Chương 49: Power Company

"What the Hell do you mean consciously controlled?" I asked, already feeling a headache building up from the amount of nonsense I was going to have explained to me. Sam raised a finger, freeing my own aching finger from those nutcrackers. Then, she spoke.

"So you were in that one for about thirteen seconds. But that's not the relevant part. The relevant part is I made sure I pushed your brain to delegate as many things as possible, and observed shifts in your neurological activity." Slipping my aching finger into my other hand to cradle it, I continued listening. Admittedly, only kind of, as I foresaw that whatever she would say would stick to me about as well as glue to rubber.

"The fact the grip trainer wasn't breaking on the boat scenario meant you were still thinking about maintaining it. That's why I asked you to not break it. You were still running that while now thinking about pain management, tactical scenarios, and greater priority. At that point, I think your brain was changing priorities. Since I knew you aren't immune to pain..." She trailed off, clacking the nutcracker a couple of times. Honestly, I felt threatened.

"... I knew you could be jolted by actual harm. Your durability isn't some sort of natural invincibility, there's some conscious factor to maintaining it. I went with the nutcracker because it's blunt force. Whatever helps you resist blunt force was, for whatever reason, not delegated at that point of processing information. I verified this with, well, crunching your first index knuckle."

"What would you have done if it didn't work?" I asked, so thoroughly beaten down by the onslaught of information that all I could do was ask for seconds.

"Probably re-think everything. But now we know there's a conscious factor to it. Somehow, your body has to actively choose to make itself stronger, more durable. The question is if you've hit the upper limit, but we have no way of testing that yet. And I'd rather not yet." I thought back to Technofiend. His- Snap!

"Hey. Saw your head tilting. Don't get caught up in your spirals here. Talk it out, out-loud. I can't read minds," Sam scolded me. Nodding, I rubbed my face with the hand that still had an aching finger.

"Alright. Sorry. It's uh... I was thinking about Technofiend."

"What about him?"

"His punches were rocking through me. I felt injured by them. Was he just hitting too hard, or was my body trying to push for me to hit harder and maybe it wasn't able to delegate more towards taking punches? What do you think?"

"Have you ever felt any sort of reaction from hard impacts before that fight?" There was a scrunching in my face that I could feel as I thought back to anything else that might have caused any sort of reaction to hard impacts. Falls. I felt that kinetic buzz through my legs whenever I fell from a high enough height.

"Falls. When I've dropped from tall buildings, I can feel my legs buzzing from the impact. Doesn't hurt, just can feel it ringing through. But it's pretty short-lived, few seconds typically. I don't even normally remember them because of how incidental they are." Dr. Way rubbed her chin, humming as she slipped the nutcracker away.

"So your body probably has been unconsciously reacting to things it could predict. The human body understands falling from great heights, people naturally either brace themselves when they fall or reach for handholds. So maybe your limbic system was able to inform your brain to focus on durability. But that's a big maybe."

"Why's that?"

"Because we don't actually know if your body just 'gets stronger' or 'more durable.' There could be specific mechanisms to it. Take May's powers, for example. Her body has this very specific means of forcing her own Raman Scattering — a way molecules can absorb a bit of energy from light to alter their own state while redirecting the light and changing its properties. She can just consciously do that." Most of that meant nothing to me, but the last sentence kind of made sense.

"So I might be not just getting stronger, I might be like... making my body do things that result in being stronger. Like maybe my muscles are getting tougher?"

"Muscular density changing on the fly isn't impossible. Maybe it flip-flops between turning your muscles from fast-twitch for explosive movements and bracing, to slow-twitch for standing your ground for longer. Maybe it's nothing muscular at all! I have no way of knowing directly. But I know your brain is unconsciously working it. There is one thing, though, I'd like to bring up."

She lifted up her notepad again, retrieving her pen to scribble on it, before showing me another circled part of the brain, near that "fusebox" area, though more just next to it. The thalambus or whatever.

"This is your hippocampus. Think of it as your memory factory. It takes everything in your brain, packs it into little memory boxes, and you can open those boxes up to remember things on the fly. You're doing it constantly, that's how memory works." I nodded.

"Okay. What about it?"

"Your hippocampus doesn't flare up correctly during those deep thought periods. It should be under a consistent light flare similar to how your mediodorsal thalam-" The tired look on my face stopped her in her tracks.

"-fusebox does it. Instead, it runs at a lower boil, and like... stops for bits and periods of time when you get in those thought spirals. Like a rolling brownout." That actually pieced together decently in my mind.

"So my brain is just... choosing not to remember things?"

"Maybe not choosing. I think all that activity from the fusebox is taking key energy from it. But that's only one part of it. Memory is a very complex part of neurology, and my only degree in that field is a bachelor's in neuroscience. Things like memory are more like Master's level at the minimum."

"... How many bachelor's degrees do you have?" I asked, already anticipating a nauseating answer. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Irrelevant, we're focusing on you." She said that like she was exercising some mercy for me.

"My issue is I'm limited to a very practical answer, and only one part of it. So your powers might be preventing new memory development. Have you experienced any mental weirdness you can recall at all when using your powers?" That was a pretty good question, and all I had was some pretty bad answers.

"When I fought Technofiend. I can't really remember it all clearly, but I know after a while I wasn't really thinking clearly. Took me a second to even remember everyone's names after the fight. But I thought that was, well, from getting punched in the head a lot."

"Might be just a concussion, so I'll note that as a 'worth acknowledging' but we're not gonna settle on it. Anything else?" I could feel my head ringing again. Memories of tinnitus from the gunshot.

"When the guy shot me. I just completely forgot ROE. I nearly mauled him. Another concussion, maybe?" She pursed her lips, crossing her arms at the same time.

