Chương 7: Adventurer Guild Chaos

The second bath was better than the first, mostly because nothing tried to kick a rock off my head during it. Aria and I were submerged up to our shoulders, and I had reached a state of near-perfect contentment: damp, cool, unbothered. Suddenly, the bush at the edge of the clearing rustled again. Aria's whole body went rigid.

"More monkeys?" she said while already moving toward her clothes. I considered the rustling. It was too loud for a monkey. Monkeys, in my experience, moved like they were trying not to be noticed until the exact moment they wanted to be noticed. This rustling had no such subtlety. It sounded like something large that had given up entirely on the concept of stealth. What emerged was Zebron, running through the underbrush.

"Aria! Are you OK?!" Aria stopped moving and screamed. It was a good scream. The kind with real commitment behind it. Zebron didn't stop moving. He hit the water and wrapped both arms around her in a hug. Aria stopped screaming.

"W-what's wrong?" she asked, muffled slightly against his shoulder. He pulled back, water dripping off him.

"You didn't see the Dragon King?"

"Ehm, we did… thanks for worrying about us." She made a small smile. No one talked for a while. The human brain wanted to ask something. I told it to shut up, because being slapped was not worth it. Then a new voice arrived from a distance.

"Zebron, have you confirmed if they are alright?!" Aria's expression shifted. She looked at Zebron's arms, still around her. She looked at herself, distinctly and enthusiastically undressed. She slapped him.

"Get out of here already!" Zebron put a hand to his cheek and kept staring in a daze. Aria bent and picked up a rock. She threw it at him with commitment and hit his head. As if the rock had jogged something loose, he scrambled backward out of the water, then back to where he came from. This made me realize that the entire business of who-slapped-whom-and-why was significantly more complicated than I had assumed. Aria looked at me. I put both hands on my rock.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Aria sighed. Cheeks still beet red.

"I won't take your rock, okay?"

"I see…" I put one hand down. The other one stayed at the rock for insurance.

The sun was directly overhead, which meant it was noon, which meant Aria and I had taken a bath far longer than Zebron considered reasonable. He started complaining about it as we walked.

"Does taking a bath need to be that long?" He adjusted the spider legs strapped to his back. Aria didn't answer. Zebron didn't ask for the second time. We continued walking. The road was dry and the trees on either side had thinned enough that the sun had opinions about everyone's shoulders. I adjusted my rock. The rock adjusted to being adjusted. After several more minutes of arguing with the sun, which I was steadily losing, a gate rose ahead of us.

In front of it sat a human at a small table, wearing clothes that looked stiff enough to stand up on their own, and an iron hat. He was pouring something into a cup. He put it down. Then he raised the cup toward us before we'd even reached him.

"Ey Zebron! Want to join me?!" Zebron walked faster, leaving us behind.

"You reek of alcohol, old man. I'm sure you didn't even notice that the Dragon King passed by." Aria pouted beside me.

"Did it?" The old man chugged the cup he was holding, unbothered.

"Even if I noticed, we'll all be dead anyway if it decided to destroy Millhaven." Zebron sighed.

"So, how's the adventure?" The old man was already pouring into a second cup, sliding it across the table. Zebron accepted it with his free hand.

"Easy." He drank it in one go. The old man laughed. His eyes drifted past Zebron and landed on me.

"Easy because you had a veteran helping you, I'd wager." Everyone looked at me. I looked behind myself, checking for the veteran in question. There was no one there. Just the road, and a lizard sunning itself on a rock some distance away. Zebron set his empty cup down on the table with a clack.

"As if. She almost got us killed by luring a horde of monsters."

"And you still said it was easy." The old man grinned.

"So who's the new girl?"

"Ruina, the damp mage." The old man sighed.

"That's the dumbest joke I've heard in a while. You nearly made me sober." He waved a hand toward the gate.

"Anyway, get in. You're turning those legs in, right?"

