Chương 21: Party of Four

A dark shadow had been following Teeth and Andy on their woods excursions for a few weeks. It never followed into the clearing, but was especially prevalent when Andy would run a speed trial. Changing and unnatural wind patterns preceded the shadow and died down shortly after it disappeared back into the canopy. This was a creature Andy was moderately sure was the same shadow he'd encountered as a Jellyfish. He didn't know why he felt that way–just that he did.

On this particular day, (Andy called it Whatsday because he'd lost track again and what day it was didn't really matter now, did it?) The shadow came to rest on a high branch that overlooked the entirety of this speed trial. It was a hawk, and it seemed to be observing him.

"Another observer," Andy thought finally pushing through his eighty-seven percent gallop efficiency.

"First Teeth, then Ranger, and now a mysterious windy hawk. Apparently watching me run is better than whatever they'd been doing prior. They must need reality television in this world. Otherwise my horn's fanclub is going to get out of control fast." Teeth sent the emotional equivalent of grimace.

"It's that bird again." This time it came with an irritation that borderlined on possessiveness. The companion bond amplified this emotion but he knew that she would deny it if asked.

"I know. It's been following for quite some time."" I don't like it."

"It's not attacking, it's just watching. Plus I'm pretty sure we could take it." The fox sent the psychic equivalent of a narrow-eyed, suspicious glare directed at the roosting bird.

"Hey," Andy thought, pushing the thought outward through his horn at maximum volume.

"Hey, up there. I can see you. We've been able to see you for weeks. You're not as stealthy as you think you are. Come down here and introduce yourself or stop following us because the fox is getting territorial and I don't want a fight." His broadcast went out. The golden-green pulse radiated upward through the canopy. Silence stretched by for long enough that Teeth was getting ready to move on when suddenly there was a response.

A psychic impression arrived through a channel similar to Teeth's but fundamentally different in texture. Where the fox's impressions were warm, candid and usually dripping with sarcasm or annoyance this impression was sharp, clear and professionally cold. Like the emotional equivalent of toothpaste for your brain. Acknowledgement.

"I have been observing you. I was not attempting to be stealthy. If I had been–you wouldn't have noticed me. I was evaluating."

"Evaluating what?"" Whether or not you were worth descending for."" And your conclusion?" The hawk came down. It dropped through the canopy gap with graceful control. Andy suspected it was also magical as the descent was too slow, too precise for a creature with a wingspan as long as Andy's body. The air around the hawk curled inward which suggested he was not riding the wind but quite the opposite. It landed on a branch much closer to Andy's head and with a snap folded his wings shut on his sides.

He was beautiful. His plumage was a gradient that ranged from bronze to pale gold. It shifted with the light. His eyes were a brilliant yellow (not at all like the fox's honey amber) and the intelligence behind them was real and vast. Tier 4 or 5 at least Andy guessed. The confidence and complexity of this creature was enough to have Andy be almost certain, then the System confirmed it. [ORGANISM DETECTED: STORM HAWK (RAPTOR ADEPT). TIER 4. ELEMENTAL AFFINITY: WIND.] The hawk could manipulate wind, which explained the controlled descent and meant he had been steering air currents around Andy's clearing for weeks, watching from angles aerodynamically impossible without magical assistance. A second impression followed: he had been observing Andy since his arrival in the forest. His amphibian form (a speck with a glow). His equine evolution. The fox. The ranger.

The hawk had been evaluating the entire situation with the patient, slightly condescending thoroughness of a predator that considers itself above (literally and metaphorically) the affairs of ground-dwelling creatures but has reluctantly concluded that the glowing horn is interesting enough to warrant a closer look. He radiated condescension.

He looked at Andy the way a tenured professor looks at a promising but sloppy undergraduate: recognition of potential, disapproval of execution"Well," Andy sent, his horn pulsing with an amused, slightly offended energy. Here he was being judged by a bird, "nice to meet you too. I'm Andy. The glowing horn is a long story. The fox, Teeth, is my friend. The ranger is… complicated."

" Don't call me that." Teeth added. The hawk sent, " Your gallop is inefficient. Your turns are sloppy.

Your horn controls you and not the other way around. Your shelter is ridiculous and built by a human. You have the magical signature of a creature who could be mythical but has the physical grace of a newborn foal and the emotional intelligence of a boy going through puberty." Andy stared at the hawk. The hawk stared back unblinking.

"Can you believe that?" Andy thought, aiming the thought at the fox but definitely ensuring the hawk could hear it as well.