"That could be a concussion too. But I need to make it clear that it could also just be adrenaline from thinking you were about to die. We'll leave that in the acknowledging pool with the Technofiend fight. You have anything that's not recent we could consider?"

"Not really," I admitted.

"I mentioned it to May before, but there wasn't much to do in those years. A lot of it was nothing worth remembering." Through her glasses, I could see squinting eyes.

"Are you sure it was nothing worth remembering?"

"I'd remember at least parts of it if they were, wouldn't I?" She clicked her tongue.

"Leo, while it's normal to forget bits of your childhood from just the influx of new information as you age, you're eighteen. You're not going to just have absolutely nothing but a handful of events you recall from the past nine years. What things do you remember?" Resting my hands on my hips, I tried to gather some answers.

"After I got my powers, I remember some things just fine. The looks people gave me. The unspoken rule that people should keep their distance around me to avoid me hurting them. Other kids leaving while I stayed behind. The... the door closing in my face."

"Leo," Sam immediately followed up, her face not shifting.

"Those are the only things you've ever mentioned about it. Nothing else?"

"There was a kid, Darrel. I knew that he was in foster care while his mom was trying to get a home. Legal agreement. I remember him getting picked up by her. And I remember seeing his overdosed body on a street corner. It's why I started." Sam shook her head.

"You told me about that too. Those are the only five things you've ever really talked about from your past. Nothing else more substantial?" I shook my head, mirroring her movement.

"Not that I can think of." The worry on her face reminded me of Darrel's mother. I must have said the wrong answer.

"That's not even close to a reasonable margin of lacking memory, Leo. You have clearly forgotten a lot more if that's the case." Sam reached up, rubbing her face.

"This could get worse before we figure it out. You-" She stopped, looking off at the wall behind me.

"Tancred. You're absolutely not supposed to be in here without my permission." Tancred's voice echoed across the room.

"I'm trying to find that concrete-skulled dipshit Leo! Have you seen him or has he scampered off!?"

"I'm here," I announced flatly. No yelling needed, place had plenty of echo. Seconds later, Tancred was storming up to me.

"You need to start putting your goddamn earpiece in. You've got a fucking raid in a few days and you need to be on notice," he growled out, shoving my earpiece into my hand, before stopping to look at me.

"What is all this shit on your head for?"

"Electrodes. Sam was helping me figure out the zone-out issue."

"Oh. Huh." His sunglasses pointed towards Sam and his body language relaxed.

"So what've we got?" Dr. Way, looking quite unimpressed, put her notepad away and slipped both hands into the pockets of her labcoat.

"His powers require conscious control, but for whatever reason, his brain is dedicating a lot of energy towards dealing with it automatically. It's using up so much of his focus that if he thinks too hard, portions of his powers turn off and he can't process some information, including memory." The agent rubbed his chin, humming.

"That's pretty fucked up. And you're certain that's the case?"

"That's what the electrodes are for, Tancred. I saw how his brain flares up for all sorts of things. This in and of itself wouldn't be a big deal if not for the fact Leo only remembers about five events of his life since he got his powers up until now. I'm pretty sure something about his powers has been outright eating away at his memories, and I'm not equipped to treat that." Tancred's hands went into his pockets as he let out another hum of thought like this was just a matter of his keys being locked in his car.

"Right. Technically, Agent Lafeuillade is a magical expert but I can't verify memory is in her wheelhouse. We have a couple other magic guys. I don't think you'd like the best bet for memory issues in the Commission, though."

"Who would that be?" was my question, given I didn't trust his perspective on what would be best for me at all.

"Agent Casney. My mentor in the Super Commission. Genius and very familiar with more abstract topics. Also a deranged scumbag."

"So that's where you learned it from," Sam chimed in, only to be met with Tancred's middle finger.

"I'm not gonna pretend I'm some darling, but Casney is a sociopath whose solution to super-problems is to super-fucking-kill them. He's older than dirt and pure evil. If we're bringing him in, it has to be justified, because otherwise people could start actually dying." A low sigh came from me.

"What if my lapse makes me unable to identify friend from enemy? I could cause people to start dying, Tancred." The agent shook his head.

"I recognize that, but I'm saying this for your own good. Casney's not showing up if we don't need him. But I do want the situation on your brain monitored. Dr. Way, is there any way you can do long-distance monitoring?" The doctor nodded, hands not leaving her pockets.

"Easy. I just need to set up a diode set that translates everything to radio frequencies, then I can just piggyback that off of radio towers back to here, where it's then re-translated into the information I need. There might be a little delay, but I don't anticipate it being high risk. Does mean I need to participate in the mission observation." Tancred nodded.

"You got it. Get that shit put together yesterday. And you, Leo, get your fuckin' earpiece on. I was trying to confirm you read the paperwork." Rolling the earpiece around in my hand, I gave my own nod to him.

"Yeah, I have that all set. Large brick house, two floors. Lots of openings in it. Only one front door. Back has a bulkhead. There's an addition not on the floor plan."

"How many chimneys?" he asked.

"Three," I answered.

"Good. How many are accessible?" My face scrunched a little.

"They're chimneys. I can't fit down chimneys, Tancred."

"Was making sure you were attentive. Keep reviewing that. Talk to May if you have to. Tuesday is go-time. No dicking around outside of class. You focus on getting ready, you got it?" I gave another nod.

"Good, now get that crap off of you and go focus on prep." There was something in me that wanted to argue with him, but I ultimately knew it was better to just not do that. Pulling all of the electrodes off, I slipped in my earpiece and made my way back to my room. And from there, I prepared for war.