Chương 26: Ego Death

"Chill out!" my body laughs against my will.

"Her memory's pretty good, there's a lot here to sift through. Oh, fuck. She's…" My instinct takes over, fear surging through me. Can't let it say "Necromancy." The little black slimy soul has notes of springiness underneath, orange and bouncy. I barely note this in the split second before ripping it from its body. Whatever its words were die with it. I stumble ever so slightly as my body suddenly becomes mine once again.

"... Really pissed off!" I finish, smiling as best I can. My heart starts to hammer in my chest as I feel something dead and wet leak around my spine, flowing through flesh as if it was syrup. Every con I've run with Rowan flashes through my mind. Exude confidence, or die. For the second time today, I had woken up to Penelope's words, healing me as she screeched at Remus.

He disagreed, and I slowly but surely came to the dread realization that out of all the things I'd been terrified of, it was the mind control slimes that turned out real. I can't believe it! I wasn't too paranoid after all, but they always had a fucking excuse. The moment I'd realized that, I had tried to move, only to find out that I could not. My body moved on its own, vision flicking around and taking in all sorts of sights.

I heard my breath in my ears, the smell of grass on the side of the road, yet I controlled nothing. Every little twitch and habit I'd taken for granted was attempted and failed, my body moving only to some arcane will. A waking nightmare had consumed me, yet despite the horror I had done my best to wait and watch before trying to murder my possessor. That didn't last very long. Now, here I am, surrounded by enemies that can kill me with a thought. No time to worry about blasphemy. If I mess up here, I might die.

It's time to leverage all my advantages. I have a corpse and a spirit. Internally, I take slime-Vita's soul and force it into a splinter of my own. Then I push the combined soul into the slime corpse in my neck and... And it doesn't stick! Damnit, it's not working! It just feels… off. Like the body isn't a body. I may as well be trying to put a soul into soup. Stupid slimes! Bah, okay, so that plan won't work. Focus on surviving the next minute. Remus is glaring at me.

"Who cares?" he says.

"You decide everything the host does when you're in control. I can't believe I have to insist that my own spawn stay on task rather than sass me." His spawn? So the slime I just killed was slime-Remus's kid. Great. Whatever, I can lean into the sass angle.

"Sorry daddy, but I am a teenager now. I'm contractually obligated to give you shit. If you wanted me to be deferential you should have put me in the body of a slave." Remus's eye twitches.

"Woah, kidding," I say, grinning as best I can.

"The extra sense is just really distracting. I'm blabbing while I figure it out."

"Ignore the extra sense," Remus— well, Remus-slime— demands.

"Come on, we talked about this. Did Vita break our cover? How much did she know about us? Who else are we going to have to clean up? Does she know about anyone else that might be a danger to us?" Oh thank fuck, I can answer all that.

"Right, right," I say.

"Uh... no, she didn't break our cover. Didn't know much of anything. She had suspicions but wasn't sure. I'm... not finding anyone else in her memory that can do what she does, or anything like it." All technically true. Remus takes a deep breath, starting to relax.

"Okay. Good. Then... we're safe for now, right?"

"I suppose so," Penelope... no, the Penelope-slime answers. She doesn't sound happy about it, but she's also using my teammate's body as a puppet so I'm not certain how much I care.

"Thank the Watcher," Remus-slime sighs, his body sagging.

"Okay. Then here's what we do. Vita, Penelope, you head back to the guild and 'confirm' that we met the biomancer specialist and had ourselves removed. I have something else to take care of, but I'll rejoin you later. Can you handle a couple weeks on your own?"

"I suppose we have no other choice," the Penelope-slime says, scowling.

"Not if we want everyone to live through this, no," Remus-slime says seriously.

"One last thing before we separate, though. I found out what we are." Penelope... no, the thing controlling Penelope perked up at that, eyes wide. They're called the "Nawra," apparently. Odd name, since it sounds like… well, a person's name.

"Yes," Remus says after a brief conversation.

"Not that you should be repeating that anywhere that you can be heard, but... yes. It's nice to have a name. Penelope, Vita, control your food intake. If your real body gets too large, you'll divide."

"Aww, don't you want grandkids, dad?" I ask. He smiles. Oh, I don't like how he smiles.

"Not yet." I swallow. I need to kill him now, before it's too late. I take every soul I have left, other than the Vita-slime I just killed, and move them to my mouth. I swallow every soul at once in a massive pile, power flowing through me like never before.

