Chương 51: Book 2; Chapter 50; Confrontation (3)

"I missed you, and I want you back at my side," - the King said without hesitation. After a bit of thought, he added, - "Both of you." Then he turned around and walked to the door leading outside.

"Do you regret what you have done?" – Rainee asked in a bit lost voice, - "If there were a chance to go back and change things, would you do it?" The King stopped for a second, then turned around, walked back towards Rainee, and stood in front of her, looking into her eyes.

"I wouldn't change a tiny movement of my finger in my past," - he said. Rainee lowered her head. The answer was what she expected. By his character, he was always taking the best actions for the moment, and it was silly to expect anything else. The King continued:"By now, you already have seen how one action can behave like a ripple in a pond, spreading out, disrupting, and changing life in ways one would never predict or imagine…"

It seemed to her that he wanted to say something more, but fell silent for some reason. Rainee lifted her head again to look at him. The King was looking very intensely at her, and she could see that he was contemplating over something. That was entirely not like him – never in her wildest dreams could she imagine that the King is capable of contemplation.

Then, as if he had decided on something, he stepped closer to her, while still looking into her eyes, he brushed her cheeks with his palms in a gentle stroke, lifted her head by the chin so he could see her face better, and said in a very gentle voice.

"Through my life, I have been grateful to the heavens just for very few things, but you, by all means, are what I am the most grateful for. Not because you are sharing my blood and flesh – it means nothing to me, nor should it be of any importance to others, but because what person you are, what being you always have been, and what character you have become.

If I have ever done anything good in this world, then the universe has already repaid me thousands of times by bringing you into my life and allowing me to be part of yours. Even if the whole world thought me to be selfish and condemned me for it, but if, by some divine interference, I were sent back to the past, I would not risk taking a single extra breath than I did, in fear of making the smallest impact on it."

Then he placed his lips on her forehead in a gentle but firm kiss before turning around, walking out of the room, and closing the doors behind himself. On his way out, he smiled at the young girl who was waiting impatiently for the moment when she would be able to get into the room he had just left. But his smile was neither answered nor noticed as all the girl's attention right now was on Rainee, and she didn't pay the slightest notice to the King.

Rainee was left standing all alone in the room, rooted to the floor. Never in her life had she felt so lost and completely hopeless. The wave of this newly open pain engulfed her, trying to swallow and take her away to the place she didn't want to go. Then two small hands hugged her tightly, and a small, lean body pressed to her. The same two hands that didn't dare to stretch towards her when the owner of them needed comfort and support were now holding her tightly without any reserve.

All the walls, so strong in the morning, have crumbled and gone, and this small, still childlike soul was fully open to her once again. Open to give and open to take. But Rainee didn't like what she was able to give right now. All she could feel right now was overwhelming pain, and part of her wanted to shield this girl from it so badly. Part of her wanted to tell this girl to go and wait somewhere in a safer place until this harbour becomes a reliable place again. But she did none of this.

You cannot teach someone by words. You cannot take someone to the place that you cannot go yourself. You cannot teach someone to be open while being closed yourself. You cannot teach someone to trust when you are not trusting yourself. Another unfamiliar waters where she has not been before… If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

All her experience and knowledge were screaming that the pain she was in right now would crush this girl, as she was yet so small, so little, like a little child. It might sound funny to describe this way a person similar in size to you, but nevertheless, that's how it felt and that's how it was. And still, all that this girl wanted right now was to share Rainee's pain… That's why she stayed, that's why she came now.

Rainee made it very clear to her what life would be like if she chose to stay and sign herself to the service of the King. It was so opposite to what Anniet expected, and it struck her very hard. She fully understood now why Rainee wanted her to stay at the School instead of signing for a life like this, where Rainee herself would be just a very rare and random visitor, no matter how much she would want to be the opposite. She made it clear that if she stays, she will have to leave this School when the King leaves.

By doing so, she would be free to do what she likes, without any restriction, only if she leaves this service. But in this case, she would lose all that she has learned now anyway, just the starting point by then would not be known. But Anniet still stayed. Against all odds, she didn't leave. And the only reason for that was this little moment she wanted to offer to Rainee.

