Chương 26: S.04 Memory of the Clock 05(05)

Scene 15. FLASHBACK The Real Number (眞數) — A path that came to be walked. It was always this way. The happy time passed much faster than she had thought. The faster the joyful time passed, the closer the dreadful parting drew. She knew how the thing would unfold. That is why she had been encouraging So-hui even more than herself. That is why she had been comforting So-hui. Missing Yeon-hui, holding an apology for Si-yeon. It was an ordinary day, a day on which she had felt an ordinary happiness.

Gazing at the end she — grown up before she knew it — was to choose, she had only been running blindly forward. There had been no time to look back. She had lived on certain that there would be no time to do so going forward either. But an old memory that came suddenly had wrecked the inside of Ji-young's head. She blamed no one. No — there were too many people to blame. It was only that there was nothing left from blaming. Making her way through came first; blaming had no need to come before that.

Ji-young threw her fist with force and struck the wall. The skin of the fist she had clenched burst, and blood flowed down. Having briefly slipped her bracelet off in the bathroom attached to her own room, she struck the tile again. Because she had left the water running into the bathtub, the sound of striking the wall was barely kept from leaking outside, buried beneath the sound of the tub. Ji-young slowly lifted the deeply bowed head, and looked at the mirror hung above the sink. The tears did not stop.

At least for this moment, she wanted to cry her fill. Losing herself was fine. Yeon-hui being gone was, of course, not fine. But the thing that was least fine of all was the fact that, once she had gotten something back, there would be no one to indulge her in her childishness. When she let out a big sigh, the tears slowly subsided. She had no memory of how the time earlier in the day had gone. The self that had let such precious time slip through that way felt repulsive and incompetent.

While wiping her own blood smeared on the tile, she glanced at the back of her hand, which bore not even the trace of a wound. She decided not to resent. In any case, this too was the path Mom had chosen to keep her — Ji-young — alive. She did not blame even the will of Yeon-hui, who had been made a plaything of. The thought of hating So-hui — who wove the path and guided them toward the end — she had all the less.

To Si-yeon, who had lived the life of a mirror in her stead, there was always only the thought of apology. She could, just barely, catch her breath. Scene 16. FLASHBACK Ji-young was following half a pace behind 향림(Hyang-rim)'s steps. The two, now having walked to the edge of the pond where the sun had already dipped, stood in the midst of a deep autumn night where even the sound of grass insects could no longer be heard.

Near the fairly wide pond and garden, not 인불(In-bul_Ghost Light) but electric lamps had been lit. Hyang-rim, in her still-gruff voice, called Ji-young softly. Hyang-rim: Ji-young. Ji-young: Yes. Bishop. Hyang-rim: This must be hard on thee. At Hyang-rim's plain voice, Ji-young nodded and answered. Ji-young: Yes. Hyang-rim: Thou didst gather up the contrition of the two butterflies thou wert given, but thy own contrition, thou shalt not have been able to gather. Ji-young: No. I am all right. I am, truly. All right.

I would not be one to lose to the likes of "The Weeping." A cool wind was now chilling even Ji-young's skin. The weather was turning into something Ji-young found hard to bear. After Ji-young's certainty and resolve, a small stillness settled. The pond, filling a water-urn, gurgled and took in clear water. Hyang-rim gently posed a question to Ji-young. Hyang-rim: Why it is that thou dost not ask, I found myself wondering. Ji-young: I know not what you mean to say.... Hyang-rim drew a small pouch from her pocket.

From the pouch woven of black silk, she drew out a single small bracelet. Ji-young could recognize that bracelet at a glance. Hyang-rim: I, for so long strove to take this into myself. It was proof that thou and we are of one stem, and the record of our being mixed together remains both on the one bound to thy wrist and upon this one. But, to the very end, this would not accept me. It surely knew already that this is a life that wears death upon it. I thought, that Jeong-seon would be able to wield this.

