Chương 11: Close Encounters of the Human Kind

Andy was headbutting a grub out of a rotting log when he heard the footsteps. It had a cadence that was uniquely out of place among the forest noises. It was close and getting closer. He froze, the grub half extracted from its burrow and dangling from the tip of his horn like a particularly unappetizing hood ornament. It wiggled in the air between Andy's face and the log. His eyes were blurry but oriented toward the source of the sound.

The shape made his entire body go rigid with a recognition so deep that he couldn't move. A person. A person. A person wearing pants, shoes, a shift and carrying a fishing pole. Not only was this a person, but this was a person with artifacts of a society. The system said he couldn't become a human, so he assumed there were no humans. But here one was. And he had hands! Andy stared at the hands with desperate focus. Five fingers on each hand. This was real.

He hadn't realized how much he missed hands until this exact moment. Seeing a person made his death hit differently. That's when he noticed his legs were shaking. He tried to swallow and found that his tongue was sticking to the roof of his very dry mouth. Then the grub on Andy's horn wiggled. The human saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and he looked down. His reaction was immediate. And from Andy's perspective, horrifying. The human slowly, very slowly kneeled down.

His mouth fell open and his lips moved. He produced sounds Andy could not understand, whether because his frog brain couldn't decode or it was a language he didn't understand. They reached for him. The hand reach and words weren't aggressive. They were curious and the reaching was that careful "I'm going to pick you up" gesture that Andy had performed a thousand times at the vet clinic with patients who were scared and small and the giant meant no harm. But he was now that small scared creature on a log.

A creature with an unprecedented glowing horn that currently had a grub dangling from it. This giant had no idea that the small scared creature had a human consciousness, that his horn was a cosmic joke and that he, right now, was going through his very complicated relationship with virginity and a VERY strong preference for not being put in a jar. Andy bolted. His frog-like body had become good at bolting.

Whatever compromises had been made in the looks department were definitely made up for in the jumping and skittering departments. His hind legs contracted and launched him four body lengths away into some tall grasses. The human made a surprised sound and circled the log trying to locate where the very unusual creature had gone. The horn was glowing, because of course the horn was glowing. His stealth detracting, attention grabbing, can't dim it horn was lighting up the grasses like, "Here. Over here.

Your quest item is here." The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. He leapt again and again. Bouncing through the moss and grass with a panicked energy he could barely contain. He knew that if he were to be grabbed it was all over. If he were a human, and the tables were turned he would definitely catch this frog and examine it. It would definitely get studied and would live out its unprecedented life in captivity. Andy was not going to let that happen.

He would not be a shiny pokemon ripe for collecting. The human pursued for a few minutes until it'd finally lost his trail. He veered off to the right while the human had circled back toward the lake. Andy sat in the grass breathing heavily, the grub dangled in front of his eyes, now completely lifeless. This world had humans, humans with language and tools and curiosity. Andy wanted it. It came bubbling from his stomach warming his neck with a ferocity he hadn't known he could possess.

He wanted to stand in a room and say, "I'm Andy Snodgrass." to have someone hear it, and understand it. To be normal, and safe, and loved. To have someone say, "Oh, nice to meet you, Andy." and have it be the most normal, unremarkable thing in this miraculous world. Unicorn was his path. Mythic creatures sat atop the evolutionary tree according to The System.

"System, if there are humans, why am I unable to become one?" [HUMANS AREN'T CAPABLE OF EVOLUTION]"Why not?" [UNKNOWN]"If mythic creatures are at the top of the evolutionary tree, is it safe to assume they are above humans? [QUERY NOT RECOGNIZED.] [HUMANS ARE INCAPABLE OF LEARNING ABILITIES OR INTERACTING WITH SYSTEM INTERFACE. THEY ARE NOT ON AN EVOLUTIONARY TREE.] Andy sat with that awhile and thought about the implications. Humans are secondary here. No more special than he had been on Earth.

They may have hands, but he could learn and grow and change. However, as he grew and changed he would become more complex, more capable and more likely to have speech and hands and the ability to be recognized as someone rather than a something. Every path he'd taken, every tier he'd climbed kept coming back to the weird, glowing phallic, can't-dim-it, scares off other creatures, definitely didn't scare off a fisherman horn.

[XP: 898/1600] Andy watched the lake (quite a ways down from his original territory to avoid the fisherman). A fish came out of the water to eat a waterbug. That fish was in the lake with me. We were neighbors. I, however, am going to continue to advance past the lake, while the fish will remain a fish. I know that there is more than the lake, more than this forest, and that is either the greatest advantage or greatest cruelty the system has given me. And so Andy sat in the reeds and steeled himself.

He wanted and resolved with every one of his (multiple) cells that he would become something that could look others in the eye. Something that could someday, walk up to someone and introduce himself without the other party screaming, or making him into a specimen. Eventually. Seven hundred and two experience stood between him and the next evolution, and Andy Snodgrass, the most determined horny form in the history of reincarnation was going to get there.

He lowered himself into the water and waited to lure in a fish. There was hunting to do and fish provided more XP than bugs.