Chương 6: Chapter 7: Contrition

I don't actually recall how we make it back to the Enclave. I'm caked in blood and mud, and I feel strangely lethargic. Lennick is in Xan's room checking for extended damage, and I'm here, in the halls of cold stone. Nothing is decorated yet. No weapons or banners hang on these walls. It feels empty. I feel empty. A hand on my shoulder makes me turn in shock. Dougrant stands there, not meeting my eyes.

"Aarron wants to see you." Anger boils inside, but I'm not out of control, not yet anyway. Still, Lennick could need me. I can't be too far if he needs me to help with Xan.

"Aarron can wait," I say, proud of myself for not snapping the words out.

"Taria, it's not a request." Dougrant's expression is pained, and I can see the regret in his eyes. His voice catches on the next words.

"It's an order." Fine, then. I take a breath, glancing once more at the door and level my gaze on my instructor.

"If they die while I'm gone when I could have helped, I'll go rogue." Dougrant swallows visibly. I do my best not to show how nervous I am. Being called into Aarron's office by myself isn't something I relish. A long time ago, when I was just a recruit turning One-Blade Novice, Aarron gave a speech to the incoming tithes. If you get summoned to him alone, the odds will rarely be on your side. As much as I know my resentment of the whole situation is justified, I need to temper myself as much as possible.

Not that I'm always right, just often. Definitely, in this case. I square my shoulders and knock once on his door before pushing it open and stepping inside without waiting for a response. If he's surprised to see me, he doesn't let on. He simply nods at me in acknowledgement and gestures toward the chair on this side of his desk.

"Sit."

"I prefer to stand, sir." I add the polite honorific even though I'm not feeling respect for him right now. He glares at me for a moment.

"When I tell you to sit, you sit." Moving forward, I motion toward my bloody and mud-caked attire. Not to mention how bruised I am underneath it from diving into the action to pull Xan out.

"It's very painful, and I'm extremely dirty. I would really prefer to stand for now." To be honest, I didn't want to have to bend at any of my joints.

"I see." Aarron twirls an empty quill around his fingers for a moment. I can imagine him doing the same thing with a knife. He leans forward and puts his head on his hands, his shoulders sagging.

"You passed the test."

"Excuse me, sir?" Aarron sits back again, chin set, and eyes focused on me.

"You passed the test. Your entire class passed the test, thanks to you."

"We…passed?" I have to push down the anger I can feel welling up inside. Oh, grand thing that is. Since we almost lost two of our members, three if you count Mavin and the tree. My tone is very steady when I continue.

"What would have happened if none of us knew not to kill a chimera?" He locks gazes with me and shrugs.

"You'd likely be dead, and we'd realize the information we had on the chimera is not up to date and accurate."

"You're forgetting the Enclave would have been doomed to die too, unless you think Dougrant wouldn't have survived either?" I pause as I watch the words sink in.

"Do you not like the Nightshade Order deep down or something?" Aarron scowls at me, and something unreadable flashes through his eyes, gone before I can second-guess it. He doesn't say anything for several moments, each of which drags by in agony. I push ahead.

"And I fail to believe that none of you knew the nature of the chimera. It was an irresponsible and deadly test that you're lucky didn't kill us all." The Prefect's gaze turns stony for a moment, and he visibly fights off a darker scowl. When he speaks though, he completely ignores my statements.

"Your teamwork has improved." Silence is usually a sign of guilt, and I assume as much. I scowl in return.

"I work fine as a team."

"You work fine with Xalin." He leans forward again, steepling his fingers, watching me closely.

"Yes, I do. Xalin is good at adapting on the fly. Most of the time." There's a bit of defiance in my words. Maybe the sheer fatigue battling inside me makes me bolder.

"There's a time and place to be obstinate, Taria. You'd do well to remember that." Aarron reaches for some of the documents at the top left of his desk. He pushes them toward me.

"You showed initiative. While inadvisable to most Three-Blade Initiates, you stuck to your knowledge instead of getting wrapped up in the test component." He gestures to the papers.

