Chương 46: Picnic

Writing reports on crime fighting was easy enough, basically a series of boxes where you filled in events. It was almost pleasant, being able to document everything that happened. I handled mine during our first big team meeting and debrief, where we covered everything that happened over the day in terms of criminal events. Chris and Jairo's only real action was at the police station when Clowncar escaped. Days rolled by since the arrests. No rumblings of any criminal activity.

My first "real" patrol, the day after all of that, was pretty vacuous. I helped older ladies cross the street, there was a locked door I forced open for someone who was stuck inside, and I assisted a car crash by moving a car off of the curb. Part of me was grateful that people weren't in any immediate danger, for once, but that shot to the head put a hunger in me. I felt starved of conflict. By my second patrol day on Thursday, I took to a more aggressive level of search. There was an argument outside of a bar.

When I attempted to mediate it, a man brought out an extending baton. He, unfortunately, wasn't interested in any escalation after I tied it into a knot. At one point there was a call about an attempted bank robbery, but by the time I arrived, May had already dealt with the would-be robber. She overheated his gun and then knocked him out. Part of me wanted to be mad at her, but I had to recognize that they weren't going to hand me every crime to fight. They'd have to arrive on their own.

The rolling of days reached Friday, which tumbled in with awkward fanfare. Big dinner we were doing after school. Meant I couldn't go on patrol, since they wanted me to get some nice clothes for it. I didn't really care, but the others were adamant. I let them pick out something just to shut them up. It was stuffy, my shoulders sat uncomfortably in the shirt, and despite allegedly being made of high quality materials I was worried one wrong move would split everything apart.

I chose cheap and loose clothes because I could swing as hard as I want without risk of damage. This was against everything I wanted. All to please a bunch of people I didn't really give a shit about. The location was some restaurant just out of town. The exterior was a mix of black and white marble, like the architect wasted their budget on piano keys. Looked morbid to me, personally. You usually expect these kinds of color mixes at funeral homes. The name was something unpronouncably French.

I could barely speak English sometimes. I was brought there by Billy, while the others arrived in their own vehicles. Christian came out of his car with two adults, a man and a woman. Likely his parents. He got the red hair from his father, though his father wore it much shorter. Military sort of haircut. May came out of an SUV accompanied by a very worn down-looking man, without a single hair on him. He walked with a cane. Perhaps her grandfather? Though I could see many individual features of her in him.

A woman had come around from the other side of the van, who bore every feature of May's that wasn't on the other man. Maybe not grandfather. No Tyson. Maybe they were just unrelated. Jairo arrived on the back of a motorcycle, driven by a woman who yanked her helmet off. Hair as garishly blonde as his. No mohawk, however. Now I could tell where he got his... general existence from. Tancred made his appearance known, stepping out of the restaurant and moving down the line of parents as he greeted them.

He, for once, didn't have his sunglasses on. They were sitting in the breast pocket of his suit jacket. You could see those doll-like eyes of his in full.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lofield, I presume?" He asked to the two adults by Christian, offering a hand out. Had he never met anyone here's parents before? The man who was presumably Christian's father shook his hand.

"Pleasure to finally meet you in person, Mr. Tancred. Christian's told me quite a bit about you. Mostly that you think krav maga is a real martial art," he said with a chuckle. Tancred shot out a retort as quickly as he heard.

"Yeah yeah, you guys do aikido, I'll take that banter from someone who doesn't share a pedigree with Steven Seagal. C'mon in, they'll get you to your seats," he explained, before moving on to the man with the cane.

"Barry Hart! How're you holding up?" He asked as he patted the man on the shoulder. So he did know at least one parent. The hairless, haggard man spoke tiredly.

"Like crap, Abe. You're lucky my daughter's here, or I'd have told you to kiss my ass." The two of them shared a laugh before the auditor gave him a pat on the back, and let the three of them trudge on inside. He finally approached the woman with Jairo, offering a hand out.

"First, pleasure to see you again Linda, and secondly are you still single?" He asked without a hint of remorse. The blonde woman's response was a light high-fiving of the extended hand instead of shaking it as she started walking past him.

"I don't date government dogs, come on Jairo," she blurted out while yanking Jairo along by the arm. It was only then I noticed that Jairo was wearing a gaudy baby blue tuxedo. I supposed I wasn't really in a position to judge. Tancred stood there, before letting out a long sigh.

"I have the worst taste in women," he grumbled out. Billy spoke up in turn, "You ever think that's self-inflicted?" Tancred's response was to flip him off.

"You know May and Jairo's parents?" I brought up from my own supply of curiosity.

"Barry was my attorney for a good chunk of my working life," the agent explained as he put his hands in his pockets.

"Multiple tribunals, hearings, my divorce, he covered me on everything. Plus we were each other's Best Man. He's been retired for a good, good while though." That answer provoked a head tilt from me.

"Just how old are the two of you?"

"First, you don't ask people their age, that's offensive. Secondly, old enough to be allowed to complain about things." I just shook my head at that. No clear answers from this guy again.

"What about Jairo's mom?"

"Well, I had to meet her and get her consent when I offered Jairo the position. She is, unfortunately for me, unfathomably beautiful and I am, unfortunately for me, unfathomably prey to God's gift to man." The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"And that would be?"

"Awful women." Without any further words, he turned, heading into the restaurant. Looking over at Billy, we both shrugged.

"I think his ex-wife did some damage," he commented. I simply nodded before making my way into the establishment. It was the image that your mind conjured of a "fancy restaurant," low lights, flowers and plants everywhere, white walls, everyone in stuffy little suits. The people populating it were all recognizable, staffers from the admin floor. They must have all been offered the dinner as well. Waste of a budget.

