Chương 12: Chapter 13: Homeward

The scent of the earth around me is comforting. I wake slowly to the reverberation of footsteps through the ground. My body aches, my head is screaming at me, but other than that, I feel decidedly less weak than before I slept. Not strong yet, though. Not impervious to the constant chatter in my head now. It's just beyond my reach to understand. Jax's hooves clump through the earth as he picks his way across the ground coming to rest beside me.

His breath is warm as he wuffs at my face, lending a sense of calm to everything.

"We have to go." Xan is more somber than I ever remember seeing them. Maybe part of that is the promise. More likely they don't want to anger Aarron by being late. They toss me a bundle of my brown leathers. Rolling over, I push myself to my knees, my hands gripping into the bedroll as I gasp for breath. Changing my clothes shouldn't take this much effort. It takes me several minutes, and all I do is strip down to the undershirt and replace the jacket and pants. I've never been so winded in my life.

This is ridiculous.

"I scryed in a message," Xan says, a grimace on their face as they reach down a hand to help me stumble to my feet.

"You?" I gasp out, leaning against them as the shakes begin to hit me. Scrying is our best tool for receiving and sending communication. It's the only way we can check in long distance. But Xan is woeful at it. It's why they're partnered with me, or someone else who is strong at it.

"Yes, me." There's a smile tugging at Xan, but their brow furrows as the worry sets in.

"It was enough to let the know we ran into a hiccup and would be a day or so late." They look directly at me as I try to stop shaking.

"We don't have all the time in the world. If I hadn't contacted them, they might have sent out people to look for us. I don't know about you, but I don't think that's a good idea." Nodding, because speaking makes words reverberate through my head, I try to figure out how to respond to that anyway. As is becoming a disturbing pattern, Xan is not wrong.

"They're not the only people that might send others out to get us." I rasp the words out, trying to think over the din of whispers in my mind. Those ambushers must have been beholden to someone. Their threat just before the power exploded mentioned the Blood Sect. None of that can be good.

"Exactly," Xan responds. I can feel them relaxing through the contact we share as they leverage me up into the saddle.

"Let's use this sliver of time to get you looking at least close to your usual self. Don't go burying any more people."

"Okay," I say, the word coming out rough.

"Oh, and…" Xan grabs my hands gently, guiding one to the reins and the other to the leather strap at the pommel of my saddle.

"Thank you. For saving my life. Again."

"I didn't mean to." They flash me a glare, but I hold up a hand.

"I don't mean it like that." What do you mean? The unspoken question hangs in the air. I fight to concentrate on answering it.

"If they shot you, and you died, then I would die too. Your death meant our death. I specialize in poisons, shadows, and stealth. Not one-on-one combat." My throat is tired. My words aren't working the way I want them to. I just hope it's enough. I just hope they don't take it the wrong way.

"Okay. That sounds a lot more like your sort of reason." Xan mounts their own horse, clicking under their breath. They pat the side of her neck and mutter their usual encouragement.

"C'mon, Dayla. Another few days and I'll get you extra hay." It's funny that Xan feels grateful for what I did. Not that it's not true. Or that they shouldn't feel gratitude. But even though I did that back there… I feel like I owe them more than they owe me. For dealing with the aftermath. More than I've ever owed anyone at this point. I'm not used to relying on others. In fact, I made it a goal in my life not to have to. But Xalin has this way of just being there.

Xan's frown is fixed, with none of their usual banter as they make sure everything is secure on the saddle, and that the lead line they have in place is secured. There's a worry line creasing the skin between their brows. For a moment, I don't understand why they'd be worried. And then it all comes flooding back in more clarity than I think I understood until now. The limbs twisting, the bowstrings snapping, the sound of breaking bones.

All of it floods back along with the pop of the earth sucking them underneath into a live coffin. I shake my head, but instead of making the image disappear, it just makes my skull throb. Despite knowing what I did, I haven't examined the gravity of it beyond what it did to me. Beyond that it kept us alive. But I can channel magic. Yesssss. The word hisses on the wind, but even so, I know only I can hear it.