I wished to hand it down. Yet, for some reason, even while Jeong-seon lived, this did not stir by so much as a grain. Nor did it sink into the skin. Ji-young: That, surely, belongs to 현교 (Hyeon-gyo_The Black Doctrine). One day, when the rightful bearer appears, Hyang-rim: The shadow of the Black Wire that I-sim wields now. It is what the 백사 (Baek-sa_White Wire) took into itself. Ji-young: Yes.... I heard some portion of it.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Hyang-rim: The White Wire took thy mother in. And it took thee in as well. It is only that I have not yet handed down this very body of it to thee — one day, a day shall come when thou shalt wield this. Ji-young: That cannot be so. Why would I, ever, take The Bishop's Relic. Hyang-rim: I am loath to speak it with my own mouth, but, it is a thing I stole away. In that long-ago time.

I, in a child's heart, wishing to prove to the very end that we and thou were born of one stem, stole it away in person. Because the White Wire would be able to bring that proof to pass. Because if the White Wire and the Black Wire were to be set together, they would remain as the Original and share a space. Then it would be proven on its own. Ji-young did not go on with words. Hyang-rim: But, I am sorry. There shall be no day on which I hand this down to thee.

To the very end, I shall wish that Jeong-seon might take it in, and I shall wish that Jeong-seon may press further. Ji-young: I am all right. No, there is nothing even to be all-right about. By rights, it is The Bishop's. I shall not covet it nor take it away. I shall not drag up what happened some four hundred years ago. I shall hold only to the knowledge that it is The Bishop's. Without fail, First Steward shall come to have, Hyang-rim: Thou needst not speak so. Thou too. Dost thou not already know.

Hyang-rim's plain voice reached Ji-young. Hyang-rim: What path thou shalt come to walk, Ji-young slowly lowered her knees. She pleaded with Hyang-rim. Ji-young: Bishop. I, shall not hear it. A thing no one knows, to have me alone bear it — the vessel I hold is too narrow. It is too shallow. I am sorry. Please make me hear no more. I beg of you. Bishop. At Ji-young's earnest plea, Hyang-rim did not go on speaking, and for a moment gathered her breath and ordered her thoughts. Hyang-rim: Then, may I say it this way.

Ji-young, barely holding back her weeping, had her head bowed. Hyang-rim: Cherish Jeong-seon, as thy own little sister. One day, when the time comes, Jeong-seon shall of her own accord hand this bracelet over to thee — so, always, do not cast Jeong-seon away, but cherish her. Hyang-rim lowered her body to meet Ji-young's kneeling knees, and faced her directly. Hyang-rim: I entreat thee, and I beg of thee. Jeong-seon, hold thou in thy bosom to the very end. Ji-young: Do not worry. I, never.

I shall not cast out Yoon Jeong-seon, nor The Black Doctrine. Nor shall I take them as enemies. Should I come to the seat.... Ji-young's words were stopped. Ji-young too already knew where her seat was, but had pushed it away, straining to deny it. And that reality, and the certainty of that reality, Hyang-rim was conveying to Ji-young deeply, folded under the words of her charge. Ji-young: To the seat..., to the seat.... Should I ascend it....

The Ji-young who had endured for so long at last let heavy tears drop, and lifted her bowed head to look at the Hyang-rim who had sat facing her. Ji-young: I, shall I be able to do as well as Mom? Hyang-rim, with a cold but firm body, drew Ji-young's shrunken shoulders into her embrace. Ji-young's soundless tears fell. Hyang-rim: Of course. Ye shall do better than any other. That is why I ask thee. That is why I called thee apart. Thou, ye, shall do well. Thereafter, too, ye shall do well.

Of all the Oldests I have seen, I-sim and ye are excellent and beautiful. Brilliant and righteous. Because ye have ceaselessly blamed and reproached yourselves to push back what is wrong, I can know. The only ones I may entreat are ye and I-sim alone. Do not doubt thyself. Do not scold thyself. Do not shame thyself. I-sim and I shall watch over all of ye, and Jeong-seon shall be with ye, so endure. Bear it. Carry the burden. And once the burden thou hast carried has all subsided, Ji-young wept bitterly.

