Chương 610: I'm so regretful now!

Shen Wansan squatted on the ground, secretly picking up his abacus beads, wiping each one as he picked them up, heartbroken over their preciousness. This abacus was one he had brought from Jiangdong...

Xun Yu sighed, picked up a memorial from beside his feet, dusted it off, and secretly flipped through it. He thought it was quite well-written, with perfect parallelism and elegant prose—no flaws whatsoever...

After cursing for a full thirty minutes, Liu Ce finally felt satisfied and his mind was at peace. He picked up the tea on the dragon table and gulped down a large cup. He then asked Li Dequan to refill his cup to moisten his throat.

He pointed at Xun Yu, Fang Xuanling, and Du Ruhui and said, "You three, come here. Pick up the memorials on the ground, three copies each, and take a good look at what your government officials have written. See if there are any problems. If you can't find any, you're not leaving today."

The three of them quickly went over, each picking up three books, and stood aside to glance at them, flipping through them.

After watching for about fifteen minutes, the three of them looked at each other, shook their heads, and then looked at Liu Ce with blank expressions.

"Your Majesty, I think... there's no problem," Fang Xuanling said hesitantly.

"The format is written according to the rules passed down from the past, the wording is appropriate, there are no typos, and the allusions are used appropriately."

"Yes, Your Majesty," Xun Yu nodded, looking completely innocent.

"The content is clear, it says everything that needs to be said, expresses loyalty where it needs to be expressed, and praises where it needs to be praised. There's nothing wrong with it."

Du Ruhui even praised it, saying, "Some of your pieces are quite well-written, with perfect parallelism and appropriate allusions; they could have been included in anthologies in previous dynasties."

Liu Ce laughed in anger, pointing at the three of them, his hand trembling with rage, almost dropping his teacup:

"Even the three of you think it's okay?! So you write memorials like this every day? No wonder my workload is getting heavier and heavier! The root of the problem lies with you! As the superiors set an example, if the upper beam is crooked, the lower beam will be crooked too!"

Then Liu Ce unleashed a barrage of attacks on the people in the court, even more intense than before:

"I, Liu Ce, have never treated you badly, have I? Is this how you repay me? I get annoyed just looking at you! These memorials give me a headache!"

"The salaries I pay you are more than three times higher than those of any previous dynasty! I provide rice, flour, and oil during holidays, ice and charcoal in the summer, and cotton-padded clothes in the winter. Children's schooling is free, and medical expenses for the elderly are reimbursed! So, I spend all this money just to have you write me flowery praises? Does my money grow on trees?"

"I'm so regretful now! If I'd known you guys were so good at writing nonsense, I wouldn't have given you a raise! I would have given all your salaries to Lu Bing so he could catch a few more corrupt officials. That would have been better than giving them to you! At least catching corrupt officials would have replenished the national treasury!"

The entire court was deathly silent. Everyone lowered their heads even further, wishing they could disappear into the ground. Some people's legs had even started to tremble.

Liu Ce took a deep breath, stepped down from the steps, and strolled leisurely among the ministers.

Wherever they went, the officials were so nervous that they trembled all over, and dared not even breathe loudly. Some even secretly swallowed.

A young imperial censor was so frightened that his legs went weak and he almost collapsed to the ground, but was supported by the people next to him.

Afterwards, Liu Ce returned to the upper level and carefully read aloud the memorials they had written to everyone. He read several memorials with great expression, turning a page after each paragraph, and then addressed them:

"Do you think there are any problems? Tell me, don't be afraid, speak freely."

Some people nodded, some shook their heads, and some pretended not to hear.

Liu Ce laughed in anger and slammed the memorial on the table:

"Do you know me better than I do? Are you my father or my mother? You know me better than I do? You're really amazing. I really admire you."

One by one, the memorials began with phrases like, "Your subject, I humbly submit this memorial/Your subject, I am filled with fear and trepidation, and I kowtow in utter contempt." Please, could you just tell me you're guilty right away? Do you think I don't know whether you're guilty or not? I'm not going to chop your heads off!