"He's been following me around like a weird stalker for who knows how long and he's a bird who is telling me that I'm bad at running. A creature whose only relationship with the ground is optional is judging me for not being good enough at navigating it. And not only that but the emotional intelligence thing was just hurtful and untrue." Teeth responded: amuse amuse amuse "I like him."

"Really? You like him? You barely tolerate Ranger and you like this guy?"

"He's not wrong."

"She built us a house!"

"And?" From his branch, the hawk, who had been following this exchange with more than a little disdain, sent a new impression." Enough bickering. I've decided to join you." This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. Both Andy and the fox stopped mid-argument and turned to look at the hawk.

"Decided to join me? I didn't invite you."" I do not require invitations. I am a Storm Hawk. I affiliate with the worthy, or I do not affiliate at all. You have the potential to become worthy. Your horn compensates for your many deficiencies. I will affiliate."

"My horn… compensates… for my deficiencies?" Andy simultaneously felt complimented and deeply insulted." Indeed. I am Gustave." The hawk communicated completely openly. He considered his truth to be true and therefore worth saying. Andy loved him begrudgingly and immediately.

"You have no filter do you?" Andy sent. His horn resonated, as it too, appreciated being unfiltered.

"You are a magnificent, judgemental, full of hot-air bird who has been following me through some embarrassing moments and you still decided to join us. I am honored." Gustave sent back,"Please reduce your horn output. You are emotionally blinding. You horn is throbbing."

"It does that when I'm excited, don't worry, it's a whole thing. You can read about it if you want once the first arc is over."" What?" Gustave intoned." Don't bother trying to understand." The fox responded.

"He's a little crazy I think. Too much time being alone. But it doesn't really get in the way very often. Usually only when he narrates while he's doing a thing." [PARTY FORMATION: UPDATED] [NEW MEMBER: STORM HAWK (RAPTOR ADEPT). TIER 4. ELEMENTAL AFFINITY: WIND.] [PARTY FORMED: 3 MEMBERS] [PARTY BONUS XP: +25% ON ALL XP GAINS WHILE PARTY MEMBERS ARE WITHIN PROXIMITY RANGE.] [HERD BOND: ACQUAINTANCE (RAPTOR ADEPT)] Twenty-five percent!

The hawk's presence was justified on purely mathematical grounds, independent of his very amusing personality. Now Andy had a slightly (very) sarcastic fox, a wonderful but deaf (to him) Ranger and a bird who communicated almost exclusively in backhanded compliments. This was going to become the best party ever. They spent the afternoon together coming up with new tactile moves that Andy insisted on naming.

First there was the Weather or Not: The hawk creates wind, the fox creates confusion with illusions, and Andy finishes the creature off with an unexpected horn attack. Then there was the Tail and Horny Jail, The fox uses illusions to herd the creature into position. The hawk dive-bombs and Andy traps the creature in a series of quickly grown vines.

The Frequent Flyer program where the enemy gets launched with a solid hoof attack, the hawk catches and hits the organism mid air and then the fox finishes it off once it hits the ground. He also tried to name the party The Circle of Strife or The Department of Unnatural Consequences, however both were immediately shut down. Several days into their group training Andy stopped mid exercise to look at a rock on the edge of the river. There he found a crustacean.

It was about the size of Andy's hoof and was attached to a rock. It seemed to have a permanent adhesion to the rock as if at some point it had decided that this rock was the rock and he was willing to accept no others. It had a shell that was greyish brown and ridged. It was unremarkable by any standard judgement of any category. [ORGANISM DETECTED: TIDAL CRUSTACEAN (SESSILE). TIER 3. NO ACTIVE EVOLUTION PATH. STATUS: STATIC.] Tier 3.

This thing was an organism alright, but it was not evolving, not progressing, just existing. Existing on a rock in a river. This creature seemed to have found its place in the world and was not interested in finding a different one.

"Static," Andy sent, "What a bizarre classification. This crustacean has looked at the System's endless progression of tiers and paths and specializations and said 'no thank you, I'm fine here, on this rock, being a crustacean.' Either the laziest organism in the world or the wisest. Genuinely cannot determine which. Also, it's the first creature in this forest whose horn situation is less impressive than mine, and I'm choosing to feel good about that." Andy stood over the crustation.

It didn't move, to acknowledge his presence, it didn't do anything at all. It seemed as though sessile crustaceans had elected, at a species level, to make doing nothing their entire life path, and Andy could respect that enormously. An entire life of Saturdays.

"Hey," he sent with as much calm and gentleness as an eccentric, half crazed, not-yet unicorn could.

