Chương 86: 84. Trust and Respect

"Woo- hoo!" I can't help but whoop out a cheer as I leap up above the branches, power flowing through my body feeling like a warm fire after a rainstorm. A bone-deep chill leaks out of me, replaced more and more by the beautiful strength in my limbs. The core of my soul churns out energy as I fall back to the ground, landing with a thump and a stagger, my startled teammates staring at me with a wide mix of expressions as I fail to stick the landing and fall on my butt, laughing.

"Vita! Quit messing around!" Norah snaps.

"Sorry, sorry!" I laugh, completely unrepentant. How high did I just jump? Ten feet? Twenty? My soul is moving my body. Muscles, flesh… it helps a little on instinct, but I have been unleashed. This feels so much more natural! I must have hit some kind of threshold, because my core just started growing strands into every part of my body, filling me with a power I can move as easily as a tendril. Everywhere below my skin is my domain.

I could move my internal organs around if I felt like it, although that seems, uh, stupid, so I'm not going to. To my senses, the inside of my body looks like one of my Revenants now. The soul-strands that allow my shards to move the bodies of the dead now move me, but not with some miniscule fraction of my soul's power. Oh, no. I get the good stuff. I feel so fucking alive!

"Vita, stay still," Penelope orders in her 'I am your healer' voice. I stop laughing, stop moving as she rushes over, hitting me with a diagnostic spell. She scowls, glowering at me.

"... Do you feel any pain, anywhere?" she asks. I shrug.

"Not really? A little in my ankle and butt, I guess. Mighta landed on it funny."

"Your tailbone is fractured and you have a torn ligament in your leg," she snaps. I blink in surprise.

"That sounds bad?" I hedge.

"Of course it's bad, you witless imbecile!" she snaps back, starting to heal me.

"What were you thinking, jumping that high? Of course you'll hurt yourself! You're faster, you're stronger. I can see you are very excited about that, but you aren't any tougher, Vita. If you tried to walk on this leg you'd eventually lose the use of it." I pout, watching her work. Is it really that bad? It barely even hurts.

"... Does it even matter anymore?" I ask.

"Does what matter?" Penelope asks idly.

"Injury!" I whisper excitedly, leaning in close to her and ignoring the resulting flash of emotion.

"I'm like… a living Revenant now. I can move without using muscle!" She glowers at me, blushing slightly but distinctly unimpressed.

"Of course it matters, you dolt. Are you mad? Don't let power get into your head. You're still a living person. Besides..." She jabs me in the forehead with a finger between spell casts.

"I've been working hard on that body. Don't ruin it."

"Fine," I relent, rolling my eyes. It's not like I'd been serious. Maybe a bit excited about the idea, but not serious. Revenants are destroyed forever if their bodies are damaged enough; for all I know, I have the same weakness now. I'm disappointed that the increased strength doesn't come with increased durability, though. What's the point in that? There's got to be some way to mitigate the damage I take from hopping around. I probably just need better technique.

I sigh, glancing around at everyone else while I wait for Penelope to repair my body. Bently is awkwardly and nervously carrying around the upper half of Mateo that we managed to salvage. He keeps glancing with worry over at Alan, who's standing next to him, still headless. Alan seems to notice Bently's discomfort, so he turns his body to face the guy and gives him a thumbs-up. For some reason, this doesn't seem to help.

My two mute and mutilated male revenants are adapting to undeath pleasantly well, all things considered. I'll have to find a monster we can kill that can approximate human speech, or let them take turns with Netta's body, though. It can't be fun being mute, or immobile like Mateo is. A good queen has to care for her subjects. Speaking of Netta, she seems to be doing all right as well, if a bit… unbearably awkward.

Orville is awake, and while his expression on seeing Netta's brain leaking out of her skull was absolutely priceless, the tumultuous storm of emotions and conversations that followed are less pleasant. And they don't stop.

"I just can't believe you're okay with this!" Orville grumbles, exasperated. Netta raises an eyebrow.

"Would you rather I was dead-dead? I wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't either, it's just…" he glances up at her head, then looks away for what must be the fiftieth time.

