Chương 37: Lotsa Pasta

The Reconciler had a million spies in his employ. He paid them peanuts. Great troughs of goobers, suet, and seed were set out in rows along the edge of the Moon Gate. The vista was a sacred place, carved high into the side of Blagg Mountain. An observer could look past the half-built ramparts to watch the Viridian River snake through the misty valley below. Once, the Dwarves used this soaring overlook to conduct rites and imbue blades with the perfect temperament of moonlight.

Now, it was a waystation for great flocks of red-breasted blackbirds. Well fed, they took wing and flew to every corner of the world. They spied every battle from on high, from the smallest skirmishes to titanic clashes. Afterward, they flew back to perch on Bobbert's shoulder and warble all they'd seen. Soon, the Reconciler knew every maneuver and misfortune, every tactic and triumph of every army in the realm.

For the Heartbroken Brigade, the time before their triumph in the Bore had been a grueling campaign of slow marches. Again and again, they had arrived too late to save the day. No longer. Guided by the Reconciler, the young general sent his scant forces to strike where his foes were weakest. They always arrived at the perfect time, and regularly smashed forces twice their size. No ambush could catch them, no army could match them. The Gorelord suffered the worst.

The brave souls who fell in the Stand at Shattermine were avenged tenfold. Brakakak-Bak howled for revenge. The Sorcerer Supreme massed his Gorelord Goblins and besieged the half-built fortress at Blagg Bore. Though they outnumbered the Heartbroken Brigade ten-to-one, the Gorelord played right into Bobbert's hand. The undisciplined Goblins broke against stout Dwarven shields and merciless Imperial pikes. A whirlwind of curses screamed across the field, and sputtered against The Reconciler's will.

On the plane of ideals, two arcane minds clashed. Brakakak-Bak quit the field, squealing like a sow. Word of the ten-to-one victory spread quickly. On his swift steed Melodiah, Charinge the Bard rode across the realm and sang tales of the Heartbroken Brigade. Soon, everyone knew of the Doom of Dagbellow Dell, the Miracle at Macamill, the Return of Abaxios Oslune, and the Battle of Aravitrimore. Intrigued, soldiers and adventurers trekked for leagues to see the battlefield where the Diamond Drake was slain.

They continued north through Goblin country, eager to lay eyes on the thousand-scarred hide of Burbak Breakbow. The Berserker was too stubborn to die. Burbak refused to stay abed and roamed the halls of Blagg Bore, itching for a fight. No one was fool enough to oblige. To the surprise of all, Dwarves from Shining Peak began to arrive. For centuries, the Mountain Dwarves had run their abiding routines. Dwarvish tradition ran deep—past custom and into compulsion.

In the great forges, whispers of the war filled the space between wheezing bellows and clanging hammers. The foremen and the lords took no notice, but the lastborn and low-ranked began to slip away. One by one, they quit their posts, collected their treasures, and slipped to the surface. In the unkind light, they squinted east, cinched their packs, and set off for Blagg Bore. To their surprise, the newcomers were accepted by the kin they'd banished ages ago. There was a fortress to be built.

The mighty call rang across the realm. High Elves woke from their millennial slumber and abandoned their sacred glades. Moon Elves voyaged from afar, unable to explain the strange stirring in their souls. They barely dared to hope their dreams might be true. Once they arrived, it was undeniable. Abaxios Oslune was reborn. Great magi and seers met with Bobbert, scarcely able to believe a mere boy could bear the mantle of the Reconciler. The memory of Abaxios Oslune was tragedy upon tragedy.

The Reconciler had borne witness to every catastrophe of old. He'd battled empires that existed before history and walked beside gods. He had loved and lost so profoundly that the young apprentice felt like an ant perched atop an elephant. Against such splendor, Bobbert sometimes forgot that Abaxios rode upon his soul and not the other way around. He listened as the Elven magi urged caution. They were wise, but he could not follow their sage advice. The need was too great and the time too short.

The choices he made here would echo on for thousands of years. * The telephone in the isolation room was an old, harvest gold Western Electric rotary. The nurses swabbed it with Cidex every day. The handset smelled like burnt vinegar, but it didn't matter. It could have been covered in thumbtacks and fire ants, Robin would still pick up. No price was too high to talk to someone other than his abuela. The phone rang. Robin pounced on the receiver.

"Señor Martillo, por favor."

"Duncan! What's up? Que pasa?"

"Lotsa pasta to you too, bud. How are you doing? Is the fever better?"

"Yeah. It was pretty hairy for a few days, but I'm better now. One more week and I'm out of the bubble."

"That's good! Everyone's missing you. I'm proud to report that Blagg Bore still stands."

"Did anyone try to attack it?"

"Just one. Guess who?" Stolen novel; please report.

"Bill's back, huh?"

"Bingo. The dark lord hath returned and his Gorelord Horde tried to besiege the Bore immediately. They got absolutely mollywhopped."

"Ha!" Robin cawed. The laugh hurt his throat.

"What happened?"

