Chương 2: Something's Funny Right?

Ch. 2: Something's Funny Right?

"How much xp you think a god is worth?" I flashed Nelo a big grin. She was walking in front of me, and she yanked her head back and hissed, "Don't even joke like that." We were a ways behind the group as we walked through the misty forest. The cold of the fog bristled us to hypersensitivity. Amongst the ominous onomatopoeia of the devilish forest, there was a soft hum from all directions.

"That was an insane trick you pulled," she added, "you could have gotten killed." My smile grew brighter.

"I knew you had me covered." Nelo's normally sparkly eyes were dimmed.

"What if you get hurt out there? That's the only Greater Healing I have." I shrugged.

"I won't get hurt."

"I know why you feel like you have to do this… but your life is worth more than 800$""Says who? The free market?" I asked. She scoffed, facing away from me. I had pissed her off.

"Nelo. Nelo! Penelope!" I used her full first name as I turned her around, "I was a dick. I'm sorry. Truth is… I'm glad you're on this mission with me." She couldn't help it. A smile peeked through.

"Why? So you can protect me from the forest?" I scoffed.

"Yeah, I'm protecting you." We continued to walk. The trees swayed. The smell in the air was piny, but with an unnatural hint of sulfur that the tar pits always had. My eyes darted along the treeline, and I noticed little glimpses. Strange colored hides. Far off predatory eyes shining in low light. The humming. I checked further up, where Franz was talking Spiros' ear off.

"Something's funny, right?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Nelo asked.

"Alpha slash bravo pit… Forest type. It's mostly critters. No sapients to worry about. Nothing that can scheme against us. It's a glorified hunting trip. Most of these monsters know to stay away. I mean… why the hell does a god want to join us on this? Not just 'a god' but… one of 'the' gods. One of the big four." Nelo shrugged.

"He was close by. The gods are weird. One of my gods' quests was once to pick flowers in the rain. They have their reasons. Besides, one of his champs is on this trip."

"Could have had two if he had touched me."

"Maybe if you do a really good job on this mission, he'll promote you!"

"Maybe," I sighed. I watched as Spiros's head cocked slightly. He muttered something to Franz.

"But seriously," I said, continuing to prod.

"Imagine how strong you would get. But how would we do it? Even if you could—" Before I could continue, Franz halted. He took his axe out and held it in front of him.

"Weapons up." I took out my enchanted Bowie knife. One strike had the strength of two. Nelo grabbed my arm. At first, I thought it was out of fear, but I sensed a transference of energy, like a rush of joy emanating from where her hand was. She was boosting me.

"Thank you." Joy… no, it wasn't quite that. Joy was dexterity. It was more giggly than that. Excitement. Eagerness. I was lighter. I bounced on the balls of my feet. She had given me a speed boost spell. I glared at her slightly. She gave me the chance to run away. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

"Speed boost?" I asked.

"Hush," Franz said again. The champs kept their eyes on Franz. Spiros had an indifference to the world around him. Nelo and I were farther back than the group. We approached with caution. I felt the hairs in the back of my neck stand up. A breeze, completely uncharacteristic of the mist's ambient cold.

"You feel that?" I looked back, and there it was. A trident beetle, the size of a Prius. Its horn surged with electricity. It had positioned itself right behind Penelope.

"Nelo!" I used the speed she'd lent me. Pushing her out of the way and allowing myself to become the target of his horn. It slid through me like a pincushion. The horn pierced my shoulder, and the beetle lifted me in the air. What felt like enough voltage to power an office building entered my body. As quickly as I was brought up, I was slammed back down and freed from the horn. I coughed out a mouthful of blood. My knife had dropped on the ground under the beetle.

As the insect geared up for another ramming, I rolled under it.

"Drake!" Nelo wielded her short sword, slicing at one of the six legs of the beetle. The trident beetle tried to reposition itself, but now had to adjust for its injured limb. In the moment it was stepping further back to attack me, I grabbed my dagger, and I stabbed it into another leg. The dagger pierced the skin, but it moved its leg back, taking my dagger with it. I slowly stood up, facing the beetle again. It looked right at me.

The front left leg, the one with the knife, punched the ground like a bull ready to charge.

"Come on, you bastard," I whispered. Penelope stuck her shield up in a defensive position. The beetle's horn started to fill up with more electricity. It charged at us. As I began to leap, Franz landed on it with his great axe. He sliced the beetle in two, and the electric horn fizzled to nothing as the beetle died.

"Oh, good," I dropped to one knee, placing my hand over the hole in my shoulder.

"Why'd you do that?" Penelope asked, "I gave you that buff so you could… protect yourself." I smiled, barely holding onto consciousness.

"Don't use all your buffs on me, Nelo. There are people here who could actually do something with them." The rest of the small group caught up with Nelo, Franz, and I. Spiros trailed behind, disinterested.

"Can you fix it, Nelo?" Franz asked. Nelo looked up at Franz angrily, tears in her eyes.

"I already used my greater healing when you nearly killed him earlier." Franz didn't say anything. She turned back at an unenthused Spiros who was looking elsewhere.

"Well?!" I yelled, "Can you heal me?" Spiros' attention turned back to me as he picked at the inside of his ear with his pinky.

"Pardon?"

"Can. You. Heal. Me?" I asked again.

"You were not supposed to come, no? You were ousted, and yet you insisted. It seems this injury is… self-elected." Nelo placed her hands in a prayer and dipped her head to the ground. The other champs looked around, unsure if it was even decent to argue with a god.

"Please, heal him," she begged.

"Please."

"Why?" the kirin god asked.

"W–why?" Penelope asked, "Because it's right."

"Nelo, that's enough," I said. Franz pulled Nelo's arm.

"He gave his answer. Pick up Drake and get him out of here." Nelo swallowed the frog in her throat and went to pick me up.

"I got it," I said as I used my good hand to pick myself up.

"Get him to the mouth," Then to me, Franz said, "Take yourself to the doctors immediately."

"Hey. You mind telling us what's going on?" I yelled to the god.

"You've got a hole in your shoulder and should leave," the god replied, dodging my question.

"Stop aggravating him," Franz said to me. I ignored Franz, "That's a Trident Beetle. It's only seen in Desert pits." Franz glared at me.

"How do you know shit about—" I outmatched Franz's anger.

"I spend all my time reading about the tar pits, so I don't die by them. Trident beetles are not native to this kind of pit. They're Charlie-level enemies. Something's been funny since we got here." I turned back to Spiros.

"And you've got the answer." Spiros rolled his eyes and said.

"Fine." He flicked his wrist, and I was suddenly lifted in the air by a cloud from under my feet.

"I'll send you home myself." The cloud hovered two feet above the ground. I grabbed it. It had the same consistency as freshly cut grass. I tried to lift my arms, but I couldn't. I tried to stand, but it was no use. The others couldn't see because my hands were buried in softness of the cloud… but this platform was holding me.

"Hey. I can't…"

"Goodbye. I wish I could say it was a pleasure," sighed Spiros"Nelo!" I said.

"Come with me. My arms! He's—" He shooed me with his hand, and the platform moved back toward the hellmouth.

"The Trident Beetles!" I said, I could see them smaller as my cloud carriage delivered me away. It was too late. The humming that had surrounded us had begun to coalesce into a sharp buzz. I filled my lungs and shouted hard enough to pierce the veil of noise, "They hunt in swarms!" And as I said that, thirty Prius-sized beetles descended upon the group of champs; three landing right on top of Penelope.