"Later, old man. And don't drink too much, or the guard captain might find out." Zebron walked through the gate.

"Tch, just go already." The old man flicked his wrist. Aria walked forward, stopped in front of the old man, and made a quick bow. The old man grinned.

"Take care of that idiot, lass."

"I'll try." Aria scratched her cheek and followed Zebron. I lingered at the threshold, looking up at the gate. It looked like a giant crab's mouth. Two thick wooden doors, hinges like teeth, standing slightly ajar like it was mid-yawn, patiently waiting to swallow whoever walked through. I had eaten a great number of things smaller than myself over the course of my life. It seemed fair that something would return the favor.

"Welcome to Millhaven," the old man said, catching my hesitation.

"Don't worry, it's a nice place." If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it. I considered this claim. Someone tapped my back.

"Let's go." It was Norman. He adjusted the spider legs on his shoulder and moved his free hand at chest level near me. I stared at his hand… for a while. I tilted my head. He lowered his hand.

"Follow me." He walked inside. I followed. Inside, the human brain informed me that Millhaven was the kind of town that had decided, at some point in its history, to simply exist without apology. It had a blacksmith that smelled like a blacksmith, a baker that smelled like a bakery, and a tanner that smelled like a decision made by someone who didn't have to live next door to it. The streets were busy. I walked through it and noticed things. I noticed the cat sitting on the fence post, tracking a pigeon.

I noticed the pigeon, which was ignoring the cat. I noticed that humans made a lot of noise. Not just talking — though there was a great deal of that — but noise. The creak of cart wheels, the clang of the blacksmith, the argument drifting from an upstairs window between two humans. Children running. A dog that had found something interesting and was informing everyone in the street. Under my pond, everything had been filtered. Muffled. This was the opposite of that.

"Stay close." Aria appeared at my elbow.

"It's market day. Gets busy near the square." I stayed close. This seemed wise. The street was full of legs, and legs had a tendency to step on things without checking first. I adjusted my rock. We turned left at the tanner's, quickly, because the smell had opinions. The street widened into a main road. The building sat at the far end of it. It was wooden, stone, and large. The sign above the door featured a sword and a shield. Zebron pushed the door. Inside was noisy and smelled… human.

The smell of humans here was more pungent. Probably from not taking a bath. I found it overwhelming. My rock sat on my head and provided what comfort it could. It was doing its best. Zebron moved through the crowd. He deposited four spider legs on one of the two counters, and something white. Behind the counter was a woman with brown hair tied up in a bun. She took the things placed on the table.

"Four Obsidian Spider legs and its silk. Six silver in total." Then someone dropped another set of spider legs. She jumped. Zebron looked at him.

"Norman, I keep telling you not to suddenly appear like that. It's bad for the heart." He pointed at the woman who was holding her chest, gasping.

"Sorry, Eris," Norman said, then disappeared… literally, since I couldn't find him now.

"Don't mind…" Eris scratched her cheek. She then took the remaining spider legs.

"Eight Obsidian Spider legs then and its silk. Ten silver in total, or do you want me to convert it into a gold coin?"

"Actually, can you do it in copper? I need to divide it into four." Eris looked past him. She locked eyes with me for a moment.

"But of course. Please wait a moment while I prepare the reward." She disappeared through the back door. Zebron leaned against the counter while waiting. Eris returned with a pouch that jingled with every step.

"By the way, did you complete the quest you took yesterday?" Zebron's hand met his face.

"Right." He lowered his hand.

"The dungeon's first level was full of second-level Armored Beetles." Eris made a note.

"Oh, we'll need to ask a scout party to look after it later. Armored Beetles are tricky with their high defense. Do you know the cause? It would help us prevent a recurrence." Zebron looked back at us. He looked at me. I tilted my head. He looked back at Eris.

"No clue."