A man in a suit with an apron hanging across his waist handed me a menu and directed me to the large table where the others were established. I took my seat next to Jairo, who smacked my shoulder in greeting. Tancred was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was off sulking, or in the bathroom. I preferred the idea of the former out of some sick satisfaction with his suffering.

"You excited for some high dining, man?" Jairo croaked out.

"It's just food. So long as it fills a hole, I don't really care about how fancy it is."

"Oh man, I get you wanna be pisse-" Before he could finish that sentence, his mother tapped him on the shoulder.

"Baby, language." He belched out a "Sorry," before continuing.

"Look, Leo, I get you wanna be like... peeved about everything, but you really should like the meal! I nearly got killed and you don't see me being all moody!" A dismissive wave opened my rebuttal.

"I'm not being moody. I've been starving and I've eaten full meals now. It just... doesn't excite me. I see food as food. Enough moldy bread kills your tastebuds, I guess." Jairo shook his head.

"No, I think you just don't really try to taste the emotion in stuff. Mom, do you think Leo could stop by to try some of your cooking at some point?" My gaze moved past him to his mother, who shook her head.

"It's not that I don't see anything wrong with it, baby, but I'm not a good cook." Jairo shook his head in return.

"Your cooking is great, because you made it, you wanted me to enjoy it and for you to enjoy it too! That makes a huge difference! Dad said so, remember?" Linda's face curled a little at that. Like she caught a bad aroma, maybe.

"Focus on reading your menu, baby. I'll think about it." Family trouble. That's an instability factor for Jairo. Everyone else seemed to have a less awkward parentage, which was a positive marker for them. Mostly. May's father seemed far more worn down and tired than a father of someone her age should be. She was 20. He couldn't be much older than his late forties unless she was a very late birth. Interestingly, he looked out of breath just sitting there. Just existing was strenuous to him.

Was that her strain point? If he died, would that be what makes her snap? Or would it be what turns her into a far more serious hero? As curious as I was, there was no value in finding out. Fingers snapped in front of my face.

"You're doing that deep thought thing again!" Sam's voice. Looking at the source of the hand, I saw Sam sitting down next to me while her kids were locking themselves into booster seats next to her.

"Sorry," I conceded.

"They gonna have anything the kids would even want?" She waved it off dismissively.

"They're black holes. The only time they're picky is green beans." Both children simultaneously went "Eww, yuck! Gween beens!" Almost got a chuckle out of me. Must be something in the air if that could amuse me. Probably whatever the Hell made me miss her showing up at all. This was getting absurd.

"Anyways we're waiting on you to check off what you want on the menu." She gestured to the rest of the table, who had handed their menus off. I didn't even recall getting mine. There was a pen that accompanied it. I quickly browsed through the options, all in names I couldn't understand with ingredients I'd never heard of. I saw the word "Burger" and circled that one. Wasn't sure what the word "Portobello" which was printed next to it meant. Didn't care, either.

As the menus were taken, I simply sat back and observed the activity of the table. Tancred ended up finally taking a seat further down along the table next to where May, Barry, and May's mother were. Felt bad I didn't know her name. Didn't know the name of Christian's parents either, but that was fine. Speaking of them, one was looking at me, the father. His voice finally broke out.

"So I heard you're the one who saved my son's life." God, Chris was a fucking gossip.

"All I really did that happened to save him was a disguise idea that turned out to be a good way to stop the bleeding from his face. I don't think I should be getting the credit for everything else he himself did." The redheaded man shook his head.

"Nonsense. If you weren't there, maybe he wouldn't have gotten into that mess, but I know my son well enough to think he very well could have. And if you weren't there when he did, he might not have been here today. God definitely put you in the situation to make sure my boy made it, and I appreciate you for saving him." So that's where he got that positivity from. My gaze flickered over to Chris, who was just smiling. He gave me a thumbs up which felt nauseating to just witness.

"Well, you're welcome, then," I conceded just to try and move the conversation along. Jairo, of course, had to cut in.

"He saved me too when we were fighting that Technofiend guy!" He gargled out.

"That guy punched a hole in me, and Leo stood with me so we could try to break him down faster than he could get put back together!" Rubbing my face, another excuse left my lips.

"I wasn't going to just let a random supervillain stand around causing trouble. Even if I did hesitate for a second to try and get you away, I was going to fight him regardless." May's voice contributed to the conversation.

"Leo will say anything just to pretend he's not a big boy scout superhero on the inside."

"How many big boy scout superheroes do you know who break bones?" I asked, expecting that to be the effective buzzkill. Tancred, of course, refused to let me out of the hot seat that easily as he shot his own snipe in.

"Every guy we know you seriously wounded was a pile of human waste who wasn't keen on just dropping to their knees and surrendering. While that doesn't morally exonerate you, in your position most any hero would've left some measure of serious injury." And I wasn't going to take that lying down.

"Who knew that the only way to get you sounding like a professional was to put you in an environment where you couldn't swear?" Some laughter erupted, with Barry piping up.

"He got you on that. I think the last time you sounded all cordial and nice was your first year in the CIA when you first hired me for some civil suit. You couldn't even look me in the eye!" The man pointed. The agent groaned.

"Of course I can be articulate, you think the marble-mouths are the ones Langley's recruiting? I just have no reason to be when I'm actually doing my job. If I show up, polite conversation left the room a long while ago."

"The clown with the dynamite wasn't polite?" May brought up.

"You know, now that you say it... no, I don't think criminals with explosives are very polite." More laughter erupted as plates of food were placed at the table. The burger I got was obscenely large. I was worried I wouldn't be able to take a bite out of it. Finally wrestling my jaw around a portion of it, my teeth collapsed on the food and let my tongue work reception on the new guests. Huh. That was actually pretty good. Maybe I just had to find tastier food.