Chương 9: Role Without A Self: Chapter 8

The bathroom door clicked shut behind Nina. Before she realized what she was doing, she had already locked it and dragged the small storage drawer against the entrance. It was not nearly heavy enough to stop anyone determined to come inside, but the extra barrier somehow made her feel safer, as though placing even one more obstacle between herself and the people outside would give her enough time to gather the composure she had almost lost. A moment earlier, Mrs.

Blackmore had heard the single word Nina accidentally whispered beneath her breath.

"Meaningless..." The word had escaped before she could stop it. The instant her mother asked what she meant, Nina's body reacted long before her thoughts could catch up. She hastily muttered that it was nothing, grabbed the gift they had brought for her, and disappeared into the bathroom before anyone could ask another question. Now that she was finally alone, the silence inside the room wrapped itself around her.

She stood with her back resting against the door, her breathing uneven as the sounds from outside gradually became muffled by the walls. She could still faintly make out her parents talking to one another, but their voices no longer sounded close. Instead, they seemed strangely distant, almost as though they belonged to someone else's family rather than her own. Nina closed her eyes.

Slowly, she inhaled through her nose before letting the air escape just as gradually through her mouth, repeating the same breathing exercise Emma had patiently drilled into her after countless panic attacks. The panic did not disappear immediately, nor did the tightness in her chest vanish altogether, but with each controlled breath, it loosened enough that she no longer felt as though her thoughts were spiraling beyond her control.

Only after nearly a minute had passed did she finally push herself away from the door and make her way toward the sink. The mirror reflected a young woman whose face had become noticeably flushed. A few loose strands had escaped from the protective hairstyle she had spent the last month carefully maintaining, and the exhaustion beneath her eyes made her appear far older than she actually was.

Without giving herself time to think, she turned the faucet on and splashed handful after handful of cold water across her face until the lingering heat finally subsided. She remained there for several more moments before drying herself with a towel, her gaze inevitably drifting toward the gift resting quietly on the counter. It was a suit. A perfectly tailored suit for her younger brother.

Her parents had brought it without the slightest hesitation because they had never once considered the possibility that she would refuse. To them, this was simply another request she would naturally accept, just as she always had. Another identity for her to wear. Another role for her to perform. Nina lowered her eyes and quietly turned away. She did not want to think about the suit.

Instead, she walked toward the very back corner of the bathroom where several forgotten bottles and cleaning supplies had been stacked over the month. Hidden behind them, tucked beneath one of the lower shelves where cobwebs stretched lazily across the corners, rested an old storage box that had not been touched in quite some time. She crouched down and carefully dragged it into the open. Despite the dust coating its surface, the box itself remained in remarkably good condition.

The moment she lifted the lid, however, a cloud of fine dust drifted upward, causing her to cough softly as she waved it away with one hand. Inside lay the remnants of another life. Everything had been arranged with almost obsessive precision. Customized makeup palettes rested beside specialized brushes, hairstyling equipment, prosthetic supplies, accessories, contact lenses, fragrances, and countless other items collected over the years. Every tool had once served the same purpose. Helping Nina disappear.

Several smaller containers sat neatly organized inside the larger box, each one labeled with the name of a different sibling. For a long while, Nina simply stared at them. Eventually, her fingers moved toward the container bearing her younger brother's name. She lifted it onto the counter and, after pausing briefly to remember the combination, entered the password. A quiet click echoed through the bathroom as the lock disengaged. The contents were exactly as she remembered.

The inside had been customized specifically for him. Different foundation shades, contour references, color correctors, styling products, and a recently updated photograph showing every detail of her younger brother's appearance had all been carefully arranged in their proper places. The photograph was far more than a simple reference. It was an instruction manual. A reminder. A blueprint explaining exactly how Nina Blackmore was supposed to disappear.

She stared at it for several long seconds before quietly letting out a sigh.

"... This is ridiculous." Yet even as she muttered those words, her hands had already begun moving. She no longer needed written instructions. Years of practice had engraved every detail into her memory. She knew the way he smiled, the way he stood, the slight tilt of his head whenever he became impatient, the cadence of his voice, the rhythm of his footsteps, and even the tiny imperfections that made him recognizable to those closest to him. Not because she had wanted to learn them. Because she had needed to.

She placed the reference photograph against the mirror before beginning the familiar routine, her hands working almost entirely on instinct as layer after layer slowly transformed the face staring back at her into someone else. After finishing styling the hairpiece, Nina lowered her gaze toward the sink. Loose strands of hair littered the countertop and floor, scattered reminders of the person she had quietly set aside.