"It's earlier than I would usually do this, but we have decided to push you onto the adept track." It takes considerable will power not to gape at him. There's very little that I do not expect. This, this is one of the things I couldn't have fathomed. I settle for blinking, and licking my suddenly dry lips.

"These are the agreements as spelled out by the Circle of Nightshade Adepts." He takes a breath, leaning back, like he's contemplating exactly what to say next. His tone softens slightly when he continues.

"You showed initiative, leadership, organizational skills, and preparedness well beyond your level. Your adaptation to the Blood Golems and how to deal with them saved us time and arguably, some of your colleague's lives. And your willingness to figure out the intricacies of the riddle we were faced with by their existence shows a drive to not just do as you are contracted to." This time I have to stop myself from backing out of the room. I've never heard Aarron give anyone actual compliments before.

But then I've also never been in one of these meetings between him and anyone else, either. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"Adept track," I state, not able to think of anything else to say. My mind is reeling, going through all the paths of information, power, money, the potential fast-tracking of my revenge…

"Not to mention, if what I'm gathering is correct, young Xalin would not be alive but for you." Aarron's eyes feel like they're trying to bore through to my brain so he can read my thoughts.

"Just how did you manage to heal a wound like that?" The question hangs in the air, and it grows uncomfortable in here. I don't have an answer for his question. I'm far too tired to figure out a way to skirt around answering, without admitting I didn't know what I was doing. It's something I'll have to figure out once I can think straight. Instead of replying verbally, I shrug, then speak half the truth.

"I don't know. To be honest, it all happened so fast. I pulled so many poultices, tinctures, and potions from my pack I just hit the right combination." His eyes tell me that Aarron doesn't believe a word I just said. It makes me glad I always tell what truth I can. Lies get people into so much trouble trying to keep track of them.

"Will Xalin be on Adept track as well?" I ask, the thought suddenly striking me.

"No. Not yet at any rate." Aarron purses his lips thoughtfully.

"Why would you think Xalin would be on the same track as you?"

"They are quick on their feet, adapt fast, and have good insight." I realize that's likely not enough even as I speak the words.

"Just go through this paperwork. Make sure you understand what a rare thing it is for us to choose to place an Initiate on this track. Usually we wait for Journeyman." I begin to turn so I can leave, feeling as if he's already dismissed me, when he calls me back.

"There is one more thing," he says, his voice now silky smooth. I feel like I've just jumped out of a frying pan and into the actual fire pit.

"Yes?"

"You will now assist Lennick with the Novice, apprentice, and Initiate training in herbology, poisons, tinctures, and potions."

"Excuse me?" I don't think I've ever blinked as much in my life as I have in this conversation over the last twenty minutes.

"Lennick assures me you could give most of us, including Sevrin and myself, a run for our money in the alchemy lab. I trust his judgment. Thus, since he now has more responsibility as far as the Nightshade Order goes, you will be assisting him in his teaching duties." The smug smile on the Prefect's face makes me wonder why he's deriving such a perverse amount of pleasure from that statement.

"Talk to Lennick about your upcoming classes once he's done with Xalin." Aarron waves me away with his hand.

"You're dismissed now." The door closes behind me and I run through the conversation in my head again, barely cognizant of standing in the hall. It feels like the walls are spinning, but I know it's that I'm forcing myself to stay awake. Teach? I barely have the patience to converse with people, let alone teach them how to work with plants. Although, I guess the plants themselves require a certain amount of patience. It's always been obvious to me that I prefer nature over people.

It's just not as difficult to navigate. Give it soil, sun, and water and it's pretty happy. I'll just have to pretend the students are plants. Someone clears their throat and I look up, noticing that I am, in fact, blocking the entrance to Aarron's office. I'm surprised to see Lareny smiling softly at me. She was our Novice instructor, and as much as I'm able to, I have a sort of soft spot for her. Though that could have something to do with her being Lennick's partner, too.

"You okay there? You look like you're about to drop." The concern in Lareny's tone isn't surprising. She's one of the few more emotional Nightshade members that I've met. She has a certain element of compassion that I sometimes wish I could emulate. Come to think of it, I'm unsure if Lareny has ever been on a mission that I've seen.

