Chương 198: Chapter 219: Firsts

Last week of school. Final exams. Let me tell you what kind of sadistic monsters run this school. We take final exams in the last week of school. We get released to a two week vacation. Teachers grade exams over the vacation. They post grades and rankings in the first week of the new semester. We take our tests and don't get results back for three weeks. We're expected to enjoy our time off without stress or tension while we can only worry and wonder about our grades.

I know that it made sense when all this was a video game, but actually living like this is a torture. Handing in my exam sheet, and thinking "well, I'm sure I did well, but now I've got three weeks to second guess and imagine all the things that could be done wrong here!" Heartless soulless monsters. Does it matter that I know I'm going to take perfect scores and the first place for our class? Somewhat! Does that make this okay? No!

In each of my classes I whip through the material, knock out the answers, quick and efficient, hand in my answer sheets and then sit down to stress out about everything that might have been a misunderstanding. It's honestly such a relief if I can find anything to distract me from my own mind. So, in geography class I offered my hand to Belisa Roadaway, and she was much faster to reach for me this time. Not as fast as anyone who was fully alive, but much faster than last time. Exciting developments.

According to Souls and Soullessness, this is evidence that her body and mind are adapting to my soul and are developing compatibility. I'm not sure yet if the author meant to do this, but the author of the book describes that "compatibility" a lot like I would describe essence affinity, and that is kind of a terrifying prospect. I have taken it for granted that there is no human affinity except my link to Nathan, but this might not be the case.

Following the book's suggested exercises, I untethered a little bit and let my essence flow into her palm, up her wrist, halfway to her elbow. This time the pull was even harder, like the vacuum vortex of her empty corpus had a better grasp on me. I resisted, fighting to stay in control of the process. I drew my boundary and defended it.

The instructions for "how to stay in control of the process" were buried way behind the instructions on how to start the process, how it should end, what the benefits are, and the recommended schedule. It's like the author wanted me to overreach myself and get us both hurt. Fucking necromancers. After ten minutes of struggle, the pressure eased off. Her grip on my hand relaxed from some desperate clutching thing, and her empty shell stopped yanking at my essence with ravenous hunger.

She relaxed a bit, and we sat like that until the end of class, her hand on top of my hand, palms together, with my essence overlapping her just enough. At the tolling of the bell, I started to retract back into myself. The desperation kicked back in, and her howling need dragged at me with starving claws and piteous wailing. My edges grew ragged, the pressure sharp enough to disrupt my boundaries, but I pulled, and my strength was greater than her desperation. When I re-sealed myself, her shoulders slumped.

And then she stood, and took her bag, and walked to the class entrance, back to whatever the school has for her. I still have never asked. I don't think there could be an answer that isn't horrifying to me. Dropping through a portal let me move to my next class without awkwardly feeling her eyes behind me. Recently it's gotten harder for me to keep reading into the book, because of my rule to myself that I will not read it if I am excited about it. I've found a new tidbit, a single hint of a breadcrumb trail.

And it's tantalizing, much more than I would have expected. I'm tempted to abandon my methods and just devour this section, but... well, that's how they get you, isn't it? Patience is one of the hardest skills to develop. But if I'm going to make it out of this without losing my mind, soul, life, or kingdom, I need to be extraordinarily careful about this. There's not one single thing this book could offer that might make me risk it all like that.

Not even, potentially, the capacity to track liches to their new body. The trick to hunting down Meadwhite wherever he is in the world. Getting the drop on him instead of waiting for his ambush. I am a very very big fan of ambushing other people. I am very very opposed to getting ambushed myself. This is a difficult test of my moral fiber. But I persist. I read only slowly. I test and measure. The book does not have a supernatural allure, no corrupting aura.

It's just a book, badly written, that offers wonderful solutions to major problems using methods that get very careless about consequences and collateral damage. But god damn I want to be able to track liches from corpse to corpse. Eventually. Not soon. Eventually. I've got way too many liches in my affairs. I've taken out three, just a couple more to go.

"So, you remember that I went on an adventuring quest this weekend?" I singsonged, skipping up next to Thumper. She was jogging laps around the cricket pitch, and I caught up to her easily with only a little bit of flight. I fell in right beside her as she ran, maybe just a little closer than people normally run side-by-side.

"Yes I remember, I - were you skipping?"

"What of it? Anyway, I didn't forget what you said." I reached into the bag I was carrying- it doesn't always have to be a portal- and drew forth a beautiful necklace of platinum and diamonds draped like chandeliers in layers, and also a slate-gray mask with the eyes replaced by mirrors. It was concave like a walnut shell with an adjustable strap to cinch it to the scalp.

