Chương 54: Reverse (Discoveries)

I usually like to think of myself as observant, but in some cases, it would appear I'm not. This is becoming increasingly clearer as this whole Xalin saga unfolds. Again, I run through all the memories I have of Xan and realize that there's always been something just this side of normal about them. Somehow I got it into my head to accept them at face value, when I never do that for anyone, or anything, else. How did that happen? How many times have I missed something because of an assumption I made?

The times when I let their overt friendliness get to me, enough to irritate me into not paying as much attention as I needed to. Is that the reason they heckled me, specifically to get under my skin and bring my guard down? Paranoia gleefully fills my head with scenarios of betrayal. It bothers me more than I care to admit. Waiting outside the gear area of the sparring hall, I run over everything in my mind, trying to figure out exactly what it is I want to say to them.

I settle on the truth with quiet indignation as my starting point. But first I need to drag Xan with me somewhere we can't be heard. The class takes a lot longer than I expect and while I wait, I can't help the small spark of anger in me that's lighting up. I've told Xan everything. Well, not everything. They aren't aware of the details about behind my parent's deaths. Nor are they aware that finding out who did it is my driving force—nor of how much revenge seethes beneath my skin, even now.

Perhaps especially now. After the fiasco in Sorrishen—and the attack on Minx—my lust for revenge has only expanded. The sect is involved in so much more than just this. So maybe I do get where Xan's coming from. I'm leaning against the wall, propping myself up with one foot as the Fourth-Blade Novice class begins to file out chattering with one another. Xan comes out moments later and stops short.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" But there's a wariness to their voice I'm not used to hearing. They weren't expecting me today. I like this.

"You are definitely owed this pleasure. Come with me, I need your help." I motion to Xan as I push away from the wall and head out of the Enclave. It's difficult for me to keep my tone steady as my irritation begs to boil over. I can feel the elements fluctuating all around me, feeding off my mood, off my thoughts, and my agenda. They quiver in anticipation. There's a faint sense of trembling around Xalin's aura, ever so slight.

To be honest, I don't think I'd have noticed it if I wasn't paying closer attention than I usually do. It's not a sign of nerves, but more of expectation, or a lack of knowing what's to come. They're quieter than usual, too. Almost meek as they follow me through the woods. It takes a while, just as it always does until we get up to where it is we've been practicing my abilities. The greenery, with fuller trees and bushes, is still here.

Perhaps not as vibrant as when I first began experimenting, but all I'd need to do is replenish the flow of energy and water, and everything would regain that sense of life. Funnel the power through the ground. Simple as that. Just that it stands out in the oncoming winter.

"Hey, Ria. Why are we out here?" That's when I realize Xan doesn't have a jacket on, and it's quite chilly in the forest. Perhaps that'll lead them to open up quicker so we can both get the air cleared and back into the warmth of the Enclave. I sit myself on one of the many rocks around here and look up at my friend. There are faint shadows underneath their eyes, depicting less sleep than usual. Tiredness envelops them, just confirming that fact. I've never noticed them being particularly tired before.

Not with this level of exhaustion lingering around them. Their thoughts are a mess if their frayed aura is anything to go by. The noise in their head is like a hive of buzzing bees to my ears. Comprehension lies just out of reach.

"Are you going to tell me what's been going on, or am I going to have to try and figure it out on my own and probably come up with much worse possibilities?" The words come out snappier than I intended, but far more restrained than I feel. I'm not imagining it when I see the color drain from their face. For just a moment, Xan looks genuinely lost. But I can't let it eat at me; there are answers here that I need, and Xan is a much easier nut to crack than Aarron is. So this is where I'll start.

"Just spill it. You know I'll figure whatever it is you're hiding from me anyway." For just that moment, just one brief space of time, I think I've gotten through to them. But then Xan's face closes off and they look away, kicking the ground explosively with one foot as if they're trying to take out their exasperation that way. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. Anger. Frustration.

I've not seen their control slip this much in the entire time I've known them. They're always lighthearted, rarely brooding, completely reliable. It's like everything before this was a mask.

"You can't know. Not yet." Xan shakes their head like they want to tell me but are convincing themself not to. It's all in all a very strange scene. Almost as if I'm watching it play out before me without having any control over the outcome.

"I didn't mean for you to even guess this much."

"How long have you been keeping whatever this is from me?" I ask, unsure of where the question comes from. It's difficult to keep the fury out of my voice. The grip is abrupt, trying so hard to burst forth it almost chokes me. Suddenly, it makes me wonder if they've ever truly been my friend. Hiding something from me our entire friendship would suggest not. What was their ulterior motive? The hesitation and guilty way they look away from me only confirms my sudden insight.

I don't need them to say what they do next.

"It's not about you, Ria. Not really. You're just here, now. A happy coincidence."

"Happy? Seriously?" I take a breath and collect myself before speaking again.