"Thanks for the information." Eris placed the pouch on the counter. Just as his hand closed around it, she asked, "By the way, how is your relationship with Aria going?" Zebron stumbled despite not walking. His hand missed the pouch entirely. I wasn't aware humans were capable of doing that. He's not human. He's a beastkin, the human brain corrected me. Does it matter? I argued. You'll get killed if you say that out loud at beastkin territory. I nodded.

This seemed like important information and filed it under "if I want to continue existing." I looked back at the counter.

"W-what are you talking about?" He reattempted the pouch. It took two tries, which was two more than it should have.

"It's obvious."

"You know we're not the same." Eris said nothing. He returned to us and began distributing coins into each palm. I examined them with interest. They were shiny. They were flat. They were the approximate size of a beetle. The normal kind. I moved them toward my mouth. Aria's hand intercepted my arm.

"It's not food."

"I wonder how you survived." Zebron sighed.

"Anyway, what rank are you?" I tilted my head. The human brain stirred helpfully. Check your pocket. I checked my pocket. My pocket was empty. I'm certain it was there… Oh. The assassins took it. The human brain remembered. This was not helpful information. I filed it under "things that are true but did not improve the situation" and returned my attention to the external world. Aria moved closer.

"Are you perhaps not registered?"

"Given her relationship with basic human functions, it seems likely," Zebron said.

"What do I do with you?" Aria was already moving toward the counter, pulling me by the hand.

"Can you register her?"

"One silver or ten coppers." Eris smiled. Aria explained that coins I had just received were meant for this kind of transaction and not for eating, wearing, or using as small flat rocks. I found this baffling. My coins clattered onto the counter.

"Payment received, and please be careful paying more than asked." Eris pushed the other coins back. She then produced a blank card.

"Name and Class?"

"Ruina…" Archer-mage, the human brain whispered.

"Archer-mage?"

"A dual class, huh…" Eris stared directly into my eyes.

"Where is your bow?" What is a bow? I asked internally. The curved stick you left inside the dungeon for not being damp enough.

"I left it inside the dungeon for not being damp enough."

"Are you sure?" Are we sure? I asked again. I'm sure.

"We are sure."

"Hmm… let me check." Eris crouched under the counter, then set two thick books down. She opened one and traced the content with her finger.

"Ruina… ah, there you are. Looks like you became an archer just recently." I nodded. She closed the book and did the same with the next one.

"And there you are. Mage, confirmed too." She closed it as well, returned to the card, and filled in the details without asking another question.

"Ruina the archer-mage, here is your adventurer card. Thank you for registering. You can start doing F-rank quests, or higher if you have a party. Depends on your party leader's rank." She handed it to me.

"Ahh — also, don't call yourself archmage to shorten it. The Mage Guild will kill you. That title's sacred to them." Sounds ominous, I noted, and moved on. I examined the card in my hand: Name: Ruina Class: Archer-mage Rank: F It was small and flat. I understood that this was important. I put it in my pocket. Just as I turned with Aria, the door opened. A group of pointy ears entered, all with long yellow hair except for one. His was forest-green hair, swaying at his back, the same shade as Aria's.

He crossed the room and grabbed her wrist.

"Princess, you need to come home. Now." Aria did not seem to like it as she tried, with visible effort, to pull back her arm.

"Let go of me, Torven." I grabbed the hand grabbing her, and to my surprise, I wasn't the only one grabbing said hand. Zebron was grabbing the hand as well.

"Didn't she just say to let her go?"

"Stay out of this, beastkin, this is a matter with us—" the pointy-eared man started. Zebron punched him, making him skid across the floor back to the group of pointy ears.

"Well, fuck you." Zebron cracked his knuckles. Most of the time, when males fought, it was about mating. The humans inside suddenly started shouting.

"Who are you betting on? Zebron's party or the elves?"

"I'll bet on the elves, given their numbers."

"I'll bet on the guards."

"That's not one of the options." Behind the counter, Eris put a hand to her temple and shook her head.

"Someone call the guards." I was wrong. Humans considered fighting entertainment.