Chương 14: A Lot of Bad Parts.

Frustration was a dear friend.

"I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it!" I kicked up my feet, staring at the ceiling as the weighty textbook settled on my chest. At some point, all of the numbers had started to blend in together and look the same. I'd thought Point-Set Topology had been bad. Differential Topology was definitely going to give me an aneurysm sooner or later. My instinct was to quit for the day. Rest. Mom had at least bought me two new novels. Maybe if I actually showed I'd figured this out, she'd buy me a couple more?

"Alright. We can do this." I let out a big sigh, rose, and got back to work. Hours passed in silence. The only sound was me occasionally kicking or punching a wall out of frustration.

"... think that should-" A yawn forced its way out.

"Just about do it." My body felt like it was being weighed down with all the weight of the world. I was lying on my front, barely keeping my eyes open as I checked my answer against the answer sheet. I'd gotten it right. I'd gotten all of them right. Finally. Finally. The relief didn't come. It never did. It wasn't like it ended here, after all.

"... maybe- maybe she'll say I'm a good girl this time-" And maybe the sun would rise in the west. I was almost starting to get used to this. My eyes opened, and I was in my room. My arms ached. I tried to move them, but they only ached more. I raised them. They were covered in bandages, but that wasn't really where the pain came from. The pain came from cramps. Just lovely.

"Could be worse," I grumbled to myself.

"Definitely. You got lucky. It's hard to tear a muscle trying to move the immovable." I turned my head, only now noticing Damian in the corner.

"You are aware it's rude to be in a Lady's room all alone, right?" He was reaching over, a small wooden glass in his hand. He pulled it back.

"If you can say that, maybe you don't need to drink after all." I rolled my eyes.

"Is that any way for a Knight to act towards his Lady?"

"I'm not a Knight yet. I'm just a retainer." Still, he did give me the cup. I sat up, drinking gratefully.

"How long?"

"A few hours. You used a lot of mana, and your muscles should be exhausted." I could feel that well enough. I felt like a waterskin that had been left to drip all night, practically empty by the time it was found. Damian wasn't just here out of concern. That much was obvious by the set of his jaw. I was coming to realize that Damian was a very honest person, enough that you could tell when something was bothering him.

"Well? Out with it." I said, setting the glass down. He looked mildly surprised.

"Why did you do it?" My head tilted.

"I do ask that you be more specific."

"That girl. You went out of your way to…rescue her? Why?" It was hard to find an answer to that. It wasn't like I hadn't seen plenty of children in some level of destitution on that trip. My heart had ached seeing them, but I hadn't done anything. My body had practically moved on its own when I'd seen Sere.

"I'm not sure," I said finally. Honestly. We stared at each other.

"Alright." He didn't sound like he believed me.

"Why did you do it in…the way that you did?"

"I was angry." More honesty.

"I was furious. If I had thought about it more, I might have approached it- no. No. I might have been a little more careful, but the outcome would have been the same." Damian kept staring.

"Why? There are laws. Procedures. A proper way to do things. You could have gotten what you'd wanted, it just would have taken more t-""-time." I finished for him.

"That's if everything worked the way it was supposed to. If the laws really are ironclad, just and applied fairly to all."

"They are." Genuine conviction in his voice.

"I might use the law, Damian. And I did. But I won't believe in it. I would suggest you not either, because nobody else will." Stunned silence at that. He sighed finally, holding his head in his hands.

"Why can't you just be normal?"

"You do realize you don't have to be my retainer. If there is a way to take back your oath, feel free to do so. For I am not going to change." He looked up at me as if I were an idiot. Maybe- maybe I had gone just a little too far.

"An oath isn't easily given. It's never taken away." Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"I won't ask again then." He nodded slowly, leaned back.

"And how is she doing?" No need to mention who I was referring to.

"She's quiet. Scares very easily. Half the time I think she's about to run away when one of the maids talks to her. The other half-" He paused.

"She does try to run away."

"It's good I assigned such a capable retainer to catch her then." Damian shook his head. Looked at me, opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure I should be bringing this up when you've only just woken up." I stared at him.

"You brought everything else up just fine. Out with it."

"Alright." He began.

"It's about Sere."

"Wait up! Should you even be walking?" Damian's voice trailed behind me.

"I can walk just fine." I lied. My arms weren't the only things with cramps. Still, compared to my previous injuries, cramps were very manageable. Damian stopped at my side before starting to move at my pace.

"Why are her rooms this far back?" I asked. We were in the part of the manor mainly reserved for all of the maids and manservants. Quite a few of them saw us and hastily bowed.

"Anias didn't know where else to put her."

"I'll have to talk to her about that." Damian stopped in front of one room in particular. There was a muffled shouting coming from the inside.

"You should step back," I murmured to him before I flung the door open. Three maids huddled around a mop of blonde hair. Two of the women seemed to be trying to pull off the girl's clothes from either side. Lana was standing a few paces away, trying to gesture at them. Neither woman seemed to notice, or if they did, simply didn't care. Seres was putting up a real fight, her face tight and strained. How she'd fended these two off for this long was a mystery.

"That's enough." I snapped out. The two maids froze in place, looked at me, and then hastily moved away from the girl. Lana just looked relieved. Sere hunched in on herself as soon as the two stepped back.

"Are you two fools? Does House Veyne no longer employ maids with sound minds?" There was acid in my tone. The two women flinched.

"B-but My Lady, we haven't been able to get her to take the bath you asked." Ah. I did recall having said something like that.

