Chương 328: Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Six

Dear Diary, So many times in life I think I've had a great idea, but then when I try to make that shit happen, instead of being awesome, it just kinda splatters everywere. I can say without fear of contradiction that I care about that my new Submission Holds are not one of those times. I mean, a lot of the other Cadets will probably protest, or bitch to Miles, or go home and scream to mama, but at this point? I own a City. I'm fuckin' rich.

If they kick me out of the Academy for Conduct Unbecoming a Cadet or some shit, I can just go grab a longhouse and live with my hot Wives... fuck, I gotta stop that... Wife and Concubine and daughter and just fuck around until and unless the Imperator needs me to fuck someone up instead of, y'know, just fucking her to reward her for being such a good Imperator. Thus proving that all else aside, I am less of a drama queen than Anakin Skywalker.

Seriously, dude, your wife is rich as fuck, if she's more important than your career with the Jedi, just go be a stay at home dad. Or a trophy husband. Whichever. Yeah, that one gets to me a little, I guess. I could see Saffron being a trophy wife. She's curvy, she's gorgeous, she is every inch a lady in the streets, she is a positively deviant freak in all the best ways between the sheets. Hell, she even fits on the mantle! Meanwhile I'm... me.

I mean, alongside my whole self-image being based on someone who doesn't look like me, while the me in the here and now started out pretty hot looking, I've since added my weight in scar tissue. Thankfully the only bit that has that weird pronounced ropy texture is the one Saffron did on my shoulder, but they're fuckin' everywhere. Actually, now that I think about it, a couple others are a little rough, but overall most of them are smooth, like burn scars.

The ones on my back, the ones I can't see without decapitating myself, which might be really painful, might have some texture to them. I'm not sure. But overall? I'm definitely nobody's idea of gorgeous. I think maybe my Blend is fucking with their ability to not be turned off by a mass of scar tissue that walks like a woman, I'm not sure. But I'm trying to get better about the imposter syndrome, which is a real fuckin' tough thing to do when you are, in fact, the goddamned Primordial Imposter herself.

I guess it means she's not likely to find out spontaneously that I'm actually hideous, but some part of me deep inside still wants her to get that sparkly look in her eyes and need a cold shower or hot sex when she sees me without the glamour clouding her eyes. Deep breaths. Everybody knows laughter is the universal panty remover, and I sure as shit got her laughing today.

Last night repeated the night before, in general, although the legion of subordinates is getting their act together, pumping up my desire to cop a squat atop the pyramid. Marie and the sous chefs did a bang up job with some shrimp, though, so there is that. Woke up to Saffron looking at me from inches away. Her, "good morning, love," filled my ears right before her tongue filled my mouth. Hell of a way to wake up, and no, that is not in any way a complaint.

Weird, but not nearly as weird as Marie stroking our hair while we necked in her lap. It's funny; I know some part of me really worried about the whole 'but infidelity!' thing, and I guess that part of me still exists, because my occasional vague stirrings of 'I wonder what that dude's cock tastes like' or 'is Siobhan more of a mouth, finger, or scissors girl' leave me glancing guiltily at whichever of Saffron or Marie is in line of sight. Thing is, I'm now totally at peace with the three of us, I think.

Yeah, I worry about them yeeting me to the curb for a less damaged model or some shit like that, but I'm not worried that they'll ditch me because they've got each other. Honestly, the 'less damaged model' isn't really my concern, it's the being yeeted for being too damaged. Deep breaths. Think happy thoughts. Yank a Marie and a couple Saffrons to the Love Shack and request immediate endorphin overload.

Kinda weird having an actual physical Happy Place to go to, not to mention being able to literally go there while still doing whatever I'm doing. Got dressed in my loosest Cadet uniform today. None of them are badly tailored or anything, but there's definitely one that I wear for 'formal' shit, and another that I wear for hard physical workouts. I don't think about the 'loose' one that much, but I guess I'd want it if I felt bloated?

Wait, no, I'm definitely going to want it if I can wrangle another all the pie I can eat dessert fest from Marie. Although let's be fair, it's really an all the pie Saffron can eat thing. She's got skills. She demonstrated those when I stole her corncake with the specific intent to douse it in sweeteners and feed it to her like syrup soup.

I managed to convince her to sit in my lap instead of across the table, for a definition of 'convince' that meant 'yoinked her into my lap when she came over the table at me for stealing her corncake.' Meh, it's all good. Even if we are, quite definitely, no longer in the hood. Then again, the hood is like China; when you're from there, no matter where you go, she's with you. Damn, now I gotta wonder if there's a hood-equivalent in China. So when we got to class, duBois was waiting for me. Impatiently.

Something about Marie bringing us all the leftover corncakes and me feeding them to Saffron and licking her face clean after each one. I mean, I think they meant for me to eat them, because I'm pretty clearly still recovering from beating Norfolk into submission, but unlike some people I have my priorities in order.

