Chương 12: Three Way Argument

I climbed a tree immediately. From the branch, I got back to work, adding more frogs with a bit of water.

"Croaking Wave." The Bafun didn't stop its advance. The frogs didn't stop being annoying. It's not working! the human brain announced. Our body has no talent with magic! [Your current body is, in fact, very talented with magic. It's fused with a dragon.] But I'm a salamander! I complained. The human brain had a different objection. Then why does our magic have no effect on it?! [It's very effective. The more magic aptitude you have, the more annoying the frogs become.] What the fu— I cut the human brain off before it finished the word. Eris didn't approve of bad language. Fine. How about the water, then? the human brain asked. [The water's just a vehicle for the frogs.] Again, what the fu— I realized the human brain had a high aptitude with bad language. After explaining why we shouldn't use bad language, the human brain asked, Do you think we could beat it with fire? [Definitely.] Then use fire! The human brain's voice practically trilled with relief. No. Why not?

Do you have any idea how much this body suffered over having no talent with magic? Still no. I held my ground. [How about your other skills?] I found this suggestion more reasonable. I opened my mouth. Something wet slapped across the Bafun's cheek. Hard enough to make it pause and reconsider its life choices. I swung my tongue back and slapped the other cheek for balance.

The Bafun, apparently concluding that my tree was the source of its problems, solved this by yanking the entire thing straight out of the ground. Roots, soil, and several surprised insects became airborne simultaneously. I noted that my platform had developed an unexpected mobility problem. [Don't worry. You have Climbing Mastery.] The human brain, which had been under considerable stress for the past several minutes, responded, How would that help?

[It helps you climb efficiently, avoid falling, and jump to the next available tree.] That's not climbing. But the skill appeared to be working. I was hanging upside down midair and somehow not falling. My balance redistributed itself the way one balances on water, if water happened to be made of wood and also being flung sideways by an enraged bear-primate. I opened my mouth and resumed the assault mid-flight.

The Bafun, which had presumably expected relocating the tree to solve its problem, discovered that the problem remained entirely unsolved. It expressed its opinion on this development by slamming the tree into the ground with considerable force. I had already jumped to the next tree by then. I looked down at the wreckage from my new branch. The Bafun looked up at me. A brief, professional assessment passed between us. The frogs croaked, breaking the silence with what I could only describe as commentary.

I resumed whipping the Bafun. It roared. The sound arrived large, wet, and accompanied by a fine spray that rained down in my direction. It was the same as rain, essentially. I had positive opinions about rain regardless of its point of origin. The voice checked for debuffs. There were none. The human brain, which had different opinions about being rained on by a Bafun, expressed these at volume. That's disgusting! I whipped the Bafun again. Then a second roar answered from somewhere off to the side. I turned.

Norman and Xyno were there. Norman appeared to be struggling to get up, kicking at the ground repeatedly. Not because he'd just been slammed into a tree — but because Xyno was sitting on top of him. Xyno pulled a red vial from her coat pocket, opened it, and shoved it directly into his mouth without ceremony. His kicking sped up briefly, then stopped entirely. Xyno stood, brushed herself off, and pulled out a second vial. I used Hawk Eye to get a better look at what was inside it: a centipede.

She dropped it on the ground. The vial shattered as the centipede crawled off toward the source of the second roar. Despite covering more distance, it appeared to be growing larger rather than smaller. It vanished into the trees. The second roar stopped. Then my own tree went airborne again, which reminded me that I still had a problem of my own to attend to. I jumped to another tree and continued using my tongue. The Bafun updated its strategy.

It raised both arms, absorbing the tongue strikes against the dense muscle of its forearms, and began advancing in small steps instead. The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. The whip cracked. The forearms took it. The Bafun took another step forward regardless. It's not strong enough! The human brain had been building toward this for several exchanges and arrived with conviction. Use fire! I ignored it again. I was getting good at it.

The voice, which had also been watching the forearm situation, offered something different. [Once it lowers its arms, use your bow.] But I missed the fly. I remembered the vase that would still be alive if I hadn't used my bow. [That thing is considerably larger than a fly.] Oh… This struck me as a fair point. I pulled the bow off my back and nocked an arrow. The Bafun reached the base of my tree. Its arms wrapped around the trunk. I released the arrow. It connected with the Bafun's eye socket.

It stood still for a moment. Then it stopped standing altogether. The forest went quiet. I looked down from my branch at the outcome below. I was amazed I managed to hit it. I own that skill, the human brain said proudly. I didn't believe it. The human brain didn't say anything when I hit the vase and received Eris's full lecture alone. After confirming that the Bafun was no longer interested in standing up, I jumped. The leaves received me by scattering sideways. I made my way over to where Norman and Xyno were.

"You actually took it out alone, Ms. Archer-mage. Impressive." Xyno tucked a hand under her chin.

"You looked like a lizard though."

"I'm not a lizard!" This felt like a point worth establishing.

"I know, I know. Just teasing." Xyno raised both hands, palms open. I looked at Norman, still flat on the ground. Then back at Xyno.

"What did you do to him?"

"Cured him?" She stepped next to him and delivered a gentle kick to his side.