"Would you like to join my party?" No response. It sat on its rock and filtered stream water and gave no indication that it had received, processed, or formed an opinion about Andy's psychic communication. Andy's horn, which had never failed to get a reaction from anything it was pointed at, had finally met its match.

"That's fair," Andy sent.

"You're busy. I respect that. Standing on a rock is a full-time commitment and I wouldn't want to distract you from your work." [PARTY FORMATION: UPDATED] [NEW MEMBER: TIDAL CRUSTACEAN (SESSILE). TIER 3. NO ACTIVE ABILITIES. NO PSYCHIC CAPABILITY.] [PARTY FORMED: 4 MEMBERS] [NOTE: TIDAL CRUSTACEAN DOES NOT CONTRIBUTE TO PARTY BONUS XP BUT BENEFITS FROM PARTY PROXIMITY EFFECTS (HEALING AURA, CALMING INFLUENCE).] Andy looked at the notification and felt incredibly pleased.

He looked back at the crustacean who had not moved, nor given Andy any indication other than party acceptance that it could even hear him.

"You joined?" Andy exclaimed, his horn pulsing with incredulous delight.

"You joined! O asked and you joined. Welcome aboard, king. Welcome to the party. You contribute nothing and you benefit from everything and that is fine because you provide morale. Morale is the most undervalued stat in every job I've ever held." Circling above, Gustave sent an impression,"I refuse to accept a crustacean as a colleague." The fox shot back,"The crustacean is a better conversationalist than you." His response was a gust of wind that ruffled the fox's fur from the wrong direction.

Hers was a psychic impression of such concentrated serene indifference that the hawk's yellow eyes narrowed to slits.

"We're a team." Andy thought while looking at his party: A not-quite unicorn with a loud and throbbing horn, a sarcastic illusionist fox, a judgemental wind-controlling hawk, and a crustacean.

"We are the world's most ridiculous adventuring party. We have a tank (me, by default, because I'm the biggest and my horn is the most threatening thing we've got, which says more about the party than the horn), a rogue (the fox, obviously), a ranged DPS (the hawk, and he'd be offended by the gaming terminology, which makes it funnier), and a…" He looked at Barnacle.

"…a mascot. Every party needs a mascot." A name arrived with the naturalness of something that had always been true and was only now being noticed: Barnacle. The crustacean's name was Barnacle, because it was a crustacean on a rock and the name was right. Andy was not going to justify it. Names either felt correct or they didn't, and this one felt correct.

"Barnacle," he broadcast through his horn at maximum volume.

"Your name is Barnacle. You are a member of this party. You will be respected. You will be included. And if anyone questions your contribution, I will defend your membership with every ounce of horn-channeled life magic I possess. You, Barnacle, represent the highest form of evolutionary achievement: contentment." Barnacle did not respond.

Barnacle was on a rock, and on a rock Barnacle would remain, immovable, unchanging, the still point around which the rest of the party orbited, a crustacean of principle in a world of compromise. [PARTY MEMBERS: 4] [1. PROTO-EQUINE (MAGICAL BEAST) - TIER 5 - ROLE: TANK] [2. SPIRIT FOX (VULPINE ADEPT) - TIER 5 - ROLE: DPS] [3. STORM HAWK (RAPTOR ADEPT) - TIER 4 - ROLE: RANGED DPS] [4. TIDAL CRUSTACEAN (SESSILE) - TIER 3 - ROLE:???] [PARTY BONUS XP: +25% (CRUSTACEAN DOES NOT MODIFY BONUS)] [HERD BONDS: COMPANION (VULPINE ADEPT), ACQUAINTANCE (RAPTOR ADEPT), ACQUAINTANCE (TIDAL CRUSTACEAN)] And then they were four. A party that made no sense, had the healer as a tank, had no coherent strategies and possessed a laughable combined combat capability), and Andy loved every single one of them with fierce, irrational loyalty. He was a man who had been alone for a very very long time and would never, if he had any say in the matter, be alone again.

From his branch, the hawk sent,"Your sentimentality is showing." Teeth replied,"Let him have this." Barnacle said nothing. The party was ridiculous. The party was perfect. The party was his. [SPECIES: PROTO-HORSE (MAGICAL BEAST)] [PURITY AFFINITY: ACTIVE] [VIRGINAL STATUS: MAINTAINED] [CONTRIBUTING FACTOR WEIGHT: 23%] [PARTY MEMBERS: 4] [HERD BOND: COMPANION (VULPINE ADEPT)] [SOCIAL BOND: DEVELOPING (HUMANOID, RANGER-TYPE)] [XP: 1897/3000] [GALLOP EFFICIENCY: 88%] Forward. Together.