He waved me over, and when I got close enough he could talk without the rest of the class, who'd started doing duBois' off-brand Tai Chi to warm up, said, "I'm going to be working with some of the Cadets who wound up challenged by Intermediate Combat Training. I assume you're going to have the rest of them sparring?"

"Maybe after."

"After?" I nodded.

"Yeah! I've been doing research! The first book was a little bit of a wash, although I could maybe teach some of the basic PT kids some of those Skills if you want. But the second book gave me ideas."

"Oh, lord Lugh preserve me. Should I call Sister Siobhan up now?"

"Nah, Saffron and..." I got a sudden burst of brains to my groin, and put on my best 'I'm being serious now' face.

"Wait, no, we'll both be sparring or instructing, having Sister Siobhan up here would be useful." I looked over to Marie.

"Could you please, Marie?" By her grin, she totally knew the gist of my plan and approved. DuBois just sighed and said, "okay, be about it." I jogged to the far end of the Practice Yard, cupped my hands around my mouth and hollered, "Cadets not working with the Marshall, rally on me!"

When they all got there, I said, "okay, so I'm sure you guys have gotten all the speeches about how along with fighting against enemy Heroes and shit like Dragons and wyverns out in the wild, Heroes in Phileo are expected to patrol the streets now and again. Can't leave it all to the Guards, right?" Some wag in the back called out, "like you've ever done that!" I laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Believe it or not, I've actually dealt with a gang of muggers once. Straight up accosted me in uniform."

"Too dumb to live!" I snerked.

"This was, in fact, before my reputation preceded me. But anyway, I kinda wish I'd known then what I know now." I slipped one hand behind me.

"C'mere, lemme show you how I dealt with him." The dude backed away, waving his hands in the air, but I pointed to the pavers in front of me and looked at his jacket.

"Right here, Cadet Yale." He sighed, then stepped up.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now, some of you might not be able to pack quite this much whallop, and it doesn't work nearly as well on folks with a lot of Mana, but..." I brought my hand around as fast as I could; he tried to block, and honestly he deflected most of the impact, but my hand still brushed against his chest. I managed to grab his jacket as he toppled backward towards the pavers. Before he hit ground, he blinked and grabbed at my arm, so I pulled him back upright.

He came up blinking and swinging, but without any real force behind it. I caught his fist and shook my head.

"Like I said, against a Hero? Even a full Cadet? The best you're likely to get is a moment's respite. But against some dude who's just big and strong? Boom, down." From behind me I heard a scandalized gasp.

"Did... did you... Tabitha, did you just weaponize a Healing Spell?"

"I'm sure I've told you about that before, Sister."

"I'm sure you haven't!" I turned to face her, an easy smile on my face.

"Okay, maybe not. Not like my memory ought to be admissible as evidence. Or trusted in any meaningful fashion. But two important things you ought to recognize here." She made a 'go on' gesture.

"First, if you're ever on the streets and some dude decides to get handsy, and won't let go? I'm gonna feel some kinda way if I have to dice him because you were too squeamish to Stabilize some manners into him." She opened her mouth to rebut, but I drove over her.

"Second thing, equally important? It's a Healing spell. Worst case, the asshole hurts himself falling down, which he fuckin' deserves if he's gonna assault a nun. Which is way nicer than what this would do." I extended a wrist-thick Mana Blade.

"So for somebody drunk and disorderly? I figure it's the nicest possible option." The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. She huffed out a sigh.

"Fine. I don't like it though." I smiled at her.

"That's 'cause you're way nicer than me." I turned to the class.

"Okay, I need a volunteer who doesn't mind manhandling me a little, and maybe getting mauled a tiny bit in return." Of course Cadet Karen Smith had to step up. You okay with this, Kitten? Why wouldn't I be? I shrugged. Okay. Keep an eye on Siobhan, though. I wanna see her face.

"Okay, Cadet. Are you familiar with a Full Nelson?"

"No?"

"Okay." I shifted around behind her and slipped my arms under hers, my hands behind her neck.

"Like this."

"Oh. I'm familiar, yes."

"Do you know how to break one?" She shrugged and pulled her arms together. It definitely stressed my arms, and I let her pull free.

"Okay, that's pretty good. But if your opponent is strong enough, that might not work."

"It worked fine just then." I sighed, snagged her up again, and said, "okay?" She pushed again, and I held for another ten seconds before saying, "want to see how?"

"Sure," she ground out. I pulled her around behind me, and she obligingly pulled me into the hold. She pulled hard, in fact, trying to force my face down. I went limp, my hands going straight up, my shoulders flexing just a little painfully right before my ass hit her heels.