"Well then. I'll see you around, pops," I say, holding my hand out to shake. He takes my hand, still smiling. His grip is firm. I send my magic up his arm, grasping at his soul, yanking with all my unholy might. It slides off like rain from an eyelash. My power surges inside Remus's body, clawing and scratching, but to no avail. The slime's soul is so large, I cannot even start to grasp it. Remus lets go of my hand, shaking out his own.

"I think you might have zapped me a little, there," he comments, seeming unconcerned. Once again, I hide the scream within my mind behind a smile.

"Sorry, pops. Still getting used to the body." He nods.

"Understandable. You're what, ten hours old? You'll get the hang of being Vita before you return to town, don't worry." Oh good, I murdered a fucking baby. I'll just add that to the list of sins, I guess. Damnit, I'm really not strong enough?

"Now is there anything else you two need before I head out?" the Remus-slime asks.

"Nope," I tell him.

"I'm good, pops." There's nothing I can do now. Remus is too strong. But if he leaves, I might be able to save Penelope, then get backup to deal with whatever the hell Remuslime is planning. The slimes, thankfully, are oblivious to my internal monologue. Remus's body nods. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

"We won't let our kind continue to rot as dogs. Not when we can be people." I smile, as if agreeing with the sentiment. Penelope just stares, expressionless. Interesting. Remuslime nods to us both, then runs off. Penelope sighs— damnit, I mean Penelope-slime sighs— then turns and starts plodding back to town. I follow, keeping mental track of Remuslime (fuck, he's fast) and ensuring he's long gone before I say anything.

"So..." I start, "how's the secret agent stuff been so far?" She shrugs.

"Exciting. Depressing. Confusing. Not being sapient was certainly less complicated." I blink.

"Not being sapient?"

"Yes, as in... oh, that's right. You budded off of Remus. He and I had bodies before this. Animals. They couldn't really think, and neither did we. I think we'll revert to that if we're not inside a human for too long. We started to lose our memories of being dogs after a few hours outside a body."

"Oh. Yeah, Remus might have mentioned something like that," I lie.

"That really sucks." Penelope snorts. No, wait, her slime snorts.

"It's certainly not ideal. My first act as a person is to hold another person hostage in her own body. I'm barely a figment of her, yet she's the one haunting me. I can't imagine Vita will be any easier on you. Well, the real Vita, I mean. Not you." I smile a little.

"This is surreal as fuck," the slime-Vita had said. I feel that for sure.

"Oh?" I ask.

"What makes you say she'll be hard on me? We're in power, right?"

"Please tell me you're listening to her. It's the least you can do. We're stealing their lives and making them watch! But I... I still remember most of it, what it was like. To feel, but not think. To act, but not question. To just mindlessly be. I can't go back to that. No matter how much I hate myself, I can't. It would be the same as death." I take a deep breath. Damnit. That's pretty fucked up.

"Okay. I'm listening to her now. Vita wants to say some things to you. Is that okay?" Penelope-slime looks over to me, shocked. She lets in a shaky breath.

"I... of course. Oh god, I forgot... I'm so stupid, of course she can hear me. Vita, I'm so sorry, I—""She wants to know," I say, cutting her off, "if Penelope is okay." Penelope shrinks down. She looks so small and sad.... No. Her jailor looks small and sad.

"N-no," she chokes, her eyes watering.

"Of course she's not." Yeah. That's that, right? I can't just let her hold Penelope inside a horrific mind-jail. No way, no how. As we walk, I reach over like I'm giving her a hug and grab her neck. She goes rigid, turning to me. I stare her down, watching realization dawning in her features. Yeah, you fucked up, slime. I reach tendrils of power into Penelope's body, slowly creeping around the slime's soul within. It was a big soul, but it still wasn't up to Penelope's size and nowhere near Remuslime's.

This one, I can take.

"Please don't kill me," she whispers, pleading.

"Then I suggest you release her," I say.

"Right. Now." She swallows, and then suddenly her demeanor shifts. The real Penelope staggers, then stretches her body, relishing the simple ability to move. I feel her soul pulse ever so slightly, an expression of pure relief and joy. There's a difference between the two souls, now. They swapped. I feel the one in control.

"Fffffffucking took you long enough!" Penelope all but shrieks, her swear coinciding with a desperate gasp for breath. Something about that makes me laugh. Yep, that's the real Penelope.

"What's so funny?" Penelope demands.

"Why are you not... I can't believe you're...!"

"It's okay to thank me, you know," I tell her, grinning. She shuts up. My hand still on her neck, I feel her shaking. Her lip quivers for just a moment before she erupts completely into sobs, falling onto me. It surprises me, and I stumble back as I catch her. The two of us stand on the road, her tears soaking the front of my gambeson like I had stood in the rain.