Somehow, she knew that Rainee was in pain and all she wanted was to be with her until it passed, in hopes of being able to make her feel better. In other words, to share the pain. There are reasons why those who are not yet ready cannot feel the feelings of those who are above them in depth. It is too big for them to handle. Too much to fit in something too small.

"To grant this wish should be equal to approving suicide," Rainee thought, hugging Anniet back and lowering down all her defences.

"To refuse this wish would be to kill this girl by my own hands…" In a state Anniet was in right now, with such an open soul, she would absorb all the actions Rainee would do and would take them as the basis for her life.

To push someone aside when they want to help, to devalue someone's best efforts as not important, to tell someone that there is nothing they can do, to show that the best course of action to save others is to build a wall against them, to teach that not everyone is worthy of trust, to show that not every friend is of the same value.

In other words, to mess up and mix all the values that were told and learned until now with completely different actions, by proving that what you say and what you do might be completely different, if reason dictates it. There is no way Rainee will do it, as none of this is true. And no matter that logic dictates differently. Mind and logic are powerless in matters of the soul. So she would better show this girl that you can trust even if your own mind wants to oppose it and doesn't understand how it could work.

To show that no road should ever be closed by fear. To show that you can trust, and this trust is not even a hope, as hope is way too much smaller. To trust in what? She wouldn't be able to tell herself. Definitely not in this child, who knew so little yet. But still, why not? Trust does not require knowledge. It was a nice surprise to find out that all the pressure that was holding such a firm grip on Rainee, pulling her down and drowning, didn't have the same sort of effect on Anniet.

Anniet just felt very, very sad, but she was OK with it, and she didn't feel any need to hide it or to be ashamed of it. So she just cried for no apparent reason." It must be true that one's own pain is most difficult to handle," Rainee thought to herself while holding crying Anniet in her arms. They stood like this for a long time, Anniet crying into her shoulder and Rainee holding her tight with one arm while stroking her hair with another.

It was difficult now to say who was consoling whom, but still, this overwhelming pain in Rainee's heart was slowly leaving, being replaced with warmth and love that this little girl was radiating at this very moment.

"I am sorry," - finally Anniet spoke. – "I don't know what has taken over me. I thought you were sad and wanted to support you, but instead I became sad myself and ruined your uniform…" She was looking guilty at the soaking wet and creased Rainee's shirt, which was spotless and snow white not so long ago. Rainee looked at it too, thanking The One for this stain of tears instead of the blood of her father on it. But she didn't say any of it to Anniet.

"You should stop apologising for things that you didn't do," - she told her, gently cleaning her face with the sleeve of the very same shirt Anniet was concerned about. Somehow, life seemed a much brighter place again, and the reasons why it felt gloomy before became simply unimportant. It was strange to be on the other side, as that's how others would feel after allowing and accepting Rainee's help.

"Thank you," - she told Anniet, stroking her cheeks and lifting her head by the chin to have a better look at her.

"What for?"

"For being my friend." – said Rainee, kissing Anniet on the forehead, then picking up the uniform's jacket from the floor where she had dropped it, what now seemed ages ago, and walking to the door. To herself, she thought that this scene was sort of déjà vu, where she herself could experience being on both sides. The only difference was that Anniet was following her closely while the King had left on his own.

What she didn't know was that when the King walked out of the building, he met a young man, all dressed in black, with knitted brows and determination on his face, even the big black dog at his side was in an attacking pose.

"I was expecting to find you here," - the King acknowledged his presence, - "but she doesn't need neither your protection nor support right now, you should reconsider this habit of yours and let it rest in peace." The young man didn't answer, but was about to enter the building that the King had just left.

"Not this time," - said the King, - "this time you come with me."

"I am not on duty yet, so I refuse," - the young man replied calmly without changing the course of his actions.

"I think you misinterpret our relation," - the King said, - "this way." – He added, walking towards another building that seemed empty and unoccupied for the time being. Deep surprise could be seen on the young man's face when his body, as if obeying some unseen force, turned around and followed the King. All aggressive behaviour disappeared from the man's dog too, he followed behind and obediently lay down next to the front door after the King and his master entered the building.

Several minutes have passed, and the door burst open. The young man dressed in black walked out. He turned back and said in a simple voice, – "I refuse," - then walked away with his dog following him. They stopped by the building where his original intended destination was, pondered for a bit, but didn't enter it and walked away instead.