Chương 9: [1-3] Reality TV Machiavellianism

Once they descended the steps into a sloped thoroughfare, conversation became impossible, and not only because they were running. The city was pandemonium. Everywhere, everyone shouted: War! War! News from the gates! MacCoor's men advancing, no—holding still. He's come for the Polymath, he's a heretic. Nonsense! He wants that Ulrican princess, obviously. Why'd we take her in? Let the Ulricans sort out their own affairs. Everyone, keep calm.

The Lucian Pegasus Knights are the most feared force on the continent, they'll protect us. True, they're feared—when they're in Lucia. We get the dregs, the novices, the nepotists, the ones who haven't even made Moonlanding yet. And they call themselves defenders of the faith! Once people started to notice Hague and his party, though, they shut up and got out of the way quick. That was about when the horns started blowing. In retrospect, Hague should have ordered Tuatoru to kill Benedicta.

It was the logical thing to do, because now their situation was fucking dire. Every guard in the city was searching for them, and with a bird's-eye view. How would they meet up with Signy now?

"That does it for the open air jaunt," Tuatoru said, surveying skyward.

"We'll have to cross the rest of the city indoors." He pulled open the door to a building—one of the smaller terraced ones—and ushered them inside. Hague glanced back. Did Gaspar manage to keep up? He was carrying Truth, and Hague took a MOV penalty when he carried her earlier. No, there he was, squeezing through the doorway behind Adelheid, Truth still on his shoulder. Maybe he took fewer penalties because his CON stat was higher than Hague's. Or maybe penalties didn't matter outside of combat.

The former made more sense if you took the world literally (more ability to lift, fewer downsides to lifting), while the latter made sense only if this were a game. Hague opted for the former explanation for now. After they descended some steps, they came out the building and crossed under an awning that seemed to house a market (shop closed due to the crisis), and from there they entered another building. Tuatoru led with confidence. The syrup scent stuck to him as Hague followed, definitely some kind of cologne.

Keeping within buildings, encountering nobody save scared civilians, they traversed the city without any pegasus girls spotting them from above. Eventually they slowed their pace, enough for Hague to drop back and ask Adelheid, "So who is this Tuatoru guy exactly?" It was Tuatoru himself who answered, though Hague didn't intend him to hear.

"Te Tama Tuatoru van Newgaast, at your service." He removed his hat, revealing a top knot.

"And you?"

"I'm Hague. What relationship do you have to the princess exactly?"

"He is Signy's man," Adelheid put in.

"Signy's man! Your Highness, please, choose your words more carefully. Signy and I are not so intimately acquainted as that. Sadly."

"She's 'Lady Sieglinde' to you," Gaspar groused from the back.

"Her blood's much closer to the Heroes than yours. Not to mention you've pledged your service to her."

"Pledged my service. Ha!" Tuatoru gave a performative chuckle as he led them down another set of steps. (Steps and steps, this city.) "Our arrangement is founded on something far more real than a pledge. Or blood. Namely, money."

"Rascal! There are standards expected of even a mercenary—"" Soldier of fortune," Tuatoru said quickly.

"I'm no bastard, Ulrican knight, and if you imply otherwise, I'd remind you where your blood sits compared to mine." Gaspar made his Eggman snarl, but that shut him up. Hague decided to change the subject.

"You don't seem as freaked out as everyone else about me being the Hero." Tuatoru shrugged jauntily as he pushed open another door.

"Anyone with any idea what's what knows Hero Corruption Theory's total bunk," he said. Adelheid nodded in vigorous agreement.

"Hero Corruption Theory?" said Hague.

"That's what the historians in Lucia call it. Their silly notion that every Hero since jolly old Patrick has been subtly worse than the previous—morally, of course. Culminating in the last Hero, but their argument is it started before him, and that means the next Hero will necessarily be even wickeder. They have all their little essays proving it on the basis of some philosopher or another's logical framework of ethics, I don't care about the specifics.

There's even supposed to be a scientific basis for the trend, the influence of Primordial Chaos or something like that. Nobody reads those essays, of course, though they love to print them in the periodicals Father orders to look learned." The idea of a fantasy world having periodicals surprised Hague. Did that mean they'd invented the printing press? Or did magic enable it somehow? There was more anachronistic stuff than that, too, like Tuatoru's getup. Or his face tattoos.

Some dude in chat kept saying the tattoos were from the Maori, the indigenous people of New Zealand. How would a culture like that make it into a fantasy world? The previous Heroes must have introduced it. At the end of a tight hallway, Tuatoru threw open another door and paused. Beyond was a strip of open walkway until you dropped down a ledge and entered the next building. Though the sloped construction of the city packed everything together pretty dense, they would still spend a few seconds out in the open.

