Chương 357: Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Five

Dear Diary,"The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue." - Napoleon Bonaparte Y'know, most of the meat of these fuckin' self help books is just recycled glurge, but some of the quotes speak to me. Like, after yesterday you'd think I'd feel physically tired, what with altering the basic structure of one of the major realms in M-Space, and maybe mentally jazzed after giving one of my followers not just a painless death, but a personal escort to Helheim and shit.

By the time I got home, though, my brain was just mush and my body actually felt kinda good. Zero idea why. Last night was weird. Chibi Chef Saffron put in an appearance, taking the Nestea Plunge into my maw before soup dumpling bursting with the kind of force that would leave me with soupkkake all over my face, if I had one.

Not much auto-yeeting by chibi Chef Marie, because she mostly wound up playing traffic controller for the sous chefs, who hit my mouth with the kind of speed and impact you'd normally require automatic weapons fire to achieve. Shrimp were involved, somehow, but I couldn't really get any idea of how or why, what with being utterly overwhelmed in a very good way by the passion of the sous chefs.

The psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles even slowed down their dance floor antics like they could only stare in awe and wonder at the sous chef bean blasting. Heh. Bean blasting. Anyway, woke up to the Menace staring at me again. Dunno why she's waking up early, but she has been, and she's got one thing on the brain.

"Fye!" I laughed.

"Tell you what, Menace. If I can convince Marie and your Mom to join us, we'll take you flying today, but only if you promise to stay in sight of the Practice Yard. I feel the need to get some training in today."

"Ah-Tay!" She bounced off of me and moved over to her mom, carefully creeping up until she hovered inches from her face. Meanwhile Marie chuckled and murmured, "Scamp."

"She is, ain't she?" I snuggled Marie's thigh, then got an idea. Definitely one of those 'probably wrong somehow, but I really wanna', and I couldn't think of why it would be wrong, so I slow crawled my way up Marie until my chin rested on her shoulder.

"Hey, Murder Mittens, could you maybe whip something up really fast with your stitch-witchery?" At her raised eyebrow, I whispered what I wanted, watching the slow grin slip across her face. Right about then Saffron started her startup, and I held my breath watching as her nose wrinkled more than normal at Isnomi's proximity. I think she might have brushed her tongue against the little one's chin, because her eyes popped open and she spat out, "blech. You, my girl, need a bath."

"Bath time this morning, or tonight? Here or at Lancaster House?" Saffron hefted Isnomi to the side, smiled at me, and said, "good morning to you too, Goof. Why not both?"

"Fair." I grabbed all three of them and a moment later all of us lay on the floor in the bathroom at our Lancaster House suite. I had to ask Larry how long we could keep using the place like it was ours at some point. Maybe later today if I remembered, which meant it wouldn't happen today, because we all know my memory is shit.

While Marie and Saffron set to heating the bath water, I talked with Isnomi about angles and sight lines, since if she knew what I wanted her to do, she got way less mulish about staying just inside the dotted lines. She'd totally go right up alongside of them, pushing the limits, but so far she'd avoided crossing them without permission.

I thought about that for a bit as we talked, and realized the last time I remembered her doing something we'd clearly marked as off limits without prior permission had to be the time she'd stabbed me with one of Vulcan's bolts by accident.

"So, you get where I want you to stay?"

"Yeth!"

"Cool. You might want to stay low some, too." She brought out The Question.

"Why?" This time I was ready for it, though.

"I'm gonna try some cool shit today, you might want to see it!" Her eyes got big, but she didn't say anything. She just nodded. Right about then Saffron called us to join her in the bathtub. The vision of her in a tub mostly full of steamy water really activated some neurons, made me regret having Isnomi along on this outing just the littlest bit, but I took the high road of not yeeting the daughter of my heart to Mars and just carried her into the tub with us.

Because while I carried her I knew she wasn't looking at my face, and if I couldn't treat my wife as terrain, I sure as shit intended to admire the scenery. Achievement get: Leer at wife. She smiled and splashed me a little once she was in. Marie knelt next to the bath and mainly handled Isnomi while Saffron and I scrubbed each other down. Once the water got a little soapy some subsurface hijinks may have occurred, but nothing conclusive, just good old fashioned family bath fun time. Really old fashioned.

