Chương 49: Chapter 48: Trauma, Instinct, and a Green Dress

"So what do you think?" Gelidia asked as I stared at myself in the mirror. My Lady had led me out of the kitchen and down a short hallway to a kind of dressing room near the main hall that was all laid out with reams of cloth and tailoring supplies. The place smelled terrible, like stale water and strange chemicals I couldn't readily identify, but that my Toolmaking skill told me was related to whatever they used was for mordant, a binding agent to affix dyes to the fabric.

Waiting in the room had been a gangly creature that turned out to be the source of most of the stench, with long arms and legs and a greenish cast to her flesh that reminded me of the ill-favored creatures from the crypt, but wrapped in cloth tightly from her neck to her feet and wearing a neat, clean little dress that looked just about new. I'd inspected her, and it confirmed my suspicions. Ms.

Caramel Spruce, Alchemical Ghoul Tailor level 6, hungry, eager Meeting her bloodshot gaze had been a somewhat heartstopping moment, as I had been thoroughly traumatized already by ghouls, but she'd been kind. Quiet, but kindly enough.

She'd spoken in a voice like the sound of leather being scraped by a fine steel knife - three quarters whisper, with hard consonants and a raspy quality as she asked me polite little questions about what kind of fabrics I'd like, where I thought it'd be nice to get reinforcements, where I'd like pockets, that kind of thing. Then, she'd begun to work with long, sure fingers and the kind of efficiency that told me she'd put more than one skill point into her craft.

In fact, I sank a few points of mana into a use of Inspect and gave her a look as she'd worked that made the ghoulish Ms. Spruce pause a moment while my eyes glowed gold. [CRAFTING] Tailoring, Rank A I figured that every skill point she'd gotten in the Tailor class had been specialized into Tailoring! World, she'd made a fully formed and functional dress from reams of cloth, strange leather and hand tools more quickly than any three people from my world could have done with sewing machines and patterns!

With fancy little embroidered wolf and raven motifs sewn into the hemlines as well - a level of artistry and skill I'd never even begun to consider possible, given I was used to mass-produced and cheap clothing bought from racks rather than the works of a craftsman. I looked over the four-piece outfit. The main garment consisted of a sturdy dress with an outer layer of dense canvas in House green, and a softer inner layer of what I figured was some kind of wool?

It was pleasantly soft and smooth and just slightly fuzzy. It sort-of parted between front and back, but a length of fabric on the waist bound it together around my midsection like a hug, and small adjustable straps would slip through matching loops in the back to allow me to further secure it to me. The outer fabric of the waist-cloth had loops so I could fit a belt and fasten the apron. The entire piece of the garment went all the way from my neck to my knees.

My collar, the tailor said, should sit atop the long neckline, and the pendant should nestle under the next piece of the dress. That piece, the apron, was a sturdy affair and clearly a business item made of some kind of heavy, scaly leather that I was told would be as well-suited to cookery as it would be to the forge, with six pockets with button-able flaps down the front. It had loops for tools, and a fastener for the buckle of a belt.

The underside of it was padded, with soft pillows of fabric that, when the thing was fully secured, further reinforced the notion of it being a hug I could wear! The next bit was a little strange to me but I figured it highly practical - they were leggings, made with a kind of button-up bottom I could unfasten in the front or in the back or entirely to expose my entire undercarriage if I had to, with buttons on the front and back so I could fasten it while...

well, doing my business, whichever was more convenient for me. It was in a deep green color, almost black, and was made of a very soft opaque fabric that was especially sturdy, with a smooth side - the inner level - and a rough side. The leggings ended in little booties that could be removed, and were sized so my moccasins would fit snugly and securely with little straps so I could fasten them on.

"To prevent-" the tailor said, "little mishaps in the mud." The last piece was something like a shawl, a cloak, and a hood rolled into one thing that could be secured to apron and dress. It was made the same way as my apron, really, with a dense scaly leather material on the outside and a pillowed, thick material on the inside that was much softer.

It would clasp about my shoulders, and the shawl folded over my breast to hide the main clasp, all of it in a rich dark House green, emblazoned with the hawk of the Windbinder on the back. The inside lining, right where my arms would naturally drop when the cloak was fastened around me, had an array of fine straps where I could put a weapon or a tool and several small pouches within the inner lining itself that could be clasped shut.

