Chương 5: [P-4] Killing Cute Girls

The transition back to top-down jarred Hague, but it was exactly what he needed. After the Famespirit lightshow, he'd gotten too hyphy. Almost started swinging at allcomers. Seeing the map from a cold distance, he noticed the chess pieces had little HP bars over their heads, and the hit he took had dropped him from 22 HP to 10. More than ever, he needed to keep his head on.

He originally calculated he'd take 14 damage, not 12, but his DEF must've gone back up after he dropped Truth and removed the Encumbered status. Sure enough, no more red numbers: STR MAG DEX SPD LCK DEF RES CON MOV 7 2 6 7 8 6 2 7 5 Similar stats to Adelheid. Though a little lower overall, what the hell. Whatever. Adelheid didn't have a really-really cool fiery spirit when she attacked, did she? Thinking cap time, Hague. Not out of the woods yet. Surviving Turn 1 was nice, but all he did was survive. Now what?

He revisited Gaspar and Adelheid's stat screens, which he only glanced at the first time. With more flexibility to act he wanted to see what all they could do. Gaspar showed something useful right away: an item in his inventory called a Potion, three uses. One for each of them, since Adelheid was now at 8 HP and Gaspar 14. Gaspar also had one skill, Steadfast. Prevents enemies from double attacking. Not bad at all, but useless right now, since the enemies were weighed down too much by their spears to double anyway.

Hague tucked the intel into his back pocket and checked out Adelheid. No second potion, unfortunately. She did have a special-seeming sword—at least compared to "Base Spear"—called an Estoc. The stats were nothing special (besides a cute 5% crit rate), but its description said Effective against armored units. Again, not useful now. But good strategy is about planning ahead. Then he got to Adelheid's skill. Sanguinity: After defeating an enemy on Player Phase, gain a second action. Can activate once per turn.

"No fucking way." There had to be a trick. Or at least a drawback, a limiting factor not included in the description. Because this was fucking busted, chat— Chat wasn't here. Anyway. Fire Emblem Awakening, that controversial inflection point for the franchise, had a skill like this called Galeforce, and it broke the whole game binky style. The speedrun (Hague had world record btw) revolved around pumping EXP into one unit with the skill and then soloing the rest of the game in an average of two turns per map.

For that smarmy goddess to brag her game was sooo hard and hand him this... It made him wonder what fucking bullshit she'd give his enemies. Beating this map, at least, suddenly turned from pipe dream to possible. He got to work on his next move. Hague and company weren't the only ones hurt; their counterattacks dropped most of the enemies into kill range. Let's see. Hague and Gaspar kill one each this turn. Adelheid kills one, procs Sanguinity, moves again and kills another. That's four dead.

Still left three, and therein lay the problem. They'd charge in and finish off Hague once it became their turn. Offense not the play here. Well, sort of. Thanks to Adelheid's skill, she could pick off an enemy and reposition defensively afterward. That'd put him one step toward victory. He reached his god hand onto the map, picked up Adelheid, and tapped her against the mook next to her. A screen appeared. COMBAT FORECAST Adelheid Guard Estoc Base Spear DMG 10 12 DMG HIT 88 89 HIT CRIT 9 0 CRIT Perfect.

Exactly what he hoped to see. A nice and convenient combat forecast, a way to predict how a fight went before you committed to it. Since the guard was down to 10 HP after Adelheid stabbed her the previous turn, another 10 was enough to kill. That wasn't the most important thing, though. From this screen alone, Hague could reverse engineer every formula that dictated how stats influenced combat. Damage? STR + Weapon MT – Enemy DEF, plus or minus 1 for weapon advantage. Hit rate?

[(DEX*2) + (LCK/2) + Weapon HIT] – [Enemy Effective SPD (after accounting for weight penalty) + LCK], plus or minus 10 for weapon advantage. Crit rate? Easiest of all, Weapon CRIT + (DEX/2) – Enemy LCK.

"That's right bitch, we're doing math," he said. Sure, some questions remained. There might be other modifiers to combat he didn't know about because they didn't apply right now, like terrain, skill bonuses, whatever. Hague also didn't know the SPD threshold for double attacking, though double attacking must exist based on Gaspar's skill. By his calc, Adelheid had 8 SPD while the enemy, weighed down by her spear, had only 5, so the threshold was higher than 3.