"You're acting like nothing is wrong, like nothing even happened. It's… concerning."

"A second chance at life after fucking up that bad is more than I thought I deserved," Netta answers.

"You don't live a good life by scorning fortune."

"Hug, already!" I shout, cupping both hands to my mouth. They both glare at me.

"You are rather feisty all of a sudden," Penelope comments, her voice sounding annoyed. I know better, of course. She likes it. I grin her way.

"Of course I am!" I insist.

"I haven't felt this good since I hatched! We're in the forest and I don't feel anything threatening in my range. A bunch of stuff is even running away from us!"

"Hatched?" Norah asks incredulously. Yeah, Norah's not happy about all this blasphemy stuff. I haven't told her I got more power by eating a soul yet.... I'm probably not going to. But surely it's okay to tell her a bit more about myself?

"Oh, um… yeah, so my soul is a little… weird," I hedge.

"I can see and feel souls, you know? That's how my scouting works. Yours is pretty, by the way! It feels like solid water."

"You mean ice?" Penelope asks flatly.

"No!" I protest.

"No, not ice, just um… solid water? Like it's unbreakable, yet it flows. I don't know, it's kind of hard to describe, souls don't always have a composition that makes sense. But I've always liked it." Norah clearly isn't quite sure how to take that information.

"Thanks, I think?" she ends up going with.

"But Vita, all this animancy… it's not good. You really shouldn't be relying on it." I raise an eyebrow.

"Uh… it's not like I can turn it off, Norah," I say.

"I'm not casting a spell to do this, I just see souls. Always. I can't even close my eyes, or cover my ears, or pinch my nose or anything like that to make it stop. Seeing souls is part of my soul. What do you want me to do about it?"

"It's just… that shouldn't be possible," Norah mutters, looking away. I nearly snap at her again, but Penelope speaks first.

"I suspect that normally it isn't, Norah," Penelope says.

"Given my position, I would be aware if there were some sort of secret group of natural animancers. There aren't. Yet I and I'm sure Orville can confirm that Vita is using her magic as a talent. She doesn't know a single animancy spell. I have a few hypotheses as to why this is, but… suffice to say she is not a normal human. You can stand up now, Vita." I do so, stretching and moving my ankle. I guess it was better I learned the dangers of overusing strength before we fight any more monsters, rather than during.

"What sort of hypotheses, Penny?" Norah asks.

"Don't call me Penny. The most likely is that she's a victim of some other powerful animancer," Penelope answers, shrugging.

"A human experiment with an artificial talent." Norah's eyes go wide.

"What? That's… holy shit, that's horrible!" If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"Wait, hold on," I protest.

"What are you talking about? I feel like I'd remember being a fucking human experiment. For someone other than you, I mean." Penelope gives me a glance, half-annoyed and half-amused.

"You think you'd remember being a cognimancer's experiment? One powerful enough to place artificially constructed talents into a soul?" I blink.

"Uh… huh," I mutter, stroking my chin thoughtfully with a tendril.

"... Fuck."

"Anyway, unless you'd like to get another animancer involved to try and quote-unquote 'fix' her," Penelope continues, staring at Norah, "I personally think it makes a lot more sense to treat her as a victim, not a criminal. You can call what she is 'evil,' but we both know she has gone out of her way to use her abilities to help the very people that would scorn her.

She's not going around mind controlling people, she's taking something imposed on her by a madman and directing all her efforts to protect the city with it. If you're going to judge her, at least judge her by that." Norah doesn't respond to that, looking away and seeming thoughtful. I open my mouth to ask Penelope about all her other theories about me, but she shoots me a glare and subtly shakes her head. Oh. Is this a scheme? She must be doing something to get Norah off my back, and doesn't want me to ruin it.

Well, cool! It's nice to have a friend to do all of the social bullshit for me.

"How about my soul?" Bently asks out of nowhere.

"Do you like mine?" I grin and nod.

"Yours is weird!" I tell him.

"It kind of feels like you barely even using it? I think there's something more to your talent. Just a feeling I get." He seems surprised for a moment, then thoughtful. I'm so glad I get to talk about this stuff now!