Every seam that was visible had a wolf-and-raven motif, depicting stylized little scenes of the two bouncing and playing in the snow! It hadn't even taken her more time to make it look like that - it was just... flair, and I loved it to bits. Every part of the dress was decorated like that, too! Looking into the mirror, I took in the whole of the thing. 4-Piece Wolf-Raven Traveler's Dress, Masterwork, New, made by Ms.

Caramel Spruce Modified for skills: Toolmaking, Cookery, Conscript It wasn't magical, not as such, but it was very well made and it looked... well, it looked as good as it felt! It was warm, it was highly practical, and I loved it to pieces! I nodded!

"It's perfect! What kind of hide is this?" I asked, swishing the heavy cloak and apron a bit, giving a little twirl! Gelidia grinned at that, and Ms. Spruce reached out to run her fingers over the heavy material with her long, dexterous claws, and I suppressed a shudder at the momentary contact. Her voice came after, almost as leathery as the apron!

"It's a monster hide I had in stock... some creature called a Feldrake, supposedly a distant demonic relative of dragons." the Tailor said distantly." Must be rather large... something like the size of a horse, and predatory, I think. We don't get them here... this was an import from the mainland, I think." she explained, and I nodded! I doffed the cloak and shawl, draping it over my arm - too warm for that, too bulky, especially if I was to be using my hands for cooking!

"Well... thank you very much, Ms. Spruce!" I said, and meant it, even if I found the woman herself disturbing. She bowed her head to me, carefully not showing me her mouth full of long yellow teeth, but revealing how long her neck was under her head of stringy green hair, like every other limb she had. She was the first ghoul I'd met and spoken and bumped shoulders with... but she wasn't in a crypt or somehow preserved from decay - how had she become a ghoul? Was it a question of wickedness or something?

Was this a punishment of some kind? I had to know, my curiosity was getting the better of me... and fear, for me at least, was always conquered by understanding. It might metamorphose into compassion, or into rage, but at least I wouldn't be afraid of this soft spoken little tailor any longer.

"I um..." I said, voice a croak, and she turned her eyes on me.

"I don't mean to pry... but if it wouldn't upset you to answer, how did you become a ghoul? Everyone else... well, they're mostly ghosts or skeletons I figure because their bodies are gone or just don't have um... bits anymore, just bones. But you..." I rubbed my arm self consciously as she stared at me politely"You aren't like them - the only other ghouls I've actually met... were th-" I hesitated to say the phrase 'dishonored dead', even if that's what Gelidia called them, and finished"-in the crypts". Ms.

Spruce seemed thoughtful as she considered my question a moment before turning her long neck towards the vats in the far end of the room and speaking, raising her leathery rasp of a voice to reply.

"Ah - well you see hound, I was... dipping some of my cloth in a mordant mixture the House alchemist made for me." she rasped and took a long, dry breath.

"When the attack came... it shook me into it and I... simply couldn't escape, as the lid had fallen and latched shut. I drowned, miss." She explained, and shrugged a little.

"This was... an unpleasant death, I feel, but I have never been..." rasp, wheeze,"A whiner." she explained, and her dead eyes twinkled a little as she smiled at me - a chilling sight, all the more disturbing for how... human the expression was on her face"At least I do still have a body, and... the long, strong fingers and reach it affords me are..." she looked at her claws - there really was no better word for her fingertips -"proving to be..." raaaasp, wheeeeze, she chuckled"quite a benefit in my work."

she finished. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. I couldn't argue with that - at least she had a positive attitude about it, I guessed, it was her unlife after all. My wolf still hated the smell of this place, and the elongated, almost-predatory look of the woman was deeply unsettling to me, but... the person underneath all that was good. I could hardly throw stones from inside my glass house. We were all monsters in this room, one way or another.

I offered my hand to her, and she took it, clasping her leathery palm in my own as I shook it. Ms. Spruce didn't know what to do with that, but her eyes twinkled again and she nodded. She was a nice person - just a victim of her circumstances, as everyone here had been. As I was led out again by Gelidia, I felt her eyes on me, her gaze thoughtful. I let her formulate her question on her own, taking deep breaths of the clean-by-comparison must of the old halls of her ancestral home before she spoke.

"... You were tense as wires in there, my Hound. I did not think of it, but... she was a ghoul. She frightened you?" she said, and I nodded to her a bit.

