Chương 42: Safe-Adjacent

First I attached the head to my belt to see what that would do for me. [Headhunter - Lubomir Drevek, Flame Adept] While you are on fire, you deal +20% damage for 10 seconds. Stacks up to 5 times. +10 Attunement +20% Mana Regeneration +25% Fire Resistance I stared at the notification. While I'm on fire. While I'm on fire?!

"While I'm ON FIRE?!" I looked at the tiny head dangling from my belt.

"What kind of skill requires me to be ACTIVELY BURNING to work?!" Vasil hopped closer.

"What's wrong?"

"This!" I jabbed a finger at the head.

"This stupid [Flame Adept] gives me a bonus that only works while I'm on fire! Who designed this?! When am I ever going to be on fire?!"

"Well," Vasil said slowly, "you do fight a lot of people who use [Fireball]."

"That's not the point! The point is I have to be LITERALLY BURNING to get the damage bonus! And it stacks? What am I supposed to do, stand there and let them keep setting me on fire so I can stack it to five times?! By that point I'll be dead!" Kuba and Kasia were staring at me again.

"This is the worst skill bonus I've ever seen," I muttered.

"Who wants to be on fire? Nobody, that's who. Nobody wants to be on fire." I looked down at the mage head again. The 25% fire resistance was nice, I guess. Especially when you were ON FIRE. And the Attunement and mana regen were solid. But the main ability? Useless. Completely useless. Unless... Wait. What if I just... set myself on fire on purpose? Like, a little bit? Just enough to trigger the bonus? No. That was stupid. That was the stupidest thing I'd ever thought.... But it would work, wouldn't it?

I shook my head. It was probably a dumb idea. Unless I got to 100% Fire Resistance of course. Then it would be a genius idea. What if I got over 100% Resistance? Would the fire then heal me? I already had 20% from my boots, plus 25% from the head would put me at 45%. I imagined being on fire would hurt me 45% less at this point. But how much less painful is 55% of excruciating, debilitating pain?

"Probably still excruciating," I muttered. Vasil looked at me.

"If you achieve fire immunity, the state of being on fire becomes strategically advantageous." Guess he was thinking the same as I was. It would probably look really cool as well. Flashy even. I was warming up to the idea of being on fire.

"So what does it do when you bind it to your weapon?" Vasil asked. I took little Lubi from my belt and bound it to my revolver. [Headhunter - Lubomir Drevek, Flame Adept] Weapon fires flaming projectiles Deal +30% damage to burning targets. Killing a burning target restores a small amount of Mana +10 Attunement The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. +20% Mana Regeneration"Now this is actually good," I said.

"No self-harm required. Exactly what I like." I gestured to Vasil.

"Check this out." A flaming bullet burst out and exploded on the packed earth floor. A streak of fire arced behind it, hanging in the air for half a second before fading. Kuba stumbled back. Kasia just stared at me with eyes full of wonder. Vasil watched the burning mark with approval.

"Yes," he murmured.

"That will do nicely." I holstered the revolver.

"Right? See? This is how you design a skill. No need to set myself on fire at all." I paused.

"…Yet." I looked up at the grey sky again and inhaled deeply.

"A beautiful day indeed." I turned to Vasil.

"How long would it take Sebek to get back to Opole?"

"It's about a hundred-twenty miles," Vasil said.

"If he doesn't stop, maybe four or five days on foot. Less if he finds a horse."

"So we have a few days before they send more people."

"Maybe. But Opole isn't the only town with Inquisitors. There are smaller outposts in the nearby villages. And..." He paused.

"The villagers here might not be pleased that you killed Church members. Some of them are sure to be devout. Bartek had friends." I frowned.

"Bartek was an asshole."

"Doesn't mean he wasn't popular."

"Mannn," I groaned.

"So staying here is a bad idea?"

"Staying here is a terrible idea." I sighed. Well, that was disappointing. I'd just gotten here. Then I remembered something.