"Why can't you just tell me what it is? And why you hurt Minx?" The sudden fact is there. In all of our time together, through all of the blood, sweat, and poison, I'd foolishly thought that I had a read on Xan. That I knew them. But playing back Minx and my conversation, and the reaction from Xalin to Minx's condition and predicament. Sorrow. Failure. Conflict. All of those things reflect in Xan's eyes any time I even mention Minx since the incident. Again I push for an answer.

"Why?" There's a haunted sadness in their eyes as they take a deep breath, as if calming their nerves.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you things now. I need you to trust me. I need you to trust that I have your best interests in mind in not telling you anything. Yet. I can't risk you." Those words seep into me. Through all my elements, I can tell they're absolutely telling me the truth. At least the truth as they see it. That something about whatever it is Xalin is doing, is dangerous. But that doesn't excuse the fact that they might have hurt my other friend. I clench my fists.

There's no way I'd be lenient if the people who burned my house down as a child stood in front of me. So why would I be lenient now?

"Why did you hurt Minx?" This time it's all I can do to control the reaction I want to have. The anger that wants to leak out.

"It wasn't me. You have to understand—I'm not the one who caused that injury. I just need you to trust me a little bit longer." Xan's eyes are clear, even as the sunlight dapples through the canopy and flickers across them, I can see that they're telling the truth. I can feel it. Air winds its way around them, water sings to me from inside them. Despite all of my doubts, Xan is not lying.

"Fine. Just a little bit longer. I'll believe you for now. But you better tell me soon. I'm not waiting for something like this to happen to someone else." Time limit. I should probably give them a time limit, right?

"One week. You have one week to come clean to me, or we're both going to Aarron."

"Two." There's desperation in Xan's voice now. But I have the distinct feeling that it's not because they need time to run or make up a story, but that they need time to verify something of their own. Like I usually gather what information I can when I'm given a target. Just to be safe. I frown.

"That's a lot of time. Why?" Xan's shoulders sag. They know I'm being stubborn, but I have to be. My friend has been dancing around me this entire time, and I've been oblivious. If I hadn't been so ignorant, perhaps Minx would never have been injured in the first place. So now, I refuse to be a doormat.

"Why?" I repeat the question through clenched teeth. That fury is bubbling up inside me again. Perhaps the elements are feeding me their own frustration right now. I have to try and keep it at bay.

"I need more time to put some of this together. There are working parts, moving parts that I can't pull away from each other." They look up at me, their eyes imploring me to understand. I've never seen them look as desperate as they appear to be right now. Perhaps I do understand, to a certain extent. But I'm also feeling used at this point.

"Working together like the cogs in a clock?" I ask, suddenly envisioning what they're talking about.

"Yes. Once one thing is out of place the clock will no longer show time." They take a breath, finally focusing me again.

"That's what this is like. There are several cogs and springs that have shifted, but they're all still locked in place and working after some fashion. Once I figure out which ones are loose… once those ones pop, I'll have the information I need for myself and for you. But I promise: I am not the one who injured Minx in that way. I would never have done that." Xan stops and they're so worked up from their small speech I can see they're breathing harder. Hear it. Feel it even.

They're leaning forward, toward me, their body language telling me that they are being earnest. Still, is earnestness really enough right now? I'd prefer honesty. I sigh.

"Fine. Two weeks, then, but not a day longer, and I plan on telling Lennick about everything as soon as I can find the time." Xan's breath catches ever so subtly as they hesitate, but finally they nod.

"Acceptable."

"I wasn't asking for permission," I snap, actively fighting my annoyance.

"I know." Yesterday that would have made us both chuckle, it might even have been enough. But today it just makes me feel empty. There are too many factors, too many people at play for me to take this easy. And there's something else off about Xan's phrasing. I didn't injure Minx in that way. That. What way, then? Is there some other injury she sustained? Something not visible?

"Let's head back, then," I say, pulling in the reach I have on the surrounding area. That's the beauty of my abilities; I can always tell when someone is listening in on me. Unless someone has a portable blind spot like Aarron's office, I guess. How do I achieve that level of security? I don't think my own barriers are as impenetrable as the one that Aarron activates. So how does he do it? Also, is there anyone else who can tap in through my shielding? Maybe I should try and spread some false information.

Perhaps that would let me track whoever it is who seems to know about Minx. Yet how would I do that?

"Ria?" Xan has fallen into step with me.

"Mm-hm? What?" I ask, eyes focused on the path in front of us.

"I'm really sorry Minx got hurt like that." I can hear the sadness in their voice, but there's something else there too. Now that I listen with my senses as well as my ears. The way their heart beats up faster for a few seconds. How the perspiration rate jumps ever so slightly for that same amount of time. Xan isn't exactly lying, but they're also not telling me the truth. Add that to their very specific phrasing of the answer, and my suspicions lean in the direction of not trusting them in the slightest.

Contrary to what I promised. Maybe I can figure out what they'll tell me before they ever get a chance to do it in the first place.