"Yes, a little, but... it's alright, my love - not her fault, nothing she did. It's just... after meeting the ones in the crypt?" I shuddered, and she took my hand in her own, clasping tightly with her fingers.

"I will have nightmares of claws dragging me into the darkness for some time, I think!" I admitted, trying to sound cavalier, to crack a joke about it even as the memory once again raked my mind and the feel of the ghoul's jagged yellow fangs on my throat, the smell of his breath, and the way his hands felt as his impossibly strong grip pinned me. Her expression creased with pain and horror in my vision and she made an unhappy little noise as she tried to stop my momentum.

Distracted, I didn't stop until she dragged herself in front of me so she could look into my eyes, her own featureless white gaze somehow conveying her concern for me as she held my gaze in her own, cheeks cupping mine. My breath hitched a little, and... why were my eyes burning? I didn't understand, but she seemd to.

"You were... traumatized!" she said, voice very soft. It wasn't a question. I shut my eyes a little, and tears streaked down my cheeks a little. I was shaking. I hadn't realized... the entire time I'd been near Ms. Spruce, I was wound tight, I'd been very stressed out for the entire time I'd been near her. I felt naked before Gelidia, and suddenly the looks of concern that Ms. Spruce had given me, the little frowns I'd glimpsed from Gelidia, they made a bit more sense to me.

Her forehead pressed to mine as she embraced me, gripping my hair as she just held me.

"I am sorry, my Hound, I had not realized." She admitted"It's... so easy to think of you as... invulnerable, as... immovable as a mountain." she said, and scratched my head gently, lovingly peppering my lips and cheeks with kisses, sopping up my tears.

"You did very well in there though, and I am very proud of you." she said, and her words delighted both halves of my soul. Her expression of concern softened a little, and she gave me a compassionate look"You were trembling the entire time and I had wondered why, I thought you merely excited!" She whispered, and I held her tight, clutched her to me in the hall as I sensed a house guard pause when he saw us.

He turned his back on the scene and quietly moved a distance down the hall from us, leaving us in a pool of silence and peace. I noted his presence only distantly - a detail, a statement of Windbinder manners that put Gelidia herself further into context. It took me a couple minutes to get myself back together again.

"I'm sorry" I said softly, and sniffled a little. Gelidia shook her head, and kissed me again"Never apologize for that, my sweet Hound. This was my failing - I didn't even consider it." she said, and began leading me back towards the kitchen.

"I should be apologizing to you." She said, and we paused with her hand on the door leading back to the kitchen. She stared up into my face, her expression searching, concerned.

"Are you ready?" She asked, and I nodded.

"ABOUT BLOODY TIME GIRL" Cook thundered as we entered and as more literal hot air washed over us both from the ovens, and Gelidia tensed! I did too, and turned my eyes to spear Cook with a glower in the megawatt range"YOU WANDER OFF WITH MY SECRET WEAPON AND DOLL HER UP LIKE YOU ARE PLAYING DRESS UP WHILE WE TOIL AROUND, SHORT-STAFFED?" he roared in a fury, incandescent in his rage. My blood flashed to a boil and suddenly I was between him and her.

I don't even remember getting to that spot, glowering up into his face as he stepped up, and the low rumble of a growl shook the air between us. He seethed, but came up short, bending down to look me in the eye, his expression saying'OH YEAH LITTLE GIRL? REALLY?' He clearly wasn't afraid of me, but that was a mistake - I was in no mood to put up with his heavy-handed disrespect to my Lady, nor his glowering, condescending 'big man' sneer. I suddenly saw red!

With a vicious ripping snarl I gripped his semi-spectral bulk, and physically lifted the much-larger man a foot off the ground by a grip on both sides of his phantasmal apron. I brutally shoved him about eight feet backward to crash against a counter with such sudden ferocity that he was briefly stunned. Then, though I didn't remember leaping at him I was on him, hand around his neck, bending him backward onto the surface.

My face was an inch from his shocked and terrified expression as my eyes blazed gold and his legs kicked. He might as well have been trying to struggle away from steel manacles. He screamed - this time in terror and pain and I realized I was gripping his wrist, holding it just at the breaking point of his shoulder! I wanted to rip his arm off! I wanted to hear his scream! He'd never speak to my mate like that again if he knew what was good for him! I'd---"EMILY NO!"

