Chương 70: Chapter Sixty Five: Divine Write Off

"We should get someone else to do the garden with Mel, too."

"So three? That's it?" He looks pitifully at his host. Hoping to spark her delicate senses towards the opposite side of the aisle with a look. I swiped across the screen, hanging onto the red bannered event I had in mind.

"Yeah, that seems fine. What about the other events?"

"…" Penguin and I come to a consensus fairly easily after I put my foot down just once. Apparently, he can't use my tickets even though he can steal my coins. Interesting but I'm not in the right headspace to dissect that. Three tickets would go to the support event, four tickets would be used on clothing, two for weapons, four would be used on tools, and the last three would be reserved for medicine. I popped tickets into each screen raffle and clicked purchase on all five events at once.

The buttons sparkled with the word payment accepted. Skipping the promotional prologue on the first utility event, the prizes popped out in little floating bubbles. Wow! It's kitchen stuff! Shocker! A skillet, chef knives, cutlery, and a compass floated above. All of them had an outline of three stars and seemed to be in great shape. At least they weren't on the verge of becoming dust. At least I don't have to buy anything. Clothing next. The screen reversed towards the event.

The white bubbles popped and released a couple of pieces of clothing. A cloak, shoes, a backpack, and a ring. Neat, but not much special about it. Flicking a finger I broke the membrane of the tiny bubble and a cloak hovered over my open hands. [Fireproof Cloak] Straight to the point. That's special. Alright, let's get this going. An herbal sachet popped out followed closely by a cauldron.

"..." Ooh. Scary. Lastly… A potion book. You're really going all out with the witchy stuff. Speaking of, I think I have some spellbook rotting in my inventory that I never used. To be fair it looks haunted as all hell. The weapons category was pretty boring. Twin blades and arrows. I rubbed my hands together to summon some good luck and opened up the last three bubbles. They popped, and that trumpet that used to haunt my dreams sang its eerie welcome tune.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. Please don't be another Melinoë. Please I just want a normal one.

"Congratulations! You've drawn the five-star goddess…Akeso!" A brunette in long draping white garb pops out of the screen and kneels before me still glowing from remnants of the golden bubble. Flowing hair braided with winged accessories shaking with every breath of hers. A staff lies at her feet, and she places a hand on it protectively.

"..."

"Uh…hi? Why are we on the ground?" I pointed down and then curled my fingers. Do they always hit the Super Pose when they come through or is that a personal problem? From a marketing perspective it's not doing much for their resume.

"…" Melinoë 2. 0 doesn't acknowledge my feedback and continues staring at the ground.

"…" Penguin shoves me aside and pops the last two bubbles on his own before I can shove them in a box.

"Rude." Goal achieved he shrugged in agreement with me. The unhappy chime of the universe rang.

"Congratulations! You've drawn the five-star apothecary goddess…Aja!" A translucent being comes through the screen and lands gracefully above the ground. Hovering but never fully touching it with her incorporeal form. Her hanging head bows but the spirit makes no move to kneel like Akeso still is. What is that a ghost? At least it doesn't feel like guilt tripping me with its unusual behavior. Splash! Slapping feet slip and slide closer to us.

"Aja? Is that you?" Melinoë runs over from the pond to reunite with the spirit currently gazing upon the world ethereally. Great, more ghosts. Just what I wanted. The other bubble shakes a bit and plops out one last mistake.

"Congratulations! You've drawn the five-star goddess… Nuwa!" Nuwa? A serpentine figure slithers out of the screen, and I nope out of there. Stepping back to a safe distance where I can observe the—What is that a lamia? A mermaid? Her top half is covered in scraps with the intention of becoming a tank top and everything above her shoulders is human-looking. Long black hair frames her face, covers her shoulders, and pools around her waist. Watery rainbow colored eyes focus on me, and her complexion softens.

How the hell is she going to take care of anything if she can't survive outside the pond? Penguin and I share a look and sigh in unison. Legless, ghost, and weirdo. Well… two out of three ain't bad, I guess. Disappointed but resigned to my bad luck, I waved at them blithely.

