Chương 24: A Few Truths.

"Not quite right," I murmured, leaning in close.

"It's supposed to be more rounded, remember? Here, let me show you again." I held my hand out. Sere stared at it for a moment before gingerly dropping the pen in my hand. I drew the letter, set the pen down. Sere looked at least vaguely disappointed. No, perhaps frustrated was a better word.

"Relax, this is hard. You've made some pretty good progress, I'll say. Just keep at it, okay?" Sere nodded slowly, picked up her pen, and got back to writing letters. I went back to my own reading. It hadn't occurred to me that Sere couldn't even read or write. Anias had pointed it out to me, and I had taken it upon myself to try to teach her. It was perhaps a task I could have easily delegated to someone else. It would have been more efficient to, even. I simply didn't want to.

Besides, if I were going to be stuck reading all day anyway, I might as well have someone else to do it with. Sere prodded me again. I glanced up from the tome, stared at her writing.

"Yep. That's exactly right. Now you just have to do that…." I paused, tilted my head.

"A hundred more times?" She stared at me. I stared at her. Maybe a hundred was a little too much. Before I could say anything, she put her head down and began writing the same letters over and over again. Sere was smart, I had come to find out. It hadn't been very long, and yet she knew most of this Kingdom's alphabet already. She already knew the numerical system well enough. It wouldn't be long at all before she could start writing.

Not only had her mother taken her speech from her, but she'd denied her the only alternative there was. Just thinking of it made my fists clench. Destroy. A faint whisper, one that I found myself agreeing with. My unwanted companion always sat at the edges of my mind, making me feel like I was constantly being watched. It didn't usually interject unless I used my Gift, and even when it did, it never spoke a complete sentence. I hadn't even begun to wrestle with what having a Godblade meant.

Since that time I'd been bedridden, I hadn't dared draw it out, though I knew I easily could any time I wanted. It was because I was wrestling with something. The library door opened. I glanced up to see Estovan standing there. He looked like he had aged a few years since the attack.

"My Lady." He lightly bowed his head.

"Estovan." I closed the book. It was important reading, but there was only so much dry reading I could take, even with my Gift.

"Is something wrong?"

"I wish to inform you that I have made the arrangements you've requested. We are invited to the Indri Manor in two days."

"Good." I smiled.

"And I take it you will accompany me?" He lightly bowed his head again.

"As you wish, Lady Esra." That damned Duke was half the reason I'd had to do so much reading, right after I'd done so much reading for that meeting in the first place.

"Lady Esra, if I might make a suggestion."

"Hmm?" Estovan stepped forward, nodded towards Sere, before glancing at the three books I had open in front of me.

"I believe it would do your Ladyship some good to resume her training. Perhaps you cannot practice in earnest, but a healthy body sharpens the mind." He really was a rather observant and surprisingly considerate man. Just like Anias, he had been far more attentive ever since the attack. He likely blamed himself for not being there, even if it wouldn't have changed the outcome. It was foolish. It was also sweet. I rose.

"I was thinking the same thing. Some fresh air does everyone good." Sere was staring up at me.

"You too. Though you are going to bring those along, okay?" She let out a huff. That was certainly an improvement over her being scared of me. Damian and I stood side by side, three feet apart. We were both breathless from our spar. It was a spar Damian had won with quite a bit of ease, seeing as neither of us was allowed to do anything but use mana. I was starting to realize that I was quite the sore loser. Weak. I did not appreciate commentary from a sword.

Estovan stood in front of us, his rapier pointed at the ground.

"In using Gifts, there are two paths. Mastery comes from learning both paths, though most people rarely ever come to understand even one." His voice was low, though it carried anyway.

"There are Edicts, and there are Tenets. An Edict is your Gift cast upon the world. A Tenet is your Gift cast upon yourself." He pointed.

"Damian, you have some ability with Edicts. Most people do. Yet, your proficiency is sorely lacking." Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Damian fidgeted nervously, though he did not interrupt.

"You must hone it. Range. Mana consumption. Application. You must master all three categories. You must understand how your mana shapes the world and only then will you start to understand what your Edict is." He pointed at me.

"My Lady, you have proficiency with Tenets. A Tenet is much more complicated, yet the principle remains the same. You must understand yourself, and only then can you begin to truly grasp Tenets." Just lovely. Estovan was a rather poor teacher, or perhaps he was simply trying to explain something we didn't have the basis to understand. Often, I left his guidance with more questions than answers. I did quite appreciate him trying, however.

Damian had something somewhat understandable to follow, while I had to follow something that could be considered at best subjective, and at worst mystical. Not only that, but then we had to learn the other path. Just how many years was this going to take? I was starting to find my own inner monologue needlessly petulant. Damian didn't seem too happy about it either.

"I don't think I can." He admitted, staring at Estovan.

"My mana pool has always been-" He trailed off, looked at me, then looked away again.

"It's hard to use my Gift for anything too complicated. If I had Esra's mana then…." There was no need for him to finish that sentence.

"I mentioned consumption, did I not?" Estovan asked, now pacing in front of us. He stopped, raised his rapier. The air grew heavy. He thrust forward. Nothing happened. There was a blinding flash in front of his rapier. A tree, perhaps a hundred feet away, exploded. A large hole was punched directly through the middle of its trunk. I stared. Damian stared.

"Now, how much mana do you suppose an attack like that required?" Estovan asked, turning to Damian.