"How did it…feel?" Xan asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"It hurt, like it was ripping through me, through everything around me. Like when you have to strip flesh off of an infection. So much pain, wearing me down until I was raw. It scared me. Me, Xan." They're quiet for a few moments, so much that I think they didn't really want me to answer. But when they speak, it surprises me.

"Did it sort of use you as a channel for its magic?" It makes sense. It fits.

"Yes. Like a dam broke and it just flooded through me."

"It used you as its channel to flow through." They glance over at me, a thoughtful expression on their face.

"That's quite fascinating." I'm not so sure about that. Magic isn't supposed to be real. Not anymore. They say it died out centuries ago. All we have are remnants, or better put, relics that have been passed down. Well, there is scrying and alchemy—although the former is enabled through the latter.

"Okay. We really need to take advantage of the afternoon and make up some ground." Xan shrugs and pushes their horse forward gently, glancing back at me.

"You good to hold on?" I grip the reins and rest one hand on the pommel.

"Gotta be." It's then that I notice Xan has secured the cargo to the back of their saddle. Probably a good idea. Wouldn't want me falling off and taking the box with me. The set of Xan's shoulders holds more tension than usual. If I had more energy, I'd do what I usually do and just ask outright. But the words aren't working, and I'm far too tired. Riding through the night is both a blessing of cool temperatures and a curse of falling asleep in the saddle. I've dozed in the saddle before, but never actually slept.

I'm strapped in well enough that I don't need to worry too much. But there's that sensation of falling that keeps me from recuperating well while riding. Each slight doze brings with it another wave of confusion. Whispers surround me, making it difficult to compartmentalize like I usually would. Just a little more. It'll help. I have to shake my head to keep the foreign thoughts out.

"Stop it!" I push the words out, wanting my control back. The sounds stop assailing me. If I didn't know better, I'd say the impression was surprise. Maybe whatever this is hasn't been yelled at in…oh, a few millennia. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

"Ria?" I blink to see that Xan is shooting me an odd look, apprehension clear.

"I'm okay. Just dozed off."

"Okay. You telling yourself to stop it or something?" I grin, or at least, that's what I attempt to do, trying to put them at ease.

"Not exactly." I'm lucky Xan doesn't pry any deeper, although I'm also worried about that. It's not like them to be so reticent. I usually can't get them to shut up. I'm not quite ready to analyze all of this yet. Nor am I ready to tell them it's the voices in my head I'm trying to shut up. Jax has a smooth trot and his padded hooves mean that the gentle clip-clop against the dirt packed ground is more of a lulling drum beat that at least lets me doze.

Nights on horseback turn into days in woods, and my strength is slowly returning. I've lost count of the number of times I've thanked Xan for doing this for me, for helping me despite the fact that I'm utterly useless right now. We pass several merchants on their merry way. I'm glad Xan takes care of the perfunctory greetings. It's all I can do to stay atop the horse. I envy those merchants and travelers. They're probably stopping at an inn in one of the nearby towns that we circumvent.

It's very rare we actually stay in a real bed while on the road. The gods know my body could use one right now. It's the second day, I think. I swear I slept last night, or earlier in the afternoon. It's all swimming together. This time, the topple off Jax's back feels like less of a stunning impact when my feet hit the ground. Xan is there to steady me again anyway.

"Thank…" But I don't get any further.

"Stop it! It's not like you to be this grateful!" There's irritation in Xan's voice, and I can't help but chuckle. Laugh, even. A full-throated laugh that sees me sitting on the ground in what barely passes as a wooded clearing. I don't even know where we are anymore, but we must be getting close to Korrien.

"Sorry."

"And stop apologizing. You're really scaring me." That's when it all clicks. What's been bugging them. I didn't consciously choose to channel the magic. That sort of power just ripped through and destroyed lives. Xan is wary, likely partially because it was terrifying. I barely saw what happened as it happened, so caught up was I in the power. But Xan watched. They saw and they remember. I blink up at Xan, realizing I have a little more strength than I thought I did.

