Chương 22: Toothpaste

I didn't bother with a shower like I told the others. I just needed the privacy. The day rolled by wordlessly as I chose to spend most of it practicing stances and punches again. I had no way to tell the time. I just slept when I felt tired. By what I presumed to be the next morning I heard a thudding against my door. Another knock. Jairo's voice echoed past it.

"Hey, we got our costumes, Leo! Come on!" Great. Trudging up the stairs, I opened my door. Jairo was in front of me in a layered orange and blue fabric. He really did look like a clown. Under one of his arms was some kind of helmet, almost looked like a motorcycle helmet.

"You look ridiculous," I called out. He laughed.

"Yeah but it's honestly really fun! Yours looks pretty cool too, we're all doing our superhero stuff meeting into the common room, let's go!" The boxer rushed off to the common area, and I slowly stomped along behind. There I saw the other two costumed teammates wearing most of their own costumes. Christian was dressed in orange robes that seemed quite flowing, with blue layers underneath. He had some cloth across his head that seemed to be a disconnected hood. Multiple ribbons and tassels dangled off of it.

Too many grab points, poor form. May's outfit seemed as clownish as she claimed it would be, with a set of different colored lenses sitting across her in a polka-dot pattern. They had filters over them, likely to avoid seeing anything behind them. She was holding a loose piece of blue fabric with holes in it in her hand.

"So how do I actually put a domino mask on? There's no like... string or anything." Another voice broke out: Dr. Way's. She seemed normal... wait, no. Her pants were the same shade of blue, and she had an orange shirt on, both obscured by her lab coat.

"I don't know how every domino works, but I designed yours. It uses a static field you generate by just rubbing the inside together then immediately put on your face. The static cling will hold onto the microscopic hairs on your face. It'll last about eight hours before you need to re-charge it." May followed those instructions, sticking the mask on. After a second, she pumped her fists.

"Holy crap! Does it hurt to take off?" The scientist shook her head.

"Should feel like pulling a wet sock off." The up-and-coming superheroine decided to test it, only to suddenly yelp.

"It zapped me!" Sam shrugged.

"It'll happen." Her head turned towards me.

"Oh, hey Leo. We got all of our costumes! I even got a little outfit for myself." She spanned her arms out to make the shirt and pants more apparent.

"We've been asked to put on at least the suits, but the masks don't need to be on for this meeting. If you wanna take yours into your room to put it on, that's fine." She pointed towards a clothing rack on wheels. There, dangling in a plastic bag, the clown outfit they wanted to shove me in. I wondered how hard I would have to punch these walls to break my way out. There was still a chance I could escape.

"You'll feel a lot better about the gimp suit if you wear it for a bit today than if you never wear it at all, kid," called out Tancred as he entered the room. Didn't like how he called me out.

"What made you say that?" I called out.

"How did you even know I was here?"

"Well, I knew everyone else was getting ready, and I went to go see a man about a horse right when Jairo said he was gonna wake your ass up, and I imagined the speedster wasn't slow. I also saw the suit hanging on the rack while I opened the door. Basic algebra." I rolled my eyes.

"I really don't want to." Tancred, using his one good arm, carted the coat rack over to me.

"Look, you're gonna wear it anyway or you end up in the Firmament. Do it now and you'll get used to it. Hold it off for longer and it'll be even harder to put it on. Use your noggin, sport." Staring at the suit, I just let out an exhale. Was getting sick of how right he was. I picked up the costume and brought it back to my room. The suit just looked at me on my bed. The mask was in the bag as well, staring me down. I reached in, pulling the mask out to examine it. It had this oddly rubbery texture.

Orange and blue across it. Looked a little industrial. Perry must have tried to keep it as serious as he could. Didn't like it. Just left it face down on the bed while I started slipping the actual suit on. It felt... odd. Almost like fresh socks, barely any actual pressure on my skin. The fact it just could slide on was bizarre. Like water off a window. It was just the suit itself. There were other parts, including some thick gloves and boots. Parts of them felt similar to the mask.

