Chương 2: Role Without A Self: Chapter 1

BANG Nina slammed her hand on her reading table. Rage filled her body, blood rushing to her head. But before she could dwell on those emotions, the sharp sound snapped her out of her immersed state.

"…" Nina looked at her hands in shock. This was the first time she had felt this angry. She had always been quite sensible when it came to matters of this nature. Nina was born into a family of seven, where she was unlucky enough to be the middle child. Worse yet, her parents overly preferred boys over girls, viewing them as much more talented and well-mannered. So, most of the boys in her family got love and attention from both Mom and Dad.

The only exception to this rule was her sister, who was gravely ill, and being the youngest of the five siblings, she was constantly doted on despite being a girl. That left Nina. She didn't fit any of the categories. She wasn't a boy, nor was she sick. But she still craved affection from her parents. So, she did what any child would do at that age. She tried every method she could manage to gain her parents' attention. But the only time she felt seen was when she took the blame for her siblings' mistakes.

Whenever she took the fall for them, her parents and siblings would show her a small amount of kindness for a few days before coldly ignoring her once again. Even if the kindness was out of guilt, Nina was so starved of affection that, even though she felt wronged, she still held on. So, whenever her siblings got into trouble, she would apologize in their place and do everything she could to smooth things over. But eventually, people started catching on.

"You can't keep apologizing for them. We need your siblings to come here themselves," they said. At their refusal to receive the apology, Nina dejectedly headed home to inform the family. When her parents heard that, they were disappointed in her. So were her siblings. And once again, they ignored her. Nina felt suffocated. She desperately tried other things to gain back the little affection she had accumulated over the years. Nina hated being ignored. She would rather die than lose what she built.

In the darkest time of her life, her mother needed her to go to the doctor's office instead of her sister because she had gotten a cold. At the hospital, she was mistaken for her sister when picking up her meds, but even though she cleared up the misunderstanding, that situation gave her an idea. From that point on, she began pretending to be her siblings instead. She dressed like them, copied their voices, and learned their mannerisms. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent.

Report any sightings. And it worked! From that day onward, whenever she needed to apologize, or do anything else on their behalf, she would prepare meticulous disguises so convincing that nobody realized she was impersonating them. Except for her dear friend, Emma. Emma had known Nina for years and understood the family dynamics better than anyone else. She was furious when she learned what Nina had been enduring, but Nina herself barely reacted to it anymore.

She had long since become desensitized to the things she had to do to receive a crumb of affection. Eventually, Emma couldn't withstand her friend living like an object. So, she tried everything she could think of to help her understand that what she was experiencing was not normal. She gave her educational books, articles, and stories in hopes that something, anything, would finally be able to reach her. Like that, years passed until Emma found a novel titled The Fake Saintess's Revenge.

She immediately recommended it to Nina, hoping it would help her develop a sense of self outside of serving her siblings and wearing their identities. Nina read it because she did not want to disappoint her friend. But the biggest reason was that Emma never gave up on her, and she saw Nina for who she was and enjoyed her presence without any hidden wants. At first, Nina did not care much about the story. She was just going through the motions.

But the more she read about the Fake Saintess and his journey alongside the heroes, the more invested she became. The protagonist had started this journey through a series of unfortunate events, but despite everything, he kept going in order to protect his sister. Nina really admired the tenacity of the Fake Saintess. But there was something unsettling about the book, and it was that it never revealed his real name, only the name of his sister.

As the story continued, the narration slowly stopped acknowledging even his true gender. Bit by bit, she watched him erase himself. In the story, no one called him by his real name. No one knew who he originally was. And the only one who could remind him was locked away and being held hostage. Eventually, he accepted that this false identity might remain his for the rest of his life. That realization made her chest ache, for reasons Nina could not fully explain.

She remembered how Emma mentioned that the novel was supposed to be a reborn revenge story, but Nina could not understand why the author spent so much time detailing his life before the revenge plot ever began. Now that Nina had reached the part where the character was about to die, she was quite unwilling to continue. She hated it, the author, the plot. But there was one thing she hated the most, and that was how Saintess Seraphina would not even allow him to die with dignity without opening old wounds.

The Saintess stripped away what little remained of him and forced him to identify himself using the false identity he had worn for the past five years. Her actions, though understandable, hurt Nina to her core. She looked at her hand, which had hit the table once again, before rubbing her face tiredly. After that set of actions, she made her way to the shower. She really needed to cool off.