"Hi." A good first impression before I put them all to work. Maybe then they won't have enough time to chit-chat and conspire.

"Hello, child." The spirit floats around Mel quizzically then comes to float before me. I'm really starting to hate that word. Bangles around her ankles clink together, moving in tandem with her spectral gait. Strange flowers and leaves imitate garments over her skin. Every single flower blooms and shutters closed on its own for seemingly no reason.

"Can you farm?" The ghost stops just before me.

"Pardon?" Numb to the pain of being scammed I reiterated, "Can. You. Farm." Aja blinks. Not quite expecting the open hostility or the bone deep desperation brought on by their presence. Seeing it as a challenge, Aja defends her craft.

"Of course. I have countless lifetimes of experience helping others—""Can you." I point at her and then clap my hands together.

"Yourself. Pick up a shovel and till the land?" I even mimic shoveling an invisible shovel into the ground, throwing invisible dust everywhere. Aja blanches and looks down at the spot I tilled.

"..." Not ready to give up, Aja tries to grab a bunch of grass. Unfortunately, her hand completely passes through it.

"..." Wind whistles in my ears as the space between my ears buzzes. So… Useless. Melinoë out of solidarity tries to help her friend nail the interview in a nasal voice, "Do you know how to cook fish?" Melinoë wastes no time tugging at the tail of the speechless Nuwa. Trying to drag her to the kitchen in the way beyond. Nuwa, terrified and somewhat amused, tries to tug her tail back from Mel's gluttonous hands." What? Please do not attempt to eat me. Hey! Let go." Alright, one out of three is a total write off.

Let's try the other one. Akeso leans on her staff watching the goddesses bicker with the stance of a spectator. Yelling a little to snap her out of the reality tv trap, "Akeso? Can you farm?" Brown locks fall over her back as her head whips backwards. Shocked, she points at herself.

"Me?" I nodded affirmatively ready to write her off too.

"Yes, I have experience." I throw my head back and sigh in relief. Finally, one. I have one new helper and two new burdens. Making a total of two useful and three useless. That's not a good balance sheet. Okay. Two of them don't need to eat. That's good. Rationalizing the entire situation into one where I didn't just backslide tremendously. How could I let this happen? I clutched my aching head in anguish. A whole bunch of crap I don't need and three new psychos. Such a waste!

Aja twiddled her thumbs scraping new buds off her fingers to be planted elsewhere on her, "This is not the welcome I was hoping for." Oh? This wasn't what you were expecting? I gave her a cursory look.

"And you aren't the hero I was expecting either. I need farmhands, not friendly neighborhood ghosts." She crosses her arms reacting to the energy I'm giving off.

"I'm a spirit." There's no malice in her tone. Which is so unlike Mel it makes me frown in distaste. It's not fun to insult someone if they just take it.

"Yeah. Alright. The house is this way." Moving on.

"Penguin, we need to renovate!" There's too many people and not enough room. I can already anticipate the fights for territory pending.

"On it." Aja and Akeso follow me back to the house and make small talk with each other since I'm clearly in no mood. I bet they're talking about the last time they decided to smite a mortal. Realistically, I should be hopping on the train of callousness towards human life or immortal-godly life. It only goes downhill from here and I'm starting to have ideas for a certain robot from the North Pole. I can't let him get away with the idea that he can just punish me whenever he wants.

Maybe I should scalp some ideas from them. Do robots have nightmares? Can I just sic Mel on him? Penguin pokes my aching side with a blunt nail and I slap it away.

"What?" I bit out. Don't touch me. Penguin presses his lips into a thin line at my overwhelming appreciation for the new house guests.

"These are very rare and powerful goddesses." His breath tickles my ear, and I swat at him again.

"So?" A dangerous quality colors my tone as my eyes shift towards a distant red reminiscent of a setting sun. Penguin's expression lightens considerably. Backing away to a safe distance, he gives me a disapproving look, "You could attempt to fix your long face." Oh. Since we're on the topic.

"I could also attempt to put you on pond duty and sue you for misappropriated funds."

"..." That's what I thought.