Chương 139: Chapter 135

Wade and Zin returned into a small hurricane. One with small horns currently going through the snack aisle, hands snatching up item after item before delivering her goods to one Russian currently cosplaying as a grocery basket. Both his arms full of packages - gummy worms, beef jerky, three different bags of chips of various bright colors, and what appeared to be an entire rack of coffee cans or the attempt at one.

Medy had been given free reign apparently, and she wasn't the bashful type that would make humble use of that power. The mortal had told her it was okay to get what she wanted, therefore it was a spoken contract and was indeed, okay. Once she had her latest haul handed over to the poor man, she stood next to him, vibrating, and not metaphorically.

The demoness was physically bouncing on her hooves, while her eyes darted between the candy shelf and the coffee machine with the focus of a hummingbird deciding between two flowers. Wade could almost hear the humming. And then she spotted him and Zin walking back into the shop.

"Wade! Wade, okay so - have you tried this? This brown metal foil thing?" She held up an empty Snickers wrapper.

"It's called a snickers, but it's got nothing to do with snickering, those two words are just very similar in your language. I'm not really sure if I'm reading it right or not, but it's good. It's really really good! And chewy too."

"She having very good time," Leon chuckled.

"My wallet, not so much."

"I don't do IOU's and don't claim her as a dependent." Wade instantly said.

"You signed your own death warrant with this one of your own free will." Leon's grin widened.

"Hah, is good seeing you normal again."

"And the coffee! Wade, the coffee! The coffee is-is-is-" She seemed to almost short circuit as she spotted another aisle filled with boxes. Of which one had, in bold black letters, the very same word she'd come to associate with everything Earth.

"WADE! They've got more of it all over the place! Oh good hells, everywhere I look, there's another. And there's so many of them. You worked here before? Why is this kind of store that's so well connected in such a small looking building?" She vanished off to the new coffee aisle all the while, looking over the powdered version of homebrewed coffee. Wade could at least appreciate the taste she had. Powdered version was an extremely cost-effective method of getting a coffee fix.

"I telling her I treat her for today, I have good savings." Leon sheepishly shrugged.

"Thought she take maybe four or five items."

"You didn't specify a maximum!" Medy immediately said from a distance.

"First time making a Faustian bargain, champ? Happens to everyone sooner or later." Zin gave the Russian a wide smile.

"I'd say you could chalk it up as a free learning experience, but, well. Not exactly as free as you'd have wished it to be. Better luck next time."

"Ah, hah. Well, is good seeing you back so soon Butler. Maybe you having some tips for later?" Zin flinched in place.

"All right my not-so-little KGB coupon discount agent, here's the tip: We're demons. You need to be real specific with what you promise. Real specific."

"Where's Bael?" Wade asked before the two of them could start a row with each other.

"Watching outdoors." Leon pointed a thumb over his shoulders.

"Seeing cars getting refilled with gas, very transfixed." Wade did remember telling Bael on the walk here what cars were and more importantly how to avoid them. He remembered the moment things took a turn on the interest, when he'd mentioned they were completely mechanical, built with metal. And when Wade looked over, he saw where the demon was. Arms folded across his chest, watching a far too tired man outside struggle with the gas pump nozzle.

Beyond him, through the glass, Wade could see two men at the next pump over pretending very hard not to stare at the seven-foot goat/horse creature silhouetted in the window. One of them had been holding the same credit card in front of the reader for about thirty seconds without actually inserting it. Behind the counter, Amar had his chin propped on one hand and was scrolling through his phone while listening to his usual podcast with the serene detachment of a man who had simply decided this was not a problem.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. Or more specifically, not his problem. Compared to some other guest, the crew here were well behaved enough. At least Medy put things back in their place if she took them out to gawk at. Nobody was taking a piss on anything in a half-drunken certainty they'd made it to the bathroom. And nobody was stumbling into the rows and knocking everything off. Very good customers thus far.

"So here's an idea," Zin said, straightening his cuffs.

"How about we relocate the whole circus to somewhere with, oh I don't know, walls that aren't made of massive windows where everyone can gawk?" The pointed look went straight outside, to where the people gawked.

"Not that I'm criticizing of course. Why, I'd never question your choices in life Mr. Wade." He coughed into his white gloves, and cleared his throat.

"In fact, I applaud the bravery to walk out here with half a plan, a quarter of a brain cell and one full trench coat doing more work than a single-income household." His eyes turned over to Eri's direction, where the skeleton was far too occupied staring at the sunglasses rack.

"I don't know what part two of all this looks like, but I'm certain that brain cell is no longer in the picture."

"All right, spill it. What are you building up to here?" Wade asked. Somehow Eri could feel he was being watched because his head turned right over to spot the demon. Zin flashed him a quick placating smile, before turning back to Wade with more conspiracy.