Still, he no longer needed to assume combat shook out the way he expected. He knew. And in Fire Emblem, knowledge was power. He confirmed the combat by swinging Adelheid's piece into the mook's. A less-than-regal "blap!" sound effect played as the mook's HP bar dropped to 0 and the piece toppled over. Adelheid gains 43 EXP Adelheid activates Sanguinity"Easy. We win those." He tried to look up at the sky, at anywhere, where the goddess might be watching.

"Told you. What'd I fucking say?" No response. The rest of the turn was simple.

"Bing bang boom," he dragged his pieces into a new formation. Gaspar, Hague, Adelheid, in that order, a conga line to drink Gaspar's potion. And if he had Adelheid unequip her sword at the end, there was no way any of them could die. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Okay. There we go Hague. You know what you gotta do." This time, he resolved to be ready when he returned to the battlefield. No panic, no disorientation. He memorized the move he gave himself and imagined acting it out on the ground level. What happened if he fucked it up? What happened if his allies fucked it up? Could they fuck it up? Unless the goddess decided to show her face and drop an FAQ on him, he would never know sitting around in limbo.

He manned up, ended his turn, and found himself staring once more into the face of the big-nosed soldier girl. That meant he faced toward the right side of the map. To go where he needed to go, he needed to turn right. The preparation paid off; he was ready to move the instant time unfroze. He swiveled to his right, where Adelheid stood, just in time to watch her plunge her sword into the soldier in front of her. No piece swinging into another. No "blap!"

The sound that issued was more of a shattering as the rainbow forcefield broke like glass. Then only a horrible, choked rattle.

"Hkkr-gghhr-kk-lll..." The soldier's wide eyes stared at the sword lodged in her throat. Blood burbled down Adelheid's blade. It ran thick as syrup, redder than Hague thought blood should look, near enough to black. The soldier's spear clattered to the floor. Her hands lifted halfway to her throat. Then they gave up and fell.

Adelheid stared as transfixed as her quarry, transfixed even as the blood streamed to the base of her blade and dammed at the hilt, even as it overran and seeped through her fingers to pool into the grooves of the circle etched into the stone between her stanced feet. That dribbling blood felt like Hague's own. All warmth ran out of him. Adelheid paled, shivered, as though racked by fever. The endearing semi-confidence with which she sang his praises earlier vanished. Adelheid was level 1, just like him.

Did that mean she'd never seen real combat before? Was this her first time killing someone? Would she be able to keep fighting?

"Adelheid," he started. Then the corner of Adelheid's thin-pressed lips tilted the tiniest bit upward. She withdrew the sword. One flourish flicked off the blood. The gurgling body dropped in its death throes, provoking a whimper from the big-nosed soldier girl. Hague remembered to move. He thought only about moving, the way he prepped it, the actions he rehearsed.

First, he ran straight down to the wall, then turned left— his left, not the left side of the map—and ran until he reached the pillar in the southeast corner of the room. With the pillar on one side and the wall on the other, he'd be perfectly defended as long as Gaspar and Adelheid hit their marks. They did. Adelheid kept ahead of him, while Gaspar lumbered behind, clanking his heavy armor as fast as humanly possible.

He plucked a phial from his hip that Hague assumed was the potion, popped off the cork with a flick of his thumb, and downed a swig. He thrust the phial into Hague's hand.

"Just one gulp, boy," he said.

"And quick. The princess needs her dose too." Hague regarded the liquid in the phial. It shimmered rainbow, the same color as the forcefield, but in liquid form it reminded him of what you dip the wand into to blow bubbles. By no means appetizing.

"Hurry, boy!" Gaspar turned; two soldiers charged him.

"Can't taste worse than Monster," Hague said as he lifted the phial to his lips. It tasted worse than Monster. Infinity times worse. He almost choked, but held it together as the residual ache from the spear to the gut instantly eased. At least he felt no temptation to drink more than his allotted share. A third of the liquid remained in the phial when he passed it to Adelheid. She took it in her unbloodied hand. The other clutched her sword.

It seemed like everything went off without a hitch, but an uneasy pang remained in Hague's head. Why? The girl he saw die? No, not that. It was... He realized what it was.

"Your sword, Adelheid. You need to unequip your sword!" Adelheid dropped the empty phial and looked at her sword like she'd never seen it before in her life.