Gelidia cried like a bucket of ice water over my back and I let him go instantly, shocked out of my fury, staggering backward from the slowly sagging man as he slipped to the floor, panting, eyes wide, body limp! W-what? What had... happened just now? Gelidia was between me and him, though I made no more attempt to approach Cook, as terrified at my sudden rage as he had clearly been, as much as Wolf wanted to... to hurt him! She was upset and angry... with me!

"That was way beyond the pale, Hound!" She thundered"What is the matter with you?" she demanded, and I'd never seen her so angry at me before! She slapped me across the cheek. The CRAK of it silenced the room fully, though through my Wolf-Ren I realized that the cooks and staff that remained in the room were staring at the scene with... expressions varying from shock to disappointment that things hadn't gone further - Cook, I remembered, was pretty acerbic and liked to throw his weight around.

I put a hand to my cheek and half-turned away, letting the fact of what I'd done fully sink in as my Wolf receded. She'd been so close to the surface... that the mirror had been bulging. I realized how close I was to changing in that moment, mere millimeters of self control away from... losing control entirely!

"... Thank you, I..." I said, and looked back to her, disturbed.

"... I'm sorry. The..." I didn't want to blame the wolf for this. After all... I'd been right slap-bang alongside Wolf in my anger when Cook had gotten in her face. The instinct to hurt Cook hadn't just been Wolf's... it'd been mine as well. The difference was... we weren't supposed to hurt people like that, we weren't supposed to listen to those instincts, but... it was night. The Wolf was.. very, very close to the surface and I hadn't been prepared for the sudden need for...

mayhem that had roared through me like that. It was my job, the thinking part of me's job, to be aware, to contain, to filter that instinct for violence and mayhem. Gelidia was staring at me and fuming as I worked through what had just happened, and I looked at her, disturbed.

"... I... I reacted inappropriately, my instincts, they... caught me off guard." I said, voice hoarse.

"And... it won't happen again." now that I knew it could, I'd make sure of that. Wolf didn't understand why Gelidia was so upset, but I pet her ears and gently pushed her fully back into the mirror by a press on the beast's forehead. YOU WANTED TO HURT HIM TOO Wolf said, and I nodded at her. Yes... yes I did. I'm sorry, it wasn't... right. It wasn't apppropriate - this is as much my fault as yours.

We must only do that when it is right - our strength wasn't needed here, he would not have hurt her, and he is a friend to her, and to her House. I felt profound shame. Cook groaned a moment, clutching his shoulder, and I moved to his side to help him sit up. He flinched a little as I appeared in his vision, but he accepted the help.

"No, I..." he sighed.

"I played with fire. I let my temper get the better of me too." he said, deciding to bury the hatchet.

"No harm done, My Lady!" he said, and didn't look me in the eyes. I could see how nervous he was of me now - I'd clearly frightened the life out of him! I felt a little sick!

"I uh! Let's just get back to work and forget about it!" he said, and got up relatively quickly to walk around to the opposite side of the table from me without looking like he was fleeing from me. Wolf, inside me, was obscenely pleased with herself. She wasn't wicked, but... it was increasingly clear to me she had ideas about how people were supposed to treat us, and how they were supposed to treat Gelidia. Screaming, challenging, and condescending glares at our eyes, they were absolutely no bueno. Not okay.

If I wasn't careful... I'd become a monster anyhow, even if my intentions were good. I had to remain attentive, vigilant, and... not lose control of myself like that. Right and wrong didn't change because I was fired up or because my Wolf wanted something. I had to hold onto that.

"Fine. We will speak of this no more." Gelidia said tartly, and I could feel her gaze on me. I met it, and bowed my head to her. Her expression softened... to a little concern, to a bit of uncertainty, and worst of all, disappointment in me and it hurt me to see it. I let Wolf see it too - as if I had a choice whether she would or not - and the smug contentment faded to hurt confusion and... acceptance of what I'd said. I let the shame of what I'd done in - I didn't reject it.

"I will see to our guests, and let you get back to work." Gelidia said, and without another word, anger in her every line, turned and walked out of the kitchen. We want her to love us, to accept us, to trust us. YES, MORE THAN ANYTHING We must not, then, act purely on impulse. I failed us in this, my friend. Another time, I will be ready. Wolf was baffled at that, and I felt her butt her head under my hand in the mindscape. AND I WILL TRY TO REMEMBER. I AM SORRY ALSO. We got to work then, Cook, the Staff, and I.