Tuatoru held a hand to stop them as he scanned for a break in the pattern of shapes flying overhead.

"It's all about power," Tuatoru said.

"What?"

"The Lucian Hero theory. It's like everything else: power and money. Those are the only reasons anything ever happens. If they've 'proven' the next Hero will be worse than the last, they have an excuse to make their Covenant. Normally only the Polymath has the power to summon a Hero. But now with the Covenant she's not supposed to do it unless the Queen of Lucia approves first. Tell me, who does that make more powerful?"

"The Queen of Lucia," said Hague. Tuatoru cocked him an ironical grin full of bright white teeth.

"You're seeing the strings, Hague. Seems you've got a good head on you yet. I admit your fashion sense had me worried." Hague looked down at himself. At his bright blue button-up shirt, where a dragon design coiled along the sides.

"Don't like my shirt?" Tuatoru held up his hands in a posture of good-natured apathy.

"No comment there, Hague. I've no idea what passes for chic where you're from."

"Beats looking like a male stripper," Hague bit back. He wasn't sure if Tuatoru knew what a stripper was. Maybe he didn't. He let out a big, deep laugh, as though letting Hague take the win. Hague felt like he was being played with.

"So you're not worried at all that I'm evil?" Hague asked.

"If you're evil," said Tuatoru, "all the more reason to be on your side than not, right? There! The patrol just passed. Let's move." They continued down the city the same way, dodging through buildings, waiting for the sky to clear before running into the streets. Tuatoru was much more talkative than either of Hague's other companions, though he spent a lot of time gabbing about nothing, sometimes provoking Gaspar to a growled rebuttal.

Adelheid didn't seem to care much for Tuatoru either, but she was so closed off in her own thoughts it was hard to tell for sure. Hague didn't mind him. Despite the back-and-forth on fashion, he got the impression Tuatoru would listen to his orders when push came to shove. Money and power, he kept saying, and the idea of being close to someone like the Hero thrilled him. The emphasis on money kept reminding Hague of the situation with his savings account, but he couldn't worry about that for now.

Still, there was a sour taste in Hague's mouth. He kept thinking back to the situation with Benedicta. For all the rational cynicism he espoused when discussing world politics, Tuatoru was stupid and idealistic in letting Benedicta live. It made their life a nightmare now, especially as they drew closer to the wall at the bottom of the city. More pegasi gathered overhead, progress slowed. They spent more time waiting before they dashed between buildings.

Whenever they passed a civilian, Hague worried they'd alert the guards somehow, though all they ever did was stare or cower. Killing Benedicta would've avoided almost all of this. What annoyed Hague was not that Tuatoru spared her. He actually liked the fact that the guy had some compunctions. What Hague kept thinking about was himself. How he acted. Or rather, how he didn't act. He had the chance to give Tuatoru the order to shoot, and he was certain Tuatoru would've followed it.

But instead, Hague failed to decide one way or another. He waffled. The Hague did not waffle. If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. You don't waffle in a speedrun. You don't waffle in Fire Emblem, not if you want to keep your audience engaged. You make big, bold decisions. And you live with the consequences. It was more than that, though. If he waffled in a life-or-death situation, he'd die. Next time he needed to be prepared.

He needed to be ready to make either the moral choice or the logical choice and commit with everything in his being. The question was, which did he pick? If this were an actual video game, it was obvious. He was called the Hague for a reason. War crimes were his whole brand. But this wasn't a game, it was real. These people were real. The last Hero everyone kept yapping about. Was he actually evil, or did this "game" force him to make choices like that? Did he simply choose the options that ensured his survival?

If Hague only made the logical choices, would he seem evil too? Would they talk about him like a pox upon the earth sixty years from now? It's better to be feared than loved, some famous dude once said. But Hague much preferred the idea of everyone loving him. Why else spend every day streaming? Well, maybe Tuatoru had an alternate explanation for that: money and power. garnetsandroses subscribed and said: wasn't sure about this new romhack at first but it seems cool so far.

the trapped in the game bit is great too JordanVonAir donated $10 and said: here's my contribution to the Don't Die Hague Fund"Thanks for sub garnetsandroses. Thanks Jordan for the ten dollars," Hague said.

"Don't worry guys. I'll find a way out of this."" Who are you talking to?" said Tuatoru, who watched the sky through a doorway.

"My adoring fans. The ones who cheer for me." He tapped his shades. Tuatoru gave him a look, but didn't question it. Maybe Heroes were known for being eccentric. Eventually they came within three terraced tiers of the big wall at the base of the city. At this height they could only barely see over it. Dodging the pegasus riders above was one thing, but now foot soldiers pulsed through the streets, dragging fortifications to the main gate.

