Chương 18: BY THURSDAY MORNING

Someone please kill me now. For all my big talk about wanting to keep going to school, I really didn't want to go to school right now. And it wasn't just due to the lack of sleep. When my alarm rang, sleep had been the sole reason. I wanted to stay in bed so much that I would have thrown a tantrum, except that sleep deprivation also made me too sluggish to throw very much more than the spare pillow across the room. It wasn't even a "5 more minutes" kind of thing.

It was more of a leave me here to die—or sleep like the dead— level of not wanting to wake up. I slept really late last night, the actual time forever remaining a mystery, but let us agree it was at an ungodly hour. I did my first mindlink, which made me feel drained from all the emotions. Our training session ended very late, and I was still feeling the muscle aches. And the bruises. Yeah... Those were almost gone, but because I hadn't slept much last night, they hadn't completely healed either.

So I had a list of good reasons why I was tired. Big deal. I decided everything that happened was Maria's fault. Everything? Really? I remembered the shared mind link and the one and a half hugs my dad and I had—was that Maria's fault too? So maybe not everything. By the time I had taken another ghastly morning shower (I am fastidious about keeping my scent clean, being always around werewolves and whatnot), I realized that I had an apology due…

to a particularly vain, selfish, soulless, scentless, cold-blooded, manipulative, mind-controlling, memory-wiping, creepy, sneaky, mind-wrapping, blood-sucking, Dino-loving freak of nature named Maria Valentino Ko-something. Damn these names. I supposed, since they spawn only once every other century, they had all the time in the world to string together long, complex baby names. But I was thinking clearer this morning, and now that I was no longer under the influence of alpha rage, I suspected I did go a bit far.

Just a bit. Of course, she started it first. She dragged me out for walks on a daily basis. She repeatedly sneaked into my mind and snooped around even though I expressly forbade it. She got physically violent. She totally started it! But she also apologized. And I was the one who made her cry. I was the one who had her cornered. I was the one who put her life in danger with Henry and the other wolves. I was the one who pulled on her mental wrap without knowing the consequences or caring what it might do to her.

Yes, she overstepped boundaries and was creepy like a possessed doll, but she hasn't bitten me, she hasn't deleted anything in my head, or ganged up against me with her bloodsucking relatives, or hit me in a way I wouldn't heal by the next day. Okay, these considerations made our friendship sound pretty sketchy. I'm aware of that. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But I owed her an apology because she was my friend, and I hurt her. I planned to keep it simple. Something like, "Sorry for making you cry yesterday."

Or maybe a more encompassing, "Sorry for yesterday." I'm not an expert at apologizing, so something like that would have to do for now. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Savy popped into my room, still in her pajamas.

"Dad asks if you're awake. And to tell you to report to Flynn and Hank at the training hall before Thursday training later."

"But why?" I wanted to come home and sleep!

"Don't shoot questions at the messenger!" Savy ran off cackling. (That wasn't even a funny joke.) Arughhhhh!!! I hadn't even left for school and I was already irreversibly ticked off. By the time I arrived at school, my earlier irate mood had lulled remarkably. My lack of sleep, combined with the long rumbling train ride—trapping me in the mind-numbing combination of everyday smells in offensive concentrations and public transport heating—had taken its toll on me.

On my way to school, I noticed how empty the road uphill was. I remembered the train of black and grey cars on my first day and realized I hadn't seen them around since. It was because I've been reaching school earlier. I guess those cars snake by at the same time every morning with their vampire charges. So I would have to wait before delivering my apology to Maria. I wasn't looking forward to it, nor was I really dreading it. At this point, it was just something I needed to do today and get over with.

Once in school, I roughly pulled open my locker to take out and put in my books as needed. The locker was an old, rusty metal thing. I planned to go shopping on the weekend, buy paper to line it, and maybe some hooks and a stick-on mirror. I considered a poster, but it's not like I was really into any band or anything. I had always assumed that I would have a poster in my locker. It was like part of being a teenager... like watching movies with friends and stuff teenagers do on TV?

Well, technically, I'm already a teenager. I wonder if this teenager thing was supposed to come naturally—or magically, like at the stroke of midnight? Or like a switch just flipped on the moment I turned 13? But that didn't happen. Maybe I should be planning something or working towards it? Maybe I should read a guidebook or something. Maybe I should take a chill pill. Or maybe I should just skip teenhood altogether. I think I've had enough drama. Yeah, no more drama from now on. Okay, wait.

I'll apologize to Maria and then close the emotional vault because I'm running on empty as it is right now. I don't think alphas deal with drama. I'd be surviving better in a full-blown fight. Probably. For sure, the actual fights I had ever gotten into had been far more gratifying and less emotionally demanding than the "talking things out." The next time I meet a conflict, I won't hold back my alpha wolf. Just wham, bam, slam it down with a single punch. The thought made me feel just a bit better. What?

You never fantasize about solving all your problems with the force of your fist? Be honest. No? Seriously? #allbymyself #nobodyunderstandsme #needsleep Dumping all my stuff on my desk in class, I saw Elena alone.

"You're early," I said. She looked at me like I was something yucky, but answered, "My mum drops me off before work." Oh. For some reason, her tone made it sound like she was saying, "Even my mum can't stand me and dumps me at school as early as possible to get rid of me." I had no idea why I thought that. I didn't respond - it was time. The vampires had arrived. I didn't need to look at my watch to know. I could sense the eeriness creeping into my perimeter.

I decided to give them a while longer, thinking of how long the line of cars would be. Why didn't vampires carpool? Sitting down at my desk, I casually made conversation with Elena just to pass the time.

"Do you have a favorite band?" Elena didn't take long to think about it.

"No. I don't listen to a lot of music."

"Me neither," I said.

"What do you like to do?" Elena is a strange girl. She looked at me like she hated me, but she still answered my question.

"I like to draw."

"Me too," I said. But that earned me another dirty look. Okay... I don't get this human friendship thing.

"I'm going to join the art club with Arlene. Arlene's boyfriend invited us," she told me.

"Cool," I said. So this school had an art club.

"Do you want to join?" she asked me. Was she extending the invite to me? But I remembered how I saw Aladdin with the two girls in the woods and instinctively answered, "No thanks." I don't know why, but these two girls and Aladdin made me feel very uncomfortable… like there was something I couldn't see that screamed with red flags waving in every direction. Maybe I was being selfish, but I didn't want to get involved. I got up. Maria should be in the school by now.

I could sense vampires in the classrooms on either side of ours. Where could our resident vampire be? I made an educated guess and headed out.

"Where are you going?" Elena asked from her seat. She looked at me, eyes wide across her pencil-thin face.

"To the washroom," I threw back casually, and I was gone. She hates me, hates me not... I don't understand human friendships.