Chương 15: Perception and Sensation.

"Lady Esra, I do think this is quite excessive." Anias watched over me with obvious consternation on her face. That was not an expression I was used to seeing from her. It almost made me reconsider what I was doing. Almost.

"I'm afraid it's necessary," I said, proceeding to stab my arm with the small blade. Pain came immediately. I grunted. Hissed. Drops of blood leaked past the wound.

"My Lady-" Poor Anias did look like she was about to tear her own hair out. My mana ran within me. I tried to focus on the pain, willing it to just go away. It didn't work. It hadn't worked last time, or the dozen before it. I clicked my tongue.

"Anias, if you would." The woman nodded, channeling her mana. I felt it settle over my body like a warm blanket. The blood already welling up flew off to the side. The cut beneath vanished as the skin pressed closed. Anias had doubtless done the same to any tearing beneath.

"Eventually, My Lady, you are going to run out of skin." Anias stooped down and started to bandage the injury. Anias' Gift didn't let her heal injuries per se; rather, they made it as easy as possible for the body to heal itself. Sometimes the wounds still scarred. Apparently, this wasn't Anias' specialty, though she could have certainly fooled me.

"We still have a ways to go for that." I quipped, though she did have a point. I had at least six such wounds on my right arm so far.

"You are already training hard, My Lady. You needn't push yourself. One would think you're training for a war." Anias was referring to my sessions with Estovan. I don't know why, but the man had suddenly been quite insistent on drilling me these last few days. For now, that consisted of doing grueling exercises until my body was in shape, as he so put it. By now, even my cramps had cramps.

"Who knows?" I mused.

"This world is a dangerous place." I racked my brain again. That night, with that damned cube, I had used my Gift. It wasn't something I'd realized in the moment. There, all I'd thought about was pushing. Yet, looking back on it, I'd had so many minor injuries they should have stopped me. I hadn't noticed them at all. It was just as it was back then at that duel. The pains I should have felt, I simply didn't. The exhaustion that should have crippled me failed to. I knew that was my Gift. And yet I couldn't use it.

There was a connecting thread between the two incidents. I'd have to be a fool not to notice it. My emotions had been spilling over both times. Noticing the connecting thread just made this more annoying, not less. How exactly was I going to train with a Gift I could only use sometimes? I sighed, stabbed my arm again. Pain came, making me wince. No matter how many times I did this, that didn't make that initial pain any better. Though at least I wasn't hesitating as much anymore. I focused.

Focusing on the pain as hard as I could. Naturally, all focusing on pain did was make it worse. Just lovely. My concentration lasted for a solid minute before I sighed and leaned back against the grass. Had I been wrong? All of the puzzle pieces pointed in this direction. Maybe it wasn't a matter of being wrong or right. Maybe it was a matter of timing, and I would grow into my Gift as Anias had suggested. Whether that was a thing that actually happened or if she was trying to comfort me was anyone's guess.

At least I hadn't read up on anything like that. Most Gifts fit into neat little molds. Easy to understand. Some Gifts manipulated the elements. Rock, Fire, Wind, Air. Some rarer ones could manipulate Light, Dark, Magma, Ice, and even Blood. Many of them revolved around weapon proficiency. For instance, a Gift that allowed one to wield any shield, no matter how big or cumbersome. I'd even read about a Gift that gave one 'invisible hands', though they could only be used to carry weapons.

Then, there were more esoteric Gifts. These were very, very rare. To the point where I'd only been able to find accounts of a few of them. My apparent Gift, reducing pain, was a rare enough Gift. It was also… not a very useful one. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

"This sucks," I grumbled, staring up at the sky. I did always try to keep up the facade of the composed noble Lady, but right now, I was too annoyed to bother.

"My Lady." Anias cut through my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You didn't ask me to heal you. I didn't want to impose in case you were still trying something."

"Very well," I said dismissively. Anias' mana settled over me. Wait.

"Anias, stop for a second." I sat up quickly, staring down at the latest wound. Still bleeding. Barely hurting. I continued to stare at my arm. Maybe the connecting thread wasn't strong emotions at all, or at least not just that. Maybe it was simply a matter of awareness.

"Anias, close this wound, please." The woman nodded, sealed the wound, and bandaged it. As soon as she did, I stabbed myself again. I made the cut deeper than the ones before.