"Vlad happened. We made rules for attacking Blagg Bore. Besiegers have to fight in a three-turn rush against a random opponent from the top four. Bill rolled a one."

"How unfortunate." Robin grinned.

"Vlad was ecstatic. Bill's big charge cracked up against the Shieldbearers. The bonus for being close to Dwarven-made fortifications is insane. Once the Gorelord charge broke, the whole battlefield became a shooting gallery for the Hawkmoon. Bill resigned at the end of turn two. I don't think anyone else will try to besiege Blagg Bore anytime soon."

"Tell Vlad I said thanks. How did Bill take it?"

"He turned purple. I almost had to give him another weeklong vacation."

"Is it weird with him back in the club?"

"Nah. We're used to him acting the fool. Once he cools down, he usually feels bad for being such a doofus. I think he really regrets flipping out on you."

"You can tell him I don't care. It's just a game. Tempers flare, you know."

"Still, you don't have to put up with that. I can't wait 'til you're back so we can play Adventures again."

"Wait, you're not continuing the adventure without me?"

"No, of course not. Vlad, Chuck, Sandy, and I talked about it. We'd rather wait until you're better. I think we had the perfect crew."

"Ah, you don't have to," Robin said. Secretly, he was thrilled.

"It won't be that long. School's almost out and the summer will just be getting started when you come back. It's gonna be so awesome. I've got some gigantic battles planned. You want to hear the news of the War in the North?"

"Hit me."

"You got it. I'm sad to report that Sandy's Redeemed Windsworn are getting slaughtered. JC has been on an absolute tear ever since he added The Black-Handed One to his roster. No one can get through his Warpstorm to reach the Summoner Coven. The demons flood in and it's game over. JC isn't even fielding Slish-Slish now. The combo is that strong."

"If only I'd made that roll to stop the ritual. Has JC faced against Vlad yet?"

"Not yet. We're taking bets on how it's gonna go. JC keeps telling Vlad he's going to mount Blakaba's head atop his Chaotic Standard. Vlad just smirks like he's got some secret weapon. Any idea what it is?"

"I have a few ideas. If JC's on a win streak, he's probably insufferably full of himself."

"Confirmed."

"It'll make him sloppy. Vlad can capitalize, big time."

"No doubt. Goblins seem really weak against Chaos, though."

"They are, but only if you field a regular army. Those huge mobs of low-morale Goblins are vulnerable to Demonic Infestation. If I were Vlad, I'd take an all-elite list with a Gorelord detachment. Then, I'd use Gutterblood Fanatics as frontline and hit his flank with Bloodfiends. They'd overrun the Summoner Coven. I'll bet JC is too chicken to field Slish-Slish against Vlad. He'd have no way to bail them out once the Bloodfiends get in melee."

"Wow! That might work. I didn't think about using the Gorelord. They seem so weak this season."

"They'd be a lot stronger under competent leadership."

"Ha! Buuurn! Okay, that actually reminds me of something I wanted to ask you. You can't share this with the other guys, all right?"

"I'm a vault," Robin declared. It was an easy thing to promise. Duncan was the only one who called.

"So, my master plan for the campaign was to build towards this gigantic showdown in The Valley of Six Mists, right? The two Goblin hordes roaring across the river, naval combat, beach landings, all of that."

"Yeah! It sounds wicked."

"The problem is, it's kind of a foregone conclusion. Everybody knows that Bill can't beat Vlad, except Bill. There's no tension. I need to change the gameplan and put together a battle that isn't so one-sided."

"Could you team Bill up with a stronger army? Him and JC together might be competitive."

"That was actually my first thought. The problem is, Bill and JC aren't speaking to each other."

"Again? What is it this time?"

"Literally an argument over Star Trek."

"Oh god." Robin snorted.

"That can't be for real."

"Bill thinks the uniforms in the trailer for the new movie look stupid. I hate to say it, but he's kinda right. They're space-smocks. JC doesn't agree, and now they're bitter enemies."

"Wow, a conflict for the ages."

"Sectarian violence is always the bloodiest."

"What about your new Arcane Beasts?"

"No-can-do. They're not officially released yet. Vlad would throw a fit. Plus, I think they might be a tiny bit overpowered."

"A tiny bit, like when the phantoms marched right through my troops and slaughtered my backline?"

"Yeah, that. Just a smidge. The other problem is, after his antics, no one is gonna be thrilled to team up with Bill. I think I have to bite the bullet here and play one of my old armies. Maybe the Dwarves."

"Story-wise, how can you have Dwarves allied with Goblins?"

"It's a tough sell, but my other armies are also Order-aligned. I've got my old Imperial Legion and Paladin Cavalry. They were so good a couple seasons ago. You would've loved playing Dwarves back then. Bulwark of the Ages used to stack with Bones of the World."

"No way, that's insane."

"It was. Pretty much won the season for me. Imperials have always been pretty average. Paladins wound up being more fun to paint than play. RSI doesn't make them anymore. I'm not sure any of them are strong enough to save Bill from himself." Robin thought about it for a moment.

"I agree, one isn't enough. What if you sent them all?"