"Okay, but now you're at my..." She yelped as I flopped backwards between her legs, then hammered my hands forward into the backs of her knees. I rolled forward, faceplanting her into the paver, pushing myself to my feet and leaning on her calves, forcing her legs to cross at the knees as I did. When she struggled, I put one foot in her crotch and pushed down just a little.

"You bitch!"

"I think I've made my position here clear." I leaned just a little more weight on my foot.

"Do you need me to restate it?" She shoved at me, and I wrapped my other leg around hers, falling to the ground, but maintaining my hold on her. If anything, I now had more leverage with my foot pressing into her lady bits.

"I could kick, if you like?" I turned to look at the class.

"A big part of getting this hold is the surprise, and the lack of any real leverage for your opponent until their face is in the ground. Of course with your foot where mine is, you have their full attention. Do I not, Cadet Smith?" She chuckled, but I missed most of her acquiescence when Saffron's thought hit my brain. As I recall, your foot was a lot less violent when we did that. Still got your full attention though, didn't it?

"Now, the reason I've crossed her ankles is because that way I can keep pressure with one hand, letting me use the other here," I pressed a spot behind Smith's knee, and she swore into the paver.

"If you've got enough reach or control, you can also do this." I sat up, bending her knees until I could reach her thigh, then pushed one thumb into a spot there. Her profanity took on an entirely different tone.

"Now, neither of those is something you'd do without permission normally, of course, but if you're trying to corral a drunk dock worker, both of those are nicer than, y'know, breaking shit." I released her and rolled away, then held out a hand to help her up. She kipped up without taking my hand, and I saw blood on her lip.

"Sister Siobhan, if you would please?"

"It's nothing," hissed Smith.

"It's also not gonna be the last thing you're gonna demonstrate, and I don't want you less than a hundred percent for this next one." A slightly flushed Sister Siobhan walked over, Healed Smith, then returned to the sidelines. Saffron took that moment to send me a quick snippet of Siobhan turning pink when I put Smith in the hold. You're being sort of mean to her, you realize. Should I stop? Oh, Goddess no. Do go on.

"Okay, you good to continue, Cadet?"

"Ready when you are, Diaz." I nodded.

"Okay, this one is one of my personal favorites. It requires a lot of leg strength, but the results ought to speak for themselves." I leapt back, then forward again, my leg sweeping down in an axe kick. Smith, who belonged in the class, got her arm up to block, but at that point instead of trying to power through, I hooked my knee over her arm, pulled myself forward, and got my other leg around her neck, hooking my ankles and grabbing her by the hair to pull myself upright.

Careful not to do unto her as I did unto Ericson, I said, "this one works great if you're smaller than your opponent, because I've got all kinds of leverage to make her move whichever way I need her to." I proceeded to demonstrate by just leaning backward, forward, and to each side, forcing her to stumble or topple. The entire time I used my grip on her hair both as an additional goad and to keep her face firmly planted.

She hollered something muffled into my crotch, so I pulled her face back by her hair and said, "what was that?"

"What are you gonna do if I bite?" I nodded.

"Fair question. Lots of answers, including 'don't threaten me with a good time', 'hope my wife doesn't mind', or maybe, since I've got a hand free, this." I pushed one thumb into her cheek, hard enough to shove my thumb between her teeth with a nice cushion of cheek.

"Most people won't bite hard enough to get through our slacks if they have to bite through their own cheek. If you get a real hard case, or somebody too drunk to notice, you can try this instead," I shifted my thumb under her jaw and pushed, gently this time. She stumbled backward, whining, slapping at my back.

"That shit stings like a bitch." I relented, then said, "or, if you're big enough in comparison, you can do this." I threw myself backward with the kind of force I'd use doing a backflip, something else duBois taught us in PT. Smith almost kept her feet until I grabbed the back of her knees and pulled, at which point she toppled. My ass took most of the impact, but the crown of her head bonked into the paver. I disengaged, rolled off, and picked her up by the back of her jacket.

I carried a groaning Smith over to a clearly pink Sister Siobhan.

"Be careful with that move if they've actually got your bits between their teeth. It ought to pull your fancy parts out of the fire, but if it doesn't, their incisors are gonna be doing some incising when they hit the ground." Sister Siobhan reached out, lay one hand on top of Smith's head, and Healed her. Smith shook herself free and glared at me before walking back to the spot we'd been sparring.

"Anything else, Diaz?"

"Just one more. Like I said, that second one is handy if they're bigger than you, because it fundamentally pits your strongest muscles, your glutes and thighs, against their neck and arms. This next one works best if you've got a size advantage over somebody." I smiled at Smith. She wasn't short, but she wasn't my height, either.

"You ready?" She took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "whenever you are." I leapt toward her, dropping to the ground as I did, my legs kicking out between hers as I caught myself on my hands. I hooked my ankles behind hers, rotated my hips just a little and yanked her ankles toward me by bending my knees. She toppled backward, and I pulled even harder as I shoved myself back up to my feet in a weaponized kip up.