Marie smiled as she watched us, then insisted we each let her scrub our hair, because, and I quote, "Sloppy." Whatever. Not gonna complain about Marie head scrubbing. That shit loosens up my entire body like some kind of reverse phrenology based massage. She actually let the Menace play around scrubbing our fronts with a big old loofa sponge while she pulled our heads out so they leaned against the edge of the tub and combed our hair out.

"Hey, Marie?"

"Yes?"

"Can you put mine up a little? Like, a pony tail or something? I'm gonna be doing some wacky shit in the Practice Yard, and I'd rather not spoil your combing by getting it all windblown and shit." She just nodded, then when she finished combing my hair out, she started twisting it. I couldn't really watch her, but I swear at one point she damn near ripped my whole fuckin' scalp off. Still, I didn't hear or feel a single strand snap, just a lot of tugging and pulling.

When she finished she lifted me straight up out of the tub and set me on my feet to towel me down. Then she crane-lifted Menace out of the tub and handed her to me along with another towel. When the little one stared at my head wide-eyed, then reached for my hair, Marie grabbed her wrist in two fingers, "No." I don't think I've ever seen Isnomi get told 'no' straight up and not pout or shit before. Marie Maenad Mommy Magic for the win?

At any rate, the little one didn't reach again, and didn't give me any grief while toweling her dry except when the towel came between her eyes and my hair. Really weirded me out, but screw it, I'd asked for whatever it was, and I couldn't actually feel my hair on my back, so whatever it was it seemed to be working. By the time I had Menace dry, Marie lifted Saffron out of the tub like she'd done to me, setting her on her feet facing me.

Her eyes shot wide the moment she saw me, and she half-stepped toward me, one hand going up, only to be pincered at the wrist by a pair of Marie claws.

"No." Saffron whined. Like, straight up sounded like the muscles in her arm were overstrained machinery kind of whining. She half turned her face to Marie without ever taking her eyes off my head.

"Please?" Marie just smiled and said, "Later." Saffron took a deep breath, blew it out through her nose, and muttered, "I do not know what Hilde tastes like, I have self-control. I can wait." Then she blinked, looked at my hair again, and said, "I don't want to though." Marie just grinned, reached out and took my chin between two fingers and turned my head back and forth while Saffron whimpered.

"Oh, you are an incredibly cruel bitch."

"Yes." That got a laugh out of my petite wife. Who is presently my only wife, no matter how many times my subconscious forgets that. Wait, if D is technically married to the Maenads, and we marry Marie, are we now technically his wives too? Do we become Maenads at that point, or does it not work that way? I'd have to figure that out before the day, because I really don't want to wind up becoming an utter hosebeast in his presence. More of one, anyway.

Oh, lord, now I'm wondering if that'll form some kind of weird hosebeast singularity. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. With Saffron toweled dry, Marie scooped up Isnomi, pulled Saffron up with her other hand, wrapped her tail around my waist, and stepped us all back to the suite. Of course, she Co-Located Saffron, me, and herself while she did so; two each of Saffron and I stood with our own Marie valet.

Even Isnomi had a Marie kitting her out in her flight suit. I smiled up at both of my Maries and said, "you really love playing dress up dolls with us, don't you?"

"Yes!" That set Saffron and I to laughing, not enough to interrupt our valets, but enough to enjoy the entire process of being primped and prodded and dressed up in our outfits for the day. Both of me got chided a little for turning to stare at one Saffron as Marie dressed her in Glowing Midnight, one bit at a time, like a squire armoring her knight. I'd always kind of wondered how she looked with the boots off, because I never really got a chance to see her with the stockings and garters on and the boots off.

I think it would require extensive detailed study over several weeks to tell whose general waist to knee region was in fact finer between Saffron and Sigyn, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get buy in from Loki on that kind of thing. The difficult part will be convincing them to strut about for us to ogle for weeks on end, really. Will? Not would? I know what I said. Thanks Boss, you're the best. I know. I swear watching every part slide into place was like the erotic version of one of those Mecha anime scenes.