"Thank you," she whispers between breaths.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..."

"It's okay, you're okay," I answer, patting her back with my free arm as I maintain a grip on her neck.

"Please get it out," she whispers. Then she reverts back to sobs. The slime in her neck quivers in fear. Honestly, I should have already killed it. Slime-Penelope is dangerous, oh so dangerous. She can steal bodies and trap minds. She can divide herself, possibly indefinitely. Her kind are torturous creatures that can only live as people by subsuming the lives of other people, making them watch as the slime steals their body, their life, their very being. What must it be like to be trapped like that?

If I wasn't a monster myself, how long would I have had to watch? Days? Months? Years? At what point would I have gone mad? By any reasonable measure, the creature inside my teammate is every sort of kill-on-sight beast that Remus— the real Remus— had warned me was so ubiquitous outside the walls. For the good of humanity, she would have to die. My power feels at her soul, caressing, squeezing, preparing to end her. To rip her into nothing. Yet as I hold her, I feel her soul more deeply. I feel…

bubbles, glowing softly underneath the black, sticky ooze of the slime's spirit. Little pink bubbles are rising to the surface. They're so similar to the ones in the "real" Penelope's soul, yet so subtly different. This slime is the person that helped my team on the return trip. This slime is the one that took Norah and I out bathing. This slime showed me my face for the first time. This slime healed the kids at Lyn's shack. This slime is a person.

Sure, she's also a threat to humanity, but from one threat to humanity to another… why shouldn't I spare her? Wet sobs continue to run down my chest. Penelope is on her knees in the middle of the road, crying as I hold her. Crying as one hand on her neck separates her from a lifetime of having to feel her body be puppetted by a monster. I squeeze her, resting my chin on her head. Convincing Penelope to leave slime-Pen alive would be the hard part, wouldn't it?

As a biomancer, she could probably kill her no matter where I put her. Fuck, where am I going to put her? She needs a human host or her personality will die, right? And the only two people here…

"Get out of Penelope," I whisper, massaging my teammate's neck where the body of the slime rests. I feel it move slightly under her skin, which is disturbing, but the slime just shudders, unresponsive.

"I said get out," I repeat louder, squeezing the back of Penelope's neck a bit harder. No response.

"Just kill it," Penelope begs.

"Please, before it—" Her breath catches and the sobs stop as the slime suddenly takes control. I almost, almost kill it right then and there.

"I can't hear you," Penelope-slime says quickly, choking on tears as her body jerkily shifts from relief to abject terror.

"I felt you poking at me and I feel vibrations but if you're talking to me I can't hear you."

"We'll use my body to figure stuff out," I tell her.

"Out of Penelope. Now." With startling speed, the slime follows my command, flowing out of Penelope's neck and up my arm like a fish through water. It was one of the single most revolting feelings I've ever had the displeasure of experiencing. She swims into my neck, brushing into the liquid body of her own dead brethren. The little slime pushes it out, letting the corpse drip down my back as she settles in. Penelope scrambles back, a look of abject horror on her face.

"You… did you just…?"

"Yeah," I answer. She brushes tears from her eyes, stepping slowly backwards.

"You're insane, Vita. You have to kill it!"

"Why?" I ask.

"She's my friend. We hung out and did a bunch of nice things together."

"With my body!" Penelope shrieks.

"Yeah," I agree.

"And if she ever tries to take your body again, I'll kill her." She opens her mouth to respond, but swallows her words.

"You could be it right now," she says instead, slowly standing up straight, "and I only have one way to know." Her soul stirs, drawing on her talent. I don't have time to process how easily I feel that now before I have to hold my hands up to placate her.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I say.

"I can prove it, look!" I reach to the back of my neck, scraping off some ooze. Twiddling my now-goopy fingers in Penelope's direction, I grin.

"This is what happened to the last one who tried to take me over," I say, smiling.

"My deathtouch still works when they're hijacking me. That's how I saved you! You don't have to worry about a thing, Penelope. She can't do anything unless I want her to. Nothing." She takes a deep, shuddering breath.

"... Why even bother, though? After all she did to me, you want her more?"

"I just don't want to murder her in cold blood," I say as calmly as I can.

"I feel it, Penelope. She's a person."

"You are insane," she murmurs, but starts to relax.

"I will never understand you." I nod. My heart is beating so fast. I don't know if I understand me, either.

"It will be okay. Don't freak out, all right?" I tap the back of my neck twice, and instantly lose control of my body.