"You asked me to bring you back something nice. I couldn't make up my mind, but fortunately I didn't have to."

"Weird mask."

"Isn't it?" I felt a little giddy. I had to spend a lot of time talking myself up for this one, because it's hard for me to take a chance without knowing outcomes. I like knowing, I like certainty, I like firm knowledge and immutable truths. It's exactly what you need when you're saving the world. But it does make me really bad at dealing with spies, and giving presents to people if I'm not sure how they'll react.

"All right," I said, forcing myself not to hold my breath, " technically this is a cursed item. But, well, curses are just blessings going to the wrong people, hah hah! Anyway, if you put the mask on you have to fight yourself." She stared at me with laughter in her eyes, and almost missed the turn to stay on the track.

"Well, now I have to hear more!"

"Normally this is a trap to make adventurers endanger themselves and each other. It's really effective at that. You put the mask on and it blinds you to anything except a glowing ghost version of yourself, and it attacks you. It has all your moves, abilities, knowledge and tactics, and attacks with whatever weapons you have. It can't kill you, but it will hurt. The real danger is in fighting it blind in enclosed spaces with other people around.

The evil lich that owned it before kept it around to trick tomb robbers into stabbing each other or falling into acid pits."

"Charming," Thumper said.

"Wait, you fought a lich over an acid pit?"

"Well, I didn't fight fair," I admitted. She nodded, head bobbing in time with her pumping arms and knees.

"Good. Fair is for duels and tournaments. If you fight, you fight for real."

"Uh." She shot me a look.

"That's a guilty face, Natalie. What happened?"

"I also kinda fought a duel last night." This time her burst of laughter made her stop, hitching her breath, and she shuffled away her movement to lean down and put her hands to her knees.

"How? How did you wind up in a duel during an adventure!?"

"Completely unrelated incident!" I said defensively, hands up to defy the insinuation.

"Adventuring was Sixthday, and then I went to what was supposed to be a totally innocuous public event on Sevenday and got caught up in a duel through totally isolated circumstance! I accidentally left a military officer from an enemy house hanging on a salute for like five minutes, and then she wouldn't believe that it was unintentional and she thought I was doing it to humiliate her in front of her peers!"

"So what'd you do?"

"She said no magic was allowed so I beat her unconscious with a chair leg."

"I'm sure that was even more humiliating for her. Back to this mask?"

"Right. Anyway, if you put this on in a training hall with practice weapons it should show you absolutely every weakness in your style, every technique that's not quite polished, every tell that warns of your next move. A perfect training tool." She whistled, impressed, and accepted the odd, unattractive mask.

"Wow. And the necklace?" Be cool Natalie.

"I thought it was pretty and I wanted to give it to you," I said with the levelest evenest voice I have. Suave. Smooth. I held the necklace out towards her, and the cavern's crystalline glow caught the diamonds. It was worth a fortune, but if she wanted a fortune she would have asked for one, right? She asked me to bring her back something nice. And Thumper, at least, always says what she means.

I can really count on her, and that's one of the- Her fingers were heated, catching me at the back of my neck and pulling me forward, almost of my feet. She caught me with her mouth, and I froze in place from top to bottom. Her hand cupped me to her with a surprising gentleness, and her lips were softer than anything I've felt. My shock passed, and I kissed her back. When she drew back, her eyes were dewy and her cheekbones were bright red.

She held the mask in one hand, and the necklace in the other, and she held me with her eyes while I stood, stock still, too stunned to stammer.

"I, mm, I should take these to my room," she said haltingly. She took a step back, and then glanced down at the necklace. Back up at me.

"I clean up nice, by the way," she said. And then she turned and sprinted off faster than I've ever seen a human being move. Oh damn. Elica looked at me skeptically as I walked over with my tray in my hands. The whole world was singing right now, and not even her suspicion struck a discordant note.

"You're glowing," she accused. Larianne had the kebabs on skewers, the same as I had. I did not consider that she might order those, but she was managing quite competently even with her long, bladelike fingernails whisking like scissors right next to her face. I've seen what her talons can do, and I would not hold them near my face if I wore my hair loose like she does. I floated over into a seat, and I did not care if I was beaming, glowing, or just grinning like an idiot.

Vancy giggled and nudged me with her elbow. She likes it when people are happy, and I like that about her. Larianne examined my face, confirmed that I was grinning like an idiot.

"It's that fencer, right?" she said. Woman of few words.

"Fencer?" Vancy said.

"I'd thought for sure it was someone on your team. The camogie thing? It would be like a conflict of interest a little bit but it just feels like such a natural fit, between the proverbs about love blooming on the battlefield, and the whole thing about sharing a dressing room, which, I mean-""Nope," I said, interrupting her. Also, I don't feel like telling her that I'm extremely modest around my teammates and I use magic to fabricate a dressing room for myself each time I'm changing in or out of uniform.

