Chương 2: Salamander in a Human Body

I padded down the corridor, rock balanced atop my head, and listened. Clicking. Skittering. The gentle tap-tap-tap of many legs on stone. I lit up with excitement. The human brain suggested, politely, perhaps we should think this through. I didn't think this through. A salamander just needs instinct to make it through. I rounded a corner and found them. There was a problem. The bugs were human-sized. Actually, that wasn't quite accurate. Some of them were human-sized.

Others were considerably larger, approaching "small horse" territory. One beetle in the distance was large enough to be mistaken for a crocodile. The bigger problem was that I was not the only one trying to eat them. It was mutual. I stood very still, my back against the dry dungeon wall, and watched. Three giant beetles were clustered around something that had once been a rat. The crunching sounds echoed off the stone in a way that was deeply educational about what beetle mandibles could do to bone.

A spider, easily the size of a cow, worked on its web in the corner, its obsidian legs adjusting silk strands that gleamed in the torchlight. And there, just barely visible in the shadows, something else moved. Long and segmented, it made a sound like armored plates sliding over stone. My stomach growled again. The nearest beetle's antennae swiveled in my direction. Oh, hello! I waved. Oh no, thought the human brain. Somehow, the voice butted in. [You can get stronger by beating one.] The beetle turned.

It had compound eyes the size of fists reflecting my image back at me approximately six thousand times. Six thousand tiny humans, all looking equally concerned about their immediate future. The beetle's mandibles opened and closed, opened and closed, in a gesture that was either thoughtful consideration or the insect equivalent of licking one's lips. Then it clicked. Not a threatening click. More of an… inquiring click. A "what are you doing in my dungeon" click.

A "you seem edible, let me investigate this hypothesis" click. The beetle took one step forward. I took a step back. My foot hit a pebble. The pebble skittered across the stone floor with a sound like tiny applause. Every insect in the corridor turned to look at me. There was a moment of perfect silence. My stomach chose this moment to growl again, loud and long and deeply undiplomatic. The beetle clicked. The sound was picked up by another beetle. Then another.

Then the spider joined in with a hissing sound that suggested it, too, had opinions about uninvited guests. Click-click-click-hiss-click. It sounded almost like communication.

"Right." My voice sounded strange in my new ears.

"This is fine. This is… completely fine." The beetles began to advance. I did the only sensible thing a salamander-in-a-human-body could do. I ran, one hand clamped firmly on my rock. Everything followed. That is, everything I'd seen earlier, plus the new arrivals along the way. The three beetles, abandoning their rat entirely. Their mandibles clicking in what I now recognized as excitement rather than conversation. The cow-sized spider, somehow faster than something that size had any right to be.

Its obsidian legs left holes on the stone floor. The something long and segmented ended up being a giant centipede. Good thing it was slow, falling behind the others… or maybe the others were simply faster. I chose to believe the earlier assessment. I turned left. My body did not turn left. My body continued mostly forward while my legs attempted, independently and without consulting each other, to go left. This was new. Four legs had never had this problem.

I stumbled, caught myself against the wall, and turned right instead, then right again, then right again, then right again. My hand slipping twice on the stone because five fingers gripped differently than well-adapted toe pads. I glanced back. Nothing was behind me. I considered this a good thing and looked forward. I stopped. They were now in front of me. The human brain noted, You are now behind the giant bugs. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

I noted that this was excellent, because being behind things that wanted to eat you was better than being in front of them. The bugs turned around. The corridor stretched ahead, torchlight casting wild shadows that made everything look like more beetles. The clicking echoed off stone walls, multiplying until it sounded like an army. I ran again, turning randomly while reminding myself not to make the same turn four times in a row or I'd end up back where I started.

This is basic dungeon navigation, the human brain explained, there are people who make their living drawing maps of places specifically designed to be confusing. Humans are strange. I finally found the stairs going up. I recognized this as a good thing. Up meant away from beetles, and away from beetles meant toward continued existence. Then I passed two figures… no, three. I had a moment to register details: pointy ears on one, black-and-white striped animal ears on another, like a certain herbivore's.

The third one I had almost missed had a face so average I'd have overlooked it. Human, definitely human. The three individuals immediately turned around and ran with me.

"Why the hell did you lure a group of monsters from the lower parts?!" The voice sounded angry.

"Wait up!" This sounded more like a plea. I did not wait up. Waiting up seemed like an excellent way to be eaten, and I had already been kidnapped today, which was quite enough excitement for one lifetime, two lifetimes, or however many lifetimes I was technically living now. We kept running until we reached the exit of the dungeon, at which point my body simply gave up. I slumped. Then, with the dignity of a falling leaf, I lay down.