"What's Penelope's soul like?" Orville asks, he and Netta approaching us as we all prepare to start walking again.

"Oh, Penelope's is the cutest!" I insist.

"It's all hard and spiky at the top, but the underside is just so soft, bubbly, and fun to play with!"

"Play with!?" Penelope snaps incredulously.

"I'll thank you to not 'play' around anything regarding—""Boop!" I say, poking her in the bubbles. She yelps and jumps backwards.

"What was that!?" Norah demands.

"What did she do?"

"Calm down, Norah," I say.

"I didn't do anything. My soul just has these… tentacles? And I can touch other souls with them. But it's fine, it's not any more dangerous than like... poking you in the neck, I guess?" Orville clears his throat.

"Why the neck, specifically?" He asks.

"Well, I mean if I wrapped something around either and squeezed really hard, you'd die," I explain. Silence.

"N-not that I'd do that!" I quickly add.

"I'm just saying it's a good analogy, because it doesn't hurt anybody to poke them in the neck even though it's generally a super vulnerable part of your flesh?" I glance around at my teammates, all of whom are staring at me.

"I'm getting the impression that I am not as reassuring as I was trying to be," I hedge.

"Maybe not that great, no," Norah confirms. I groan.

"Come on, guys!" I complain.

"The soul stuff is new, okay, fine. But all of you already knew that I could kill you with a thought! Why are you being weird about it now?" Penelope pinches the bridge of her nose. Netta laughs.

"She's an earnest little thing, you've got to give her that!" the senior hunter chuckles.

"…Let's just get going," Norah grumbles, looking away.

"The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can stop desecrating the dead."

"And what if I don't want to stop being 'desecrated?'" Netta asks.

"I can't say I love being a zombie, but it's sure better than being dead. Do you want Vita to just un-save my life? Don't I get a say in that?" Norah doesn't respond. Nor do I interrupt. I have been as careful as I can to not give orders or talk much to my Revenants at all. By unspoken agreement, Penelope and I have been keeping the whole 'they follow my orders and instinctively love me' thing under wraps. I can't honestly say that doesn't factor into Netta's desire to stay alive, either.

My shards have been integrating quite well with the three senior hunters, not at all like Theodora. And even Theodora has never considered death to be a good alternative to serving me.

"…We should be going either way," Bently murmurs hesitantly.

"We have to go save that town from monsters, remember?"

"Right," Norah answers quietly.

"Of course." Frustration churns within her, her mind forming plans and hypotheticals brought upon by a clear distaste for the entire situation. What should I do? I might honestly be able to take that vrothizo on my own with all this new power, but it feels like a pretty stupid thing to rely on when I could also have three senior hunters as backup instead. Besides, why should I have to do whatever she wants after I just saved her life?

I guess maybe I should just shut up and hold back my urges to be as open with my powers as I want to be, now that everyone knows about them. Clearly, that isn't a free pass to use them. I send a pleading glance at Penelope, who rolls her eyes. If this goes tits up, it's your fault. Not mine.... Is probably what she's thinking. So annoying. I just want to let loose again, make myself an army and crush every fucking monster in this forest!

But no, Norah's petulant insistence on superstition might ruin everything if I set her off.

"... I thought we were close," I mumble. She glances down at me, an armored giant I have to crane my head to see something other than the soul of. So I don't bother, staring only with the eye I have within.

"... Yeah," she answers.

"I did too."

"You're mad at me," I say.

"But I'm not hurting anybody, am I? I don't understand." She sighs.

"I know you don't. But the rest of you—" she motions at the team "—should know better. Vita, I expect not to get this stuff. But why are you all on her side with this? I shouldn't be the only one who feels the need to explain to her why this is wrong." Bently just looks away, unwilling to engage in the conflict. Orville glances at Netta. Penelope snorts.

"…So that's it, then?" Norah snaps at them.

"Nothing? Our teammate is a soul rapist, and none of you think this warrants a bit more scrutiny?"

"Woah, Norah..." Orville starts.

"Don't 'woah, Norah' me! The woman who raised you is walking around missing half of her fucking skull! Does that not strike you as even a little bit unnatural? These people should be with the Watcher, not walking around with their heads cut off! They're trapped souls! Zombies! Undead monsters that hunt and kill the living!"