Before her shoulders even hit the ground, I grabbed her ankles and hopped forward over her, landing with the backs of my thighs resting on the backs of hers, tipping forward until I hammered her toes into the paver beside her ears. The soles of my feet settled almost gently on her wrists, and I shoved them out and away from her to go into something that, were I not straddling her, would have resembled the bastard love child of a horse stance and a Jacko pose.

Then I just grinned at her as Saffron shot me a view of Sister Siobhan, who'd gone beet red.

"This is incredibly undignified."

"Yeah, but you're not goin' anywhere any time soon unless I let you up." I looked around at the class, who all looked more than a little scandalized.

"Now, if you're trying to pin someone who has the strength to toss you even like this, there are options. First, the least nice, but effective," I leaned forward, snaking one arm around her leg and shoving a finger up each of her nostrils.

"If they're willing to rip their own nose off to spite you, that's on them." I slipped my fingers out of her nose, then shoved just a little harder on her ankles, forcing them behind her head.

"This one locks them down a little harder, since they'd have to rip their own head off to throw you. Of course, it takes a bit more strength to force them down, but like this I've got all the leverage in the fuckin' world."

"Phrasing?" grunted Smith.

"Entirely intentional, I assure you," I said with an evil grin. I think Siobhan might have been puce by that point.

"Now, if you can get a hand free," I slipped both of Smith's ankles into one of my hands. The grip wasn't as good, but Smith had apparently decided to play along.

"You can hit any of the pressure points I demonstrated before." Without pushing hard, I placed my thumb or fingers over each of the previous points.

"Finally, if you feel a need to either dismount with relative safety or, if they're not strong enough, you want to wear them out..." I turned to Smith.

"Sorry about this." Then I demonstrated what the Anime Club kids back at Eastside called a 'Kancho Punch'. Suffice to say, her glutes flexed, hard, and I went flying. I'd let go of her ankles, so she didn't hurt her own neck or anything, and I flexed a little by doing a backflip and landing on my feet, arms up. One of the guys, Yale again, looked at me, clearly uncomfortable, and said, "all that looks a little... I dunno..."

"Yeah. It kinda is. But here's the thing. If somebody comes along nicely with a hand on their arm, you're not gonna do all that. But if they've decided they're gonna throw down with a Hero? Getting some real uncomfortable memories about what you could have done to them might scar them psychologically in ways that might affect their bedroom performance, but this?" I leapt into the air, then came down with one fist leading the way. The paver cracked.

"Is gonna leave them with scars that'll affect their ability to feed themselves," I hopped back to my feet, shaking my hand a little, then extending another Mana Blade.

"And this will only scar them if they're lucky enough to live through it." When he backed off a little, I said, "look, Yale, a solid amount of any submission hold is psychology. Putting somebody in a position like that is gonna be traumatizing. So don't do it unless you're at the point where you gotta choose what kind of trauma you're gonna inflict. But if you can't stand the idea of inflicting some trauma? You might be in the wrong line of work."

He nodded, clearly still uncomfortable, but thinking about it instead of emoting about it.

"Okay, pair off. Until lunch, just practice the holds, maintaining them, and breaking out of them. After lunch we'll do some sparring to see if you can implement them in the middle of a spar. Saffron, Sister Siobhan, and I will be on hand if anybody needs healing." Smith shot me a sour look.

"Why doesn't she have to practice those 'holds'?" I grinned my biggest, most shit-eating grin at her, hamming it up for the class, not to mention my Very Special Audience of one.

"Who do you think I practiced them on first?" That got a laugh from everyone but Smith and Saffron. Smith is right. No dignity. I slipped my hand into hers, gave it a squeeze, then stepped to her side and let go after Co-Locating a pair of us to the Love Shack sans uniforms.

"But now you get to practice applying them to me, y'see."

"Dignity? Who needs dignity? C'mere." Back in the Practice Yard, I stepped in between Saffron and Siobhan, slipping into Parade Rest. Saffron mostly copied me, standing to my left, while Sister Siobhan slipped her hands into her sleeves and stood to my right as we watched the Cadets pair up and start trying to do anything like the holds I'd just demonstrated. Points to Smith, who pinned Yale like four times in ten minutes before he managed to start thinking with his upper brain.

Right around then Sister Siobhan, speaking softly enough it probably didn't carry to Saffron, murmured.

"Those holds were very... suggestive." I nodded without looking at her and murmured back.

"Summer." Out of the corner of my eye I saw her turn toward me, a bit of confusion on her face. Before she could ask, I followed that up with, "Solstice." Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a Stern Talking To by duBois for making our Healer blush so hard she fainted. Totally Worth.