Okay, no, I know exactly what it was I was watching. The slowed down, manual, excruciatingly paused version of a Magical Girl transformation sequence. Totally fuckin' appropriate, now that I think about it. Of course, while one of Marie did that and another dressed Menace in her flight suit, two more put my uniform on one of me and The Dress on the other.

Of course Saffron cooperated fully with her valet, while I kept turning or moving at inopportune moments to get a better view on some fastener getting clipped in place, or watching Saffron's thigh flex as her heel slipped into her boot. I swear, I could watch that shit all day. Meanwhile, one Saffron just stood there, looking at first confused, then perturbed, then suspicious, and finally kind of amusedly resigned. Fully naked, too, since her Marie valet hadn't seen fit to start dressing her yet.

When the rest of us were dressed, she folded her arms across her, need I remind anyone, ample bosom, and said, "so, will this be some kind of payback for the way I dressed you during your fight against Gregor and his Champions?"

"Huh?" It took me a second, then when I got it I shook my head and said, "oh, hell no. That was totally hot. I mean, this will be too." At that point her Marie valet held out one hand, opened it just a little, and maybe four square inches of black silk held up by a few dozen thin silk cords dangled.

"You need to work on your tan!" She blinked, then hesitantly said, "as My Goddess wishes?" A moment later Marie had the bikini top on her, and the results of my darling Marie's sartorial witchery added just the tiniest bit of extra gravity defying awesomeness to Saffron's upper assets. Saffron's eyes popped out a little when the thong slipped into place and Marie snugged it down, then she glanced at herself. Co-Location is kinda handy when you've got an extra of you to take a look at how you look.

Which I always forget, but when I glanced at myself I got a look at my hair and realized that Marie had not only put about eighty percent of mine into the densest French braid I'd ever seen, she'd braided the remainder into a kind of pointy crown updo atop my head. Saffron interrupted my examination of my hair, saying, "are you sure this isn't revenge for your gladiator outfit?" I shook my head.

"No, no, you're getting it all wrong. I might have been a little surprised at you putting my shit out there like that, but I ain't even mad. That was hot! I mean, not as hot as..." I trailed off as I waved at bikini-clad Saffron. She pouted, a cute little moue which melted into a Grin.

"Two conditions. First, you will be wearing this next time we all have a day in the sun."

"No." Saffron blinked at Marie's flat denial, but before she could argue, Marie said, "Red." Saffron frowned, snorted, and replied, "Fine. You are, after all, quite clearly the most Skilled of us in matters sartorial. But, and I will brook no argument on this, so don't even try." She stepped directly up to Marie, forcing her to look down at her.

"Yours will be white."

"Oh, yeah. That'll definitely set off that pink blush she'll have wearing it all day." Marie just stood there with her mouth open a little, face a beautiful shade of pink. Saffron nodded, then asked, "one of you will be accompanying each of us on our Alliance duties today?"

"Yes." She started the process of collapsing herself, but somehow Saffron stopped her before she did. My Kitten waved a hand, and two Maries stood there as naked as we'd all been earlier.

"Well then, both of you ought be dressed in your High Priestess garb, ought you not?" That pink shade covered way more real estate than just her face. When I thought at her, we're waiting, Murder Mittens, my favorite fuzzy High Priestess, it went global. I scooted over, my uniformed self behind bikini Saffron, the me in The Dress behind Saffron in Glowing Midnight, and let her lean back against me as we watched two of the three remaining Maid Maries dress her two selves who would accompany us today.

Before they did so much as pull their garter belts around themselves, Isnomi sighed, hopped to the floor, and led her Marie over under her glider.

"Aww siwwy." Then, with her Marie and Glider in tow, she tromped off out the door. Meanwhile, the moment she was gone, I said, "wait." When everybody in the room looked at me, I looked both naked Maries in the eye and asked, "is this too much?"

"maybe""Do you want to stop?"

"No!" Due diligence done, I leaned back against both corners of the desk, pulled Saffron to lean against me, and enjoyed the show. Took a little longer than it had with Saffron, at least in part because of the extra pronounced joint in Marie's boot, but by the end her purrs shook even our padded little suite. She stepped up to the pair of us dressed for Alliance duties, took us by the hand, and stepped us to our daily tasks.

