Chương 49: That Which Goes Bump
Reincarnated As A Horny Single-Celled Organism [Adventure | LitRPG | Comedy] · DuncanSpice · 52 chương · ~15 phút đọc · Tạo 08/09/2026
Andy was being shaken awake. It was dark. Something was over his mouth, a thick scaled…rope? No–not a rope. A tail.
"Andy." He heard Reggie's voice in his head.
"It'ss here Andy." Andy stopped moving and the little basilisk removed his tail slowly from Andy's mouth. There was no noise. Everything was silent. The fire had been extinguished. There were no crickets chirping. And then Andy heard it. Crunch Like someone stepping on gravel. Crunch A second step. Andy carefully sat up. Around him the others were already awake. Sessaly stood motionless near the remains of the fire. Georgina was crouched holding a bow from behind a stack of crates.
Gustave was perched on Kesseroth's shoulder who was completely still. The dragon's molten bronze eyes were fixed on the darkness beyond the camp. Crunch. Andy strained his eyes. Something moved behind the trees. One shape, impossible to discern. Then two shapes. Andy blinked. The shapes vanished. Crunch A wagon shifted. The overturned vehicle moved several inches further through the dirt. Crunch Something exhaled and that sound was a horrible amalgamation of exhaust pipes in a bowl of pudding.
Wet, sloppy, raspy, horrifying. All the hair on the back of Andy's neck and on his arms stood on end. A cloud moved allowing the moonlight to better illuminate the camp. Andy wished it hadn't. A hulking monstrosity stood at the edge of the clearing. His eyes tried to make sense of what he was seeing but when he tried his ears began ringing. Or was that his horn? It was large. Larger than the human form of Kesseroth. Perhaps. The thing seemed unwilling to remain the same size for more than a few seconds.
One moment it was quadrapedal, the next he had six legs, then two, and then none at all. The creatures silhouette shifted constantly as if reality couldn't quite pin down how it was supposed to fit together. Andy focused on what he thought was his head. That turned out to be another mistake. There wasn't just one. Faces emerged from folds of flesh before sinking back inside. An antler appeared, then a branch. Was that a wagon wheel? The creature took another step. Crunch. It's foot(?) came down on the overturned wagon. The wood vanished. It was as though the wagon had been incorporated into whatever impossible process was occurring beneath its skin. The being paused. It tilted several of its heads. All of them were fixed on Andy. The only sound was the screaming of Andy's horn. The being made a sound. Andy's first thought was, oh please make it stop. His second thought was that it must be the sound that a duck with a chainsaw for a beak playing the bagpipes sounds like.
The third was how deeply unfair the comparison was to both ducks and bagpipes. [WARNING:? TIER HORROR DETECTED]"Oh, very helpful system. Thanks as usual." [THANKS ARE NOT REQUIRED.] Before Andy could finish the train crash of thoughts running through his mind Kesseroth had taken on his dragon form and had vanished from Andy's side. One moment he was standing at the remains of the fire and the next he was a crimson blur across the clearing. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road.
Report any occurrences. The eldritch being turned. Too late. Kesseroth's claw struck the creature square in what Andy desperately hoped was its chest. The impact sounded like an unstoppable force hitting an unmovable object. The ground shook with the impact. A shockwave blasted through the clearing and sent loose crates tumbling. The creature folded. Reality itself seemed to bend along with the creature. Several heads disappeared and three new one emerged.
One appeared halfway down what had previously been a leg it seemed to be yodelling. Gustave shot wind blade after wind blade at the being. Limbs separated, flesh tore. A section of the creature slid free and hit the ground. It began crawling away from the fight, away from the rest of its body. Sessaly thrust both hands forward and water began drawing up from wherever it had been beneath the earth, moisture in the air, all coalescing.
As she concentrated it grew until a huge twisting column wrapped itself around the being before freezing solid. The being was trapped. Until an eyeball appeared on the ice, followed by an arm and then a leg. The ice was becoming a part of the being. It took a step forward. Crunch. The dragon struck again. A mighty tail whip launched the thing across the clearing. It tore through two trees, A moment later it began squelching back towards the party.
"What is happening?" Georgina shouted, firing off an arrow. Each arrow struck the beast sticking out at odd angles.
"I was really hoping you were going to tell me!" Andy shouted back. The horror made it back to the campsite. Its attention shifted between the hawk throwing wind blades, the wet woman quickly forming another ball of water, the dragon lining up another attack, Georgina firing arrows, a crate. The battle stopped. One enormous arm with three hands reached down and picked up the crate. The being rotated it, upside down, sideways. The party watched in confusion as the horror continued to study the crate.
It tucked the crate into its body. A disturbing moan escaped one of the mouths. Crate now forgotten it lunged at Gustave who banked right narrowly avoiding contact. The creature followed for a moment and then it got distracted by a dried out bush. Not much more than a tangle of sticks. Then the next distraction was a rock, then Kesseroth. It couldn't seem to decide what mattered. The ringing in Andy's horn grew louder. Something tugged at Andy. He couldn't quite put his finger on the sensation. Recognition?
Not quite. Something more. The creatures gaze snapped back toward him. Every head turned simultaneously. It took a step toward Andy. Crunch. Kesseroth landed between them. The dragon spread his wings.
"No." The eldritch thing paused. Several eyes blinked. Then one of its heads tilted in confusion. Andy's [TRUTH SENSE] confirmed it. The being was confused. Genuinely confused. Then the ground exploded. VInes burst upward beneath the creature. Acting entirely on instinct Andy had finally joined the fight. The horror looked down at the vines. Looked back up at Andy. It did it twice more and then another head tilted. It seemed to be saying, Oh. that's interesting. It reached down. Every member of the party tensed.
It gently picked the vine up. Several heads gathered around the specimen as though participating in a group project. On head appeared fascinated, another concerned, a third continued yodeling. Then the creature shoved the vine into itself. The vine emerged from somewhere close to the general shoulder area of the thing. The vine wiggled around then wilted. The creature looks at the wilted vine and now it seemed disappointed.
Its attention shifted to Gustave as windblades slides through its torso, to Georgina as arrow after arrow stuck in its side. A rock on the ground caught the moon's reflection just right and that too stole the attention of the being. It looked at Andy again. The ringing in his horn intensified. It took another step toward him. Crunch. The dragon narrowed his eyes, "Andrew."
"What?"
"Why is it continuing to look at you?"
"You know Kess, I keep asking myself that same question." Another step. Another Crunch. The being paused. Several mouths opened. The sound that emerged was horrifying. It sounded almost like words. Almost. Like a language being remembered by something that no longer understood how mouths worked.
"MMmMmmmeeeehhh" The creature stopped and several heads frowned. It tried again. Aahhhhhhhnn" The head that had been yodelling (continuously) sneezed.
"What is it doing," Georgina asked.
"I think…" Sessaly said slowly.
"I think it's trying to talk." The ringing of Andy''s horn was almost unbearable. A strange sensation crawled up his spine. The feeling of finding something right where you expected it to be, of hearing someone make the same joke you were thinking, the feeling of– The creature turned abruptly. All heads swung northward toward the facility. It let out a mournful howl, turned and ran. Toward the forest, toward the facility. Squelching, cracking and crunching was all that they heard for several minutes.
Georgina finally lowered her bow, "Well." Reggie raised one tiny hand.
"I would like the record to sssssshow that I warned all of you.

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