"Put it away! Now!" From her boggling eyes, it was clear she didn't understand, but with an animal servility she flipped it around and slid it into her sheath. Phew. Crisis averted. You see, it looks counterintuitive, but— A voice boomed against his back.

"What the fuck are you telling her to do, boy?" Gaspar's hulking presence loomed. When Hague slowly turned his head to see his glowering visage, it was the first time he got a close look at the guy: cueball bald, compensated by a head's worth of whiskers on his upper lip. Nose like a beak, eyes like daggers. A dead ringer for Dr. Eggman.

"I said, what the fuck are you telling her to do?"

"Don't you have guys to fight?" said Hague. But Gaspar had beaten back the two soldiers who attacked him earlier. What happened to everyone else? On the other side of the pillar, Marpasia shared a potion of her own with two of her troops, so she didn't look likely to attack just yet.

"Answer me, boy!"

"Gaspar," said Adelheid.

"We must obey the Hero's command."

"And that's your command? Making her sheathe her sword! Middle of battle! Enemies breathing down our neck! You'll get her killed, you stooge! Or is that your plan? Defect with the princess's head as a peace offering! A real Hero!"

"Wait. Wait." Hague motioned peace.

"I swear, it makes sense."

"You jerking my dick off, boy? How in the hell does putting away your weapon help one measly pissdrip on the battlefield!"

"Yattsukemake," Hague said.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Yattsukemake. That was the term used by Japanese players. In Fire Emblem, combat wasn't a one way street. The person being attacked got to counterattack. Remember last turn, chat? (Here Hague was pretending to talk to chat again. Fuck it, it helped him think.) Remember when he said how a maximum of four enemies could attack someone per turn? Well he lied. Imagine if one of those enemies attacked, then died when you counterattacked. Dead enemies disappear off the battlefield.

That means the space they occupied is now vacant, letting a fifth enemy move in and attack too. Now imagine you keep killing enemies that way. More and more file in to try their hand at you. Eventually, you keel over dead from attrition. That's yattsukemake. By unequipping your weapon, you no longer counterattack, so you don't kill any enemies, which in certain situations does, in fact, actually help "one measly pissdrip."

If all those enemies Gaspar weakened last turn piled up on Adelheid, she'd kill enough of them to die. How the hell to explain this to Gaspar? Why the hell should he have to? Nobody ever questioned your orders in Fire Emblem.

"What must I do, Hero?" Adelheid asked.

"Do what I told you or die." She nodded. The next instant, a soldier ran up to her. Her spear shot out and sailed past Adelheid's face. A miss. TURN 3 PLAYER PHASE START Okay. So. Feels bad to say after that whole shouting match with Gaspar, but turns out it didn't matter whether Adelheid put away her sword or not. Not Hague's fault btw.

Or rather, Hague gave her the correct order given what he knew at the time, but since Marpasia and two of her goons spent their turn chugging a potion, they couldn't have attacked Adelheid no matter what. Course Hague didn't know they'd do all that before they did it. He'd seen the potion in Marpasia's inventory obviously, but how would anyone know whether they'd prioritize healing themselves over finishing off an enemy? Even in a game, the AI could be programmed one way or the other. And these guys weren't AI.

Adelheid putting away her weapon was still the safe play, the play that worked no matter which way the coin fell. Hague stood by it, but it was even harder to justify to Gaspar now. Oh who gave a fuck. Let Eggman yap. Still, it made Hague wonder. When he gave commands on the map, he had no way of knowing what Marpasia would do. But on the ground, he saw her drink the potion before Adelheid got attacked, giving him time to yell at Adelheid to do something. Could he have overwritten his original order that way?

Like, say he kept his head straight enough to see Adelheid was safe, and instead of telling her to put her sword down, told her to keep it out. Would she have done it? The answer had to be yes. He didn't know how exactly Adelheid and Gaspar were following his commands, but they weren't automatons. They'd respond to feedback. Right? For now, time to plan his next move. The miss on Adelheid helped. With his one potion gone, HP became a finite resource: Hague and Adelheid were at full, Gaspar at 24 out of 34.