I can't remember exactly when I became extremely body-conscious, but I am.

"Anyway, yeah, it's Sepecca Kuritan. And she's wonderful." Hardly anyone knows her by that name. I don't know exactly why I didn't use her well-known nickname. It just didn't feel right. Not everything needs to be examined.

"Well, try to glow less when Yheta gets here," Elica sniffed haughtily. She did not elaborate further. It was unnecessary. After all, if I'm walking on sunshine and bragging about my kiss! when he sits down, he's going to get peevish or possessive, both of which goes bad. He starts an argument or he starts feeling very motivated to get and keep all my attention. Elica does not like it when he's stirring the pot, and she does not like it when he's working extra-hard to draw me in.

She wants him for herself, and while she's confident she'll get him, she doesn't want me making it more difficult. And my roommate has approximately a thousand ways to make her annoyance my problem, if she chooses. I've killed dozens of people to satisfy a vendetta. But if Elica gets annoyed and decides to act out, it's like someone just turned up the dial on every unpleasantness in their life, and turned down the dial on everything that brings you joy. Her revenge is a cloud of discomforts, a swarm of mosquitoes.

Obviously she's going to be very unhappy when he dies and/or disappears. I'm putting a high priority on never letting her find out about my involvement. The problem with being as high-profile as I am is how hard I have to work to make sure nobody finds out about the people I kill. Hmm. Think of a way to phrase that sentiment that doesn't make me sound like a serial killer.

"That's better," Elica approved. Well shit, the world stopped singing and I've stopped glowing. That's all right, I can try again some weekend because Thumper cleans up nice. And like that, I'm glowing again. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"What's with her?": Yheta said, dropping into a seat nearby, coincidentally the only empty seat was next to Elica. Elica, who is a much better liar than me and thinks much faster on her feet.

"Last week before vacation," she explained easily, slicing into the pan-seared lamb cutlets on her plate. Something special she bribed from the kitchen staff, not available to the rest of us students. Elica would probably rather starve that eat whatever anyone else could order just by asking. Still, it did look very good, over a brothy risotto bed and a grape-leaf salad.

"The rest of us are all full of dread and depression because it's finals week, but of course number-one student Natalie is feeling better than ever."

"I should have figured," Yheta said, rolling his eyes and giving me a good-natured nod and a small laugh. Just ribbing, right?

"I won't lie, those finals weeks are something I won't miss about this place. That and dorm living. I'm going to need months to decompress after graduation, just figure out how to live with all the freedom. No more day passes, no more chaperones."

"Jealous," Elica sighed, fluttering her eyelashes.

"I should drop out and travel the world with you." In many ways, the good ending here is for her to go elope with Yheta. He would bring an earl's prestige into Snairlin House and reclaim his noble-born birthright, she'd bring money to her home town, and they would both be out of my hair. I'd have a room to myself, several fewer annoyances, and lose almost nothing. With Lachel dead there's no purpose keeping Elica here, and I don't mind if Filly goes without an antagonist to complicate her route.

But I promised Bruce. And if Yheta is out in the world, there will always be a countdown to the next time he causes me trouble. It's not 'if', it's 'when'. And I've got enough trouble hanging over my head waiting to drop on me. With my luck, it's never just one thing at a time.

"Traveling the world isn't as great as it sounds," Yheta said, resting the side of his face on his palm, elbow on the table.

"I've got about three months here in the city after graduation, and then my uncle is sending me to deal with some business dealings in Dimnitas." He shot a look at me. By 'Dimnitas', he means 'Byeview'. The foundry, the iron rails, the train, the route up through Anquarry.

"But that's so far!" Elica protested. He shrugged.

"Well, by the time you graduate, my business will probably have me all the way up to Wanfarrun, I could probably visit you then." She looked very pleased by that. I had not really planned it out that way, but he was right. The tracks were all due to be laid in from Byeview to Anquarry next year, and up to Wanfarrun the year after that so that military and rescue teams could be deployed during the Upheaval.

That would be the proof of concept that convinces the other duchies to allow us to build there, and hopefully I can connect the rest of the kingdom in time for the War of the Blind. If it works, there will be very little margin of error, most of the construction will be done just in time to help save lives. If it doesn't work, that's a lot of effort and expense just to build railroads that are going to renovate industry, culture, economy and politics significantly until the world ends in four years.

I'm hoping for a win, because I like saving lives. But as it turns out, my timeline does mean that the main leaders of the smuggler cabal will be in Wanfarrun in three years. Yheta assumes that's him.