The two hands, which had been set obediently and in haste upon her knees, were before she knew it pressed deeper against Hyang-rim's body, touching Hyang-rim's back, seeking to be held closer still. She cried like a child, but did not make a sound. Hyang-rim: As though it had never been, borne upon the wind that forever blows, flutter together in the air and live. Scene 17. FLASHBACK Leaving the three briefly, I-sim and Ji-young descended the stairs.

The two went down the narrow stairs of a shabby apartment building. When deep night had come, I-sim and Ji-young went down the stairs together, carefully. After going down far enough that everyone's voices could no longer be heard, Ji-young sat I-sim down, and then seated her own spent body right beside her. Seated side by side with I-sim on the stairs, Ji-young, leaning on I-sim's shoulder, quietly took I-sim's hand. I-sim: Ji-young. Ji-young: Truth is. I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it either.

I-sim: Hold your heart firm. All right? Ji-young: How am I supposed to hold it firm. After today, I won't get to see Mom anymore. I-sim: The videos I asked Yeon-su to film bit by bit — she said she sent them all out today. Ji-young: But, when I need you, I won't be able to hear your voice anymore. I-sim: Are you scared? Ji-young: No. What happens to me, I'm not scared of. I just hate that I won't get to see Mom. I-sim: The day I took you all in. Mom does not regret. For as long as ever. Mom will not regret.

I have never regretted either. Ji-young: If it hadn't been for Mom, I would have died there. I-sim sat quietly and cradled Ji-young's cold hand. I-sim let a low voice drift on the cold wind. I-sim: So it shall come to pass. When time whispers and the grass rises, when the cocoon set beneath the grass breaks open and spreads its wings, everything shall find its place anew, and every butterfly shall carry a flower seed in its mouth and fly away. Ji-young: The final guidance. I-sim: Now, a bit unburdened.

I'm going to go see my friend now. That's why you all feel sorrowful and wrenching to me. My daughters, I want to see them longer before I go. Ji-young: Is there really, really, no way? I-sim: Mom has resolved it. Ji-young could not bring herself to say it. The thought of turning back I-sim's resolve, she all the less dared to have. I-sim: I chose to keep you all alive. Standing at the fork, the moment I took you as my children, I chose everything.

The Harbinger inside you too, respecting all those choices, is there inside you. Ji-young: Mom. Look at me. Ji-young faced I-sim. Ji-young moved her body before the stair where I-sim sat, and took I-sim's two hands into hers as if stroking them. I-sim: Yes. My daughter. Ji-young: I want to take even a little more with me. Mom's face. This face of Mom's, that I'll briefly forget. I want to take more. Look at me more. More. I-sim: Mom's face will wear through. Ji-young: Love you. Mom. I-sim: Yes. My daughter.

Kang Ji-young. From the moment I took you in, from the moment I took you all in, there has not been a single moment I did not love every one of you. Ji-young: Mom. I'm sorry. For not persuading you more. I'm sorry. I-sim: No. At the home downstairs where our Ji-young will live, Mom will make braised pork ribs. As I told you before. Ji-young: I'm going to eat it without knowing who made it, or why it was given to me. That's not what I want. I want to eat what Mom made, knowing Mom made it, and eat it well.

Ji-young poured out the tears she had held in. It had been a long time in which she had believed she would not cry. A long time in which she had never cried. A long time in which she had not once shown tears. That Ji-young, before her mother, let out a voice bitter with grief, and — so that it would not leak out — held in her mother's arms, could not stop her tears. Ji-young: Mom, I love you. I-sim: Mom too, our Ji-young. I really, really love you. If it hadn't been for Ji-young, I would not have met Yeon-hui.

Or So-hui. Or Si-yeon. You are my precious first daughter who gifted me so many things. Ji-young: Mom. Mom. I'm sorry.