It's my responsibility to make sure they know they were never in danger.

"I just appreciate you doing all of this for me." I gesture vaguely, noticing even more strength is returning to my body. Maybe it's the direct connection to the earth here.

"And without you, we wouldn't even be here!" I stop, blinking at them. That particular view hadn't crossed my mind. Maybe I'd been in denial about the fact that we'd literally almost died. Sometimes I'm too literal. Tunnel vision and all. They lower their gaze, and I can practically see the shiver that passes through them.

"The way everything exploded, the way those people were ripped apart. It was powerful, Ria. But not once did that power even ruffle the hair on my arms." Xan clenches their hands into fists and doesn't break eye contact.

"That much power. That much danger. It was terrifying. But a part of me knew I was safe. And that's because of you."

"Oh." I can't think of what to say. Death is our business, but this was a massacre. One I caused—one Xan was in the center of. What do I say to that?

"Don't pull away again. I'm not upset. Or scared." They sigh, and it's a heavy sound.

"I'm worried. About who they were. About what happened and about what this might mean for you."

"Oh." Me. At a loss for words. Again. I'm not being myself. What can I even say?

"I won't pull away." Apparently, I chose the right words. Xan relaxes visibly.

"If I keep this up, I'll be indebted to you for a lifetime. We need to hash out our story, figure out a plan for how to manage whatever this is."

"Good point." As usual, I can count on Xan to have my back. My joints are stiff as I move to unpack things. Can't tell whether that's from riding or this prolonged healing I'm going through.

"I'm just not used to…not good at relying on people."

"You think I don't realize that after seven years of knowing you?" Xan raises an eyebrow, a smirk on their lips.

"Well, your powers of deduction have never rivaled mine," I say, feeling myself for the first time since the incident. My arm buckles as I begin to lift the weight of the saddle, but Xan is there.

"Careful. Let's not revert too much back to usual yet. You still have healing to do." They take the saddle and shoo me away. I'm relieved to hear their usual self peeking back through.

"We'll get there tomorrow, won't we?" I ask as I sit down, fatigue overcoming me again.

"Yeah. But no going to sleep just yet. We need that plan." I nod and watch as Xan builds the camp, secures the horses, and grabs the rations. My own food supplies are always exactly what I'll need plus one day's grace. I know, for a fact, that I've eaten more than that since this happened. Guess I'm lucky Xan is a glutton and always has spare food. I push my head into my hands, wishing for strength. But the damn hunger I feel is nothing like I've ever felt before. My stomach growls.

It feels like it wants to devour the entire world. Xan waves a piece of jerky in my face, grinning widely.

"You know, anyone would think the way to replenish your energy and strength is to eat food." I snatch it, ignoring the blatant sarcasm. My mouth salivates despite the fact that I'm not overly fond of jerky.

"I need to head into town and restock my snack stash, not only for my saddle, but also my room." Xan plops down next to me after draping a soft blanket over my shoulders. Not sure where they got that from.

"Someone's eating all my food."

"You keep snacks in your room?" I ask around mouthfuls. Nothing seems to satiate this hunger.

"Don't you get ants?" Xan laughs.

"I keep them sealed. I think it's more surprising that you don't have snacks." Taking another bite, I shrug.

"I've never really been a snacking person."

"Looks like that'll change."

"Yeah." I finish off the last bite and move onto the next piece. Travel loafs are not tasty, but I need to fill up. Xan claps their hands together while I'm still devouring food.

"So we need a plan."

"I don't have one."

"It wasn't a question." Xan grasps at their chest like they're about to faint.

"The great Taria doesn't have a plan going forward on how to conceal what is pretty much a miracle from one of the most observant Orders out there?" I offer Xan a scowl in response and continue chewing. Silence falls around us. Nothing but the birds in the trees, the horses munching on grass, and my stomach still being loudly obnoxious. They continue on like I haven't glared at them.