"I'm very tired today." I don't mention the tension headache I have at the base of my skull. It's been steadily increasing for the past couple of hours, ever since I managed to keep Xan alive. Like a drum beat slowly increasing until it knocks me out.

"You should go and rest. Lennick says he has things under control." Her dark blond hair is caught in a bun. Strands of it fall around her face, giving her an angelic appearance, and her blue eyes are filled with sentiments I know she'll keep to herself. I can appreciate how Lennick finds her strength and beauty combo attractive.

"I'm truly fine," I say, hoping that it puts her at ease.

"Going to check on Xan first, and then I'll let myself rest." Lareny hesitates for a moment but then smiles.

"You know, you should really get better at lying. You're the only Nightshade Initiate that I've ever known who just cannot truly lie." Raising an eyebrow, I simply nod and head toward Xan's room as Lareny knocks on Aarron's door. She's always been far too perceptive for my comfort levels. I swear I can feel her watching me until I turn the corner. Where I almost bump into Minx.

"Sorry!" She backs away a couple of steps, her eyes looking anywhere but directly at me.

"What?" My vision is swimming again, blurring around the edges. I really need to lie down.

"Look. I just wanted to say thanks." Still not making eye contact, she says her words so softly I have to strain to hear them, which doesn't make me happy considering the state of my head.

"Minx. What is it? I need to check on Xan." Even my words are starting to sound distant to my own ears. She takes a deep breath, so much that it raises her shoulders, and then makes eye contact.

"I wanted to thank you for the chimera plan. And for pulling Xalin out of harm's way. I don't think I could have lived with it if they'd been killed while saving me." It's the most words I've heard her string together outside of Farin's company. Minx is about six inches shorter than my fairly tall five feet, eight inches. Petite is what people would call her, I believe. And I have no idea how to deal with her thanks.

"Sure. You're welcome." It feels uncomfortable to utter that. It's not like I did it for thanks. But she perks up a bit when I say it and shoves a warm cloth bag into my hands.

"For you. You look so tired. It might help perk you up a bit." And in a flash, she's running back down the hallway, leaving me there, looking in my hands. I glance to each side of me and ponder what to do. It's warm, but it's not moving, so she didn't just give me a rat as a joke. Slowly, I open it only to discover two very fresh sweet buns. I can feel the blush as it spreads through my cheeks. These have been my favorite treat since I can remember.

Cold winter's days where I would steal one of Mama's freshly baked sweet rolls off the tray, bouncing it in my hands until it cooled enough to bite into. Memories of them warming me up after hunting trips with my father. While an apprentice here even, the joy of memories it brings every time I bite one… perhaps it shows on my face. It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Minx is a lot more observant than I've ever given her credit for.

I pull one of them out and take a bite, letting the fluffy insides melt in my mouth as I slowly make my way to Xan's room. Except there's something I just can't shake. Maybe it's my mistrusting nature built upon years of betrayal. Perhaps I'm just jaded. But that part of me forged in the fires of my childhood home can't help wondering just what Minx wants from me. Luckily, it doesn't change the taste of the sweet bread. The door to Xan's room is open when I arrive, chewing on the last bite of the first roll.

It almost catches in my throat as potential reasons for the door being open flash through my mind. It's just Lennick sitting next to a slumbering Xalin with a frown on his face. I relax my guard slightly, and reach a hand out to steady myself against the wall. Casual like.

"No change?" Lennick looks up and shakes his head.

"But that's not a bad thing. The body needs rest to heal, and sleep is inherently good for that." He pauses and peers at me, really giving me a once over.

"Speaking of. You're not leaning against the wall as nonchalantly as you think you are. You look like death."

"Thanks."

"I mean it." He waves me away.

"You're useless like this. Go and sleep. I don't know why you're so tired, but you're not going to be of any help here or with the classes you're taking over if you don't take better care of yourself. Now go and rest. You all have the remainder of the day off anyway."

"Fine," I say, and turn to leave, but he stops me.

"Taria?"

"What?" There's another pause, so I look back to see him frowning, like he's trying to pick the right words.

"Once you've slept, and when you feel refreshed again—I need you to help me understand how you managed to keep Xan alive." I nod, hoping I can figure it out myself before then.