"Wait, I wanted to get sheep for the cathedral. Are there any sheep herders in this village?" Kuba shook his head.

"No sheep. Just chickens and a few pigs."

"Another disappointment," I muttered.

"This town sucks." I looked around the square. My eyes landed on the wooden church across from the inn. Small, simple, with Stvora's symbol carved above the door.

"Should I burn it down?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"No!" Vasil said immediately.

"Why not? They were going to kill poor Kasia. Even worse, they were going to kill me! This is Stvora's house, right? Seems only fair."

"Because," Vasil said slowly, like he was explaining something to a child, "burning down a church will turn everyone against you. Not just the Inquisitors. Every villager, every farmer, every person who's ever prayed to Stvora—which is all of them —will hunt you down. You'll go from 'dangerous witch' to 'enemy of the kingdom' in about five seconds."

"I thought I already was?"

"You are an enemy of the kingdom, not an enemy of the people. Let them learn your name because you help them, not because you burn what they revere. Make yourself needed, not hated." That made sense. Winning the people over meant playing nice. Being useful. Being liked. Should be easy. I was nothing if not likeable after all. People loved me. People loved my confidence, wit, my charming smile. They loved nice hair, and I had nice hair.

Everywhere I went I helped people, made the world just a little brighter, a little better. I even gave Kuba a nice pair of hands, which, frankly, was more generosity than most people showed in a lifetime. Really, if you thought about it, it was impossible not to love me. I couldn't think of anyone… well, maybe Bartek's friends wouldn't be too happy with me. I tapped my chin.

"Right. So maybe killing Bartek wasn't the strongest first impression."

"Probably not," Vasil said. I glanced at the handless, headless corpses of the inquisitors.

"Hmmm. Guess that's everything then." I turned, ready to leave Lipova. Vasil nudged my boot.

"What?"

"Ask them!" he said.

"Ask them what?"

"Ask them if they want to join you."

"Why would they want—" Right. They were as good as dead if they stayed here, and I needed an army. Unfortunately they were a [Carpenter] and a seventeen year old girl. Not exactly elite warriors. But I didn't just need warriors, did I? The cathedral wasn't going to rebuild itself. Honestly, a [Carpenter] was probably more useful to me right now than a dozen meatheads with swords. Kuba was coming with me, even if I had to bribe, threaten, or guilt him into it. And fine… Kasia could tag along too.

I turned to them and clapped my hands together.

"Well! If you two stay here, you'll probably die horribly." Kuba paled.

"What?"

"The Church is definitely going to send someone meaner next time. Like, way meaner. Real professional killer types. Professionaler." Kasia looked like she might cry again.

"But I like you guys," I added quickly.

"And I think it was totally unreasonable of the Church to try and kill you. Trust me, I've been there." Vasil let out a long, exhausted sigh.

"So," I continued, "if you want, you can come with me. I've got a place. It's hidden, the Church won't find you, and you'll be safe." I paused.

"Well. Safe-adjacent. If you don't count all the monsters. And the evil spirits." I scratched my head.

"And there's supposed to be a man-eating Swamp Devil, too, but I've never seen it. Maybe that was just a story to scare people. There are also a ton of mosquitos. They won't kill you but they are very annoying."

"Hecate!" Vasil hissed.

"Right. What I'm trying to say is, we also have a talking skeleton and a cat." I spread my hands.

"Soooo? If you compare it to getting violently murdered, I think that's a pretty good deal." Kasia nodded immediately.

"Yes!" Kuba turned.

"Kasia, what?" She crossed her arms.

"They tried to kill us. I'm not waiting around for them to finish the job."

"But—""She has a cat," Kasia said firmly.

"And a talking skeleton. And you're a [Carpenter], not a [Fighter]. What exactly are you planning to do when they come back?" Kuba opened his mouth, then closed it again and sighed. I clapped him on the back.

"Great! Then it's settled. I hope you like swamp fish."