Chương 22: Book 1; Chapter 21; Reunion (4)

Even Anniet noticed this change and asked anxiously:"Are you alright? What happened? Did I bore you too much? As it feels like you are walking away." Rainee just smiled back at her, thinking that this must be really how it feels after having someone present and listening for some time, losing this presence and leaving just a half-empty shell sitting in front of you.

"No, you didn't bore me at all. Just it isn't easy to keep attention on this Anthony for a longer time. Don't be surprised if I forget completely all that you just said. Don't be offended – it is very interesting, but around him there is a stronger force than I have, and this force will not allow me to retain these memories for much longer."

"Oh! That's what it is… I was wondering why everyone keeps forgetting him as soon as they turn away."

"But you don't have this impediment?" Rainee asked, not even trying to hold on to these memories that were rapidly slipping away. Instead of letting them run and enjoying a "touch" of them while leaving. Same as feeling a tickle of the sand grains slipping through your fingers. Why try to grasp something that is not possible to maintain? Isn't it much better to take pleasure in having it while it hasn't disappeared into nothingness?

Strange as it might sound, but this way you can maintain it for just a little bit longer. Memories will be gone, but the feeling of having them, being touched by them, will remain.

"No," Anniet replied, and Rainee had a hard time remembering what she was saying "no" about, but she managed to recollect what they spoke about just now.

"I can remember him all the time. I don't forget anything," Anniet added. Rainee looked at her intently for some time, as if just now seeing her truly for what she was, and the smile on her face was growing even bigger.

"Lucky girl," she said.

"Do you think he is dangerous?" Anniet asked carefully, picking up her words. Maybe he is… There must be really something strange about him if even such a person as Rainee couldn't withstand whatever was surrounding him.

"Who?" Rainee asked.

"Anthony."

"Who is Anthony?" At first Anniet thought that Rainee was joking, but then, to her distress, she realised that she was not. She didn't know what to say, but apparently Rainee recollected their conversation.

"Oh, I remember now. Why do you think he is dangerous?

"Because there is something strange about him! Everyone just keeps forgetting him!"

"If everyone suddenly forgot about me, would you think me dangerous?" Rainee asked. Anniet shook her head. Of course not. What difference would it make to who Rainee is if people forgot about her?

"Then why do you think he is dangerous? Didn't you yourself just a few minutes ago describe him as a kind, interesting, and gentle person? How does this description match "dangerous"? Think with your own mind and feel with your own heart, and you will never go wrong." After that, they sat on the cushioned bench in silence for some time, looking at the view in front of them.

"Do you think he is lonely?" Anniet asked, looking at the little, cute cottage in the far distance.

"Who?" Rainee asked her with curiosity.

"My friend who is forgotten by everyone?" Anniet said with a sigh, realising that Rainee had already forgotten what they had just spoken about and not wanting to put any pressure on her. Rainee looked at her for some time, then followed her look towards the cottage.

"There is no reason to believe that someone who is alone is lonely," she said finally.

"The loneliest people I met were living in big families, surrounded by many friends. They are so busy and so occupied by others that they don't even have time to realise how lonely they are. To be alone and to be lonely are not the same."

"Have you ever been lonely?" Anniet asked carefully.

"Once," Rainee said.

"Not that long ago, I found out what loneliness feels like. It is not a very pleasant feeling."

"Once!? I used to feel lonely all the time."

"Used? How did you get over it?"

"I just chose to stop paying attention to it," Anniet giggled.

"And what about you?"

"It passed slowly. Once communication with The One was re-established, loneliness became impossible again."

"The One! So you can talk to The One?!"

"Everyone can talk to The One. There are no special skills required. To hear him back is more difficult. But even then, there are places where you can learn to do so. Have you been to any of them?" Anniet shook her head in response.

"Why?"

"No one took me there," Anniet said, choosing her words.

"They said feelings are required to speak with The One." There were places that would teach communication with The One. In the old days, those places were different and not so widely available. In the old days, it was said that The One could answer only "yes" or "no" to the questions, and only those chosen and approved could be accepted into these schools that resembled old churches or shrines more than schools.

When Rainbow general came into power, she made changes, claiming that "yes" and "no" are not all that The One can say, that these answers are just for those who are deaf. She relentlessly taught the nation the art to speak with The One in proper conversations. The truth to be told, not that many succeeded.

"Yes," Rainee said,"The One doesn't speak in words as all he says is too large and too precise to fit into the spoken language. She speaks through feelings and understanding. Why did no one take you to the learning centre if you wanted?" Anniet was told that there is no point in taking her there. Normal people who went didn't get much success, and for a person so void of feelings and sympathy as she was, there was no point even to bother. But she didn't say it aloud.

Somehow she thought that this newly found friend wouldn't be happy for her speaking about herself like this. So she said nothing, secretly keeping a watchful eye on Rainee in hopes that she would not get offended by her silence. Luckily, Rainee was as carefree as a person could be, leisurely leaning back on the cushions and smiling at the sun. They sat for a short while, both occupied with their own thoughts.