Those slid on just fine, and had straps in the back to just tighten them on. More efficient than bootlaces. The next were two curved pieces of similar material. I picked them up to examine them, before seeing a sticker on the inside with text on it: SHOULDER PADS - RUB AGAINST SHOULDER TO ADHERE I followed the instructions, rubbing the inside of one against my shoulder. After a few strokes, it actually stopped moving. Fascinating. Repeating the steps with the other one, I fixed it on.

Looking down, I really was able to take in the swaying patterns of orange and blue. It was ridiculous. I looked like a mascot for some brand of toothpaste. Slow exhale. Big inhale. Slow exhale. Can't snap for something as stupid as this. My gaze went towards the mask again. They were gonna make me wear it. The best move was to save myself the argument and just pick it up. No putting it on if I didn't need to, just holding it.

Making my way back up the stairs, an odd thumping coming from each step thanks to these boots' material, I opened the door and made my way to the common room. The bustle of everyone in there, including Eliza and Perry who must have stopped in after I left, stopped when they saw me. Eyes. I didn't like it. Wasn't here to be watched or be stared at. Christian broke the silence.

"You look fudgin' awesome!" Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. He ran up to me, flapping around like someone threw a bundle of sheets down the stairs, and patted me on the shoulder. My fist clenched instinctively.

"Dude like the shoulders make your frame wider and there's gotta be inserts in the boots to make you taller and-" He was in a rush, it didn't even seem like he had space to breathe. Jairo joined in.

"Your gloves are like huge as hell I bet you they'd be the only thing that could hold up to your punches and stuff-" Looking around, I saw Tancred just resting a hand in his pocket. He gave a simple nod. No reassuring feeling on this one. My gaze kept moving, stopping towards May.

"Looks great!" I kind of appreciated it, but not enough to settle the unease. I kept looking around the room, my eyes sitting on Dr. Way. She smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Almost reassuring. Enough to keep me from snapping, at least. I could still hear Chris and Jairo's voices crashing against my ears, and I decided to test Martin's suggestion. I inhaled through my nose, and breathed out as I spoke." Relax." The two of them stopped in their tracks.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Got way too excited-" Christian apologized.

"Honestly I just thought it was really cool," Jairo conceded. Was enough. Looking back to Tancred, I spoke in my usual cadence.

"So are we doing this meeting now?" He nodded.

"It's gonna look a little more impromptu because these two decided to not prepare any visual materials for the meeting. Perry, take over." The auditor went and leaned against a wall. The man with the shaved head spoke in his usual nasally cant.

"Alright, guys. We're gonna go over your rules of engagement as superheroes. These are both legal procedure as well as just general PR." He brought out a set of index cards, reading through them.

"Don't worry you'll be getting real documentation, this is just for summary's sake. Anyways, rule one of engagement..." Perry read the card.

"You are on the clock from seven-to-seven. As in seven in the morning to seven at night, you are on call. At any point you can be notified that you need to go do superhero stuff. If you're not in class, you're on patrols or assisting in investigations." Made sense to me personally. Provoked some curiosity for if the others were bothered. Glancing over, I saw their faces, and none let it be apparent if it did.

"If you're not in a situation where your mundane civilian persona must be maintained for identity reasons, you are to try to stick to your hero title. If the costume is on, your mask has to be on when you're outside, and you can ONLY use your hero name. No exceptions. This is to cover your ass." Gonna have to get used to being called Hercules, then.

"As a caveat, if it's not within those hours, you are considered off the clock. You are not directly on call unless a situation explicitly needs your powers or skillsets. Any heroics at that point is voluntary otherwise." Didn't need a break but if they were going to make me have one, I couldn't stop them.

"You each get to also pick a weekend day where you are completely off the clock, and the other weekend day will be a half day of ten to four. You'll be getting your schedules for classes next week, and you'll notice there's some days without classes or any other engagements. You're expected to do minimum four hours of patroling on those days." Rookie numbers. Perry flipped his pile of index cards to the next one.

"Next, rule two of engagement. No escalation. Ever. You cannot be the first attacker. You are limited to warnings until a perpetrator engages in violent behavior, which you're permitted to make judgment calls. If they're threatening it but not doing it yet, you have to give three honest and clear verbal warnings." That was gonna give them too much time to do harm. The PR agent looked up at us as he continued.