"I don't know." He answered after a time.

"Let me phrase it this way. My own mana pales compared to Lady Esra, yet I can use that attack a dozen times over before I start to feel the strain." Damian's eyes slowly widened. Estovan slowly nodded.

"Good, it seems you're starting to understand. Knights with far less mana than you have have gone on to do great deeds. Never forget that." Damian seemed to stand taller than he had just a moment ago. Good, it wouldn't do for him to lose his confidence after what happened.

"Now, I believe that's enough for one day. And I believe Lady Esra has gotten the chance to clear her mind." I did. I hadn't realized it, but I'd really needed it. We began to step out of the arena. Sere was sitting at a chair Anias had brought in. Anias stood behind the chair. She had been helping the girl in my place. Sere looked faintly guilty as we approached.

"I do apologize, My Lady.

"For what?" I took a few more steps, glanced down at the small notebook in Sere's hand. The page she was on was very empty and very devoid of letters. I sighed.

"No, it's fine, Anias. I should have realized something like this would happen." Sere looked downright apologetic. I smiled at her.

"Anyway, did you like the fight?"

"Yeah, did you see just how strong I was?" Damian cut in.

"She didn't stand a chance!" He pointed at me. It was hard not to wince. It hadn't been that bad. At least it made Sere laugh, so perhaps it was not all bad.

"My Lady did admirably, given the circumstances she's from." Thanks, Anias. At least I have one defender.

"Shall we head back inside? I'll have some fresh tea prepared." It felt comfortable. It felt warm. I had really come to quite like this life. I took a very deep breath.

"There is something I wish to speak to you all about." Everyone was staring at me, with a mixture of confusion and concern. I had been wrestling with this for a while now. Damian and Anias had both risked their lives for me, though they barely knew me. Damian, I had come to reluctantly accept. Anias, I had come to rely upon. Estovan would have doubtless risked his life for me if he'd been there at the auction house. My father had perhaps risked more than just his life. Sere…

well, I didn't suppose there was any harm in including her. Despite all of my caution, so far, these people had stood by me. For what I planned to do, I would make quite a few enemies. It would be good if I had at least a few friends. It was a silly thought. Yet, if I couldn't trust these people, it was hard to imagine I'd ever trust anyone at all.

"I apologize." I bowed my head as low as I could manage.

"My Gift isn't Pain Nullification at all."

"Lady Esra-!"

"My Lady!"

"Esra!"

"Please, do let me finish." It was hard not to look at them, yet at the same time, I wasn't sure how I could.

"My Gift is closer to…Sensation Manipulation, I suppose. Pain is just one of those things. My Gift is broader, and I think I've only just started to scratch the surface of what it can do. I hope you can help me understand it more." This was one of the harder things I'd done in this life.

"I apologize for lying to all of you. I'd thought that would be wise. I realize now that to keep your allies in the dark is usually the opposite." Nobody spoke. I glanced up. Oddly, nobody looked upset. Why…why didn't they look upset? Damian looked something akin to relieved. Sere looked confused, maybe because I'd never lied to her. Anias and Estovan both had unreadable expressions, though their eyes were soft.

"Thank God." Damian let out a breath.

"I kept worrying what I was going to do if all you could ever do is turn off some pain. Now, maybe you can carry the weight a little. Phew!" He paused.

"Besides, it's a retainer's job to take blows for the ones they serve, not the other way around." Sere was making some kind of gesture with her hands as she looked as exasperated as I felt. I stared at him, reaching out, smacked his side.

"Ass." I turned towards Anias and Estovan again. Estovan was…handing a small, clinking pouch over to Anias.

"I couldn't have known," Estovan grumbled.

"I told you, there's a feel to these things." Anias sounded very pleased. What?

"I am confused," I said eloquently. They both looked at me. It was Anias who spoke up.

"Lady Esra, not for a moment did either of us believe that was your Gift. In fact, the two of us had bet on when you would be more straightforward. It seems I won that bet." Estovan nodded glumly.

"I bet Your Ladyship would wait at least a year. Alas, I was wrong on that front." Esra, you really aren't as smart as you think you are. Or perhaps, other people are much smarter than you give them credit for. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or annoyed. Instead, I just felt…relieved. It was an unburdening of a kind. A strange, alien feeling settled in my chest. I didn't mind it.

"So you both knew…from the start. And you were making bets behind my back." I said dryly.

"I do hope you know it is quite rude to embarrass a Lady. They both at least had the grace to look a little embarrassed. It wasn't the whole truth. There were things I could never say. I still felt the weight of them; perhaps I would carry their weight my entire life. Still, I did feel better.

"Ah, there was one more thing." Everyone looked at me curiously.

"I'm not entirely sure how to use it yet, but it did come in handy at the auction." I took a deep breath, felt that itch in my mind. I held out my hand. I pulled. It felt wrong somehow, like I was tearing through a barrier I couldn't see, one that was there for a good reason. Nothing happened for a moment, and then it came. A rusted sword materialized into existence, its heavy weight settling in my hand. It was hard to tell where the thing came from, or where it even went when dismissed. Truth.

If I'd assigned a personality to the Godblade, then all of its previous thoughts had been angry shouts. This felt more like a reluctant mutter. I gave it a small shake. Still rusted. Still heavy. Still useless. I looked at them again. This time, even Estovan and Anias looked shocked.