"Do you think you can teach me to feel?" Anniet asked. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"To feel what?"

"Just to feel like most of the people do?"

"No, I cannot teach it," Rainee said, plundering hopes in Anniet's heart.

"I don't like the way most people feel and don't see any point in learning it."

"Oh!" That was all Anniet could say. The answer was unexpected.

"Can you teach me your way? …" Anniet asked carefully again.

"My way what?"

"To feel the way you like?"

"I can teach you feel the way I like," Rainee smiled, with that answer lifting Anniet's heart back to the sky.

"But do you really want it? It takes a long time and requires lots of honesty. And people will not approve of it. They might even dislike you."

"I want it, I want it," Anniet reassured.

"People don't like me anyway, so it's not a big deal."

"Why do you say it in the present time? Don't bring that relic of your past into today. Have you lately met anyone who wouldn't like you?" Anniet didn't have any other option but to shake her head. Rainee was right, lately everyone seemed extremely friendly with her to the degree that it gave her a fright not to mess things up by doing or saying something inappropriate. Well, maybe this young man by the name Marcus didn't like her too much, as she interfered with his studies.

But she didn't say it aloud, as Rainee had already told her twice that it was not her fault. She didn't know how it could be not her fault, as if she weren't there, Rainee wouldn't dismiss her class. But again, if she weren't there, she wouldn't meet Rainee. Anniet ran through her head all that had happened today.

"But really, what is he supposed to do?" she asked aloud. Just after speaking, she realised that this question was completely off topic, but Rainee answered it as if she knew precisely what Anniet was thinking about.

"He has to meet himself instead of trying to hide who he truly is from others and from himself."

"He seemed so angry. Who is he enraged at?"

"At himself."

"Why?"

"Why? That's a very tough question. Because at some point he was told to do better, to be better than he is. That he is not good enough as he is unless he lives up to somebody's expectations. He must have taken it for granted, as all his life is a chase for this improvement."

"Is that bad? Wanting to improve."

"It would be good if he would try to improve where he himself wants to excel. Unfortunately, when you chase other people's visions about yourself, you are doomed to exhaust yourself and fail."

"But he tries so hard…"

"The cause of his effort is false. Before he changes it, he would do a favour to himself if he did not even try. At least not in the direction he is trying. He should try to forget what he was taught to believe and see himself for who he truly is."

"And what is his quest?"

"To be accepted into the King's Army."

"I thought that you just had to apply…"

"He applied three times and was rejected."

"I never heard about anyone being rejected…" Anniet wondered.

"Is he not happy with the position offered and aims for something higher than he can get?" That often was a case when, instead of being accepted straight to the King's Army, someone would be redirected to other services, either to improve or take a different path. But Anniet had never heard about anyone being completely rejected.

"He aims for too little," Rainee sighed.

"He doesn't see himself for who he truly is, so he cannot be evaluated. He is trying to learn how to crawl when he is an eagle with the most powerful wings The One ever offered to a bird species. Birds cannot crawl, so his efforts will never succeed. All he has to do is to spread his wings and fly."

"Like general Blake!" Anniet said excitedly. As he was the only person known to the world who could literally fly by himself, and it was said his wings were those of the most powerful that god has ever created.

"Like general Blake," Rainee smiled at this suggestion.

"Can you imagine if this proud and powerful general were told that he is not good enough as he is and has to do better?"

"Wasn't he told this many times?" Anniet asked, thinking that this legendary figure had such a relentless character that many tried to tame him many times.

"Yes, but what others said didn't have any effect on him, as he is not pursuing somebody else's dreams and ambitions. He follows his own dreams, his own aims. That's why he is a general. Marcus is pursuing somebody else's visions, not his own. He is a much brighter and more wilful person than most. So to pursue somebody else's expectations for him is like for a bull to squeeze into a rabbit's hole. Not even that.

He believes that he has to do much better to grow to the rabbit's size when he himself has outgrown it long ago, or most likely never even been so small. His starting point is unknown to him. The more he improves, the more he devalues himself until the day when opinions of others about him and what he does and how he does it will become unimportant. Only when he values himself more than what others think about him or tell him, only then will he reach his starting point. And this point will surprise many.

Until that day comes, he will be nothing, just an echo of somebody's whim."

"What if that day never comes?" Anniet asked, thinking that this man truly has to be something very special to be spoken about like this by Rainee.

"Then there will be one more life on earth wasted, one more opportunity missed."

"Can't you tell him his starting point?"

"It is easy to tell, but no telling is needed there. One thing is that he doesn't believe anyone; to believe you need qualities that he doesn't have at this time. Believing in someone has started all these problems, so before he can again rely on it, he has to face what has happened."

"It sounds like he has lots of trust in you."