"There are no exact warnings to give, the only rule is make sure they can hear it and they understand you will engage in forceful action to detain them. Perry's note here," he pointed to himself.

"Avoid violent threats. You don't need to be official about it, but don't go as far as like 'I'm gonna break your arms if you don't drop that purse.' Legally that's assault, and also that's gonna terrify people." That almost felt pointed.

"I thought assault was hitting people," chimed in Jairo. May interjected.

"Assault is threatening violence. Battery is the hitting." Perry gave May a thumbs up, which was followed by another flip of the cards.

"Rule three of engagement, maintain image and avoid controversy. No foul language. You are apolitical pro-Americans aligned to no specific party, merely the American dream. If you feel you are being financially solicited to endorse any position, you are to report it to us immediately. If someone tries to catch you in any sort of controversy, you know what you do?" He put on a big fake laugh afterwards.

"'Haha, that's a conversation for another time,' and you WALK AWAY. IMMEDIATELY. If they get in front of you, turn around and take the long way out. If they keep accosting you, you can start warning them, per rule two. Alongside that, no dating superhumans. If they've got a Blue Card, no can do. Frankly don't date anyway. Bad for your liver." Not sure where he got that notion from. Tancred seemed to nod along off to the side. The shuffling of index cards returned.

"Rule four of engagement: All superheroic activities must be called in when enacted upon, and you will later give clear, conclusive written reports. There's a boilerplate report form you will fill out regardless at end of day, even if just to say nothing happened." Perry rolled his hand.

"Any specific events will have their own forms admin can supply to you. If you don't like your handwriting, we can supply a means of typing them in." He raised a stubby finger, pointing it to us.

"But you WILL fill out your reports. It's not for us, it's for you. It's legal witness testimony without you having to walk into a court ninety percent of the time. That's one of the nice parts of the Chicago Act." I was surprised to hear there were nice parts. More shuffling of cards.

"Next... Rule five. Your allegiance is with the government and its own superhumans. Not any other superhumans, even the big heroes. You can cooperate with them, but you're legally obligated to ensure you're the one handling arrests and physical conflict where their powers are not necessary. There are exceptions to this." He held up one finger.

"First exception: Superhumans with Grade 1 Blue Cards are permitted to assist in the event their powers are relevant per the liberties of the Grade 1 evaluation. That means any situations where their abilities would be able to protect and aid civilians, defend themselves, or protect key infrastructure within the jurisdiction of the United States and its territories." A second finger raised.

"Second exception: Kaiju or sufficiently powerful threats to the United States or its territories prompt a universal armistice with all superhumans. They are all temporarily deputized for the duration of the threat's presence, even supervillains. This is a blanket deputization, that only persists so long as their abilities are used to counter the threat." He stuck out a thumb.

"Third and final exception: Your life is on the line. You have a duty to maintain your survival. If cooperation with an unregistered superhuman guarantees it, they are considered deputized for that task." Pretty broad set of exceptions. I wondered how they put this all together.

"Those are the key rules. Do you guys have any questions or concerns?" Jairo raised a hand.

"What if I accidentally say someone's name when I mean to say their hero name?" Perry shrugged.

"Then you'll be appropriately reprimanded. Damage control it in the meantime. Pretend you said something else. Like if someone says 'Jairo,' they can damage control and say they yelled 'Hey, go!' or something and their voice broke. Learn to improvise this, your acting coaches will help you with that. Anything else?" Dr. Way raised a hand after that.

"How would rule one apply to me given I don't have a superheroic alter ego? And do I count as superhuman for dating rules?" Perry cocked his head.

"What, you plan on dating a teammate?" She shook her head.

"Not presently, but if we get a new one that I think would make for a useful source of genetics, it would be good to get that outlined." The PR agent groaned.

"Well no, but you'd be dating a superhuman which is against the rules. As for name, you're Dr. Way on the field. Up to you how you choose to disguise your appearance from there, given you're expected to be indoors in the lab usually barring specific emergencies anyway." He then clapped his hands together.

"Alright, enough on rules of engagement. Time to get your Blue Cards!" Oh boy.