"Wakey wakey, Mr. Swordsman. The sun's been up a long time already." I nodded. The sun had indeed been up a long time, and was on its way back down again. But Norman didn't seem interested in getting up. Xyno delivered a less gentle kick. The one that made Norman's body curve slightly. He immediately sat upright and looked around. His eyes landed at Xyno and stayed there.

"You're the one who kicked me?"

"What could you be talking about, Mr. Swordsman?" Xyno lowered her foot that was already wound up for a decisive blow. Norman sighed. He opened and closed his hand a few times.

"Thank goodness I'm alive or I will haunt you."

"Of course you are. My red potions only have two possible results." She crossed her arms. He looked up at her.

"Which are?"

"Heal, or explode. Since you didn't explode, I'm 100% confident you're healed." Norman sighed for the second time. Xyno reached into her coat and produced a small silver knife, tossing it down beside him.

"Now then. Would you be a gentleman and dismantle that for us?" She gestured toward the Bafun's body.

"Just me?"

"Would you rather the girls did it for you?" Norman picked up the knife, and turned it over once in his hand. He frowned.

"What exactly is this knife?"

"You ask too many questions, Mr. Swordsman." He pushed himself to his feet and walked over to the Bafun. The blade went through hide and muscle cleanly, which seemed to bother him more than if it hadn't worked at all.

"Seriously. What is this knife…" I watched him work for approximately five seconds before I forgot about him entirely and turned my attention elsewhere.

The Millhaven Adventurer's Guild was conducting its usual afternoon business of being loud and smelling faintly of humans who had not taken a bath. Xyno entered first. Her white coat was spotless despite everything the day had involved. She had the unbothered look of someone who'd spent the entire afternoon drinking tea rather than fighting a giant bear-primate… Wait, I fought that thing alone. Anyway, I followed behind her, one hand resting on my rock.

It appeared to have acquired a new friend while I wasn't paying attention. I picked the addition off carefully. A twig with a single leaf. I set it back in place. I hoped the two of them got along. The guild's ambient noise didn't stop when we walked in. It simply adjusted.

"Did she—""She went out with her, and she's still walking."

"Has anyone noticed the man?"

"What man?" We crossed to the counter. Eris looked up. Her gaze found me first, and held there for a moment. I met her eyes.

"I'm back." Eris reached across the counter and flicked my forehead.

"Welcome back."

"See." Xyno stepped forward and set the quest paper and bug-filled container down.

"Told you I'd keep her alive." She looked at Norman and smiled. He set the hide, teeth, and claws he carried in. Eris turned to Xyno.

"What happened?" Her voice immediately went cold.

"Nothing much." Xyno shrugged.

"Yeah. Sure." Eris reached over and started plucking at me. Not feathers but leaves, several of them, tucked into places I hadn't even noticed. It took a while. Eventually she found the twig too and pulled that free as well, holding it up between two fingers. She then gathered the materials placed on the counter and disappeared through the back door. A few minutes later, she returned with a coin pouch, which she set down without comment. Xyno opened it and divided the contents into three equal portions.

I wondered how she did it fast without counting the coins individually. It seemed like I still had a lot to learn. I took my share immediately so I could start counting. Norman pushed his portion back across the counter.

"I wasn't part of the party when you accepted the quest."

"Okay." Xyno pocketed it without a pause to consider the offer. He stared at her.

"You didn't even hesitate…"

"You handed me an opportunity I wanted. I took it. That's just good practice." She glanced sideways at me.

"Ms. Archer-mage. Honest answer. Would you have taken it?"

"I would have taken it if you hadn't. Free food coverage," I said, still counting my own coins. Norman sighed.

"Well. I'll be going now. Bye~" Xyno was already halfway to the door by the time the words finished leaving her mouth.

"Will we be seeing you again?" I asked, before she got any farther. She stopped.

"When I run out of funds for my experiments." She pushed the door open and walked through without looking back. I watched the door swing shut behind her.

"Ruina," Eris called me. I turned toward her.

"What is it?"

"I might finish late." She gestured at the pile of papers stacked at her left elbow.

"You can head home first." I shook my head.

"I'll wait for you." Waiting was a skill salamanders understood. Eris's expression softened into something warmer.

"Sure." I continued counting my coins while Eris watched me.

"Eris, how do you count fast?"

"You'll get there. Just keep counting." When I was done, I moved to the nearest empty table, pulled out a chair, and sat. I raised my hand into the air. I had learned, over the past days, that this particular gesture reliably produced food. A girl in a black, frilled dress with a booklet tucked under one arm approached.

"Welcome back, Ruina. What can I get for you?"

"Two cakes, please." I had picked up quite a lot about this world by now. Cake, specifically, was an excellent discovery, and Eris had been very clear that "please" belonged at the end of any request, without exception.

"Two slices of cake, coming right up." The girl turned and disappeared toward the kitchen. A minute later she returned with a tray and set both cakes down in front of me.

"Enjoy." She moved off toward the next table, performing the same summoning gesture. The chair across from me scraped back. It was Norman.

"You're sharing, right?" I covered both cakes with my hands, shielding them from any possible threat.

"What are you talking about? These are for me and Eris."