There were a lot fewer than Hague expected, but even the nine or ten in view would be enough to cause trouble if they blundered and got caught.

"Things are getting thorny, my sweets," Tuatoru said. Adelheid, hunched to stare out the doorframe, clutched her cape around herself.

"How near is Signy?"

"A bit farther yet, I'm afraid."

"She found a way out of the city though, right?" said Hague. He took it on faith that was actually happening. One wry, ironic look from Tuatoru told him he was wrong to do so.

"There's been something of a delay on that front."

"A delay," said Adelheid.

"A delay? No. That's wrong. Signy promised me she'd—""Yes, yes. But sadly our dear Signy's not quite so capable as she likes to think she is."

"No. Signy is the smartest woman I know."

"For one who finds so much fault in the world at large," Tuatoru said, "you certainly are slow to find fault in your friends—Your Highness." Tuatoru gave up on the alley ahead as a lost cause, pushed past Hague and the others, and led them to a new door. Did he actually know where he was going or was he bullshitting as he went along?

"We've got flying soldiers searching for us," Hague said.

"Your fault, by the way. And you knew all along there was no escape route?"

"Didn't want you to panic," Tuatoru said.

"Bro."

"You mean we're trapped," Adelheid murmured darkly.

"Forced into a final stand. The Lucians on one side and my cousin's army on the other. Odds insurmountable: doomed to tragic deaths. Pierced by a hundred spears, twisting in agony, yet there is beauty in the image. A valiant knight not undone of his own failure but by the unjust machinery of a shameful world. His exalted body gnashed to flesh by the teeth of so many turning cogs... Oh, what woe! What sublimity!"

"Uh, don't bust a nut yet Addy," said Hague.

"I got no plans to star in a tragedy." He doubted she knew what "bust a nut" meant, but the point reached her. She shot her gaze downward and wrapped her stiff cape around herself.

"Oh. Yes. Sorry." Tuatoru got turned around twice trying to navigate the building they were in, which looked like a smithy with several attached rooms. Finally he opened a door on an especially narrow alley off the main road. No foot soldiers here.

"So what's the situation exactly," Hague asked Tuatoru as they waited for pegasi to pass.

"Sweet Signy's original idea fell through. She intended to bribe some of those pegasus girls to fly us out. Silly plan from the start, and I did warn her as much. Leave it to a provincial lordling with more money than sense not to know what money can and cannot buy you." Hague thought about Marpasia and the other pegasus knights he'd seen so far.

"None of them would desert."

"Of course not. Lucia may not send its greatest generals to defend the Not-So-Floating City, but it knows how to run an army. Even greenhorns receive enough pay that a few extra coins isn't worth the risk." Maybe. Hague figured there was more to it than money, though that would ruin Tuatoru's idea of how the world worked. He let the matter slide.

"What's Plan B then?"

"Right. When Signy's scheme predictably fell through—and nearly got us arrested mind you—I made my own effort. As you might imagine, nobody expected an army to suddenly appear outside the Floating City. With a little asking, I found a traveling theater troupe in a similar predicament to our own."

"Theater troupe?" said Adelheid, immediately perking up.

"A rather tattered and worn one, and of nonexistent esteem, though I take it they have a real mage to handle their special effects. They're so destitute, in fact, the old nag pulling their cart dropped dead on the road to the Truston ferry. Two of their number came into the city to barter for another, and though they eventually managed to procure a dismal little pony on the cheap, they failed to leave before the gates were barred."

"And they can help us escape?" Hague said.

"Their mage can. By helping us descend the city's cliffs."

"With what, levitation magic?"

"Oh, wouldn't that be lovely. No, by shielding us from the wind while we climb a hundred odd feet down a rope. They've found a good spot to descend on the righthand side of the city." Hague stared at him. Trying to detect any trace of sarcasm. He thought about the sheer cliffs he saw from the citadel and tried to imagine rappelling down them. Tried not to imagine slipping and splatting on the ground below. He was in decent shape, sure, but he'd never done mountaineering before. Maybe it was easy?

He failed to get a read from Tuatoru's face how easy he thought it was.

"Guess I'm a rock climber now, chat." MotherSauce subscribed and said: Ganbatte, Hague, never kill yourself!

"Thanks for the sub MotherSauce. Trust me, I'm doing my best on that front."

"It's clear," said Tuatoru.

"Let's move—Wait. Who the devil is that?" This alley was virtually deserted, outside the attention of the townspeople seemingly everywhere else in the streets. They were near the righthand edge of the town, and ahead of them loomed one of the large old structures still at a tilt and not built on a terrace. It looked like a cathedral, conceptually similar to the kind you'd see in Europe. Its tower and part of its roof had collapsed.