"I want us to formulate a plan. We're not still Novices; I don't expect you to carry me." I laugh despite myself and go back to tearing my jerky apart. Finally, I swallow my last mouthful and look up to see Xan still watching me.

"I just know I need to understand how this works before I go telling people what I can do. In case you didn't notice, that stunt I pulled might have saved us, but it almost killed me."

"What? No, oh, surely you jest." How Xan keeps a straight face saying that is beyond me.

"We know this. Tell me something that can help us navigate this whole mess. And something we can use as an alibi."

"I got food poisoning?" I say, determined.

"Not going to work." Xan shakes their head.

"Lennick would know right out of the gate that you'd never touch food that smelled wrong."

"Lennick won't say anything. Because Lennick will know."

"Great first step of the plan—tell the Prefect's right-hand man. Got it." Xan runs their fingers through their hair.

"Look. I get it. You need him to work through some of this. But I feel like telling Lennick is a gamble."

"Do you have any other solutions?" I ask.

"Because I've been wracking my brain while sitting in that saddle and I have no idea if I can figure this out myself."

"Ideas? Amateur ambush that tried to sneak up on us. We bested them and buried them." Xan makes the suggestion with a perfectly straight face and watches me expectantly.

"It's close enough to the truth, that it'll be easier for you not to lie too."

"That's an option. I guess." They surprised me with that contribution. Maybe I haven't always given them credit where it's due. We both know lying is not my strong suit.

"Excellent. And I guess Lennick can be a good option too." Xan chuckles and some of the tension leaves their shoulders.

"If anyone could work it out on their own, it'd be you. But I do get it. Just make sure you can trust Lennick. It's not like you've saved his life twice." Tiredness creeps over me, and the whispers start up in the back of my mind. That I could take just a bit of energy, just enough to heal myself… Only I don't know how much is just enough. I can't risk depleting myself again right now. I shake it off and smile at Xan.

"True. What would you suggest?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Did you really reach them when you scryed? What exactly did you say?" Xan smiles and leans back, relaxed.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I told them we ran into some trouble—just a bit. And you got injured, but we prevailed. Basically, set them up, but played it down. I didn't give specifics."

"You got all that in a scrying message?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. Xan is good at many things. Scrying is not one of them. They wince.

"Got me there. I sent: unexpected ambush. Handled. Injury sustained. Delay one day."

"That sounds like you." Still, it was a good thing they'd contacted the Enclave or else we'd probably be encountering scouts for us by now.

"And I guess food poisoning really wasn't going to work after that message." Xan's answering smile is rueful.

"I was thinking we play the quality of the ambushers down. They were clumsy, easy for us to detect. Considering how we fared with Ellir and Sevrin, it's not too farfetched." I nod, waiting for the rest of it.

"You were nicked with poison but had an antidote. As you usually would. Still made you super sick, though. That's fully believable." Xan looks me right in the eyes.

"Everyone knows close combat isn't your strength."

"True." I'm not sure it's enough. Even I can tell just by looking at my fingers, and from the feel of my clothes that I'm not back to where I was yet.

"Do you really think it'll wash?" Xan shrugs.

"If it's poison, it could have made you nauseated sick. Making eating unpalatable. I think it's our best bet, as long as we stick to the same story—with pre-planned variances that suit our personalities. We can't match exactly. We all know it doesn't work that way." My memory allows me to compartmentalize events. It gives me almost perfect recollection. However, everyone's perception colors their memories. When a group of people repeat the exact same recollection of an incident—someone is lying. We aren't amateurs.

There's a soft rumble under my feet, almost like the earth is purring. I lean into it gently. A breeze flitters gently over my skin with a tenderness that brings slight relief. It doesn't drain me; it heals me. I try to hold onto the feeling. Maybe there are parts of this that aren't all bad.

"Ready to hammer out our story?" Xan grins at me.

"Can't sleep before we do now, can I?" And while we talk, I trial and error mimicking that brief breeze of power. It's difficult to hold onto, like a fish in my hands. Slippery. Transient. But persistence is key here because it's all I have right now.