A faint frown crossed her face as she crouched down to gather every strand, carefully wiping the counter and sweeping away the evidence until the bathroom looked exactly as it had before. Only after she was satisfied that nothing remained did she make her way back to the shower. She reached toward the bottle of shampoo she normally used. Her hand stopped halfway. Nina stared at it for a long moment before quietly withdrawing it. Today she was not leaving this bathroom as herself.

She was leaving as her younger brother. Turning back toward the open box, she searched through its neatly organized contents until she found the body wash and shampoo that belonged to Elias. She had bought the exact same brands years ago after memorizing the scent that always lingered on him. It had become second nature by now.

Without another word, she washed herself using products that did not belong to her, allowing the familiar fragrance to replace her own until even that final detail matched the image she intended to present. Once she finished, she stepped back in front of the mirror and completed the last portions of her makeup with practiced precision. Every brushstroke was deliberate, every shadow carefully blended until the features staring back at her no longer resembled Nina Blackmore quite as much.

It was not magic, nor was it a perfect disguise, but years of practice had taught her exactly how to deceive people who only saw what they expected to see. Satisfied, she picked up the suit her parents had brought. When the bathroom door opened again, it was as though Nina remained locked inside. The one who stepped into the hallway was "Elias Blackmore." The "young man" emerged wearing the suit, though not in the immaculate manner his real brother would have.

His tie sat slightly loose around his collar, the top button remained undone, and his jacket hung carelessly from his shoulders. His posture was slouched, one hand tucked lazily into his pocket, while an easy, cheeky grin rested across his face as though nothing in the world could possibly trouble him. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. The transformation was immediate. Even the atmosphere around him had changed. The moment Mr.

Blackmore laid eyes on him, his brows furrowed deeply.

"What kind of appearance is that?" he demanded, already sounding on the verge of losing his temper.

"Elias" merely shrugged. Before his father could continue, the "young man" quickly crossed the room toward Mrs. Blackmore and lightly wrapped his fingers around her arm.

"Mom," he said with an easy smile.

"I didn't even do anything yet." The playful complaint only made Mr. Blackmore's expression darken further. He took a step forward, clearly prepared to scold him, but the instant Mrs. Blackmore lifted her eyes toward her husband, he stopped. Neither of them spoke. Her expression alone was enough. Mr. Blackmore clicked his tongue quietly before swallowing the rest of his anger, forcing himself into silence. Mrs. Blackmore turned back toward the "young man," her expression becoming unexpectedly complicated.

"Nina..." She hesitated. Several emotions flickered across her face in quick succession. Concern. Relief. Hesitation. Regret. She looked as though she wanted to ask something. Or perhaps apologize. Her lips parted. No words came. Before she could gather the courage to continue, "Elias" gently removed her hand from his sleeve.

"How much longer are you two going to keep doing this?" he asked quietly. Neither parent answered. His smile had already disappeared. His eyes drifted from his mother to his father before lowering toward the floor.

"I honestly don't understand anymore." He adjusted the cuff of his sleeve absentmindedly.

"But I've got something I need to take care of." His gaze remained lowered.

"So don't call me." After a brief pause, he added quietly,"I won't be coming back." Without waiting for either of them to respond, the "young man" turned around and walked out of the house. His footsteps were steady. Unhurried. He never looked back. Only after several streets separated him from the Blackmore residence did his pace finally slow. He stopped beside the wall of a quiet building and rested one hand against the bricks as his breathing gradually became uneven again.

The moment her breathing finally settled into a steady rhythm, the vibration of a phone echoed through the quiet street. Nina instinctively straightened. Almost as quickly as she had abandoned herself moments earlier, the expression on her face shifted once more. The exhaustion disappeared behind an easy grin, her shoulders relaxed into the familiar slouch, and "Elias Blackmore" quietly resurfaced.

Only after making sure no one nearby would immediately question the face they saw did she pull the phone from her pocket. The caller ID read Emma. She barely had enough time to answer before Emma's voice exploded through the speaker.

"Nina! Where are you going? Why aren't you at home? What's going on? Are you in trouble? Why are you outside?" The barrage of questions came so quickly that Nina instinctively held the phone a few inches away from her ear. After waiting for Emma to finally pause long enough to breathe, she calmly placed it back against the side of her head.

"My parents came."

"... What?"

"They wanted me to impersonate Elias again." Silence hung between them for several seconds before Emma finally spoke again.

"... Okay," she said, sounding considerably calmer.

"That's... one thing." Another pause followed.