"Revenants," I correct again.

"And my Revenants do not hunt and kill the living.... Unless I ask them to, I guess."

"Watcher's eyes," Penelope mutters, burying her face in her hands.

"Vita, shut up."

"I'm just saying!" I protest.

"It's our job to hunt and kill the living anyway!"

"Vita…" Norah starts.

"Norah!" I press, cutting her off.

"Norah, come on! We're teammates! We eat together, we fight together, we watch each other's backs. I… I like you a lot, you know? I respect you, and I don't respect a lot of people. Can't you just trust me on all this? I know that the church says I'm a monster. But I'm not stupid, Norah, and I'm not evil. You know that! Right?" She sighs.

"Of course I know that, Vita, but this is one of those things you don't get. You know? You're cute as a button and you're amazing at so many things but you just don't get shit sometimes. This?" She gestures at the Revenants.

"This is one of those things! You don't see what makes this wrong, and… and I know that's not your fault, but Vita you can't do this!" I scowl at her. That… hurt a bit.

"... It's true I don't understand a lot of stuff," I say slowly.

"I know that. But… if you see more than I do, it's just because I'm looking at stuff you're not. I don't know what you think you know about souls, or gods, or… or right and wrong! But Norah, I have looked off the edge and seen the soul of the Mistwatcher." I look up at her, making the conscious effort to look in her eyes, pleading to be understood.

"Your church is wrong," I tell her.

"Your god's true nature is a mass of hungry mouths, and the only thing it offers you after death is digestion. I know it. I have seen it. You want an afterlife?" I gesture to my Revenants, same as she did.

"This is the only one there is. What you want me to do won't save anyone. It will murder them." Norah sighs. She opens her mouth to speak, but I already feel her response and it infuriates me. I cut her off.

"Don't pity me!" I shout. I'm done with this!

"I'm not some misguided child spouting fantasies! I'm not one of your fucking dead sisters!" The words stab her and she steps back.

"Vita… I don't—""Yes! You! Do!" I correct, jabbing a finger into her breastplate to punctuate every word.

"I can see your damn soul, Norah. I may not know why people feel the crazy shit they feel, but I sure fucking know how they're feeling." Penelope squirms uncomfortably, but I don't have time for that right now. It all starts pouring out, all of a sudden, the horrifying secrets I've had to keep in fear. Because here is Norah, the one who always had my back, always protected me, treating me like a goddamn crazy person!

"You see them in me. You always have! But if you joined the hunters because you were looking forward to dying some honorable death and seeing them again in the afterlife… too damn bad! They're gone forever, Norah, reduced to fucking dust and ashes in your so-called god's divine belly! I have seen the Mistwatcher, I have nearly been killed by the Mistwatcher, I have been fucking molested by the Mistwatcher, and yet I can't tell anyone about any of it because your stupid batshit religion will kill me if I do!

Don't fucking tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, don't tell me about right and wrong! You don't know anything!" I huff furiously, breathing hard by the end of the tirade. I started yelling at some point there, which normally isn't a good idea in the forest, but… well, the creatures that weren't fleeing before are now.

"Vita," Norah answers quietly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle you. But… I think you should maybe talk to a priest. Someone that can… explain things better than I can? I just… I know this isn't—" She's not listening. Did she not hear the part where her church will literally fucking kill me? No, she just doesn't believe me, believe any of it. I can't take this anymore. This is my allotment of social bullshit for the day, filled and exceeded.

"Enough," I snarl, walking past her.

"I can't do this anymore. We have a monster to kill." Penelope clears her throat, intending to try and smooth the heavy mood over. Begrudgingly, in fact, since she seemed to really enjoy my rant. At least I can count on her.

"... Approximately where is the closest monster, scout?" she asks. I glance backwards at my team.

"Right in front of you," I answer.

"Scary animancer, remember? So stay behind me, and stay out of my way." I draw my spear and start leading my team directly towards the next closest monster I can sense. It's running, but it will tire before we will. And I need a fucking meal right now. Unlike my body, my soul is never full.