"Demand, not trust. Believing that my knowledge is bigger is just common sense. He is very strong in common sense. But I have to prove to him every little step he is willing to take in the direction I show. That is not a belief, that is common sense. Belief is a sort of blind trust in someone. A person who believes in me would walk into the wall if I tell him that there is no wall and he can walk through.

And he would succeed despite his own eyes seeing this solid obstacle in front and his own mind and experience knowing that such a possibility does not exist. True belief becomes a faith. True faith in what others say becomes a bigger certainty of what the same person themselves believes. Then I can lead. Until the reality of the wall is more certain than the reality of my word that there is none, there is nothing I can do.

All I can do is to teach the truth that one day will show to that person that there is no wall, and the person will realise it themselves and will walk through, but it will not be because of believing in me, but because he knows now that there is no wall. True belief is the power beyond our understanding and could carry us to the heights we don't know or even imagine. But it is very rare as it has been killed in everyone at a very young age."

"Killed how by who?"

"Killed by people who teach us. Starting with parents and finishing with everyone around. People promise things that they cannot fulfil. People encourage others to do things that are not possible to do. People want to be thought of as higher than they really are and say things that they don't know. If I met you before your belief is broken and tell you to walk through the wall, you would try, any child would try until some point. If you try to walk through and bang into it, would you try it ever again?

I don't think so. Next time you stretch your arms and check if the wall is possible to walk through, and after doing it a few times, you will not even try. It's broken. Now you rely on your own senses. If after that I come and tell you to walk through because I know how to do it, and if you would believe me, I would guide you through, would you do it? No. You would need proof. First, I would have to prove that I can do it, then that I can help you to do it.

In Marcus' case, I would have to explain every step needed to the degree that he can understand it. That's learning, not believing. Belief is instant, learning takes time. I can put him on a path he wants to walk, but he doesn't believe that such a path exists. I can drag him to it, but I cannot make him see it. T o walk on something you cannot see, belief is required; when there is none, such walking is not possible.

In the physical world, if you drag someone on an invisible bridge, it will hold them, no matter if they believe it or not. In spiritual matters, on a soul level, when you don't believe, it doesn't exist for you; when you don't want to see, it doesn't exist for you. Things that you believe exist.

If you believe in things that are not true, that are not real, you will create a false reality around yourself, and actual reality will simply stop existing for you, until you choose and make an effort to leave what you created and enter what is real."

"Sounds very complicated."

"May it be, but there is nothing simpler in this world. Beliefs matter; what you believe will define your reality. Seek for truth, not mine, your, hers, or his truth, but for truth as truth is. Just with that, you will choose to reach for it. Just this simple action will activate the universe to break you out of your own false belief cage. Believe in another person more than yourself, and that person will lead you where they stand – may it be to their own imaginary cage, or may it be to freedom.

Believe in someone who is below you, and they will drag you down; believe in someone who is above you, and they will lift you up. Sounds simple, and it is simple. The difficulty is that we rarely believe in people who are above us, as their ways are unusual and challenging to understand."

"Why did you refuse to teach him martial arts?" Anniet asked, thinking that for her there is no difficulty in choosing and making an inner resort to believe in what Rainee would tell, no matter how unbelievable it might seem.

"With such an unsettled heart, he already knows more than he can swallow. To teach him more would be the same as to sharpen a knife held by a toddler. Besides, I wasn't lying – old John is the best teacher of martial arts that ever walked this world. He can teach him much more than I could. I know a lot, but nothing close to what he knows." For Anniet, it wasn't easy to imagine it.

"He refused to teach me," she said in a low voice.

"Who?"

"Old John."

"Why?"

"He said there is nothing he can teach me."

"That is not true," Rainee said without a single doubt.

"He must have said something different."

"I swear it is true!" Anniet said eagerly.

"Don't swear on anything; it is a very bad habit. What exactly did he say?"

"He said that there is not a lot he can teach me, as I already have a teacher, and anything he does would just interfere."

"Is that what he said?" Rainee laughed silently.

"But see, he didn't tell you that he cannot teach you anything. What is not a lot to him might be an ocean to you. Who is your teacher he spoke of?"

"You…" Anniet said in a very low voice, understanding that Rainee hardly could be called her teacher as she taught her only for one day… But still, she didn't have any other.

"Me?" Rainee asked in a surprised voice, making Anniet shrink even more.

"And you say it in such a small voice? Usually, my pupils are very proud to be taught by me, and if anyone asks, they state it firmly and loudly, full of pride. Are you feeling a little bit ashamed?"

"No, no, no! I am not! I'm very proud. I just thought that maybe you wouldn't be pleased to hear it."

"I? Why wouldn't I be happy about it? I think you nailed the moves I taught you splendidly. I see you are carrying two swords with you now. Mastery of two swords is a handy skill, but not many can do it. But why not try? Do you want to try now?" A big smile entered Anniet's face and stayed there for a long while, refusing to leave no matter what. It wasn't the correct reason why she was carrying two swords, but it didn't matter at all. In fact, it was even better!