Apparently nobody decided it was worth the effort to repair, though Hague's somewhat hazy timeline indicated the damage happened around sixty years prior. The smaller buildings weren't in much better shape, so maybe this was some sort of ghetto. Or maybe the damage happened recently, what the fuck did Hague know. That didn't matter. Down the way, so hidden in an alcove Hague was shocked Tuatoru managed to see him, skulked a tall, hook-nosed dude wearing a black hood.

"Looks like a mugger," said Hague.

"A thief," he added, in case the terminology didn't register.

"A mugger with a bow and quiver?" Hague pulled down his shades and looked again. Tuatoru was right. The shifty-looking guy was armed, and not with a knife.

"A soldier, then."

"No regular of the garrison would wear a black cloak like that."

"Maybe a townsperson decided to help the defense and grabbed whatever weapon he had?" Everyone looked at Hague like he was crazy. Which Hague took offense to, it sounded reasonable enough to him.

"That's not someone who should be here," Tuatoru said. Adelheid, her head peeking out next to Hague's, nodded.

"An infiltrator. Sent by my cousin to eliminate me."

"We can't just assume that," Hague said. Though the more he stared, the more the guy looked like he knew what he was doing. Whatever he was doing. Not a scared militiaman, at least.

"We'll approach and slay him." Adelheid's hand went to her hilt.

"Calm down, Your Highness," said Gaspar.

"Eggman's right," said Hague.

"Anything we do in the open will be spotted by the pegasus knights for sure." Though if the guy was an assassin, leaving him to do his thing would definitely come back to bite them in the ass. The dude slinked back into the dark and disappeared from view. It didn't seem like he saw them, but now Hague wasn't so sure. Shit.

"Let's quit running around aimlessly," he said. He pointed to the half-collapsed cathedral.

"That place looks abandoned. We can hole up there until something happens."

"We no longer intend to descend the cliffs?" Adelheid asked.

"We can't," Hague said.

"Isn't that right, Tuatoru?" Tuatoru said nothing. He smiled like everything was A-okay, but Hague was starting to catch on to him.

"Climbing down the cliffs. A fine enough plan in a vacuum." Hague scanned the sky.

"But we'd be spotted in seconds by anyone in the air. We have to wait for the search to settle down." Assuming it ever settled down. Yeah, Tuatoru basically fucked them by letting that girl live, and Hague got the impression he knew it and did it anyway. Just because he thought she was cute. Or was Mr. Money Man paid off? Nobody contradicted Hague's plan. The next opening they got, they pushed open the doors of the cathedral—which nearly fell off their rusted hinges—and shambled inside.

Cones of sunlight poured through the ceiling onto white flowers that sprouted out of the shattered tile floor. The pews were all rot, not even worth attempting to sit on. Bits of broken stained glass twinkled everywhere. If there had been an altar, someone stole it long ago. But high up the wall behind where the altar would've been still hung a statue similar to the one he saw in the Pecknaos, though crows now roosted on her outstretched arms and streaked her chest with bird shit: the goddess, Sophia.

"Good look for her, huh chat?" Chat didn't seem to get it. Maybe they never saw his encounter with her and didn't recognize the likeness.

"Ah," said Adelheid.

"There is no more doleful sight than ruin. Save perhaps a skull." For once, there was time to rest. Tuatoru kept an eye out the window for any commotion, but everyone else fanned out to take a breather. Hague rubbed his temples, collected himself, and whispered to chat in the corner, asking them whether they thought Tuatoru was trustworthy. After a few minutes, Adelheid—having in the interim attempted and failed to clean the blood off herself—tugged his sleeve.

"Hague," she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"What does 'bust a nut' mean?" Hague's eyes went to the sky. Chat exploded with laughter. Adelheid stared expectantly.

"It's your first new phrase. Every Hero brings new phrases." Great. His legacy, off to an awesome start.

"It means, uh, to get excited."

"Understood." Adelheid nodded sagely.

"Next time. I promise. I'll only bust a nut when it's appropriate." Strings of HAHAHA and LOL and LMFAO ran down his shades. Hague thought: Whatever keeps the views up. He couldn't play to chat forever though. After all, this was the opportunity he'd hoped for.

"It looks like we finally have time to talk," he announced. His voice swelled the big empty church.

"Which means it's time for you guys to tell me what the fuck's going on. Everything. I want to know about this MacCoor guy, his army, this usurped throne deal, and why I'm here. You've let slip bits and pieces, but now I want it all. From the beginning." Their eyes shifted from one another, Adelheid and Gaspar and Tuatoru. A long pause. Then they started to talk.