"Out. All of you, out." I made the gesture to leave, more for Lana's sake than theirs. Neither of the two maids looked like they wanted to argue. Lana hesitated for a moment. The woman did somewhat know her letters, and Anias had taken to teaching her more. I gestured towards the door again, slowly nodded. I'd have written something if I'd had the time. She nodded. The three left, Lana drawing the door shut behind her. The three maids had drawn up a large bath in the corner of the room.

It was a large, round wooden tub. There was silence. No doubt Damian was standing right outside the door. I was now alone with a very frightened girl. Sere trembled as soon as I took a step toward her, somehow more afraid of me than she had been of the two maids by far.

"Hey- take it easy. It's fine." I murmured consolingly, holding up my hands.

"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, okay?" If my words had any effect, it was truly minor. She still looked terrified. Was it any wonder after what she'd seen? Now that I thought about it, I supposed I hadn't truly introduced myself to her yet.

"My name is Esra." I said.

"Your name is Sere, right?" My voice was soft, as comforting as I could make it. She only looked at me long enough to give the faintest of nods. If I hadn't been looking for it, I probably would have just missed it.

"You don't want to take off your clothes because- you're afraid of what other people might see?" I asked. It was more blunt than I would have liked. Sere flinched from the words. This was going about as well as I'd expected. I took a step back and raised my arms up again.

"It's okay. You can take you-" I paused. She was looking at me now. Not looking at me per se, but looking at my arms. Oh.

"You know, Sere, I have a lot of bruises too," I murmured.

"And I think I'm going to get a lot more of them in the future too." Sere didn't look particularly convinced, not that I'd expected her to. I slowly held out my arm in front of her. My arm had a couple of angry red welts along the side and a handful of cuts that had been bandaged over.

"Oh, and there's this too," I murmured, pulling up my dress. A scar trailed along my side where that woman ha- where I had stabbed myself. Then there was the angry bruise where Damian had punched me. That had mostly faded away by now. Anias had been adding something to my food to make the pain number. I was grateful for that. Sere stared at them before letting out something that sounded like a surprised gasp. There was something akin to recognition in her gaze. She looked much more interested now.

She took a small, hesitant step forward. Her hand reached out before setting down again.

"It looks worse than it is." She nodded. I wasn't exactly good with kids. I didn't know the first thing I was supposed to say in a situation like this.

"You know- sometimes bruises like this are just a part of life. Not a good part of life, but- well, they are proof we're still alive at least. That's something." Even in the moment, I knew that was the worst speech anyone had ever made. I looked at Sere, fully expecting the girl to retreat right back into her shell. She didn't. Instead, she was just staring at me. It was impossible to say what the emotion in her gaze was. Sere stepped back from me, turned. She didn't move away as I'd expected.

Instead, she was taking off her oversized cloak. I stayed there, breathless for fear of scaring her again just by breathing too loudly. My breath caught. Her skin was a crisscross of scars that ran all the way down her back until the cloth covered her again. My hands trembled. My fury boiled. If this world were no different from the one I'd left, then I would- Sere flinched, and I took a deep breath to compose myself. I'd reached into my mana again, frail as it was right now.

"Looks like your life has had a lot of bad parts, huh?" I murmured softly.

"You don't need to be ashamed of these, Sere." I reached out. Sere flinched away before I even touched her. My own hand trembled. Stupid.

"You're safe here. She can't hurt you anymore. She can't hurt anyone anymore." Sere turned, and there were tears staining her eyes. I didn't know what to do. Had I ended up upsetting her even more, rather than making things better? I reached out to touch the air between us. Sere trembled again. I let the hand drop. Damian stood dutifully outside the door. Anyone who so much as came down the hallway received an angry glare from him, at which point they proceeded to hastily move the opposite way.

Not the most subtle thing in the world, but it would do for now. He didn't know what was going on inside, but it wouldn't do for someone to just wander in. Besides, being alone like this gave him time to think. Esra Veyne was even more confusing than he had ever imagined. Damian had seen nobles play with the lives of the common people often enough before. A noble could have a normal person executed for any number of perceived slights. He'd seen it often. It had always made him sick.

He'd never seen a noble stab themselves, though. What was he to make of that?

"Father, I don't think you ever trained me for this." He grumbled to himself, leaning against the door. He almost missed it opening. He stepped aside hurriedly, right as Esra stepped out. She looked at him, nodded, and stepped away.

"Find Anias, Damian." Her voice was soft, and she didn't meet his gaze.

"Assign her Lana for everything she needs. Just Lana. It's fine if that maid doesn't do anything else but take care of her. And if she needs something, tell Anias to come directly to me." Damian found himself nodding.

"I will find her."

"And Damian do-" She hesitated.

"-do keep being kind to her."

"You don't need to ask, Esra." She nodded and started walking away. Still not meeting his gaze.

"Esra, are you okay?" The girl stopped, turned. Damian found himself flinching involuntarily. Her red eyes looked like they were glowing. Tears clouded them, though Damian got the distinct impression these were tears of anger rather than sadness. Mana swirled in the air. Damian had to lightly channel his own just to breathe freely again.

"I'm okay," Esra said after a time, her voice approaching normalcy.

"I just realized there are people in this world who deserve worse than the death I can give them." Damian hadn't known her for very long, but even he could feel himself getting a little nervous.

"What are you…planning to do?" Esra paused. Tilted her head.

"I'm going to figure out how my Gift works." Ah. That had been an issue.

"Do you have any…." She just nodded.

"I think I have a good idea now." That was good. He was more than a little curious himself. Esra half-turned, looking back at him. She smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm trusting you with this, Damian." It sounded like a command. His first real order as a sworn retainer. He'd see it done.