"... But why are you wearing the necklace again?" Nina frowned.

"The necklace?"

"The tracking necklace!" Confused, Nina instinctively lowered her gaze. As she did, the phone nearly slipped from her hand. She caught it just in time before reaching toward her neck, her fingertips brushing against the cool metal resting there. The necklace was no longer hidden beneath her shirt. Somewhere along the way it had slipped free and now rested plainly over the outside of the suit.

"... Ah." She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

"I forgot."

"You... forgot?" Emma repeated in utter disbelief.

"I accidentally left it outside my clothes." Emma let out the sort of sigh that sounded physically painful.

"Nina..."

"... Yes?"

"Who are you pretending to be?"

"Elias."

"And your brilliant plan was to impersonate your brother while wearing the necklace everyone associates with you?" Nina froze.

"... I didn't think about that."

"I know you didn't!" Emma groaned.

"I literally watched your location start moving and almost had a heart attack because I thought somebody kidnapped you."

"I was planning to use the disguise as cover," Nina explained quietly.

"I forgot the necklace was visible."

"It'd be just like old times all over again," Emma muttered.

"Except somehow you've managed to make it even more stressful." Nina lowered her eyes.

"... Sorry."

"No," Emma immediately replied.

"You're not getting away with one apology." Her tone shifted into one Nina knew all too well. The lecture tone.

"If you're not back home within the next hour or two, I'm coming over there myself." While Emma continued explaining every terrible consequence Nina would supposedly suffer for worrying everyone, Nina quietly raised a hand toward the street. A taxi slowed before stopping beside the curb. She opened the rear door and climbed inside before giving the driver the address her father had sent earlier. The taxi slowly pulled away from the sidewalk. Emma, meanwhile, had not finished.

"... And another thing!"

"Hm?"

"Why do you still have that necklace on you in the first place?" Nina looked down at it again.

"... Because you gave it to me."

"I gave it to you because I wanted you to wear it."

"I am wearing it."

"You know what I mean!" Emma let out another dramatic sigh before continuing.

"Didn't you ever wonder why I always seemed to know where you were?"

"I assumed you were checking."

"I was checking." There was another short pause before Emma continued in a much calmer voice.

"The necklace sends notifications whenever you leave somewhere we've already marked as safe." Nina listened quietly.

"It doesn't constantly track every second of your life," Emma explained.

"That would be ridiculous."

"It only sends alerts whenever your location changes significantly."

"If you stay somewhere long enough, and enough notifications confirm that you safely returned from that place over and over again, the system eventually classifies it as one of your safe locations."

"It takes around thirty confirmed trips before it trusts the place."

"Once that happens, it stops bothering us every single time you go there." Nina blinked.

"... I didn't know that."

"I know." Emma sounded almost offended.

"We figured you would've discovered it eventually."

"You never did."

"So all this time..."

"You've been getting notifications?"

"Every single time." Nina became unusually quiet.

"... I'm sorry." Emma sighed.

"Forget it." Her tone softened.

"The next scheduled location check shouldn't happen for another couple of hours."

"So by then..."

"I hope you're already heading home." Nina looked out the taxi window.

"... Maybe."

"... Nina."

"... Yes?"

"Don't make me come looking for you."

"... I'll try."

"You'd better." The line went quiet for a moment. Then Emma spoke again.

"... Take care of yourself."

"I will." After another brief exchange, the call finally ended. The taxi continued moving through the afternoon traffic. Up front, the driver stole another glance through the rearview mirror. From the beginning of the trip until now, the passenger had confused him more than any customer he had picked up in recent memory. When he first entered the vehicle, the young man looked completely carefree. Then, halfway through the phone call, subtle changes began appearing. His posture shifted. His expression softened.

Even the cadence of his voice no longer matched the person who had first climbed into the taxi. The driver frowned thoughtfully.

"... Excuse me," he finally said.

"Hm?" Nina replied.

"I don't mean to be rude..." He hesitated, trying to find the right words.

"... But were you... talking to your girlfriend?" Nina stared blankly at him.

"... No." The traffic light turned green. A chorus of impatient horns erupted from the cars behind them. The driver quickly apologized under his breath before pressing the accelerator.

"... Right." He decided not to ask another question. Some things, he concluded, were better left unexplained. When they finally arrived at the destination, Nina quietly paid the fare before stepping out of the vehicle. The driver watched the suited figure disappear into the distance through his side mirror. Even after driving away, he could not shake the strange feeling that the person who had entered his taxi and the person who had left it somehow weren't quite the same.