The stone on my head, which had somehow survived the entire chase through sheer determination and possibly physics, chose this moment to roll off and land beside me. I rolled over, looking at the dungeon entrance. It looked like a hive. A giant one. The kind of place a sensible salamander would mark on a mental map with the words "DO NOT RETURN." I was hungry, yes, but my body was staging a protest about the whole "being alive" situation and refused to cooperate. What's more, the sun was now directly overhead.

I need moisture or I will dry up… The animal-eared one pointed a finger at me.

"You humans are a pain." Looking closer, I noticed his shoulder-length hair was also striped black and white.

"That's not nice, Zebron," said a voice over his shoulder. Zebron jolted. He turned.

"Damn it, Norman! I keep telling you not to sneak up like that!" The boring-faced human, probably Norman, didn't reply. He moved closer to me and offered a hand. I tried to register any feature for future reference. I failed. Zebron clicked his tongue. I accepted the hand and sat up, reaching for my rock before I was fully upright. I placed it carefully back on my head, then looked around.

"What happened to the pointy-eared one?" Zebron turned around. There was no one behind him.

"Aria!" He forgot the first rule of adventuring, the human brain commented. Which is? I asked internally. Count your party members.

Back inside the dungeon, two humans… or one human and a half were pulling at my arms.

"I hate to break it to you, but the bugs here aren't edible." I paused. Technically, they were. Just big enough that the question of who ate whom was no longer clear.

"If something happened to Aria, I will kill you myself," Zebron threatened, which seemed unfair given that I had not asked Aria to wander off and get lost. I sighed. The human brain suggested this was what adventurers did. They got into trouble, rescued each other, argued about whose fault it was, then went back to town and got drunk while arguing about who should pay. It seemed inefficient. We kept backtracking. Eventually, we found a wall decorated with a spiderweb.

Wrapped in said web, hanging upside down with her long forest-green hair spilling toward the floor, was probably Aria, the pointy-eared one. She looked significantly less adventurous than she probably had earlier in the day. Below her was a staff, and above her was a spider. It was the size of a cow. Someone drew his sword. He moved slowly toward me.

"Based on your appearance, you look like a mage," he said, not taking his eyes off the spider.

"Do you have Fire Affinity?" Correct him. You're an archer-mage, the human brain butted in. I failed to see the difference except it was longer and would require more effort to justify. I returned to the current question.

"Why?"

"An Obsidian Spider's web can only be destroyed by fire." I wanted to say no, because fire was terrifying. But the human brain argued. Say yes.

"No. I've lived my whole life under a damp rock. Why come here unprepared?"

"We were… But now, the one who has one is caught in a web." I stared at the one with pointy ears. To the web. To the Obsidian Spider above her.

"She's done."

"Let me remind you: it happened because of you."

"Norman, where are you? We need to move now." Zebron watched the spider move closer to Aria.

"I'm here beside her." I glanced beside me. So he is Norman… wait, I already met him, didn't I? Zebron nodded, removed his cloak, and began wrapping it around his right hand with the methodical care of someone about to do something stupid and wanting to do it properly. He then picked up a canteen from his back with his other hand and uncorked it with his mouth. He poured the contents over his wrapped arm.

"Use stealth. I'll take the front."

"I'm a swordsman, not an assassin. And why did you bring alcohol in a dungeon?"

"I'm saving it for later." Zebron charged.

"But I decided I'll have a drink now." He pulled a pebble from his pocket and struck it against the stone wall. Sparks flew. Once. Twice. On the third strike, his wrapped hand caught fire with a whoomph. The flames climbed up his arm. Zebron didn't stop. He charged straight at the spider, flaming fist pulled back, and drove it into the spider's face. It took a step back and shrieked. The web caught fire instantly.

Flames spread across the silk strands in a hungry pattern that turned the entire wall into a curtain of orange and gold. Still moving, Zebron grabbed Aria with his non-flaming hand, looked around as if searching for someone, and hurled her toward Norman. Norman dropped his sword and caught her. Aria immediately began crying on his shoulder. He patted her back and accepted all of it, which was mostly tears and snot, without comment. But things were far from over.

The web burned fast, the flames climbing wall to wall, cutting off the only way out. Zebron was still on the wrong side of it with the spider. Every instinct in me said run. Fire was not a salamander's problem to solve. My legs didn't move.