The two of us set up for the roof and Practice Yard hopped up there, and after laying down a towel and seeing Saffron settled on it, as well as making sure the sun knew its job for the day, I yeeted our daughter off into the wild blue yonder. That done, I stepped down to the Practice Yard and started working on my 'Swift Foot' practice.

I knew I couldn't get it as a Skill, but I'd felt something getting easier last time I channeled Mana into my limbs and practiced like the book said to, so I did it again, only moreso. By midday I'd managed to not only make it all the way along one of the long walls of the Practice Yard, I'd also angled myself upward and, though my uniform was doing a great sponge impression, made it up to the roof without Translocating. Meanwhile down in Calverton Bay Marie and I spent a mostly uneventful day.

At one point a yellow flag popped up a few blocks from the docks, and I hopped over to tell Svart, who was our Commander on the docks, what with him having a full suit of fuckin' Cold Iron enhanced plate mail, where we needed some reinforcements. He sent over two units of Heroes, with orders for the Calverton Mage with the second unit to pop off some kind of flare spell if they needed more. Early in the afternoon a red flag went up above a barricade blocking off an alleyway.

Marie and I didn't hesitate; we Co-Located over behind the squads of troops assigned to that alley, then sprinted forward in unison, leaping to the top of the wall to see an equal number of Undead, all armed and armored like pre-Plague Calverton Soldiers, halfway down the alley and picking up speed. Marie went high, I went low. She broke their pikes and more than a few necks, while I landed, one knee on the ground, and poured Mana into Smite after Smite, tagging the Undead right before they got to me.

After maybe five minutes of that with zero Undead showing any signs of turning to anything but piles of ash, I'd hit the point where concentrating on Shaping Smite had gotten a little fatiguing. I whipped out my swordstaff, started it spinning, and nodded to Marie. She leapt down and we spun through the crowd, back to back, blades ripping through the Undead Soldiers like deli slicers through lettuce.

Five minutes after that, the last of the Undead fell, and after a quick glance back and forth to make sure we weren't missing any, we jogged back and jumped up to the top of the wall.

"Sorry, Majesty. Sorry, Ma'am. We really weren't sure we could hold." I shook my head, clapping one hand on his shoulder.

"You made the call?" He finished folding up the red flag he'd waved.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be. I'd rather she and I get a little workout than even one of you winds up like them." I nodded down to the gore-slick ground of the alley. Realizing he still might give himself shit about it, I pulled him into a hug, very deliberately snugging him in enough to be very aware of my pernicious lack of bra.

"You done good, troop. Keep up the good work." Then Marie and I Co-Located back to the pair of us still watching from the Black Dragon. She raised an eyebrow when she looked at me, and I explained.

"If I gotta use some dude's libido to convince them all to call for help rather than risk losing a unit or a passage or both to the undead? Oh, noes! Troops might lust after my rock hard ass!" She grinned and shook her head.

"Seriously, what's the worst that happens? I wind up having to pull a train for the dudes who call us in the most appropriately or some shit? Whatever." She just snorted, and we went back to watching for flags. Not like I hadn't done sketchier shit in my life, and at least this I could argue was absolutely in a good cause. When the sun touched the horizon, as the group of us on the roof started packing up, a Marie appeared next to each of rooftop Saffron and I.

A moment later my rooftop self and Glowing Midnight clad Saffron stood in the suite next to a Marie holding Menace and her glider. Marie's tub sat in the middle of the room, and a cart overloaded with steaming kettles stood next to the connecting door. As a crowing Menace shed her flight suit hollering, "BAFF TIME!" Marie turned to the pair of us.

"Well?" She folded her arm across her chest. When we both looked at her a little confused, she said, "Strip." I shook my head as I turned to Saffron.

"Yeah, this would be called 'consequences for your earlier actions'." Of course, Saffron was already peeling Glowing Midnight off piece by piece, staring at my hair the entire time while I pulled my uniform off with about as much elegance. I didn't really have any attention to spare for that, though, because Marie had dropped the other pair of us, me in The Dress and her in her new bikini, on opposite sides of the Love Shack from each other.

My entire brain seized up, because I really had spent the day working out, and hadn't gotten a good look at Saffron. Sun. Kissed. If any part of her wasn't yet, it was about to fuckin' be. Final count? Three very small parts.