skill for that, love. Besides, I wanted to do something to make you feel better." I'd snorted a little at her comment about not having a Skill for self-service, then shrugged.

"Okay. You are hereby commandmented to spend today raising whatever Skills you think will benefit us the most here in our little slice of heaven." She smiled down at me, then frowned.

"Hmm... not quite." She scampered around behind me and pulled me back until my calves dangled over the edge of the bed, my knees hooked over the padded corner. She looked down my front and said, "perfect." Then she scooted off the bed, popped on Glowing Midnight's boots, then bent over the bed, laying her stomach flat against the mattress. My brain kinda shut down at that point, because not only does my wife have fuckin' curves for days... heels. Butt in air. Back arched. Boobs arch back more.

Brain overload, Tabitha. exe shutting down for maintenance. She looked sideways, her eyes lined up just a little below my bellybutton, tapped her teeth, then nodded.

"Excellent." Then she shifted over, resting her chest against my thighs, fluttered her lashes at me from down by my waist, and shut my fuckin' brain down completely with two eagerly obeyed words.

"Boy, please."