Chương 52: IT'S LATE AGAIN

Savy had fallen asleep in my bed. I had just finished packing my bag and prepping my uniform for tomorrow. Last check to make sure I had everything needed. Earlier, I nearly couldn't find the metal pin badge... and then I nearly couldn't find a ribbon... I had three ribbons? What happened to them? Anyway, I think I got everything now. I sighed heavily to myself as I sank onto my bed. It was late, and the nice thing about late nights was the peace and quiet. Outside, the night air was cold and fresh.

Inside, it was warm and toasty... and so quiet, I could hear myself think. I didn't skip my before-bedtime control practice either. Maybe it was the Wolfbane, but it was a very dry run. There wasn't any power to practice on, really. I understood why kids didn't usually train their control until after shifting now. There wasn't anything to control if there wasn't any power present. I gave up after a few token attempts. Tomorrow, I'd be back in school. I didn't really want to be.

I thought about my free pass to stay home. It was still valid. I could just tell my parents, "Wolfbane," and sleep in tomorrow. Wow, without Wolfie, I was really just an indecisive person. I was also a cowardly one. I didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want another dream. Just in case, though, I decided not to wear anything potentially embarrassing, like pink pajama pants, or oversized t-shirts without pants on. Right. That's why I'm in my new sweatsuit. Don't judge me.

It was very comfortable to wear on a cool, wintry night. If I did dream of my mate again, I was going to ask for his name, and location, and if he happened to be the missing Lorent Future Alpha who needed rescuing. I remembered his reaction in the last dream when I joked I would come rescue him. He blanched. I swear he turned two shades paler. Seriously, was it that hard for the dude to accept my help? You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

Yeah, he'd rather fight in a cage like an animal for the next few years... Wait, but how could he be so sure he could get out in a few years? How could he be sure he wouldn't die tonight? So he might not be the Lorent Future Alpha. He might not be in a fight cage, or even anywhere near a vampire. He could just be messing around and getting into fights back home at his pack, living it up for the next few years. Or it could be anything else in between.

I wished Gamma Harry hadn't brought up the possibility of the missing Lorent Future Alpha being my mate. I mean, there were at least a hundred other possibilities, but him highlighting it as one made it seem even more possible now. I wished my Wolfie could surface sooner and let me shift! And then what? I chase into the wind and hunt my mate down? I remembered the wolf "fight" and cannot express how embarrassing that was. From now on, let's just pretend I wasn't even trying.

But I guess once Wolfie comes, we better be training nonstop. I wasn't going to lose again... Wait, no, the dream didn't count. So technically, the score was still 0-0. All I had to do was win from now on. Wait, but if I did become Luna, what was I training so hard for? What's the point of training my butt off? No one would expect any of this from a Luna. Lunas didn't need to lead a pack, make decisions, or fight... Lunas didn't even have to shift unless she felt like taking a run with her Alpha Mate!

My mum was a Luna, and her main job was taking care of Dad, Savy, and me. She also took care of the rest of the pack; this involved a lot of lunches, tea meetings, and visiting. Oh, and she helped organize a lot of the pack parties too. Taking a cue from Luna Edith, I guess if I wanted to bring it up a notch, I could learn to do all the stuff my mum did in a dress and high heels. That would increase the challenge level for sure.

If Mate wanted to be the Alpha, why don't I just let him run out there, make the hard decisions, deal with the responsibilities, fight the rogues, win the war, and keep our pack in line? Why did I even have to try so hard? Training, studying, and working hard to prove myself over and over again. All the Moon Goddess wanted from me was to bear pups and be my mate's Luna... Oh, and operate on Ben. Yes, there was that too. What would I give to get out of that one!

Wouldn't Ben and Jonah have it easier if the Alpha was a big, strong guy like my mate? Plus if he was a powerful healer wolf, even better. Ben would be much safer in his hands. I remembered the way I looked earlier today, with a bow in my hair, makeup, pink cardigan, and a dress... Okay, the bow was a little over the top, but... All this while, I had thought that it would have been better if I were born a boy. Now I think maybe being a girl suited me better after all; I just needed to be more of a girl.

I totally got this. Well, no, I had no idea where to start. What kind of girl should I be? I remembered when I was a very small pup, maybe three or four, and Mum let me stand on the porch to watch the world go by. Since we were next to the pack house, it really did feel like the whole world was going in and out of it in the mornings. One morning, I saw a beautiful young lady walk out of the pack house. She was alone, and to this day, I had no idea who she was.

Her hair was long and very straight, all the way down to her butt. She had makeup on and wore a short miniskirt. She might have even been a human. I remembered staring at her till she was out of sight. I remembered thinking, this lady probably had a lot of boyfriends. I remembered thinking that I wanted to be like this when I grew up. Wait, my puphood ambition was to grow my hair long and have a lot of boyfriends? Hahaha, who knew? Nobody. I was going to take this childhood memory down to the grave with me.

I crawled into my bed next to Savy. I hope the Wolfbane cleared out of my system soon. I didn't feel quite like myself tonight.