He had to win before any of them dropped to 0. Turtling in the corner whittled him down eventually. To prevent that, he needed to eliminate as many enemies as possible on Player Phase, before they had a chance to attack again. In other words: time to go on the offensive. He moved his pieces. Now that he had the hang of things, he did it the way a chess grandmaster does on timer. Swift, efficient motions of his hands, a million possibilities filtered in less than a second to the one best option. Boom.

The hardest part was mentally prepping himself to return to the battlefield, but even that was getting easier. Click. He returned to the ground and time resumed. Gaspar hollered a war cry and whipped his huge Heavy Axe toylike into the soldier in front of him. No rainbow shimmer. Her body, an inch from being cleaved in two, blasted back with such a spray of blood it looked like fireworks.

At almost the exact same time, Adelheid pattered past Hague and past Gaspar, her head tucked as she drew the sword she'd sheathed the previous turn. Her heel hit the ground where the dead soldier stood only a second before, pivoted, and launched her at an enemy. The lunge brought her estoc through the stomach and out the back, black-red. Two dead in half the time it took Hague to think it. He had to hand it to his guys, they moved with perfect coordination.

It almost made sense that none of the other enemies managed to attack yet. Almost. See, that was the other thing on Hague's mind. He only noticed it the previous turn. When time resumed, it seemed like everyone acted at the same time. Everyone, friend or foe, started running, shouting, waving their weapons. But what actually happened was that Hague's guys did whatever they were supposed to do half a beat before the enemies, every single time.

If Hague wasn't looking for it, it'd be impossible to catch, but the world remained turn based, even in real time. And that didn't make sense, did it. Especially now. This turn, Hague was relying on Adelheid's Sanguinity skill for her to take out two enemies quick. That meant she had to move, kill an enemy, move again, and kill another enemy, all before any of the other enemies accomplished anything. It shouldn't work, except in the abstraction of a video game. Why was it working?

Since Adelheid had moved, there was an empty space between Hague and the nearest enemy. The enemy should be able to clear the gap and attack Hague before Adelheid came back. He examined the soldier in question, the one that missed Adelheid the turn prior, and tried to see why she didn't take the opportunity to advance. It was, he realized, the big-nosed soldier girl with the fat cheeks. She stared at him, her face nothing but desperate terror. No surprise she missed Adelheid; she could barely hold her spear.

She took a single step toward Hague and stumbled. Calling it a stumble oversold it, it was more like her knees buckled. Obviously she lacked even the slightest desire to fight Hague again. A second passed. Another. From the back, Marpasia said: "Move it! What are you waiting for, Clotilde?" Clotilde. So she had a name. Of course, they all must have names, they couldn't be "Guard." A unit with a face and a name, you could talk to. Hague could talk to her. He opened his mouth to speak. A word came out: "Hey."

Hey, he thought, the almost instantaneous gap you have between thinking something and saying it. Hey, Clotilde. This is crazy, right? Why are we killing each other? It doesn't need to be like this. We can talk. I'm not some mass murderer. I'm just Hague. I won't plunge the world into war or whatever that last guy did. He probably sucked ass. I'm cool. I'm just a guy who plays games for a living.

"Hey, Clotilde—" Adelheid dashed past him and drove her still-dripping blade into Clotilde's heart. Clotilde lolled her head on her neck. It rested on her shoulder. Though Adelheid stood between her and Hague, her eyes remained fixed on him. There was no longer any fear on her face. Adelheid withdrew her blade and a rainbow shimmer enveloped her entire body for a moment. It wasn't because she got hit. Adelheid levels up!

LVL HP STR MAG DEX SPD LCK DEF RES CON MOV 2 20+1 8+1 1 8+1 8 5 6 1+1 6 5 Her HP, STR, DEX, and RES all increased by 1. Since levels were determined by percent chance growth rates, you could do better, and you could do worse. An extra point of SPD would've been nice, but gains were gains, or at least that was what Hague thought when he saw the level up while in the top-down view earlier. Now, he stepped forward as Clotilde wobbled and fell. His arms went out, like he intended to catch her. He didn't.

He let her body fall against the pillar and slide down until she reached a tangled, unsteady kneeling position. She was already dead. Hague needed to stand in her spot and block the remaining soldiers from coming through. Doing so would protect Adelheid, his most valuable combat unit thanks to Sanguinity, trading his own HP to keep hers high. Hague's turn as the meat shield. Consider it atonement, for the war crime earlier. That was his strategy. Better stick to it.