"Then came a barrage of praise, such as, 'Your Majesty, your virtue matches Heaven and Earth, your wisdom rivals the Sun and Moon, your grace flows to the four seas, and your benevolence extends to the grass and trees. Your Majesty's holy virtue reaches the heavens, your majestic power shakes far and wide, the world submits to your cause, and all nations come to pay homage.

We respectfully acknowledge Your Majesty the Emperor, endowed with divine wisdom and divine insight, born with knowledge of both literature and martial arts, inheriting the legitimate lineage of all kings, and serving as the ruler and teacher of the four seas. We humbly acknowledge Your Majesty, whose virtue surpasses that of Yao and Shun, whose achievements exceed those of Yu and Tang, whose civil administration is glorious, and whose military exploits are magnificent.'"

"Also included: 'His holy virtue is lofty, his benevolence boundless, his wisdom as bright as the sun and moon, his virtue matching heaven and earth, his magnanimity and generosity, his tireless diligence day and night. His achievements surpass those of the Five Emperors, his benevolence extends to all people, peace reigns throughout the four seas, all nations pay tribute, his civil and military achievements have expanded his territory.

May his holy body be healthy and prosperous, his holy body be safe and sound, may he enjoy longevity and good health, may his dragon body be in good health. May there be repeated prosperity and harmony, may the nation be prosperous and the people at peace, may the weather be favorable, may the five grains be plentiful, and may the world be at peace.'"

"I thought it was so fake the moment I saw it. Do I need your praise? Do I need you to tell me how great I am? I think you have nothing better to do. A memorial is only a little over a thousand words long, and eight hundred of them are praising me. The rest is the main point of this memorial."

"I think you're all desperate to get my attention and promotions! You don't do your jobs, all you do is this. Want to get promoted? Fine, get your work done, and I'll promote you!"

A moment of silence fell over the court...

...

Liu Ce sat upright on the dragon throne, expressionless, and raised his hand to signal Xun You to step forward.

Liu Ce casually picked up a few memorials and handed them to Xun You: "Xun You, first read this one written by a military officer, then read that one written by a civil official. Read them aloud so everyone can hear what the difference is. Read them out loud so everyone can appreciate them."

Xun You bowed and accepted the order, then picked up the book written by the military officer and turned to the first page.

He cleared his throat and read aloud:

"Your subject Xu Da reports on the Northern Expedition in late August."

Our Northern Theater Command annihilated XX Xianbei tribes in central China, beheading XX and capturing XX. We seized XX warhorses and XX head of cattle and sheep. Our army suffered XX casualties.

Finished.

August 28th, the sixth year of Shenwu.

After the reading was finished, a burst of suppressed laughter erupted in the hall; some people covered their mouths, while others' shoulders trembled.

The Right Vice Minister of War stepped forward, chuckled, and grinned smugly.

"Your Majesty, are our military writings alright? No nonsense, right? We're just rough men, we don't know how to use fancy words, we just say what we mean."

Liu Ce nodded, a rare smile appearing on his face:

"Excellent! That's what a memorial should be! It gets everything straight in one sentence! A million times better than those three-thousand-word ones! All you military officers should keep up this standard. Anyone who tries to write nonsense will have their pay docked!"

Then he gestured to Xun You: "Read again that book written by Wang Huaiping, the prefect of Ningzhou. It's the one with three thousand characters."

Xun You picked up the thick memorial, turned to the first page, cleared his throat, and began to read aloud, drawing out his words:

"His Majesty the Emperor, having ascended to the throne and established his rule over the Central Plains, possesses virtue matching Heaven and Earth, and his wisdom transcending time. He has quelled the rebellion of warlords and rescued the people from suffering; he has brought peace and order to the world and established a prosperous and peaceful realm... (800 words omitted here)... Your Majesty's holy virtue is as high as Heaven, and your divine power is awe-inspiring.

The world submits to your rule, and all nations come to pay homage. Since Your Majesty's ascension to the throne, the weather has been favorable, the harvests abundant, the nation prosperous, and the people at peace, with repeated periods of harmony and prosperity."