Chương 18: DIARIO de MARTILLO III

"Why did he take away your little magician?" Una asked.

"It's part of the game."

"Do you want ice cream?"

"No, thank you."

"What did that boy say to you?"

"It's nothing." It wasn't nothing, of course. Robin didn't say. He stared out the passenger side window as the station wagon drove on Lomas Boulevard, towards the setting sun. Una turned on the radio. After a few blocks, she clicked it off.

"What did the doctor say?" Robin asked.

"Nothing much," Una lied. They were too much alike. Both were quiet the whole way home. * DIARIO de MARTILLO Maps of Aravitrimore Battle. ¿Neta por qué dije "¡Es lo que hay!" (Why did I say, 'It is what it is?') What a blunder! I should have taken Duncan up on his mulligan. I guess I might have lost to Sandy anyway. In terms of the overall campaign, my victory was huge. The Heartbroken Brigade took on a WORLD DRAKE and triumphed. Everyone was blown away. It was a perfect end for Prescote the Sage.

Duncan said he's going to mail the results in to the BLACK LABYRINTH committee. He hopes they'll make it a part of the official LOR storyline. But for me, this is a giant setback. There's no way I can afford another general and get it painted in time for next week. Worse, my Berserker Champion is on Death's Door, I won't have him back either. So even though I won a legendary artifact, I can't field it. I'm gonna get crushed next week. It's so easy for the other guys.

Vlad's got a job, Sandy's family is rich, Duncan owns the store. They can all buy another general and don't even have to think about it. I have to paint so many birds and it's just not enough. I'm being extra careful painting them now, too. I don't want Una to stay up all night fixing mine again. It was dumb to get into such an expensive hobby. Una tried to warn me. Tita hasn't been herself since Sunday. She spent half of yesterday in bed. It's not like her at all. I decided I'd make her dinner.

Nothing special, just a quesadilla and some tomato soup from a can. But she cried when I brought it to her. I guess maybe she's sad about Grandpa and going to the game store brought it all back. I told her she had to eat, just like she's always telling me, and she laughed at that. She came out to paint birds with me in the evening, but I can tell something's still bothering her. I wish she had some friends she could call. Everyone tries to be nice to her and she just pushes them away.

Mamá used to call her choya (cactus) all the time, especially after she stopped sending money. I called Una that once, after she popped me for talking back. Her face just caved in. She was so hurt, she didn't talk to me for two days even though I apologized a bunch of times. At the end, I felt so bad that I asked her to just hit me again and get it over with. It only made things worse. ¡Qué latosa! (She's so difficult!) I wish I could do something nice for her, but it's so hard.

She hates to get gifts, she doesn't like compliments, and she gets upset when I try to do any chore that's hers. Maybe I'm too much like her and that's why nobody calls me anymore. * Una brought me to talk with Dr. Suarez. Now I know why she was so upset. My numbers are bad. If they get any worse, I have to go back to the hospital. I'm so stupid for thinking Tita was being a pesada (drag) when really she was just sad for me. I got really mad that she didn't tell me right away.

Una explained she wanted me to have the doctor there when I learned so I could ask questions. It made sense once I calmed down. Dr. Suarez warned us not to jump to conclusions and that they needed to run a lot more tests before they figured out the best course of treatment. I wish she would just come out and say it: the cancer is back. The treatment didn't work. Tough luck, jerk! If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

While we were talking, I could feel this emptiness growing around us. I couldn't hear what they said. I was just tumbling through space, like a frozen astronaut. I don't think I ever really believed that this would work. There was always that emptiness waiting outside. It was just like when I found out Mamá was gone. I didn't cry, but I knew it would hurt so much later. I'm glad I could hold it together in front of Una. She's always going on about how brave the Martillos are.