"I've got a better place in mind. Best part of town! Gated! Six bedrooms, modern kitchen with an island. A jacuzzi and a sauna. We're talking all the works. Much better place to do any kind of grand reveals. How about we all go into the nice and discrete car I've got and go there, what'daya think about that champ?" Wade raised an eyebrow.

"You live in a millionaire mansion?" He wasn't completely surprised, the Archdemon here seemed to really love his creature comforts above all.

"I have access to a mansion. There's a nuance. It's technically owned by a, shall we say, friend. Although once his estate finds out he's not answering calls anymore, they might come to ruin my fun. Long boring story. Don't worry I'll fast forward to the ending: It's me holding the house keys and nobody asking questions. Including you."

"It's not yours?"

"That sounds awfully like a question Mr. Wade."

"And you want us to gather there?" Wade's voice went down to a whisper, despite them speaking in Demonic. Some part of his lizard brain knew they were speaking something that should be kept low.

"Are you crazy?"

"Do you want me to open up a dictionary and read the definition of a question? It's mine in all the ways that matter, Mr. Wade! I eat there. I use the jacuzzi every other night. I even sleep on the bed, occasionally, as a treat. Ownership is a state of mind." Leon shifted the mountain of snacks in his arms.

"Is sounding like squatting with extra steps." Zin sounded almost offended now.

"Please. Squatting is for people without taste. And I know for a fact I have a wine cellar in this house. I'm halfway to finishing all the bottles, and I aim to be done by the end of this month. Use it or lose it, like they say in the business."" Why don't you have an actual house?"

"Mr. Wade, my friend, my fiscally judgmental little pal that keeps asking all these questions - everyone looks at the suit and thinks 'oh there goes Mr. Moneybags, swimming in his vault like some kind of demon Scrooge McDuck.' Here's the deal, I'm leveraged up to my very attractive eyeballs here thanks to a very specific entity we both love to hate." He brushed an invisible piece of lint off his sleeve, then made sure his handkerchief looked sharp again in the pocket.

"Look, cards on the table - I am wealthy enough to afford the good life and pay for said racoon in one of my basements, but I'm not, shall we say, rich rich. Wealth is about appearance. Favors. Connections. I owe people, people owe me, and the whole merry-go-round keeps spinning as long as nobody audits anything too carefully."

"I thought you ran an entire criminal enterprise or something?"

"More of a one-demon show that happens to make excellent use of the fact that I'm bulletproof, immortal, and can rip a safe door off its hinges. Consider me a small business owner, quaint local mom-and-pop shop. I've got a few others on payroll, and we make sure nice places stay nice."

"Oh, so it is squatting." Leon nodded.

"Okay - no, complete wrong direction there chief. I evict people - usually some very surprised gentlemen running pharmaceutical operations of the distinctly illegal variety who really shouldn't be there in the first place. Call it a hostile takeover. Aggressive urban renewal. Point is - did you not hear the part about ripping safe doors off their hinges and the immorality part? I'm very good at my job."

"Very interesting business model." Wade said.

"Look buttercup, I don't judge how you make money, right? We all start somewhere, I'm just skipping a few steps here and there, it worked in Hell, it worked outside of Hell, and surprise: It works in Los Angeles. The place already is a distant cousin to Hell or at least related in the family."

"I'm, well, can't say I'm shocked to learn you're actually a mob hitman. But you have to live somewhere? Why are you squatting in someone else's mansion?"

"Well-well-well, wouldn't you like to know?" Zin's grin didn't reach his eyes.

"Let's just say I live little here, a little there, but staying on topic of where you live Mr. Wade, your apartment fits maybe two humans and a skeleton comfortably." He pointed a finger at Medy, who was sniffing a jar of Nutella with almost religious intensity. Amar was very clearly ignoring it at least, keeping himself out of all this unless he had to.

She knew she wasn't supposed to open it, and Leon was currently occupied talking about mortal stuff she didn't want to interrupt, but that didn't mean she couldn't detect whiffs of something on there.

"You really want to unleash that back at your home when mine would work so much better? Again, if she rips the copper out of the walls, it's not me that's going to eventually pay for it, I'm gone in a few weeks, what do I care?" Zin said, clearly onto something.

"Also equally important, I'd like a nice place to break certain existential news to people, where if they try to pick a very poor choice in terms of fighting, it won't be seen by any upstanding gentlemen holding a phone they could dial 911 with. Am I making myself clear, or do I need to see if they sell crayons here?" Ah, now Wade realized why Zin wanted to move. What better place to sell his potential direction forward, than to display what he's got access to. Technically.

Medy did have the coffee, Leon had his quest done, there was no reason to stick to this gas station and get caught by anything more once the world really woke up. And besides, visiting a mansion sounded like a good place to sit down and plot how to survive the next round. Zin lifted his hand up, and held a small car remote. With a click, Wade could hear the sound of a car outside chirping.