Chương 18: Book 1; Chapter 17; Pupil without a teacher (4)

The following morning, Anniet walked straight to the training facilities. She had made up her mind. If Rainee was not going to be there, then she would train with that old man until either Rainee came back or she came up with something better to do in her life. When she walked into the class, there were already a few other students. Rainee wasn't anywhere in sight, so she walked straight to the old teacher and asked if it was all right for her to join his class.

"It is always alright to join the class," he said while smiling at her, "but unfortunately, there isn't a lot that I would be able to teach you." That was a new blow to Anniet. Until now, she thought that in this place she could join any class without being rejected, and this reply was unexpected and reopened freshly healed wounds. Just now she realised how much confidence Rainee had raised in her. Until they met, such a reply would not be just acceptable but even expected.

Throughout her life, she had been rejected many times, and never before had it bothered her so much as now. Now, somehow, she felt that it was not fair to be treated like this.

"Why not?" she asked instead of leaving.

"Because you already have a teacher," he said.

"My teachings would be strongly opposed by you and constantly compared to what you expect your teacher would say. There is very little that can be learned that way."

"What if I lost my teacher?" she asked silently.

"There is no such thing, as a teacher is for a lifetime. It is not possible to lose one. One can either change teacher or allow another to join in. You are not ready to do neither one nor another." All was said in a very gentle and soft voice, but also as firm as a rock. Anniet couldn't say anything more, as what was said was kind of right. And if these were the rules, then he was right, she wasn't ready to let go of Rainee, neither was she prepared to share the place taken by her with someone else.

So she turned around to walk away. Halfway, she turned back and asked:"Then am I allowed to borrow a training sword?"

"You can take and use any equipment you might want," the old teacher said. Anniet walked to the stands and picked up a random wooden sword. She turned around to leave.

"Don't you want to take two?" the old master asked. Anniet was going to ask why, but then realised that if by any chance she would meet Rainee and Rainee would agree to give her one more lesson, then it would be a shame to have only one sword. She happily took two, thanked the old teacher for the advice, and left carrying a wooden sword in each hand and a heavy stone in her heart. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

After leaving the class, she didn't know what to do for a while. Her first thought was to go back to the mountains, but she chased away this thought. No! She had decided this morning to do some training, and she would do it. It was not a very big deal that she was chased away from the training class. She could train by herself. She already knew a little bit, so she could work on it. After making such a decision, Anniet walked around looking for a suitable place.

She found a spot in an empty square away from any curious eyes and decided to practice there for a while. First, she tried to remember how Rainee corrected the moves she already knew from before, but after a while, she had to give up on it, as nothing she tried worked. And Rainee was right, the sword wasn't a stick. Even this wooden one felt completely different. Then she tried moves that Rainee taught her, but again with not that much success.

Then she got so angry and upset with herself that she couldn't do anything for some time, just to cry in anger. Then Rainee's words started to come back to her: "Y ou cannot do more than you can, that's why you are learning to do more."" Self-love is the most important ingredient in a good warrior. If you love yourself, your sword will love you. Remember, your sword is your friend. He will always agree with you."

Then, following the same logic, if she was so angry with herself, then her sword must be angry at her too… Not that much of friendship there, no wonder it doesn't listen. So Anniet stood up back on her feet and tried over and over again, while at the same time trying to be loving to herself. This task was close to impossible. But she chose not to give up, no matter how long it would take, even if it would take late into the night or even if she has to do it the next day too.

Rainee said that she has to learn it so well that it would come naturally to her like a blink of an eye. She is a pupil. She is allowed not to know, she is allowed to make mistakes. No matter how many – it is all legit. She is a pupil and that's why she is learning. Well, she was a pupil without a teacher… This thought stabbed her right into her heart.

A bunch of thoughts invaded about how, after finally finding someone who seemed interested in her and willing to spend time together, in the blink of an eye, she had lost that person. That she trusted everything Rainee said, and now she was in doubt if it even ever happened. How differently she spoke with her than anyone else, and how differently she had treated her. Now, when she was gone, Anniet didn't know anymore how to face the world that speaks the way that used to be normal before.

But all these thoughts really didn't even matter, as they were just so little and minuscule thoughts. What was truly big was that she really, really missed Rainee. Anniet realised that she had known her just for a day, had seen her just for a few hours. But she missed her so much. Much more than anyone else she had known so far in her life. Thinking about it, tears were rolling down Anniet's cheeks. Rainee wanted her to love herself – she will do it. She asked her not to be angry – she would do it.

Luckily, she didn't ask not to be sad, for it would be challenging to do. Anniet now felt as sad as a person can be. She didn't even feel sorry for herself; on the contrary, somehow she was feeling happy, happy for meeting her. Even if just for a short time. And this happiness didn't oppose that overwhelming sadness that took over her. Anniet let those tears roll down her cheeks; there was no one around to see her and say anything about it.

The wooden sword in her hands finally started to obey, but she didn't even notice it. All she could think of was how Rainee was correcting her moves before, and now, somehow, she was responding to it. If Anniet had thought about it, she would find it very illogical, but she didn't think, she just obeyed these corrections while repeating moves over and over again.

Then suddenly she felt a familiar hand on her back, straightening her posture in a way that it hadn't been done before, the other hand moved down her arm, changing the angle at which she was lifting the sword. In an instance, Anniet dropped her sword as some unnecessary burden, turned around, and hugged the person standing next to her, squeezing with her arms as much as she could without any intention to let go. She didn't even look; she didn't even need to look.

Instead, she kept her eyes tightly shut and burrowed her face into Rainee's shoulder. Anniet could hear Rainee snorting at such a greeting, but she didn't care. A much stronger force than little laughter would be needed to push her aside. But nobody pushed her. Instead, one arm hugged her back and another gently stroked her hair.

"Eh? You really missed me that much?" Rainee's voice sounded next to her ear. Anniet didn't say anything back, just nodded her head.