When we got home, Una lit a candle and made me pray with her. I went along, but I felt that same nothing inside. I prayed so much for Mamá and no one ever answered. I guess we're just cursed. Una says from now on, we're going to church more. I didn't say anything because she was so worked up, but I swear if she tries to take me tomorrow, I won't go. I didn't want to paint more birds because why bother? Pretty soon I'll be too sick to play anyway. My hair's all falling out already, it'll just get worse.

I look like a freak and I don't want anybody to see me. Una said she was going to the store, then she didn't come back for hours. I remember Mamá using that same move on me like a hundred times. When I realized she wasn't coming back soon, I thought I should just cry and get it over with, but nothing came. I'm not even that mad really. I just feel numb, and dumb for doing all those treatments that made me feel awful for nothing. I should have just run away and hitchhiked to California.

At least then I wouldn't be such a burden. I'm just so tired. I wound up painting birds, after all. It was better than thinking about it. * Yesterday was just a big gray waste. My head hurt and I couldn't even read. I just stayed in my room staring at the hooks in the ceiling. I kept wishing a portal would open up and carry me off to somewhere else. Even when I tried to just think about the campaign, I couldn't. I'd give anything to escape this. Una tried to take me to church and I said no.

She got angry and I said I wouldn't go, not even if she dragged me. Later on I could hear her crying. Me sentí bien gacho, la verdad mejor ni nacía. (I felt like trash. I honestly wish I'd never been born.) Today was shaping up to be about the same, but I got a call from Duncan to let me know he's changing the campaign schedule. This weekend will be Skirmish Day, which he says is a huge club favorite. You play four little battles and based on how you do, you get a chance to win loot for the campaign.

It sounds awesome and it would be perfect for me since I don't have enough birds to get a new general yet. I should have painted more instead of moping around all day yesterday. Then, he dropped the big news on me: RSI has a new game out! It's called Rapaxoris Adventures. It uses the same world as Lords of Rapaxoris, but you only play one character instead of a whole army. Duncan says it's a lot more story-focused than LOR. You still use miniatures, but you delve into dungeons and crypts and stuff.

They're going to play a game after hours at the store on Friday night and I'm invited! Duncan asked me not to tell the other guys because he's only inviting the people who he thinks are fun to play with. He says he knows I'll take it seriously and do a good job. I instantly said "sign me up". Then, I realized I would probably be too sick to go. Before I could say so, Duncan started talking about all these ideas for the campaign and how he could tie the new game in.

I got out my journal and gave him some of the backstory I've written up for the Heartbroken Brigade. He was really into it. He kept spinning off new ideas and weaving them into other stuff that's happening with the other armies. He let me in on a store-owner secret too: there's a new Virtue-aligned Arcane Beasts army coming out that he's already painting. Vlad doesn't know about the new launch. He's gonna flip out when Duncan springs the new army on him. Apparently, it's super strong.

RSI is trying to balance out how dominant Chaos-aligned armies have been this season. Duncan hopes one or two players will flip sides to Virtue so the campaign gets more competitive. In the end, I got so stoked that I forgot to say anything about getting sicker. Maybe I'll feel better by Friday. I think Duncan would be in charge of the club even if his family didn't own the store. A lot of what makes the game great is how enthusiastic he is.

He's great at making tiny changes so things fit together and suggesting things to ramp up drama. It's funny how JC and Bill are always accusing him of rigging the campaign in his favor. I think he just wants to have the best storyline so it's more fun for everyone. I'm glad those two aren't invited to Adventure Night. At the end of the call, Duncan offered to loan me his Gorthar for a while if I couldn't scrape together another general. It's a really nice gesture but man, what pressure!

I'd hate to lose with a borrowed general. After I talked to Duncan, I felt ten times better. I thought about the first day I walked into Duke Games and saw him and Vlad playing The Doom of Dagbellow Dell. I was so messed up from treatment, but somehow it made everything more vivid. Like I could really imagine the armies and the troop movements like I was right there on the battlefield. Maybe this time it'll be more like that and less puking.