"Fuck." I hissed, gritting my teeth as I pulled the blade out.

"My Lady, this is excessive!" Anias moved forward.

"Please, Anias. Trust me." I hissed out. She took a very reluctant step back. I took a deep breath, tried to relax. I gazed out over the plain grass, occasionally letting my gaze drift over to the sparring arena. It settled on many of the weights Estovan had been having me lift before moving off again. I thought I could see a black circle moving somewhere in the far distance. Probably a Sky Circle. I wondered how Sere was doing. The girl had at least started to bathe and eat. Apparently, she responded well to Lana.

That was good. I had hoped for it, but I hadn't expected it. There. The stabbing pain lessened. It wasn't the smooth falloff that should have come naturally. This happened in a distinct step. And then, I was aware. Like looking over something, only to see it properly once you stumble right over it. It felt like a knob in my mind was turning. Click. Click. The pain lessened again. Now that I knew where to look, I reached out with mental fingers and grabbed onto those nobs. I took a deep breath.

Clicked them in the opposite direction.

"Fuck." I hissed, the pain suddenly sharper. More vivid.

"My Lad-" I cut Anias off with a hand. Slowly, deliberately, I touched the mental knob again. Click. Click. Click. The pain was all but gone. A dull throb in the back of my mind now. I started to laugh. I laughed and laughed until my stomach started to ache. Anias looked on at me worriedly, as if I had finally lost the sanity I barely had.

"Sorry- Sorry, Anias." I grinned.

"Feel free to heal me." She started to do just that. It had been about perception after all. It was a matter of tricking the brain into thinking I wasn't paying attention when I was, letting instinct take over. Lucid Dreaming was a similar concept back on Earth. I had practiced that quite a bit, from what I could remember. To think it would actually be useful!

"From your rather maniacal laughter, I take it you know how to use your Gift?" Anias asked curiously.

"I think I'm starting to figure it out." I grinned back, picking up the knife again. Now that I was aware of one mental knob. I was aware of all of them. It was Perception and Sensation. My Gift gave me the ability to control all of them. Everything was represented by a mental 'knob' in my mind. Now that I'd felt one, I could see them all clearly. Perceptions were by far the easiest. Perceptions of things like pain, temperature, or pressure. I could tweak them all at will, once I knew where to look.

For some reason, this seemed to encompass emotions, too. I'd accidentally discovered that when I'd turned up a knob that made me feel so giddy, I'd just started laughing for no reason. That- that side of my power was probably something best left unexplored for now. Then there were sensations. Sight. Touch. Taste. Smell. Hearing. These were much harder.

Not because they necessarily worked any differently, but because whenever I turned them just a little too high, a blinding pain would wash over me, forcing me to turn my sensations right back down to normal. As a useless benefit, turning my sense of sight down didn't have any consequences at all. One could already reinforce their senses with mana, but from all my reading, this was an inefficient thing at best. Reinforce your eyes, and you might be able to see, say, thirty percent farther if you were really gifted.

If I turned my sight up with my Gift, however, I could see things hundreds of meters in the distance almost as clearly as if they were right next to me. I hadn't had the time to test this yet, mainly because the sharp pangs of agony were really starting to wear me down. I should be able to turn my pain down while keeping the enhanced sight, but it was a little tricky for me still.

"I think we're done, Anias." I mused, rubbing at my eyes. The tree in the far distance became a brown blur once again.

"My body feels like it's made out of lead."

"My Lady has been at it for quite a while." Anias' voice sounded more than a little exasperated. I grinned back at her. Paused. Anias was very good at hiding her emotions, such that she had always been unreadable to me. Now, I could read her. She was curious. So curious, it spilled out of her into the surrounding air.

"What is it?"

"My Lady, what is your Gift?" She stood straight.

"You have been stabbing yourself over and over again, but I feel like I should still ask." It was time to make a decision. I'd kept up the ruse by repeatedly injuring myself, all the while I'd been testing out my Gift. It was a useful ability, one that became much less useful the more people knew about it. If people knew you could hear them from another room, they would use a magical implement, or simply not talk at all. Anias was a sworn maid. One who had gone along with my whims so far. Every single one of them.

It wasn't just her. Everyone in this household -well, mostly- had treated me with nothing but kindness. But telling one person a secret was little different than announcing it to the entire world. I'm sorry, Anias.

"Pain Nullification," I said brightly.